She said she only wanted FFM but now she wants MMF

[freakydikicouple 13]

We’ve been married for 8 years and the sex has always been fantastic. A few months ago we started getting kinky and got toys etc etc at which point we started talking fantasies and after my very vanilla kinks were addressed (anal, rimming, sex tapes, toys etc) she mentioned she’d like to have someone watched. Eventually she admitted she wants a full FFM threesome because she wants to see someone else get a small taste of what she gets anytime everytime.

 

after weeks (months?) we finally had our first ffm threesome and it was just ok. we recently found our 2nd unicorn and have had two encounters with her that were great. Really good.

 

except now wifey’s talking about how it’s her turn. Keep in mind she initiated all this. In the interest of communication we talked a lot about limits, dos and donts etc. i explicitly told her if she’s gonna want MMF one day then I don’t even want to start in the lifestyle because I know it’s something my jealous nature can’t handle. She said she had no intentions of that and that the idea of someone else was repulsive to her. Now she’s flipped the script and seriously wants mmf. I’m trying to be ok with it in the interest of fairness, but I believe a double standard exists that I’m now trying to take advantage. It’s wrong, but it’s how I feel.

 

 

For sure I can see how it would be hot, still don’t want it. I realize I’m being selfish, but she knew this going in and still initiated the threesomes. As in i came from work to find a woman in bed with her waiting for me. Now she wants me to find a guy. Wtf

[bizzo 16]

What did you expect? Maybe you should play with a couple. 

[discreetplay 235]

18 minutes ago, freakydikicouple said:

Eventually she admitted she wants a full FFM threesome because she wants to see someone else get a small taste of what she gets anytime everytime

 

So she suggested a threesome with a woman not because she wanted to explore a woman but because she wanted to see you with another woman. Now she wants a threesome with two males. Do you not play chess? The original suggestion of a two female threesome was obviously leading to this. It was a very strategic move. She sacrificed her queen and backed you into a corner. 

 

You write she wants an "MMF". Is she wanting to see you explore the other guy?

 

 

 

[freakydikicouple 13]

1 hour ago, bizzo said:

What did you expect? Maybe you should play with a couple. 

This is the compromise I’ve been considering

[freakydikicouple 13]

1 hour ago, discreetplay said:

 

So she suggested a threesome with a woman not because she wanted to explore a woman but because she wanted to see you with another woman. Now she wants a threesome with two males. Do you not play chess? The original suggestion of a two female threesome was obviously leading to this. It was a very strategic move. She sacrificed her queen and backed you into a corner. 

 

You write she wants an "MMF". Is she wanting to see you explore the other guy?

 

 

 

As a chess player I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming. I mean I guess I did, and even vocalized my concern… but then you start thinking with your dick and ignore the obvious.

 

no, she doesn’t want me to explore the other guy, she wants to explore another dick. I don’t think it’s even so much about having two at once as much as it is about having a new one

[Fitlakecouple 451]

Come on; let her have some new dick! She'll still like yours best.

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

Our original thought was to have a female join us, I was curious and I didn’t want Rocky to feel threatened. After having more than a few men in me Rocky doesn’t feel threatened at all. I am pretty sure if you asked him what he prefers he would hesitate and say a FFM even if he is enjoying watching other men with me. 

[NWAtlSwing 522]

It sounds like you laid down what your limits were ahead of time and were clear that you did not want to see her with another guy. If she called for the FFM so she could lay the ground work for a MMF that was on her and duplicitous. Now, it may be she has tasted this and wants something different, i.e. she changed her mind. That is too bad, because you have been clear this is not a place you want to go. It would be no different if you said your limits where no penetration and she agreed and then wanted to change her mind. It takes two to change the rules, period.

 

Stop all swinging until this is addressed. You have played by the rules and have nothing to be guilty for.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

As a chess player, I'm sure you can appreciate how hard it would be if the rules of the game changed in the middle of the game such that bishops acted like queens all of a sudden, but you don't have bishops left.

 

I agree wholeheartedly with NWAtlSwing. You need to stop swinging to sort this out.

 

Some guys can't handle watching their wives with another man. It's totally understandable. If that's not something you can handle, then don't. It doesn't make you week or any other negative term.

[Davdia 119]

16 hours ago, Fitlakecouple said:

Come on; let her have some new dick! She'll still like yours best.

Talk about shit advice …….

Come on, how about YOU have some new dick, this response is the most moronic post yet.

he obviously is not into this and your advice is come on do it anyway, take one for the team.

Idiot!!

 

[couplers 4,636]

She's not playing you, she's enjoying the journey you started together and wanting to continue exploring.  It took two years of hubby letting me have a boyfriend before I wanted him to play as well.  Not just allowed him, but wanted him to be with other women.

 

It helped that I chose the girls.  Perhaps that's a compromise that you two can make.  Or maybe you can not watch at first until you're comfortable. 

 

Also, think about how lucky you are.  There are many guys here who are desperate to get their wives started in the lifestyle, just to have an MFM.

[Davdia 119]

1 hour ago, couplers said:

She's not playing you, she's enjoying the journey you started together and wanting to continue exploring.  It took two years of hubby letting me have a boyfriend before I wanted him to play as well.  Not just allowed him, but wanted him to be with other women.

 

It helped that I chose the girls.  Perhaps that's a compromise that you two can make.  Or maybe you can not watch at first until you're comfortable. 

 

Also, think about how lucky you are.  There are many guys here who are desperate to get their wives started in the lifestyle, just to have an MFM.

 
     I think your overlooking the fact that this was originally and still is HER idea, I don’t think pressuring him into something that he doesn’t want is the right answer. As for being lucky, your only lucky to have a wife who wants to be in this lifestyle if that’s what YOU want too. Otherwise your not only not lucky but your likely to get cheated on.  No person should compromise sexually to make someone else happy!  
If the shoe were on the other foot would you ask your wife to fuck someone against her wishes just to satisfy you 

Or would you ask your wife to have a threesome with another woman if she has no desire to touch another woman?

Doing this just to satisfy his wife could cause catastrophic damage to their marriage.

 

[NWAtlSwing 522]

16 minutes ago, Davdia said:

 
    No person should compromise sexually to make someone else happy!  

 

 

This!

[freakydikicouple 13]

Oh man, I didn’t expect to find people so understanding 😭

 

im still struggling with the decision. my brain says yes but my heart says hell no.

[MrMrsswinger 202]

On 10/17/2022 at 10:04 AM, discreetplay said:

The original suggestion of a two female threesome was obviously leading to this. It was a very strategic move.

That's how I see it as well. We went into this lifestyle because my SO wanted to satisfy her craving for a female. Finding a single female isn't easy so we first went with a couple where the ladies played and the guys stayed with their partners. At that point we discussed whether we wanted to go further. Your wife suggesting a FMF where she didn't want to engage with the female is strange, which is why I'm leaning towards a strategic move to get an MFM as discreetplay said.

 

I disagree with taking one for the team. The way you're writing makes me think watching another male with your wife would lead to destruction of the relationship. 

 

1 hour ago, freakydikicouple said:

im still struggling with the decision. my brain says yes but my heart says hell no.

That's your answer. Stop bringing others into your bedroom.

 

[Davdia 119]

1 hour ago, freakydikicouple said:

Oh man, I didn’t expect to find people so understanding 😭

 

im still struggling with the decision. my brain says yes but my heart says hell no.

Before you make a marriage ending decision you might want to type “taking one for the team “ in the search engine and read through the hundreds of horror stories and marriage destruction done from doing it.

if you can’t honestly say “ honey, watching you fuck another man turns me on big time” than you have no business doing it.

 

[couplers 4,636]

6 hours ago, Davdia said:

 If the shoe were on the other foot would you ask your wife

I am the wife... and I asked my husband to have sex with friends of mine after he said it was ok to continue with a previous boyfriend. 

[LKNcouple 36]

One bit of advice if you do decide to do it.   If you are posting on a lifestyle site looking for someone, you may want to say you are interested in a MFM.   I think that when most people see MMF they are looking for bi play from the men.   Others may have more experience.

[freakydikicouple 13]

On 10/18/2022 at 8:12 PM, LKNcouple said:

One bit of advice if you do decide to do it.   If you are posting on a lifestyle site looking for someone, you may want to say you are interested in a MFM.   I think that when most people see MMF they are looking for bi play from the men.   Others may have more experience.

Thanks, I honestly didn’t realize there was a difference but it makes more sense now. I guess what we’ve been doing is FFM since everyone played with everyone.

 

btw I made my position clear and that’s the end of that hopefully. I even said no to the FFM threesomes and are basically just chilling on ls for now. there was some pushback but this was one position I wasn’t willing to compromise on. It’s weird because I’ll see MFM in couples porn occasionally or on sites like these and it’s very hot, but I can’t bring myself to it just yet. I’m sure I’d be down with couple swap but for now we’re gonna cool it

 

 

i appreciate all advice given on this topic and wish I’d been on this forum sooner, very mature discourse on a very delicate subject. people in general already tapdance around vanilla sex and so it’s nice to see direct discussion on LS sex

[couplers 4,636]

49 minutes ago, freakydikicouple said:

I’m sure I’d be down with couple swap

That's good.  Small steps to see what works for both of you. 

[Numex 2,414]

On 10/17/2022 at 10:47 AM, Fitlakecouple said:

Come on; let her have some new dick! She'll still like yours best.

More importantly, she will love you more.  Swingers are in it for new and possibly better experiences.  Whenever my wife is playing with another guy I am hoping that she has as great an experience as possible.  Because in the end, I get credit for allowing her to have whatever it is another guy does for her.

[Numex 2,414]

On 10/20/2022 at 6:31 AM, freakydikicouple said:

I even said no to the FFM threesomes

Are you open to FF play if that's what she wants.  I think most guys don't care about that at all.

[freakydikicouple 13]

8 minutes ago, Numex said:

More importantly, she will love you more.  Swingers are in it for new and possibly better experiences.  Whenever my wife is playing with another guy I am hoping that she has as great an experience as possible.  Because in the end, I get credit for allowing her to have whatever it is another guy does for her.

This is how she feels. The other girls will text her thinking about the d and she’ll get off on knowing it’s hers to dispense and theirs to fantasize about. my psychology doesn’t work the same way. it’s something I’ve wrestled with a lot since and haven’t tipped the scale any further

[freakydikicouple 13]

9 minutes ago, Numex said:

Are you open to FF play if that's what she wants.  I think most guys don't care about that at all.

Solo FF play? or I’m present, watching, and having/not having sex with my wife? I don’t want to answer incorrectly. If solo I don’t think I’d care. probably any situation where it’s FF I don’t have a problem with

[Numex 2,414]

36 minutes ago, freakydikicouple said:

any situation where it’s FF I don’t have a problem with

Yeah, solo.  I think most men wouldn't care about their wife and another woman.

[herpob 563]

On 10/17/2022 at 10:49 AM, bizzo said:

What did you expect? Maybe you should play with a couple. 

Ditto if you ever move forward - we tried it other ways - never ever worked out as well as is does with couples, even if one is not participated but are present (never separate for us).

 

On 10/17/2022 at 12:08 PM, freakydikicouple said:

As a chess player I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming. I mean I guess I did, and even vocalized my concern… but then you start thinking with your dick and ignore the obvious.

 

no, she doesn’t want me to explore the other guy, she wants to explore another dick. I don’t think it’s even so much about having two at once as much as it is about having a new one

Okay I had to laugh at this because you men and your penises - lol. It's so true and so funny. Don't ever make decisions when you are aroused, it's sort of like going to the grocery store when you are super hungry. I believe generally it is as bad for guys, but I also cannot make as clear of a decision when I am super uber turned on.  My husband can't when barely aroused. 

 

On 10/17/2022 at 7:37 PM, NWAtlSwing said:

It sounds like you laid down what your limits were ahead of time and were clear that you did not want to see her with another guy. If she called for the FFM so she could lay the ground work for a MMF that was on her and duplicitous. Now, it may be she has tasted this and wants something different, i.e. she changed her mind. That is too bad, because you have been clear this is not a place you want to go. It would be no different if you said your limits where no penetration and she agreed and then wanted to change her mind. It takes two to change the rules, period.

 

Stop all swinging until this is addressed. You have played by the rules and have nothing to be guilty for.

Check 1. Limit was made. Check 2. Perhaps planned or perhaps is progressing forward - no matter, it's too bad you made it clear. Check 3.  She agreed. Check 4. It takes two in agreement to change the rules!  Good job NWAltSwing.

 

Glad to hear you are ceasing swinging for now. 
 

On 10/17/2022 at 10:05 PM, bbarnsworth said:

As a chess player, I'm sure you can appreciate how hard it would be if the rules of the game changed in the middle of the game such that bishops acted like queens all of a sudden, but you don't have bishops left.

 

I agree wholeheartedly with NWAtlSwing. You need to stop swinging to sort this out.

 

Some guys can't handle watching their wives with another man. It's totally understandable. If that's not something you can handle, then don't. It doesn't make you week or any other negative term.

Great analogy using chess bbarns & discreetplay.

 

We have run across many husbands who cannot handle seeing another guy touch their wife, even after all the prep, sex talk, stripping, getting frothy, the husband moves to another woman, a man moves to his wife, and WHAM! He freezes. We can see it in their eyes, minds, bodies. It's like throw a blanket on them and get them out of the fire. 

 

On 10/18/2022 at 9:40 AM, Davdia said:

No person should compromise sexually to make someone else happy!  

Amen, amen, amen to this!!!  Well said.

 

On 10/18/2022 at 9:40 AM, Davdia said:

If the shoe were on the other foot would you ask your wife to fuck someone against her wishes just to satisfy you 

Or would you ask your wife to have a threesome with another woman if she has no desire to touch another woman?

Doing this just to satisfy his wife could cause catastrophic damage to their marriage.

 

We have only seen this with the husband, never the wives but no matter, the affects and ripples would be bad. Never worth compromising your marriage. Based on your Name and your statement, "We’ve been married for 8 years and the sex has always been fantastic," sex, marriage, and life was thumbs up  so continue to play as a couple within the marriage. My husband RP all sorts of crazy fun way using all types of toys, devices, machines, and what not. We stayed very satisfied during covid. The only reason we went back to our couples and group was the long term friendships, yeah the other is amazing but so is sex with each other. Play all you can with each other, go back to enoying one another.

 

On 10/18/2022 at 9:57 AM, freakydikicouple said:

Oh man, I didn’t expect to find people so understanding 😭

im still struggling with the decision. my brain says yes but my heart says hell no.

And don't forget what you and I typed earlier, that other thing that often thinks for you guys  - that darn third leg/second brain. Glad you are listening to your heart.

 

On 10/18/2022 at 11:35 AM, Davdia said:

Before you make a marriage ending decision you might want to type “taking one for the team “ in the search engine and read through the hundreds of horror stories and marriage destruction done from doing it.

if you can’t honestly say “ honey, watching you fuck another man turns me on big time” than you have no business doing it.

 

The stories are haunting. A bit apropos since Halloween is just around the corner. 

 

6 hours ago, freakydikicouple said:

Solo FF play? or I’m present, watching, and having/not having sex with my wife? I don’t want to answer incorrectly. If solo I don’t think I’d care. probably any situation where it’s FF I don’t have a problem with

Again I am glad you are steering clear it all which leads back to my first comment, "If you do ever move forward, I highly recommend nothing ever alone, either of you. Save guard your marriage and keep everything an adventure together. You are a couple for goodness sakes why would you want to miss out on new experiences like this together? My husband & I share such a connection when we are right there together, we don't even like being across the room.  I love to look into his eyes as often as possible.

[Numex 2,414]

14 hours ago, herpob said:

it all which leads back to my first comment, "If you do ever move forward, I highly recommend nothing ever alone, either of you.

Interesting, because we started out the opposite way, with Daniela playing alone with ex boyfriends (separately).  It focused on her pleasure, let her feel comfortable getting into nonmonogamy, and she didn't have to worry about her feelings about me being with another woman.  Then she dragged me into MFMs with them and later couples swaps.  She never really had any jealousy anyway.

[KatrinaandDriverX 101]

Oh, you've been played to get laid.  When the sexual direction changes and it's not part of what you both want, then you need to stop. 

[couplers 4,636]

17 hours ago, KatrinaandDriverX said:

Oh, you've been played to get laid.  When the sexual direction changes and it's not part of what you both want, then you need to stop. 

There are many stories here of preferences and desires changing.  It needs to be discussed from the perspective of what both want and how both can be satisfied. 

[Davdia 119]

22 hours ago, KatrinaandDriverX said:

Oh, you've been played to get laid.  When the sexual direction changes and it's not part of what you both want, then you need to stop. 

Usually if a person is playing more than one step ahead of their spouse, they often already have someone in mind and possibly have a plan b.

Be very careful when the situation starts with manipulation.

[shy_couple 459]

I said I would never eat lamb. 
 

now I love it and choose it over steak on many nights out. 
 

tastes change. 

[herpob 563]

On 10/23/2022 at 1:42 PM, Numex said:

Interesting, because we started out the opposite way, with Daniela playing alone with ex boyfriends (separately).  It focused on her pleasure, let her feel comfortable getting into nonmonogamy, and she didn't have to worry about her feelings about me being with another woman.  Then she dragged me into MFMs with them and later couples swaps.  She never really had any jealousy anyway.

Yes, the two of you have an amazing open relationship, not many newbies can handle that from what I have seen. The two newest couples in our group nearly panicked at first when a mate walked out of the room.  They are getting more acclimated.

[Numex 2,414]

On 10/27/2022 at 9:23 PM, herpob said:

Yes, the two of you have an amazing open relationship, 

What is amazing is the closed group of married couples that we all have managed to put together.  Because it is "safe" in every way possible, we are all able to engage in whatever we want: bareback, alone play, even babysitting the kids at each others houses so the others can play.

 

On 10/27/2022 at 9:23 PM, herpob said:

not many newbies can handle that from what I have seen.

For Daniela and me, we may not exactly be "newbies."  I'm older and was married (both monogamously) for 20 years previously.  Daniela, although only in her late twenties when we met and married, had a fair number of lovers during her previous ten years of sexual activity.   My attitude was that she had sex with other people before me and will have sex with others if I died, so it's not a big deal if she has some sex with others while we're together.

 

On 10/27/2022 at 9:23 PM, herpob said:

The two newest couples in our group nearly panicked at first when a mate walked out of the room. 

There's less pressure when starting by playing alone because you don't have to worry about what your spouse thinks.  Just enjoy it.

[Eddiem 139]

"if" prepared with it... it will or can be great. You see you desire another woman, why not let her have another man? Seeing your SO with another after the initial "weirdness" is amazing. From the second he enters her to when they orgasm... seeing him unleash his load is amazing.... and nerve racking. Try it.. 

[herpob 563]

On 10/30/2022 at 12:16 PM, Numex said:

What is amazing is the closed group of married couples that we all have managed to put together.  Because it is "safe" in every way possible, we are all able to engage in whatever we want: bareback, alone play, even babysitting the kids at each others houses so the others can play.

Oh my goodness. I love it! The baby sitting for each other.  We do as well. Can you imagine saying or your "other" baby sitters finding out, "Hey, we are going on a date next door with our neighbors for wild group sex." Bit of a stretch but it could slip out.  We do prefer taking turns but once in a while will hire a couple of baby sitters as a group.  

[Numex 2,414]

On 11/2/2022 at 11:40 AM, herpob said:

I love it! The baby sitting for each other.  We do as well.

It makes for much more sex, especially for a quick one during the week.  It makes for good threesomes and we will switch off so everyone has at least some opportunity.  The kids love it too because they usually get pizza or some fast food for dinner, dessert, and to socialize.  They haven't yet questioned why it is that the babysitter will be one parent, then another switches off around halfway through.

 

On 11/2/2022 at 11:40 AM, herpob said:

Can you imagine saying or your "other" baby sitters finding out, "Hey, we are going on a date next door with our neighbors for wild group sex." Bit of a stretch but it could slip out.

That's never even come close, but I think the teenagers now would be less shocked than their parents.  Hooking up is part of the young culture.  One girl (young woman) has noticed that sometimes only one of us comes home...

 

 

On 11/2/2022 at 11:40 AM, herpob said:

We do prefer taking turns but once in a while will hire a couple of baby sitters as a group.  

 On the weekends it tends to be more a regular sitter.  We usually start early and end early, so there's not a late night problem.