Swing with friends or strangers?

[FreshCouple607 5]

So, my fiancé and I have had many long, detailed talks about trying just about everything there is to try together, to make new fun memories with each other and fulfill fantasies along the way. So far, the farthest we’ve gotten is sharing pics/vids with a few couples, solo F and solo M. We’ve kept it to people we know well as our initial thought is that we’d like the idea of trusting them to be clean, and also that we already have a connection to. What are your thoughts on what typically works out best, and what our next steps should be to attempt getting past the sexting stage…

[TeamCalgary 168]

Hello FreshCouple607,

 

Welcome. 

 

One bit of advice; you can find something until you know what it is that you are looking for. 

Have the two of you sat down and really dug into what you are looking to get out of this pursuit?

If not, do this before you go any further. 

 

Re: the friends or strangers, what we can offer is that the predominant view here seems to reflect 

a preference for making friends out of play partners rather than trying to make play partners out of friends. 

 

Find people you click with and be open and honest with them; things will progress at the rate of the slowest horse as they say, accept that. 

 

[freakydikicouple 13]

We dipped our toes into the LS a bit (a few threesomes) and I am glad they were strangers

[Numex 2,412]

2 hours ago, TeamCalgary said:

making friends out of play partners rather than trying to make play partners out of friends.

True, but there are exceptions.  You know these people best and who might be open to sex play without drama.

 

When we first started with my wife hotwifing, we had good experiences with my wife's ex lovers.  She knew them as normal and safe, the sex was good, and they were exes for a reason, which made me feel comfortable; friends in a way who she had already fucked.

[findinganswers 369]

For us it was friends and it worked out great. I had my doubts when my wife talked me into having sex with good friends thinking it was her having the hits for our friend then I thought heck yeah I get to fuck her girlfriend. 
We have played with strangers that is exciting also but it was friends that got us started. 

[EastInWest 1,524]

This is a very common beginner question. We had the same debate for a long time. I thought that it would be best to try with strangers who can be easily kept at a distance and scrubbed out of your life, she felt more comfortable finding someone we knew. I was wary of drama.

 

I think most people here will tell you that converting vanilla friends is a high-risk activity, and single males in the lifestyle also have an unfortunate reputation, in part because they're often just desperate vanilla males who are single for a reason. People make it weird, gossip, catch feelings, etc. They may or may not have the skills to be cool about it if you can't easily cut them off after.

 

In our case, we ended up having our first experience with a couple we knew personally, long-time friends of hers and somewhat removed from our life, who turned out to already be familiar with swinging. It was very good luck.

[njbm 2,869]

We generally played with strangers. We did have one funny experience which I previously recounted here. We met a couple on SLS and agreed to meet at a bar. They opened their pictures on the site, but their faces were obscured. 
 

When we met, the other woman and I realized we knew each other very well. We worked across the hall from each other in an office building. Her boss and I are friends and I frequently dropped over their office. She no longer worked there. 
 

We told our partners that we knew each other. Her boyfriend said “This is so wrong, we have to do it!” We hosted them to meet for play shortly after we met. Both my wife and I thought it was a great session, but we never had round two. The bf regularly contacted me for another meeting, but they pulled out when it got close. Maybe my friend was spooked. It was worth it. Who would have thought that would happen?

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Search is your friend since this is a popular question. Some people don't have a problem with playing with friends, but we STRONGLY think that this is never a good idea. First, you don't know if friends have good enough communication and/or understandings and preparation for the emotions involved. Second, are you ready for EVERYONE you know...family, friends, co-workers, to know what you do in the bedroom? Meaning, if anything goes south...the other couple break up, one person thinks that they are in love with you or your partner, the other couple isn't as discrete as you are, etc, then the likelihood of EVERYONE finding out is almost assured. We have always looked at this as a risk/reward thing. If you want to play with swingers, it's probably best to start off with finding other swingers to play with and not convert friends to become swingers.

[enhancer 1,585]

For us it was easy!  Strangers.  Too many reasons not to with close friends and we were not attracted to any of our platonic friends in any way and attraction is important to us.

[FreshCouple607 5]

On 10/22/2022 at 5:08 PM, EastInWest said:

This is a very common beginner question. We had the same debate for a long time. I thought that it would be best to try with strangers who can be easily kept at a distance and scrubbed out of your life, she felt more comfortable finding someone we knew. I was wary of drama.

 

I think most people here will tell you that converting vanilla friends is a high-risk activity, and single males in the lifestyle also have an unfortunate reputation, in part because they're often just desperate vanilla males who are single for a reason. People make it weird, gossip, catch feelings, etc. They may or may not have the skills to be cool about it if you can't easily cut them off after.

 

In our case, we ended up having our first experience with a couple we knew personally, long-time friends of hers and somewhat removed from our life, who turned out to already be familiar with swinging. It was very good luck.

Thank you! Responses like this are exactly why we came here. Appreciate the insight and personal experience 

[NWAtlSwing 522]

We like both

[couplers 4,634]

On 10/22/2022 at 3:08 PM, EastInWest said:

I thought that it would be best to try with strangers who can be easily kept at a distance and scrubbed out of your life, she felt more comfortable finding someone we knew.

 

On 10/22/2022 at 10:58 AM, TeamCalgary said:

making friends out of play partners rather than trying to make play partners out of friends. 

An important distinction: sometimes friends don't need to be convinced to become swingers, they are already predisposed to sharing sex and only need to be given the opportunity to move on it.

 

On 10/22/2022 at 3:08 PM, EastInWest said:

we ended up having our first experience with a couple we knew personally, long-time friends of hers

 

[Anon321 522]

We've done both and had success both ways.  I will say that when it comes to swinging with another couple I think strangers are probably better.  But that's just based on our own personal experiences.  If it's something like bringing in another person like a guy for a MFM or a few guys to just fuck my GF then I have to say we've had a lot of success with friends and that would be my preference (although strangers are fun too!).  We've had far more problems with couples we know than with guys we know.  Part of it is probably because you need to find a couple that is committed to it and even experienced with it and not just a couple you know.  With guys it's pretty simple - whether you know them or not they just want to fuck and have fun so there have always been less complications for us.

[couplers 4,634]

14 hours ago, Anon321 said:

With guys it's pretty simple - whether you know them or not they just want to fuck and have fun so there have always been less complications for us.

True, but in our early days of playing I found that as a woman, it was easy to convince other women among my friends and acquaintances to have sex with hubby.  When they opened the door by saying hubby was attractive (he is), and it must be nice sleeping with him, I would say 1) he's told me you're hot too, 2) it can be arranged, and 3) I'd be flattered.

 

They were comfortable with it because he had already been chosen by another woman and they liked sampling what I had.  Some were in relationships, none were married.  Downside: they wanted to fuck him alone and didn't want me there.