Funny swinger stories!

[Elusive BiFem 70]

In another thread, someone was asking about what to wear to clubs. Mrs. Good Times post about her first experience going to a club and things not going perfectly. I thought that was so comical but even more, I thought, good for her! Telling a tale on herself.

 

Ok...so this got me to thinking...those of us new or with less experience might think that everything always goes just perfectly for "seasoned" swingers, hence...sometimes making things far too complicated and just simply over-thinking things. I thought it would be great if some of you would share some of your funniest stories...sort of like the American Home Videos of Swinging. You know how you fall out of the chair laughing when the dog "noses" the guy as he's pulling in his fish and he falls off the bridge. Admit it.

 

So how about sharing your stories...funny, embarrassing, or otherwise. It'll give us all something to laugh at and just maybe, when something happens to a newbie, they can look back and think, "Well, at least I didn't do THAT!!"

[ALilOEverything 901]

Oh this is such a timely thread, I definitely want to hear how human everyone else is as we are just getting out feet wet in the club scene.

 

I had a moment where I had a suddenly thought I could be humiliating myself. Only moments before we left the house I started my period...EARLY nonetheless. Well I was picked in a drawing to get up and dance showing a little skin. I was wearing a skirt with a black thong, I got up there hiking up my skirt and wiggling my ass to the music as I was bending over. Well just as I finished I had this mortifying thought that my tampon string could have somehow gotten exposed. I was so flushed and it was all I could do to get to the bathroom just to make sure. I actually felt panicked about it as I totally forgot I was on my period. It was all okay but I don't know how I would deal with it if I had actually embarrassed myself. I prefer nothing bad to happen until we at least get a few visits under our belts or I may never make it back.

[mrs good times 73]

Ok here's another one that I can't seem to live down.

 

We are at the club again but I was on my period so we had no intentions of playing but we were having fun visiting and dancing. A couple we had been with before asked us up to their room. I explained the situation and the female half said "so, you can still have fun from the waist up, right?". So we went with them. While the two men and the female were having fun I was sitting on the edge of the bed facing the center watching and touching all of them. I sat back a little to far and FELL OFF THE BED. To make matters worse I fell and landed with my back on the step to the hot tub OUCH! The three on the bed were so dumb founded that they just looked at me for what seemed an eternity. Boy, did I feel like an idiot laying on the floor with my legs in the air. And of course all of the laughing afterwards kind of ruined the sexual moment.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Having to do with flexibility in regard to bisexuality...and having had a string of really bad vanilla-type dates...I decided to give up on men altogether. And that led to this story. (Keep in mind...WR is making me write this story. She has been determined for months that I would tell this on the board.)

 

Anyway...having given up on men, I decided to take advantage of the flip side of that coin as a bisexual and seek a relationship with another female. So I proceed to post an ad...you know...female seeking female. Lo! Someone responded. She e-mailed me, I responded, we ended up chatting on the phone...same age, etc. However, she did tell me she was a Lesbian. But that was OK since I was just experimenting anyway. She said she was not seeking a "fluff." I didn't know what that was, so I figured I wasn't that. She then asked if I was butch as that was her preference. Well, how would I know, I asked. And she said a butch wears jeans and is kind of masculine. Well, I thought...I wear jeans all the time and I was quite a tomboy in my youth, and I was definitely sick of men...so it stood to reason I must be butch. Just call me butchy. Close enough to what some had been calling me.

 

So we decide to meet for dinner. I wear my spiffiest jeans - ironed with creases of course. And my little black boots along with my nice little flannel shirt with a zipper in it and my turtle neck underneath...the perfect butch outfit, I thought. I got my make-up just right, carefully fixed my hair in that scrunchy style I was wearing then and proceeded to the restaurant.

 

Coincidentally, we pulled into the parking lot at the same time. I immediately recognized her as she had done a wonderful job of self description. As I approached her...with my perfectly tousled hair and bright pink lipstick, the first words out of her mouth - not even a hello! "You're not BUTCH!" Totally crestfallen, I stared at her - almost with tears in my eyes - and said, "I'm not? I thought I was. Then what am I?" Her reply..."You're a girl."

 

But we went on in to the restaurant and had dinner anyway. It was fun. I still didn't understand exactly why I wasn't a butch, but of course, I never really knew what a butch was. I just thought that since I wore jeans, I must be one. As we sat there and ate and she talked loudly, I realized this would have never worked anyway. She was far more comfortable with anyone knowing the particulars with her sexual identity than I was.

 

So, this experience ended my brief excursion into the world of lesbians. I left there thinking, men might act like real jerks sometimes, but as least I know what to expect, and they never seemed disappointed in what I was. Obviously not a butch. So back to being just a b*tch. I know how to be that.

[wrnakedru 38]

You just wait until later or tomorrow, when everyone is back from their weekend pursuits and they start reading the threads they've missed. Guarantee you - you are gonna be owing folks some keyboards for the ones they ruin spewing their coke or coffee while reading that story. It just cracks me up to picture it.

 

My dear, sweet friend, wonderfully wise about so very many things with the surprising naivete' of a child regarding many others. You showed me the outfit you wore to your dinner meeting the day you told me this story the first time - I already had tears rolling down my face from laughing with you. You displayed the outfit and said "Don't you think it looks even a little bit 'lumberjack-ish', sort of ?" I just gave up and sat on the floor at that point, holding my sides - which were truly aching by that time.

 

I can just picture it, you so determined - jaw set just so - and before you're even allowed to utter a word - deflated. Poor thing!! But it was for the best, after all, she had no sense of decorum whatsoever - - that would have driven you bonkers.

 

And I don't think being a b*tch is necessarily a bad thing. After all, there are good b*tches and there are bad b*tches. The bad ones use the slightest opening or opportunity to wield with zeal even the slight amount of power they may possess in any given situation. It does not matter if their victim is undeserving, helpless, unsuspecting, or even a child or small animal - they feed on the superior feeling they perceive they gain as if it is their personal manna.

 

Good b*tches show their claws only on rare occasion. Their ferocious side comes out almost solely in defense of others, sometimes unknown to them, sometimes their loved ones, but often it is most vehement against those whose nature was described in the prior paragraph. Injustice can set these good ones into a frenzy that refuses to be quieted until their task is accomplished to their satisfaction.

 

I think all of us have a mixture of the good kind and the bad kind in us. But one is always pre-eminent.

 

You, my friend, are a good b*tch!

[ALilOEverything 901]

"Don't you think it looks even a little bit 'lumberjack-ish', sort of ?"

 

Okay, I was giggling out loud but then I definitely lost my sierra mist across my keyboard at that statement.

 

That is definitely a great story, instead you should have explored your bisexual side in a stip club so you could have learned all about those darn lap dances while you were at it too I've been naive about many a thing too and I always like to look back and laugh at how silly I was.

[wrnakedru 38]

EBF has never been to a swinger's club or a strip club. She has promised in a vague sort of "one of these times" kind of way to go with hubby and me one night to one of the local off-premise swingers clubs.

 

HOWEVER - one night on chat - well you were there so you remember - she did promise - in front of witnesses that hubby and I could take her to a strip club for her birthday [September 25th ] so she could see for herself exactly what a lap dance is.

 

Recently she referred to those plans when we were on the phone, saying she was maybe finally going to see a lap dance. I informed her there was no maybe about it. And she said what do you mean - you don't know if we'll see one or not. I of course informed her she would be seeing one very up close and personal as I would be purchasing said lap dance for her. And that she could either pick out the dancer or I would. She asked "You have to pay for those things??"

 

Sometimes she is such a silly b*tch!

[wrnakedru 38]

Not me but too funny not to tell.

 

I know it's true, I was there and the lady asked for help afterwards.

 

[This was told on a thread last fall, so pardon the repeat for those who have already read it]

 

This happened at a large party in someone's home several years back. The lady in question and a male had adjorned to one of the bedrooms and after disrobing, began fondling and kissing. This led to a bit of oral play [her to him] which he stopped from going on too long, saying he wanted to "save himself". He then proceeded to return the favor by performing oral on her. After a bit that was quite agreeable to the lady, she became aware there must be some sort of problem.

 

He seemed to be struggling with something, but would periodically return to the task at hand - but then pull back and by now was using his hand with the problem.

 

Seems the male had been chewing bubble gum [for God knows what reason] and neglected to remove it before the activity. So there was the lady - with bubble gum tangled throughout her [fortunately] small amount of pubic hair. Neatly trimmed as it was, it still had managed to "snare" a goodly portion of the gum.

 

Any thought of further activity was gone. The male was apologizing profusely, offering assistance. She asked what he suggested - he didn't have a clue. She went into a bathroom, wrapped a towel around herself and came looking for help.

 

The hostess and I were good friends with her so it fell to us to "cure" the problem. We tried our best with ice, and a comb. A difficult task under the best of circumstances, but with the lady reacting to the ice, and the two of us shaking with laughter - it's a wonder we were any help at all.

 

We did manage finally to get most of it out - only a small amount of strategic "trimming" had to be done to accomplish the task. But the event pretty much took the three of us out of play for the balance of the party.

 

Once you start laughing that hard, that is pretty much how the rest of the evening is going to go. Too funny! Even the lady can laugh about it now.

 

[mrs good times 73]

No fair wrnakedru we want to hear one about you now. EBF tell us one.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

mrs good times said:

No fair wrnakedru we want to hear one about you now. EBF tell us one.

 

I know Mrs. Good Times. I harassed her the entire day yesterday about this. She insist - swears! - she doesn't have a funny story to tell on herself. I can hardly believe that since she is the walking/talking epitome of funny. Believe me...I'm on the look-out, tho'. If I hear of anything - or think of anything...I'll be the first to post it.

 

Also, I was thinking...anybody want to bet that most of the posts to this thread will be made by women? Now come on guys...we know ya'll do some goof-ball things, too.

 

- EBF

 

PS: as for those lap dance things...how was I supposed to know you had to PAY for those things? I thought it was part of the entertainment package. I was quite indignant when I found out. But actually, I'm wondering if I should wear my butchy outfit?

[mrs good times 73]

Heres one that Mr. posted on another thread and said I could put it here.

 

This reminds me of a funny story that happened to us. My wife and I went to a strip club and after a while there was a girl on stage that I wanted to get closer to. So I got my dollar ready and sat next to the stage with my best "rub your tits on me" pose. The stripper came and knelt down in front of me and said "is that your wife over at the table?" After reengaging the brain in my head I said "yep, sure is." She then said "have her come over here." So I did. The stripper then took my dollar and placed it between my wife's breasts and proceeded to rub all over her and snatch the dollar with her own breasts. She then looked at me and said "What did you think of that?" I thought about it for a second and then said "I think I just got ripped off, she (indicating my wife) has her own damned dollar." Story of my life, another dollar gone with no satisfaction.

[good times 991]

For the continuing education of EBF, and a story

 

 

When you are at the strip club (most clubs work this way anyway), If you sit next to a stage when the stripper is doing her main act, and you place a dollar in front of you she will come around at the end of her act and give you a little appreciation for the dollar (most common is to put the dollar in your mouth and take it from you with her tits).

 

A lap dance is done at the tables or couches away from the stage and usually casts $20.00 to $30.00 dollars and lasts for one song.

 

For a lot more if its available she will take you to the back room where they usually have better couches and you get the same lap dance as you would have at your chair.

 

 

Note - these are reno prices - prices in your area may differ.

 

This reminds me of a funny story (not at the time) of the education of Mr. and Mrs. Good Times.

 

We were at a local strip club, P and I and one of her girl friends. I had never had a lap dance (I'm kind of cheap so before this I would wait for someone else near me to get a lap dance, and then move as close as I could and observe carefully). P's friend decided that I had reached the point in life where I might suffer permanent mental or emotional damge if I didn't get a lap dance for myself, and right quick. She proceded to fetch the homliest girl in the place and I imediately called a time out and explained that even though she was paying for it, I was fully capable of choosing my own girl. I finally choose a suitable girl for further study who then gave me a very good lap dance for $20.00. Then P's friend told us that the lap dances were even better in the back room. Well she worked on P for a while and next thing you know P decided to buy me a dance in the back room. So we pick a girl and P asks if it is ok for her to come back and watch and the girl said "sure no problem". So back we go and the lap dance was ok but not as good as the first one. After we were done P says to the girl "how much do I owe you" and the girl said "Let's see its $35.00 for him and $35.00 for you to watch" After p got over her initial shock at the price she dug around in her purse and realized that all we had was $50.00. She told the girl this and the girl said "No problem the bar can get you cash on your credit card" So p goes to the bar and for an additional $25.00 they ran her card for $20.00 + $25.00 handling fee. And that is the story of my $95.00 lap dance.

[ALilOEverything 901]

$95 for a lapdance!!! Wowza Remind me to not attend strip clubs in Nevada. I'm definitely in the wrong profession, could you imagine how quickly I could get my debt paid off??? Now I can see why so many women want to do it. Personally though, when I give a private lapdance I would probably be a little disappointed it didn't go any further.

[good times 991]

We had an experiance this weekend that is pretty humerous in retrospect.

 

We met a couple we regularly play with for some dinner then we went to our favorite club to have a drink. The manager of the club came over to our table and was telling us how he had put all new beds in the Attached hotel and the night before a couple went to their room to play with another couple and broke the brand new bed bad enough that he had to replace the bed, frame and all. We were kind of joking with our friends about this on the way over to their house where all four of us adjorned to their bed and proceeded with some good wholesome sexual play. About the time we were really getting into it we hear this loud crack! and the bed assumed a definite "u" shaped profile. I hollered "bail out" and jumped off of the bed. Mrs. GT and the male of the other couple immediately surmised that since I bailed already they were out of immediate danger and proceeded on, myself and my partner adjorned to the nice solid floor and continued were we had left off before I made my vault off of the bed.

 

When everybody was completed and after a suitable rest period the two naked guys put on our bed repairman hats and made suitable repairs so that they could use the bed for its intended purpose after we left.

 

So, for the sake of discussion, has anybody else noticed that they don't make beds like they used to? Our old bed is good for as many couples as you can pile on.

 

And a related question, does anybody know of a bed that is engineered to be swingerproof?

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

My first thought: Did the frame have center leg supports?

 

I know that years ago when we bought our first queen size bed the warranty said the bed had to be supported in the center as well as the four corners.

 

Our latest bed has two center supports along with the four corners.

 

Could lack of support have been the problem?

 

We haven't broken a bed...yet.

[EternallySingle 32]

hahahahaha

 

The only way to swinger-proof a bed is to go to Lowes, buy 200 feet of 2x6s, 16 feet of 4x4s, and build a special frame for play time. Place some OSB board over the frame and get rid of the box spring. They weren't meant for real...bedtime activities anyway. Just remember to take the other attachments off the power drill first. They will just get in the way when you're trying to...

 

uh, TMI. Nevermind.

[Spoomonkey 420]

Funny!

 

We were bed shopping some time ago - didn't buy - but our current bed squeaks and has some serious noise issues due to our "no holds barred" sort of fun. I wanted to know if a new bed was going to have that problem and I could tell that the salesman just couldn't grasp my question.

 

"The bed needs to be VERY sturdy." I kept saying, "I mean, we can be very hard on a bed... We have friends who can be hard on our bed too." I was in an ornery mood - but this guy just didn't get it...

 

Needless to say - he didn't make a sale that night because he kept talking about how firm the mattress is... Heck - I don't care about his mattress (ours is still great!) I just want a bed that I could march a band across... Twice...

[bear_and_babe 68]

We just bought a new waterbed and our sales guy was not getting our question on just how much "stress" the bed could take. I finally just said that sometimes there may be as many as 4-6 people on the bed at one time, depending if it was a large party or not. It was so fun to watch his face turn 10 shades of red!

 

Bear and I have never broken a bed before. But we have broken our share of lawn furniture.

[good times 991]

My first thought: Did the frame have center leg supports?

 

Could lack of support have been the problem?

 

It was only supported in the center after it busted out of the frame and the center assumed a resting position on the floor. So I think you are right a little center support is needed for the future.

 

The only way to swinger-proof a bed is to go to Lowes, buy 200 feet of 2x6s, 16 feet of 4x4s, and build a special frame for play time. Place some OSB board over the frame and get rid of the box spring.

 

That actually pretty acurately describes our bed at home except that we have the box springs sitting on a solid sheeting of MDF with a 2X6 frame under that, it is actually an old water bed frame.

 

The bed at our friends house was brand new and was an angle iron frame that surounded the box springs. After thorough analysis and examination it looks like the frame spread in the middle leaving the box springs unsupported. The wood frame of the box springs then broke in the middle lowering the middle of the frame 8" to the floor.

 

Lowering - cool for old cars, not so cool for beds during sex.

[TNT 1,155]

What a timely thread

 

As a few of you know I have been on the search for a new mattress and this Friday is the day I have decided to actually purchase one as I have finally found a place with excellent prices and a good selection of different mattresses to try out. (We're strill trying to figure out how not to get arrested for indecent behavior when we try out some sexual positions, afterall we want to make sure the new mattress is going to work for sex not just sleep.)

 

The frame was something that Ted and I have been discussing as I have been perplexed as to how to make the new mattress/bed work with the headboard we have. It's a custom headboard that Ted built years ago, beautiful, and I don't ever want to get rid of it, but it was designed to go with a water bed frame.

 

After reading this thread it is evident that a metal frame will not do. Even though we don't have people come to the house for playtime due to the kids at home, there will be a day soon when they are all gone and we can. The bed has definitely got to stand up to multiple bodies and you have all given excellent suggestions on how to make sure it's strong enough.

 

 

Thanks,

 

Teresa

[eager4more 15]

We started swinging last fall, and we agreed that we would entertain by pulling out a bed in our living room, not in our own bedroom. Our dog and cats told us, in the way they know best , that we needed a new couch. We decided to get a futon couch/bed so we won't have to replace the whole couch next time. We wanted a queen-size for as much room as possible, for some reason the salesmen at 2 different places Strongly discouraged us from getting a queen, saying that full-size is often more than enough room for guests and queen frames are too big to sit on comfortably even for tall people blah blah blah. All while we were walking around the showroom test-bouncing on differnt types of mattriesses, but trying to be natural and nonchalant about it, and insisting on the queen. We finally came up with the excuse that we have extra tall relatives -true, but they rarely visit and when they did they stayed at a hotel. We should have just done what bear_and_babe did!

 

When pulled out, the wood futon frame creaks alot- it's supported along the middle but not as much along either side. Probably not meant to withstand too much activity!

 

BTW we put a water proof matress pad under the futon cover to protect against future cat incidents, but the cats have behaved whereas the cover has been more useful for other reasons

[sensuality 2]

Well, we haven't entertained in our home, but we have done a number on our bed...so much so, that the damn thing would squeak and the headboard would bang the damn wall every time we got freaky...So, one day about a year ago, I took it off the frame altogether and moved it about 6 inches from the wall...Problem solved!!

 

GoodTimes:

That was one hell of a funny story!!

[RenoCple 15]

Had it not been our Bed! But we are enjoying that everyone is having some fun. The bed isn't a year old yet and I am thinking of taking it back to get a new foundation, but I hesitate knowing it is not my nature to make up a story of why it didn't hold up. As R stated he and J had already bailed out of the bed, but I didn't miss a stroke, saying to P, the damage is done and this feels good, so on we went! There was little concern for the bed until all activities had ceased.

 

Have fun all, and by the way, a warm hello to all of you on the site, this is our first post.

[cutecplco 15]

LOL that's really funny! We just bought a new queen size bed and hope it's sturdy enough for us and our friends.

[Two4funinpa 75]

heheheheh lol oh this brings back memories... on our wedding night we stayed at our house because we were entertaining everyone for opening presents and help eat the leftovers before we went on our honeymoon the next day.... That night just as we were getting into the moment just he and I.. we heard a big creak and crackle..the next thing we knew the mattress was on floor. Needless to say we laughed so hard as we stared at each other in dismay...we left it that way for the night and in the morning before our guests came over he propped it up and reinforced it to handle us... that was about 20 years ago.

 

Since then we have gotten a knew bed and it is one of the select a comfort level for each side type. We have had this for about 3 years, the place where we bought it each time we have sprung a knew leak that is beyond repair, Asks " What do you do to these things we have sold these for 12 years and every once in awhile you have one returned but you two this is 3 now." Hubby is a bigger man but I am a size six so it is not like it has an excessive amount of weight for two people on it.

 

Presently looking for new options cause soon the replacement warranty will be up.

Let the good times roll or bounce or whatever it takes ...

[good times 991]

I think when we go shopping for a new bed we are going to take a couple of other people along and all four of us jump up and down on the bed to test it out first.

 

I wonder how one would explain that to the salesman, and how long it would take to get thrown out of the store.

[Atilla 16]

I'm not so worried about my bed standing up to the stress but the headboard can get rocking pretty hard sometimes with hubby and I.

 

We plan on entertaining this weekend and this headboard has me a bit concerned.

[teknurse 18]

I haven't broken a bed since I allowed myself to be tied up to a 4-poster, and in my excitement I snapped one of the posts off clean. The only bed related problem I have nowadays is keeping the damn bed anchored! Many a time after a vigorous session with the wife we end up half-way across the room and turned around. heheh! I'm just glad the bed won't fit out the door, we could end up in the middle of downstairs. The local sex club gave up on beds I think, all the ones in the playrooms are really just elevated concrete platforms with mattreses and springs on them. Great for playing, but the suck if you plan to spend the night....

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Skip the frame, just put the mattress/ box springs on the floor.... if you break through that... you deserve an award!

[Iplay 16]

LOL. WOW. I don't know if I could finish.

[Hapycmpr 16]

We had invited a couple over to play that we had previously met for dinner and liked. Like many of you, we have a code word that we use if either of us feels uncomfortable in an encounter. For this particular evening, we decided that one of us would get a leg cramp if things weren’t going well.

 

We started out the evening with dinner, pool and some soft fooling around. This quickly progressed to, “hey…let’s all go to the bedroom!” The 4 of us adjourn to the Queen size bed and begin to get serious. Several minutes into it…I actually DID develop a leg cramp! Patti was looking at me like I was nuts…she thought the evening was going very well and couldn’t figure out why I wanted to put a stop to it…especially mid coitus!

 

So, I had to explain that I really did have a leg cramp! She explodes into uncontrollable laughter which makes me bust up as well. Needless to say, our guests were both a little dumbfounded. We explained the situation and we all had a good laugh.

 

But that’s not the end. The cramp refused to stay away. Have you ever tried to put on a condom with a leg cramp??? It’s near impossible! We decided that all we needed was more room to stretch out, so myself and my playmate for the evening went into the other bedroom so we could have a bed all to ourselves. The doors were open and we could see our respective SO’s. Again, the cramp just refused to stay gone, but I managed to keep going. Just as my playmate was cumming, she too got a leg cramp and made sure we all knew it!

 

So now, Patti and her guest join us in the spare room, and we all lay on the bed laughing and trying to massage each others legs. I guess you had to be there, but this is my funniest moment that I can remember.

[Tia Vampire 167]

We were at a party over the weekend and I heard this guy talking about one of the girls he was with. He said that her clit was so big that he felt like she was french kissing him with her puss. I busted out laughing. Just a couple of minutes later the girl came walking by and he asked her to show it. She did. Then he asked her to french kiss him with her puss. To my surprise she knew what he was asking and did it in front of everyone. He came up with a big ass smile on his face and said, "every woman should be able to french kiss with her puss". Everyone busted out laughing. I think it would have been funnier if you were there, but thought I would share because I thought it was funny as hell.

[blondie77 17]

Hahaha!!! WOW! That would have been a sight to see....

[WesternSwing 504]

Interesting... very interesting.

 

Mr. WS

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

$95 for a lapdance!!! Wowza Remind me to not attend strip clubs in Nevada. I'm definitely in the wrong profession, could you imagine how quickly I could get my debt paid off??? Now I can see why so many women want to do it. Personally though, when I give a private lapdance I would probably be a little disappointed it didn't go any further.

 

I was once lucky enough to enjoy a $100 lapdance that someone else paid for, and it wasn't even someone I was dating.... I think he just enjoyed the idea of girl on girl. Actually, I'm not really sure why he would so easily shell out money for something he could have easily seen for free...hmm.

 

Just thought this thread was comical.

[luckycple 17]

The second time we had swung with this couple we were less nervous and each guy went right after the others wife. We were all naked in our bed, my wife and the other guy were at the foot of the bed kind of sitting, playing with each other, me and the other lady were at the head of the bed and were making out and petting heavily. She whispers to me to lick her clit, so she lays across the bed with her head near her husbands legs and her legs spread , I am kneeling on the floor near my wife and I am licking the other very tasty lady. She is now moaning loudly, I am watching him moving faster on my wife's clit and she is stroking him faster, my partner has now cum at least 4 times and pulls me up to fuck her, as I move up my wife lets out a loud moan, and then another and another, and then he lets go and my wife is not watching what she is doing and me and his wife are now covered in his cum, and he came a few buckets full, my hair and face is covered his wife's face is covered ( I had just entered her warm pussy) all three burst out laughing and I lost my hard on!!! she and my wife felt bad and they proceeded to both rub and lick my cock and got me off (I had to clean up first).

[theboy 175]

Heres one that Mr. posted on another thread and said I could put it here.

 

This reminds me of a funny story that happened to us. My wife and I went to a strip club and after a while their was a girl on stage that I wanted to get closer to. So I got my dollar ready and sat next to the stage with my best "rub your tits on me" pose. The stripper came and knelt down in front of me and said "is that your wife over at the table?" After reengaging the brain in my head I said " yep, sure is." she then said "have her come over here." so I did. The stripper then took my dollar and placed it between my wifes breasts and proceeded to rub all over her and snatch the dollar with her own breasts. She then looked at me and said "What did you think of that?" I thought about it for a second and then said "I think I just got ripped off, she (indicating my wife) has her own dambed dollar." Story of my life, another dollar gone with no satisfaction.

 

This *exactly* happened to me as well!

 

We went to a concert, and afterwards we decided that since it was early we were going to go and visit a strip club, knowing nobody in the area where the concert was in.

 

So I googled adult entertainment around the place where the concert was, and found this place. It had a huge, gaudy neon sign that was rotating, so I was sure that I was gonna have a few boobs in the face, at the least.

 

So we go in, and sit down. Paid the cover, bought a beer.

 

And we watch... and started noticing something very strange. At this strip club, the girls weren't stripping! They'd stay in their nighties, and so forth.

 

"Well, thegirl", I said "... this is pretty lame. I've seen more racy stuff at regular bars, not to mention swingers dances"

 

But, she was enjoying herself. So we stayed, and thegirl got up and gave one of the non-strippers a dollar...

 

I sighed, and figured I could at least get some cleavage in the face, so I stood up by the stage, dollar in hand... The girl saunters over and says "She should come up here"...

 

I replied "She already did, for the last dancer"

 

Strippergirl motions my wife over, and proceeds to wrap her legs around my wife and gyrate on the stage... shouting 'woo-hoo, I love girls!' in the fakest way I've ever seen.

 

She looked at me after she was done, expectantly. Like she was fulfilling a fantasy of mine or something. If only she knew!

 

I slipped the dollar to her, but it was the last one I gave out that night. I took the wife back to the hotel room and had her dance for me, and she both did it better and she did it nude

 

Friggin non-stripping strippers...

[thegirl 22]

I thought the whole thing was pretty funny!

 

And hey! I just realized... I never got any dollars stuffed in my panties that night for dancing for you!

[theboy 175]

I thought the whole thing was pretty funny!

 

And hey! I just realized... I never got any dollars stuffed in my panties that night for dancing for you!

 

Oh please, I paid you in 'other ways'..

[Hot Raleigh Cpl 164]

L often enjoys guys in adult bookstores. This incident happened in a local (Raleigh) bookstore we used to play at until it changed owners several years ago.

 

Scene: the video arcade in back. Several guys wanted to do L, so she took them one at a time into the largest booth to get it on. I watched through the gloryhole from the adjoining booth. L got so vocal during the action that everyone in the arcade was getting excited from listening to her, even the gay guys.

 

When the last guy was done, I joined L in the booth. We kissed, tore off each others clothes, and went at it doggie style on the floor. L was louder than ever. I felt something ... a hand on my ass. I looked and a guy had gone into the next booth, had reached through the gloryhole, and was grabbing me. I didn't want to distract L, so I grabbed the first thing I could grab -- her little "cruising" dress -- wadded it up, and plugged the gloryhole. We continued humping. The dress fell from the gloryhole, as he pushed it away and reached back through. I picked it up, stuffed it back in the hole. L was on a roll cumming and didn't notice.

 

Suddenly, her dress disappeared from the hole! The guy had snatched it through to the other side! I heard his booth door open and him leave. Damn!

 

L and I finished a spectacular round with her none the wiser. When we'd caught our breath, I said, "You're gonna have to wear my shirt to walk out of here." She thought I was suggesting something racy and agreed, then paused and asked why. I told her some guy had stolen her dress while we were screwing. "WHAT????" I told her the whole story as she put on my shirt.

 

Just then, someone went back into the booth next door, and her dress appeared through the glory hole. She shucked my shirt, put on her dress, and we departed laughing.

 

As we left the arcade, everyone was watching and smirking. They all knew what had happened. One effeminate guy told her, "it would have looked better on me, but it didn't fit." We cracked up.

[hmr 25]

Well, Mrs hmr and I had met this new couple and decided to play. We get a motel room and get on our respective beds as things start getting going.

 

Lo and behold as my partner and I start having intercourse, the headboard start banging the wall. Trying to not totally disturb the next room I stuff a pillow behind it. Still it goes on banging the wall

 

Ok, what now. Ahh, I'll hold it while banging away!!

 

Which proceeds to pull it off the wall and on to her head

 

As you can imagine, after the initial shock and the assurances she was ok, we bust out laughing the rest of the night. Sorry , there is no way to maintain an erection during a Gut busting laugh.

 

Well, things calm down enough for mrs and her partner to try to get down to business. Somehow we do not think this is fair, as we are still caught in the giggles.So, we quietly sneak up behind them ( they are on their sides ) and poke them both in the butts

 

I know, we were bad, but it was worth it for their reactions

 

We still laugh whenever we see them.

[rosie812 16]

I was reading the post about the family setting around the table when the girls dad said how much he liked creme pies(Little Debbies??)and the were laughing like crazy,thinking the good kind...Reminded me of a good one when Barb and I were outside trying out my new sleeping bag,and going at it really good when her german shepard stuck his cold nose in the crack of my ass.I think I screamed and went soft at the same time.thought I died.We were laughing like hell and he didn't know what he did.Any more funny stories???

[Cpl2share 147]

This will give us away to a few close friends, but then they wouldn't be here if they were not pervs too!

 

We finally get rid of the kids for the first time in about 5 centuries. Mrs Cpl goes in the back yard to do some tanning. I enter the backyard to perv her and try to get lucky. So there I am bare butt up going down on Mrs. Cpl. An Army medivac flies over our house. First time this ever happened, and they are low! Mrs. Cpl just about squeezed my head off with her legs. I convince her that they won't be back and proceed to finish my snack. Fast forward to me on top of her just about ready to cum: A flight of 5 yeah FIVE medivacs comes over the yard at about 200 ft reeeeeal sllllooooowwwww. They circled us twice and then moved off. We were both laughing so hard by the time they moved off I lost my boner and we had to start all over again. Not that either one of us minded, but she got two and I only got one

[Ave Satanas 20]

I just had one of the weirdest, funniest situations of my swinging experience occur last night.

 

We went to a (vanilla) party, hosted by a (non-vanilla) friend, with whom we've had some experience.

 

We're chilling, flirting in our usual manner. We've always flirted like this, even before we got into the lifestyle, and I guess it was a sign of where we were headed. We ended up talking in the backyard with the host of the party and this very pretty girl there. She's asking about us, and out of nowhere says "are you two, like, swingers or something?" . We answered truthfully, which lead to a bunch of questions. The girl was very obviously curious. In the end, she asked if she could come home with us that night to watch us have sex. Just watch.

 

We said yes, and headed back inside, where the girl and I sat at a table. She was in the process of rifling through her purse when out of it fell a leather bound bible. I picked it up and was thumbing through it, worrying that she was set on converting us. She noticed my interest, and asked if I was a Christian, to which I responded "Not at all, but it's still interesting. Not to impugn your beliefs, it just isn't my thing". She was perfectly cool with that, and simply asked that I return the bible to her purse when I was done. I skimmed through it for a few minutes more before doing just that.

 

So we escape the party (Me, my SO, the girl, and the host lol) and make our way back to my place. After some fooling around in the pool and some more drinking, the girlfriend and I had sex before the girl and the host. This girl got WAY into it, directing us, nibbling my SO's ear, etc. Once my SO had cum, I proceeded to move to another room, along with the girl so that the host and my SO could fuck.

 

The girl and I get to talking, and she seems to have this notion that I'm much more mysterious than I really am. Earlier in the night, my SO had gotten the girl to kiss me, and of course I was hoping for more. But the girl continues to marvel at what a pseudo-enigma I am, all the while drinking more and more. Through some cosmic series of events, we end up in another room, where the girl suddenly changes.

 

She starts getting really serious, almost angry sounding, going on and on about how I can think I know so much because I swing and because I'm mysterious, etc. But she maintains an air of sexiness, not unlike a really good, aggressive lover can be. After ranting, she proceeds to tackle me to the floor, kissing me aggressively and generally being really sexy. She pins me down (or I let her, whatever) and after a bit more kissing, stays straddled atop me and proceeds to lecture on the error of my ways, and how she'll be there when I'm ready to accept Jesus, and how chaste she is because there's more to life than lust and these carnal sins that I apparently revel in, and on and on and on. After which she'd kiss a bit more.

 

Not to rip on any Christians here at all, but in the moment, it was one of the funniest situations I'd ever been in.

 

This cycle continued over the course of the night: She'd be really aggressive, pushing and pinning and scratching, then really kinky, making out aggressively and pulling my hands up to her chest, then talking, about how chaste she was and she wasn't having sex because she was saving herself for God, and then back to square one.

 

At the climax of all this, she mentioned how I was corrupting her, and insisted that I show her just how much I could corrupt her, splaying herself across the bed. The way she was saying it, she was begging to be fucked.

 

Sadly, I had that awful realization that she was really, monumentally drunk, and that if I were to actually go through with it, I would be less of a man. So I told her right there that I wasn't going to have sex with her, and explained why.

 

She proceeded to become very cuddly and talk about how sweet it was and so on and so on. I took her home this morning and the girlfriend and I hope to have more experiences with her. Not a bad night, but an interesting, and hopefully funny one.

[let's do it again 412]

We were at a party and a couple had swapped and decided to fuck on top of a table in front of the entire party. The woman was doing cowgirl very vigorously and the legs of the table broke and both came tumbling down. No one got hurt but that was funny. My ex and I  swapped and the guy my ex fucked just laid there afterwards and didn't move, I had to check to see if he was still alive.

[cplnuswing 4,712]

Swingers do seem to be somewhat accident prone 😂  Often funny in hindsight but not funny at the time.  A lady that used to post here frequently and that we had met in person took a bad trip and fall at a club, on the dance floor if I remember correctly, and ended up with a seriously broken ankle that put her in the hospital.  Mrs cplnuswing and I were walking out of the house of some new friends at like 3 a.m. and stone cold sober she took a bad fall down some well lit and thankfully low to the ground concrete steps.  At first we thought she had broken an ankle too but turned out to just be a bad sprain.  I think it must be because our minds our distracted by other things at certain times

[ntex 64]

Probably the funniest\most uncomfortable I have been in the lifestyle was one weekend I was visiting a couple at their house and we decided to get in the hot tub.  Naked of course..  They had the house to themselves as their late teen\early 20's daughter was heading to the next town to visit friends.   We had drinks, we got frisky and then we go tin the hot tub and REALLY got frisky when all of a sudden during the festivities the daughter and friend are looking out on back porch and see's her Dad up on the side of the hot tub, getting a blowjob and Mom is sitting on the other side of the tub watching...  BUSTED!!!!   I don't know if she knew 100% what she saw but she turned around and left in a hurry.  I heard that breakfast the next day was uncomfortable but she didn't ask and they didn't tell....

[couplers 4,577]

On 3/14/2007 at 3:55 PM, Tia Vampire said:

her clit was so big that he felt like she was french kissing him with her puss

That's me, although no one has described it that way.  It's not just my clit, it's also my labia.  The lips are part of a kiss; they have to be the right size and firm.

 

On 3/14/2007 at 3:55 PM, Tia Vampire said:

Then he asked her to french kiss him with her puss.

Women like going down on me as much as a guy.  Funny thing is when young, I used to be embarrassed of my pussy, until I saw how much others enjoyed it. 

[TnA83 303]

3 hours ago, couplers said:

That's me, although no one has described it that way.  It's not just my clit, it's also my labia.  The lips are part of a kiss; they have to be the right size and firm.

 

Women like going down on me as much as a guy.  Funny thing is when young, I used to be embarrassed of my pussy, until I saw how much others enjoyed it. 

I still want to see that marvel!

[let's do it again 412]

On 8/24/2023 at 5:37 AM, couplers said:

That's me, although no one has described it that way.  It's not just my clit, it's also my labia.  The lips are part of a kiss; they have to be the right size and firm.

 

Women like going down on me as much as a guy.  Funny thing is when young, I used to be embarrassed of my pussy, until I saw how much others enjoyed it. 

I love going down on a woman with a bigger pussy especially when she has a larger clit. I also love kissing her pussy and French kissing with her clit. I find it amazing how woman will use lipstick and gloss to get there regular lips to look like pussy lips. I always wonder what's going thru the mind of the woman whom is really made up  and puts a lot of emphasis on her lips!