How do we talk to our wives about swinging?

[shadyvirgin 15]

I must admit I was very wrong. I slept on the couch last night.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

I must admit I was very wrong. I slept on the couch last night.

 

I'm sorry to laugh at your misfortune, shadyvirgin, but I have to admit, I needed that laugh! If nothing else, you can know that you gave someone that really needed a laugh something to chuckle at.

 

As for your, ummmm....mistake in judgement...was she at all agreeable to talk on the subject? If so, you might want to approach things from the standpoint of fantasy talk. Otherwise, I'd advise that you leave her alone and not mention it again. Sometimes, given time to think about things and mull them over and over, some of us are more open to discussion further down the road. If she had no idea you had even thought of this, I'm certain it came as a rather rude shock to her. Often times, the reaction has more to do with the approach than with the topic. Let us know.

 

- EBF (sorry you spent the night on the couch)

[Brit_Pair 62]

Sorry to hear about your night on the couch . . . but Welcome to the board all the same!

[cpl4playmass 31]

I must admit I was very wrong. I slept on the couch last night.

 

 

Bummer dude, well when it comes to talking again explain that you never want to hold back sharing something with her and you've had the fantasy floating around in your head.

 

Let her know that you've always been honest and don't want to hold back for fear of her reaction.

[stoutgatte 25]

Sorry about the night on the couch... But

 

I'd not totally give up, but please tell me you didn't ask her if she'd like to fuck the neighbours... My advice would have been way slower... Talk to her about the fantasy first, if she's excited in that at all take it to the next level. Now, I honestly think you'd still have ended up on the couch :slam"

 

Think of it as babysteps. When I first told my wife about my threesome fantasy she left me (we were still dating). I convinced her to give me another try, and when we talked about the fantasy again it ended up in a big fight, at least she didn't leave me that time, since we were married... You're getting my drift.

 

When we started swinging, she was the initiator

 

Now, don't pursue this if the message was a clear: "No way..." Let it be and come back to fight another day... Babysteps... And most importantly, you're marraige is more important than swinging, always remember that...

[Alura 2,773]

Sorry to hear about the couch, ShadyVirgin. I feel quite responsible for it.

 

When Mrs. Alura and I decided this relationship was a lot more serious than either of us thought or hoped for, we made the agreement that we would never become angry at a question the other asked. We also agreed that we would try to answer it as accurately as we could.

 

Since then, our communication has been so easy; we've never feared to bring up any subject.

 

Frankly, the concept of your having to sleep on the couch never entered my mind. Again, my apologies.

 

How did your friend make out with his wife? Did he ask her, too?

 

Mr. Alura

[WesternSwing 504]

Be sure that she knows it's not because you're bored with her and want someone else. She may be feeling threatened, and an angry response would be exactly what you would get.

 

Ask her in complete trust if she has ever had fantasies about other men, real people or imagined. Let her know that it is okay if she has, it's normal and not threatening because you know that you are number one in her life. You are the reality, they are the fantasy. Talk about her first, then let her ask you questions about it.

 

If she start relaxing a bit, introduce her to this site (at her own pace of course, don't force her to read it). Let her read what swingers have to say about it.

 

The number one thing about swinging is communication. And I can say that without a doubt that the level of communication between my wife and I has increased infinitely since we started swinging. We are better, closer friends then ever before. I've discovered that while sex between us is the best sex of all, it is not the only glue that holds us together. And away from swinging, we act like teenagers in love.

 

Mr. WS

[sensuality 2]

Did you tell her you'd already spoken to your friend about this? Because if she made you sleep on the couch,it sounds like she was both hurt and offended .Perhaps you are moving a bit too fast on this.When swinging first becomes a thought in your head, it can take many moons to become a reality.For me{female}, at first I went through the whole sanctity of marriage issue and how can it be okay to actually sleep with another person, yada yada...but I still wanted to do it ...so, I had to wrestle with that for awhile and come to terms within myself about things.Joining the boards has helped tremendously.I don't know about other women or men on here, but I think in the beginning, you do question a lot of things until you become more comfortable and really open your mind... Take your time,it could be years before she's ready...but if it's meant to be...it will happen .However, do not push her...you will lose out on any chance you might have had if you do .Apologize to her for talking to your friend first...you should've talked to her from the get go...before you even told your friend you wouldn't mind swapping,you should've told her about it.And then let her think about it awhile before even telling your friend you did indeed like the idea of swapping.

Buy her some flowers and take her somewhere nice and really work on making up for your lapse in judgement... we all make mistakes ...Good Luck in the future

[desert_dwellers 18]

Sorry to hear about your night on the couch ShadyVirgin. I hope you don't regret taking the chance.

 

I'm curious to know if you mentioned to her that you spoke with your friend about it first. Is it possible that she is angry about that and not the question?

[BradAndJanet 70]

I must admit I was very wrong. I slept on the couch last night.

Ouch! I'm so sorry....

 

-B

[shadyvirgin 15]

Wow, she finally went to bed. I checked on my post a few times today and couldn't wait to respond. You guys rule!!! I'm talking "Budweiser True". I never expected such a response.

 

First, Mr.Alura, last night was not the first time I spent the night on the couch. It was hardly your fault. I have no idea if my friend has talked to his wife about this yet after he found out I was interested. I know they have talked about this before though. Tell me what you think about this: We have been having a cookout on the 4th of July for the past several years and there is usually at least 30 people here. She and I somehow wind up alone long enough for her to tell me she and her husband were talking about me/us the other day and asked me to ask her husband about it sometime when we were alone. Thats when the whole thing got going at lunch that day a few weeks ago.

 

EBF - I appreciate your response and am very glad I was able to make you chuckle. I can laugh at myself with the best of 'em. Mabye I will make you really laugh one day.

 

Sensuality - She didn't make me sleep on the couch. I slept on the couch because I was a little hurt. She called me sick. I do not think I am sick, I was just trying to be honest. I have not told anyone excepy you about my conversation with my friend.

 

I did find out last night for the first time that my wife is very insecure. She actually thinks that if I stick my dick in another woman that I will lose my mind and forget my way home. I mean there is a flip side to that. What if she gets some dick thats alot bigger and better than mine? And likes it. I am not worried that she will pack up and leave.

 

Before she went to bed we were talking about something and she said I was crazy. Then she said we had already established that last night. I said I was only trying to open new conversation. She said "I can't believe you want me to have sex with someone else just because you want to cheat". I told her I didn't want to cheat on her, i just wanted to have sex with almost every woman I know. That got a half smile and a rolling of the eyes. Then she said I am not getting into that with you again.

 

I wish I could type. It has taken me about 45 minutes(or longer)to type this. There is so much more to this I want to share with you, as well as respond to what you have written. I really do appreciate everyones thoughts and advice.

 

Thanks for everything - Shady

[mrs good times 73]

You poor sick bastard. I'm sorry we are getting a laugh at your expense but we just can't help it.

 

Telling her you want to have sex with every girl you know was not very subtle but if she smiled and rolled her eyes :rollseyes at that comment it sounds like she has a good sense of humor.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do next because I sure don't know what to tell you.

[OhioCouple 40]

You poor sick bastard. I'm sorry we are getting a laugh at your expense but we just can't help it.

Wow, Mrs. Good Times, I'm not sure what sparked that sort of response out of you. I shall assume that 'we' means yourself and your self and your husband. Honestly, I'm shocked, that sort of response is so unlike you.

[good times 991]

I deleted this post as I aparently offended shady which was not my intent. I was trying to be supportive through humor and failed miserably, For that I sincerely apologize.

[mrs good times 73]

Ohiocouple,

 

It was just joking. She called him "sick". Get it? Surrender

[shadyvirgin 15]

JJ, I mean DYNOMITE, I mean good times. Fuck you.

[OhioCouple 40]

Speaking from the perspective of a female in which this kinda got sprung on me once many moons ago with Mr. O...I pretty much took the stance that your wife did.

 

Knowing now, what I did not then, and due to the fact of the time between your postings, my best bet is that you brought the subject up, out of eagerness. Entirely understandable. However speaking only for myself, when my husband first brought this up to me, every insecurtiy that I'd ever had, cropped up. We had often had fun talking in fantasy, but he was talking reality and that scared the bejeebers out of me. Of course there were a lot of other factors, such as we had only been together a few years, I'd been cheated on in the past...etc. I voiced my distaste and the matter was dropped. Several years later, I was the one who re-introduced the prospect. By this time I had had time to research the swinging lifestye, time to adjust in my role as a wife and lover, and comfortable with knowing that we had a firm committment to each other. While he had dropped the subject, imagine his surprise when I suggested it.

 

My advice to you, Shady, is that now you have planted the seed it is time to follow your wife's lead . She may or may not embrace the lifestyle, however you have each learned something new about the other. If you dare, you may want to show her this website for her to read on her own, or the better case scenario...you read it together.

 

Best of luck to you both and Welcome to the board!!

 

Mrs. O

[OhioCouple 40]

Ohiocouple,

 

It was just joking. She called him "sick". Get it? Surrender

I get it now Mrs. Good Times. That flew way over my head I suppose. Please forgive the knucklehead that I can be at times. :slam"

[mrs good times 73]

Shadyvirgin,

 

If my post offended you I apologize, that was not my intention. After reading the entire post I did find some humor it from you and others so I did not think you would take it poorly.

 

Again, please accept my apology.

[shadyvirgin 15]

Thanks, Mrs. O. I have to admit though..........nevermind

[TeamSoBe 36]

My wife and I have had quite a few emotional screaming matches on the long road toward understanding each other. Plenty of them about this whole fucking-other-people thing. Plenty of them when the word "cheat" came up, and was used forcefully. Plenty where one or the other of us accused the other of being a sicko purv with no self control.

 

She and I actually get along really well. You wouldn't know during those two hours on the confrontation days, but overall we get along really really well, we love each other very much, and we are comfortable getting frisky with friends. We always end up learning a little about each other after those fights and we never stay pissed off. We have had several different times where we just called everyting off entirely for weeks or months because it wasn't right for one or the other of us. We always end up coming back to wanting to fuck people for kicks. Guess it's just in us.

 

Keep talking to your wife. Whether either of you ever end up getting laid you'll end up learning about each other and you'll get closer. If it's right for both of you then you'll end up converging on a policy that leads toward rolling around naked with people. If not then that won't happen and hopefully you'll still be happy.

 

Very important for you at your stage to not be goal-oriented. She's sensitive toward the idea that you're pushing an agenda that involves getting permission to cheat on her and you really will be doing that if you don't watch yourself. Wrap your head around the idea that from where you're standing it will probably take years before you and your wife are ready, and if you're still into it knowing that then keep talking about it even if it leads to some drama every once in a while. Drama is good for your relationship as long as you make a point of learning something from it.

[desert_dwellers 18]

IMHO: Keep pushing the issue. (as far as you dare)

 

It sounds to me like you have yet to have a serious conversation about it with her. If she truly cares about you she will hear you out, even if she doesn't like to hear what you have to say. This is obviously something that is important to you (posting to the swingers board is not for "experimenters") so it should be important to her as well.

 

Good luck Dude! We are all rootin' for ya!

 

-J

[desert_dwellers 18]

I would liek to say something here...

 

I am wife to J (desert_dwellers) and when I approached hubby with the "idea" of an open relationship, I don't think it was something he expected. I am a lover of sex....in all aspects. I haven't found many women like that. I run a website for Moms and give sex advice to those that come to me (most do). I am shocked at how many woman are actually TURNED off from the act of sex itself....and when they actually are willing to LEARN hwo to become better at it, they still are SHOCKED at some of the ideas I try to introduce. Yet..... they WANT to know. These woman WANT to please their husbands.

 

I would tell you now, take it VERY slow. Some women find it embarassing to admit their wants and needs. Altho....most admit, they WANT another man. Kinda funny how that works huh?????

 

Just take baby steps....one day at a time. It may be something she may NEVER want. You will know if you have enough communication.

 

I can say.... me and my husband have communication and it's probably the one thing that makes our relationship work. I urge all women on my site to make DAMN sure they have total communication with their spouses and significant others. If not, all else will fail.

 

Hope yer off the couch! I always hated that in my last marriage! LOL

 

 

-S

[desert_dwellers 18]

Damn! She's always right!

 

-J

[Elusive BiFem 70]

JJ, I mean DYNOMITE, I mean good times. Fuck you.

 

shadyvirgin, this was totally inappropriate and absolutely not the way we handle differing opinions on this board.

 

Good Times has been around a very long time, and I've never known either of them to be deliberately offensive in their postings. Honest and opinionated like the rest of us? Yes. But offensive? No. They have deleted their original post (and I would assume appropriately so); therefore, I don't really know what warranted this type of response from you. However, given their track record, I can't believe it was so offensive as to result in the above comments.

 

We were all teasing you...myself included. That is the way we frequently get to know each other here. With friendly joshing back and forth. Sorry if you were offended, but please, no name calling or offensive flames. There are more mature ways to handle issues.

 

In the future, if you find a post offensive, please report it to the moderators. Next to your name, there is a button you can click placed there for that express purpose.

 

- EBF

[sensuality 2]

I have to agee with EBF...I was on another post and it was a pretty heated discussion...on more than one occasion I honestly felt like literally cussing one couple to shreds...However, I came to the conclusion it really isn't worth it and we are all on here to seek guidance and advice of one form or another.You've got to realize sometimes,you're going to read something from someone you may or may not like Just roll with it

There's another post on this thread...can't remember who wrote it ...but it was a lady.She was talking about all the insecurities that crop up when the subject rolls around to swinging...that is so very true!Also, all the things TeamSoBe wrote are extremely valuable to you right now!Take things very slowly from here on out.Also, I hope I didn't offend you when I said she made you sleep on the couch...I just assumed My bad!! Hopefully, in time,things will work themselves out .Good Luck!!

[Elusive BiFem 70]

We all have bad days, sensuality, and maybe shadyvirgin had one, too. After all, having slept on the couch doesn't make for a good nights sleep....

 

I'd like to think that he would come back and realize that maybe there are better ways to communicate his negative feelings about things, and maybe realize we aren't here to offend, but to offer our opinions and suggestions based on personal experiences and beliefs. We do tease each other frequently, and sometimes new people don't realize our intent. It takes a while to get to know others and is a learning process in and of itself.

 

I hope he'll join us again...in a better mood. - EBF

[taomaster 15]

These woman WANT to please their husbands.

 

Wow. What about pleasing themselves? I'd be really uneasy if I felt the Priestess was doing something just to make me happy.

[shadyvirgin 15]

Look at me! Is this some kind of record for the introductions secton? Over 300 looks and 27 responses. I guess you haven't seen anything like me in quite a while.

 

Thank you everyone for your advice. I think 99% of you are 100% sincere.

Let me say that everything I have written is true and as you know I am new at this. I was not trying to be funny but looking back I guess I was a hoot.

 

EBF - Thanks for the reprimand though I beleive I did not need it. Good Times removed his post before you or most anyone else could read it - so I have little defense.

 

Good times - I really believe your intent was to poke fun at me and incite others to do the same. You know, pick on the virgin. I was however out of line with the FU. For that I apologize. No hard feelings?

 

With that out of the way, thanks again. I have read all of the responses at least twice and never realized this could be so complicated.

 

I think I should cheat on her. She is expecting it now anyway. And it is alot less complicated. After all I don't need any advice on how to do that.

 

Shady

[TeamSoBe 36]

Aww, you're frustrated. Normal, it's okay. If you love her as much as you seem to then you probably won't. You don't seem to have any sort of overwhelming emotional need to go out and tag something new or anything like that. You seem to me like a stable, devoted guy who thinks maybe it's time to do some sexual exploration, not a compulsive purv cheater type.

 

Your wife has also only ever had one partner. She probably wants to do some exploring too. She just probably wasn't expecting you to come along and actually suggest it. It you and her both come to a point in your lives where you want to go out and do some exploring then you're all set to go out and do it. What you have now is two people who are not used to indulging themselves sexually who both need to gently come out of their shells.

 

You planted the seed by mentioning. Now you need to just go back to being a good husband and companion and all of that. That seed might grow and she might also end up wondering about how her life could be different if her partner encouraged her to do some exploring. If it does then you can experience it together and all of the energy and excitement will be something that you share.

 

I can understand the feeling that you need to get out and do some exploring before you die. If your wife just isn't into it and you still feel that way then whatever, you can consider cheating then. Until then I personally think that your wife deserves at least a chance to slowly come around. I would give her at least a year or two if I were you before writing the idea off. Best at this point if you could go at least a few weeks without brining it up yourself. She might bring it up herself and then she'll feel in control.

[good times 991]

shadyvirgin,

 

No hard feelings from my end, I truly meant no offense by my post. A few of your comments appeared to me that you were pocking fun at yourself and I thought I replied in that same spirit. The reason I deleted the content of the post was that after seeing your comment and rereading my post I could see how it could be inerpreted as inappropriate or offensive. I guess I kind of hit the post button on that one before it was thoroughly thought out. If you look at some of my other posts on the board though, I think you will see I don't make it a habit of poking fun at or picking on anybody, especially the "virgins".

[sensuality 2]

Please do not cheat on your wife If you sincerely feel the need and desire to bed other women, than let her go first.Nobody deserves that.And, in the end, you WILL feel like crap Everyone here understands your desire and your need to explore,but you made a commitment to her and that can't be taken lightly.Eventually, you'd get caught anyway...then what? :rollseyes Just give her a little more time Maybe you're just extremely frustrated right now, which is understandable...but try to see it from her point of view...what if it were her who wanted to swing and you didn't??Honestly, wouldn't that throw you for a loop,at least at first????I repeat, do not cheat on your wife

[BradAndJanet 70]

...If you look at some of my other posts on the board though, I think you will see I don't make it a habit of poking fun at or picking on anybody, especially the "virgins".

I'll vouch for that. Nobody here would pick on new people; I can't remember it ever happening. Teasing occurs, yes, from time to time, but we probably should wait until you get to know us first. I think this was just a terrible misunderstanding and a little joke gone astray. I'm glad to see apologies all around and hope we can just move on and forget about it now.

 

-B

[akamgaxoxo 25]

Yeah, I agree, it sounds like a little frustration there on your part dude! I can totally understand that! I am the female half of this cpl, and though I was the one who started the interest in the lifestyle, I can honestly say that cheating was NOT something that entered my mind. I have to agree with everyone here...chat with your wife again on this topic, however I would give it a few days, maybe sit down with her and lightly bring up the topic. Maybe just start by asking her if she has any fantasies she would like to share with you, any new and neato sexual ideas, dirty stories you can tell one another in bed. Those are always fun and a way to break the ice! facelick I would also tell her how much you love her, and in no way would this be about cheating on her. My hubby and I like to keep our lines of communication very very open and that is what we did to start and we still do that to this day.

Best of luck to you and don't throw in the towel yet!

[SexhoundDog 18]

Shady Virgin,

After reading your initial post and your wife's reaction, it kind of reminds me of my own experience over 20 years ago. I don't know if the outcome would've been any different, but you hit the nail on the head when you said you think your wife is insecure. Therefore, she probably thinks your primary interest in swinging is so YOU can have some extra pussy.

 

I think you can probably rectify your situation where she won't be pissed at you, regardless of whether she wants or doesn't want to swing. The next time you bring it up, you've got to make it clear to her that one of your reasons for wanting to try is that the thought of HER getting some strange dick is a real turn on to you, as much if not more so than you getting some strange pussy.

 

Along that vein, you might even tell her that the idea of an MFM with the guy of HER choosing is a turn on for you as well, even though you won't be getting any different partner. How does that idea work for you? If it doesn't, you've probably read enough on this board to know you ain't a swinger. If it does work, I think you've got a helluva lot better chance of having her think about the idea, even if she doesn't want to act on it now. At least it will open up the conversation on how she feels about a different dick, and I've got to believe the MFM image might conjure up yummy thoughts in her head. Good luck!

[ChasCouple 15]

Shady,

 

Please remember that persistence can and does pay off...my husband brought up the topic shortly after we married 10 years ago, and it took 8 years before I came around to the idea. He'd bring it up periodically and one day I surprised him by giving it the go ahead. We'd been each other's first and only, and I honestly thought he was testing my loyalty or something when he first broached the subject.

 

So, keep at it (respectfully, of course) and maybe she'll come around. Good luck.

[midnight hour 16]

She actually thinks that if I stick my dick in another woman that I will lose my mind and forget my way home

 

Because we have been trained to think that way..or some of us has..and if you think really really hard..somewhere on your buddy list is someone who did that exact same thing...I can think of at least 10....course the whole issue of swinging was not there..but they forgot their way home and that sticks in your craw..especially if you think you are not the model type..and *you* the wife have the tendency to burden most of the child rearing/shopping/moral fabric that keeps a family together..lets face it..left to men few Christmas trees and lights would ever get out of the attic.

So it is a very real fear.

But talk and talk. The first time Mr. Midnight mentioned a threesome I said no and went on..did not interest me, he could talk about it all he wanted during sex, but as for going the jump, I was not ready. A few years later I was. Now we are going to the second hurdle..a full swap perhaps. I expect I will move no faster on this one either..I am a turtle sometimes very careful turtle.

Let me give you a little advice though, talk about it sometimes not all the time. Mr. Midnight has a habit of getting obsessed with something and does not realize it until I could scream. I actually have to tell him that it is just us in the bed tonite..he does not realize it, and it is not his fault. But it gets a little over bearing sometimes.

Go slow..very slow. You never know. I think it was a total surprise with Mr. Midnight when I finally did, and have did so several times.

 

midnight hour

[shadyvirgin 15]

"Guess who's back, back again. Shady's back, tell a freind" - EMINEM

Hey guys, alot has changed since my last post. My wife is totally and completely against this whole idea as you know. However the whole idea between my friend, his wife and myself has heated up considerably. His wife and I have talked privately and agreed that we want each other (sexually of course) badly but it would not be fair to our spouses to get a "head start". I think he sees the sexual attraction between his wife and I and might possibly consider a threesome. I am pretty sure she would go for it. What do you think?

Shady(imonhard)

 

By the way. Does anyone know how to change their user name.

[DBL D 120]

Hiya Shady,

 

Man, if you cheat on your wife, your moniker will truly be appropriate.

 

If you value anything that is suggested on this board you will realize quickly that the success stories come from those who have remained committed to each other. This Swinging thing is about SHARING. You seem on the verge of destroying your relationship...for what? A roll in the hay without her knowledge? Naughty, Naughty. If that is your way of convincing her of your desires then go get the D Papers tomorrow.

 

Sorry to have to be so harsh.

 

(Why do I feel like you are feedin' us all a line?)

 

Male D

[Rett 15]

If this guy is just having his fun with members on the board it should not even be answered - what a way to seriously converse.

 

If he is considering cheating on a wife or partner who is committed to him, what a scoundrel, why bother responding to him.

 

Which is it?

 

Perhaps he should seriously consider what he is doing!

[sepacouple 15]

Shady,

 

If your postings are really real then you need to go and join the cheaters board because this board is the wrong place for you and you obviously don't understand what swinging is really about!!!

 

If your postings are not real then you don't belong here either!!!

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Posted by DBL D:

 

You seem on the verge of destroying your relationship...for what? A roll in the hay without her knowledge? Naughty, Naughty.

 

Hey now!!!!

 

[ctcpl 15]

The whole concept and act of swinging is hopefully based on all parties sharing in the experience. My hope is that when we are with another couple, that my husband enjoys himself as much as i do. When we originally entered into this, we agreed to tell each other everything. If one of us even had a doubt about anything or anyone, it wasn't going to happen.

 

If you are planning to not, at the very least, keep discussing this with your wife, you obviously could care less how she feels. That is a disaster waiting to happen! Some people need time to "warm up" to the idea of swinging before they get their feet wet. Give her some time! You at least owe your wife of 8 years that much!

[DBL D 120]

Sorry Mr&Mrs-naughty,

 

No disrespect intended.

 

It's kinda like--there's NAKED...and then there's NEKID.

 

Male D

[rdt2play 15]

WOW! This thread is awesome. I'm at the same point as shady,only my wife just laughs and says I wouldn't have the guts to do it. But I refuse to cheat on her because I love her dearly and I couldn't live with myself if I destroyed our 24 year relationship. After a few more "baby steps" I'll try and get her to look at this site. This will be the first thread I show her.

 

Pardon my ignorance, I should have introduced myself first.

I'm a happily married 50 year old male who has been fantasizing about this for years. I've been lurking at this site for a while now and just registered the other day. Since then I've been reading as much as I can. You guys are good people giving good advice. Thanks!

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Sorry Mr&Mrs-naughty,

 

No disrespect intended.

 

It's kinda like--there's NAKED...and then there's NEKID.

 

Male D

 

I know, I was just giving you a hard time.

[Vespertine 31]

Sorry to have to be so harsh.

Male D

I don't think you were harsh enough. *eyes the quote below*

By shadyvirgin: I think I should cheat on her. She is expecting it now anyway. And it is alot less complicated.

Yeah, I think that's a great idea! /sarcasm

Don't let the name worry you. "Shady" as in I don't want my wife to know yet that this is the direction I wanted to go when I said we needed something to spice up our sex life.

Wow, Glad you cleared that up. I was worried for a minute that you might be insinuating yourself a "cheater". /moresarcasm

[EvilMJ 65]

It took me a few minutes to bring my jaw off my desk....wow.

 

I am going to point out something that is strickly my own opinon and not meant to be judgemental. But if I were your wife and found out that you were having these discussions without my knowledge with the neighbour, I would be just as hurt, angry and upset as if you had actually cheated on me.

 

Swinging is based on trust, communication and love. If you don't have those things it just isn't going to work. If she is saying no because she is feeling insecure, you aren't doing anything to alay her fears and make her feel confident that you love her and only her, you are doing quite the opposite.

 

I think the best advice for you right now is to put yourself in your wife's shoes and try to understand where she is coming from, and then you maybe you may have a chance at getting her to talk about it. Swinging is not for everyone and maybe it's not for her (and that doesn't make her a bad person either) , I guess you have to really decide which is more important,swinging or your marriage.

 

Best of luck

[sensuality 2]

Okay guys and gals...I think we can ALL agree on this selfish $##*&%#'s motivations

And, please, Mr. -shady"slut"- DO NOT insult Eminem and any of his fans by using his name in any more of your posts...

You are a heartless, cruel man!And, I use the term "MAN" questionably!

[Spoomonkey 421]

I am leaning towards "troll" here...

 

Or - at the very least someone who really wanted to do things, but isn't mature enough to let nature take it's course. Swinging isn't something you bring up spontaneously - like a trip to the mall. It is something that most couples have to really talk about - and most men have to be very patient about.

 

This "she got pissed and I slept on the couch so now I think I am going to cheat" crap is pretty much the same as a three year old pitching a tantrum because he didn't get a sucker at the bank... This response is childish, selfish and disasterous.

 

If you are willing to cheat, then no wonder she wasn't willing to swing. She has no reason to trust you - and I am somewhat glad that she doesn't... She'd end up being the sucker, wouldn't she? In a sense, your "discussion" wasn't that at all - it was an ultimatum. She probably just knows you better than you'd like to admit... She smelled snake...

 

I think that lots of wives worry at first that husbands want to swing as a form of "sanctioned" cheating... In your wife's case, she was right...

 

Swinging is for big boys.

 

Now wipe your nose and grow up...

 

Spoomonkey