Separate Room or Same Room?

[Shore2Please 611]

There is a question why you only swing in the same room as your partner that had me thinking how many of us enjoy playing in separate rooms. 
I have posted many times, too many times, that our first swap was in separate cabins on a cruise that took away any possibility of jealousy and gave the ability of enjoying the night. The next day the play continued to same room play which almost killed any chance that I would do that again. 
Some take exception to me saying we make love when alone and have sex when in a group. Alone I make an emotional connection with a partner that continues well after the sex act is completed. Spending a night or just hours without anyone watching us enjoy lets me feel rewarded while others watching keeps me from relaxing and soak up the moment. That connection has expanded into being with others alone not just that first one. Men act differently when they are alone with me and taking their time pleasing and being pleased. My observation is men in a group have something to prove even if it’s just me thinking that. 
In the years since our first we have had a number of other partners, thinking less than most who post on here. I have been in threesomes with my husband, both MFM and FFM, and the same with other men. The most surprising night was spent alone with another woman, something that took a lot of convincing for me to do. Being alone with her was so different from being watched by others. I surprised myself how uninhibited I was and how I allowed myself to truly explore my feelings. I am grateful to that partner that showed me that two women can be both emotionally and physically attached without having a penis involved. 
These are just a few of my feelings of my preference of separate rooms. I need to add that doing things with Mr. S2P is terrific as well, he is still my #1 lover and soulmate and would forsake any others to continue my undying love for him. He understands my thinking on this topic and enjoys his time with the partners we decide to play with. 
Are we the exceptions to the swinging rule that we should be doing things together and watching your partner is important to swinging? 

[TricianMike 772]

There is no right way or wrong way to enjoy. We don’t always have reason to meet others and each situation can have a result that changes. Some examples are we are with a small group in a house and Michael disappears with my friend into a bedroom. No problem for me as sex in a bed is more comfortable. Or we are with another couple and we all end up in a bed together. At a larger house party we split up and go wherever the right place is. 
If we are in the same room I will watch Michael having fun if I am not fully engaged myself. I know he enjoys watching me with anyone. 
There is one thing that will keep Michael in the room with me, when we pick up a man or men. He says it’s for safety but what is he going to do if we meet three younger guys? 

[PJ&Lin 188]

I think we did separate tents at some point. This post is making me think now if I did anything special when Linda wasn’t watching. I did. I had sex. 

[couplers 4,634]

I don't want to be disagreeable 😉, but

22 hours ago, Shore2Please said:

I have posted many times, too many times, that our first swap was in separate cabins on a cruise that took away any possibility of jealousy and gave the ability of enjoying the night

You have not posted too many times about that experience.  Every time you do, is in a new way with different context.

 

22 hours ago, Shore2Please said:

Some take exception to me saying we make love when alone and have sex when in a group.

I am not one of those people.  My take is slightly different, but I understand totally what you mean. 

 

22 hours ago, Shore2Please said:

we have had a number of other partners, thinking less than most who post on here.

Being a poly family, that's us too, especially me.  We've played a little outside our family, but not much.

 

22 hours ago, Shore2Please said:

I am grateful to that partner that showed me that two women can be both emotionally and physically attached without having a penis involved.

For me as well.  I've made no secret here or to those in my family that the strongest emotional ties that I have, besides our children, is with Lora and Clair.  Because of the children. 

 

In conclusion, your are correct, alone play allows for a more emotional experience.  But watching someone else in the family pleasing and getting pleased makes me jealous and gets me hyper aroused.

[Numex 2,412]

Pretty much for scheduling reasons we (everyone in our closed group of married couples) does alone play.  It happens often enough that its a thrill for me to see my wife in action.

[Shore2Please 611]

12 hours ago, couplers said:

You have not posted too many times about that experience.  Every time you do, is in a new way with different context.

It’s hard to believe how many years ago that first time was and the vivid memories I can’t get out of me. My original fear was what I looked like nude on a beach with people I just me. I had no idea where that would lead to an ongoing long distance friendship. How a man can be a lover one night to a someone I despised hours later and then back to the man I now know. My memory also includes seeing my husband and his wife still in bed when I went back to my cabin then having them invite me into the bed. 
My thoughts about swinging from no thoughts at all to thinking we will never see them again. My thoughts went from how could we to why can’t we. 

[couplers 4,634]

9 hours ago, Shore2Please said:

My thoughts went from how could we to why can’t we. 

When one becomes nonmonogamous, it seems natural. 

 

 

[Numex 2,412]

On 1/16/2023 at 6:28 AM, couplers said:

When one becomes nonmonogamous, it seems natural. 

My wife could never go back to her short time of being monogamous.  I probably could with her; she satisfied all my need during our monogamy.  Plus, my ex-wife and I were monogamous during our 20 year marriage.  Sex with her was good as well.  Good enough that we kept screwing during and after the divorce.

[reveur 60]

We practice and like both, but it is depending how is the feeling from us or the couple with we play what they want or the kind of party we are playing.

The communication between us is perfect and it works.

Edited January 19, 2023 by reveur

[couplers 4,634]

On 1/14/2023 at 8:44 AM, Shore2Please said:

I am grateful to that partner that showed me that two women can be both emotionally and physically attached without having a penis involved. 

True - Clair, Lora, and I have emotional and physical bonds which are strong having our children together, raising them each as our own, suckling each others infants.  But we women in our poly family are bonded even tighter because we share two penises among us.  Not usually at the same time, but knowing gives us more emotional attachment. 

[njbm 2,869]

Separate room. Need to focus. Other people ’s noises distract me. 

[EastInWest 1,524]

I don't think this is a "rule", but it's definitely a strong and valid boundary for some couples. When we started playing, we couldn't really imagine playing separately. Everything was same room and those were the plans we always coordinated.

 

Then we had a year pre-pandemic where we had a change in our lifestyle where we were apart intermittently, and opened the door. We're both adults and laid down some ground rules and even though it didn't come up much, we quickly figured out it worked fine.

 

Most of our sessions are still same room, just by the nature of opportunity and who we meet with, but, in all seriousness, I actively enjoy her getting into a mood to experiment with hotwife-type play. Last time she went through with it was July, we were on vacation and somebody hit on her when we were apart for a bit so she could find a bathroom. A few days of sexting later I was perfectly happy to let her set a lunch date while I got some work done and come back and tell me all about it.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,387]

We never quite understood why separate rooms, but it is definitely a thing for a lot of swingers.

[Numex 2,412]

22 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

We never quite understood why separate rooms, but it is definitely a thing for a lot of swingers.

 

On 1/21/2023 at 7:01 AM, njbm said:

Separate room. Need to focus. Other people ’s noises distract me. 

For us there it's not only separate rooms, it's separate places at different times because of scheduling and the need for babysitting.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

On 1/22/2023 at 2:15 PM, Numex said:

 

For us there it's not only separate rooms, it's separate places at different times because of scheduling and the need for babysitting.

This was an issue for us, but the kids are old enough now that it's a non-issue. Since it stopped being an issue, we've always been same room. But, we're separate-room-friendly too. It's ok either way with us.

[couplers 4,634]

Would anyone like to comment on the question as to why humans are the only species that, in general, seeks privacy when having sex?  Across all types of mating (dominant male, monogamy, free-for-all) other animals do it in the open - "same room sex" so to speak.

Edited January 28, 2023 by couplers

[MidwestHoneys 358]

I never saw a herd of deer swinging. Do animals have parties or clubs? Do bears watch other bears having sex or enjoy being watched? Do cats enjoy MMF or FMF more?

[couplers 4,634]

IDK about all animals, but dogs, cows, horses, the ones we see IRL and on documentaries don't give a fuck if others of their species see them fuck.  It's not that they "swing" or have "parties", "clubs", like to watch or be watched, have MFM or FFMs.  They just don't care. 

[kittyswinger 260]

On 1/28/2023 at 6:33 AM, couplers said:

Would anyone like to comment on the question as to why humans are the only species that, in general, seeks privacy when having sex?  Across all types of mating (dominant male, monogamy, free-for-all) other animals do it in the open - "same room sex" so to speak.

Animals don't wear underwear to cover their private parts; humans do!  We don't go to work naked. 🤣

[let's do it again 414]

On 1/28/2023 at 6:33 AM, couplers said:

Would anyone like to comment on the question as to why humans are the only species that, in general, seeks privacy when having sex?  Across all types of mating (dominant male, monogamy, free-for-all) other animals do it in the open - "same room sex" so to speak.

I think it comes down to our laws and the police, if we wouldn't be punished for open sex most people would. Just think, how many people on this site has had sex in front of others, I have, and would do it a lot more if no fear of punishment by law.  The thrill of having sex in public is doing it without getting caught.

[kittyswinger 260]

We do swing same room for security reasons when the partner/s (playmates) are people we don't completely know or we met online (even after chatting for a long time). I don't mind being watched by S.O. during an mf-m, mfm, or an fmf-m. But I noticed that it was usually the guest M that feels awkward or uncomfortable knowing that my SO is around. There were some who had been regular playmates whom I developed some connection.  We ocasionally do separate room or even on a separate venue alone. They had less inhibitions during those times when alone with me. 

 

But there are also the go-getters who are not bothered at all even in a same room situation with SO. They can be very aggressive and uninhibited. I respond based on their intensity and level of engagement but within the agreed boundaries.

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

16 hours ago, let's do it again said:

think it comes down to our laws and the police, if we wouldn't be punished for open sex most people would

Most people? Don’t think so. Most people have sex in the dark and don’t even want their partner to see. 
Swingers and exhibitionists are such a small sector of life. 
 

19 hours ago, kittyswinger said:

Animals don't wear underwear to cover their private parts; humans do!  We don't go to work naked. 🤣

And we don’t poop in the middle of the lawn like animals, unless we are drunk 

[enhancer 1,585]

In the 10 plus years we have been doing this we have never played in separate rooms and neither one of us have any desire too!  We only do this for the shared experiences and love watching each other with others.  We do not really care about notches on the bed post or have any interest for one on one with others.  We please each other in every way imaginable.  We do this, because we can and we enjoy sharing experiences together we can’t just do with the two of us.  We also do not have any rules for each other on what they can and can’t do so no worries about crossing any lines.  If anything she performs even more knowing I am watching and how worked up it gets me.  Probably helps that neither one of us is insecure or jealous in any way about each other.  It is also probably why we are extremely picky about who we will have join us, because we really don’t care how often we do this or don’t.  It is not about an individual thing at all.

[couplers 4,634]

A great explanation.  In particular,

20 hours ago, enhancer said:

We also do not have any rules for each other on what they can and can’t do so no worries about crossing any lines.  If anything she performs even more knowing I am watching and how worked up it gets me.

was enlightening. 

[ConfusedHubby 118]

We do not play separately, but as long as we're at the same event, we don't mind getting separated--as long as there is familiarity with the people we're with.  I don't have a very strong preference either way, but my wife has pointed out that my presence and stamina can be intimidating to other coupled males and has led to ED issues on the other side. 

 

With one pair of friends (who we love dearly, but the husband has repeated issues) I've encouraged my wife to play with and excite him from outside of the room his wife and I are in to get things 'started' and then join us when all systems are a go..  

[renat 0]

Same

[renat 0]

Same 

[njbm 2,869]

On 1/21/2023 at 4:08 PM, hunterdonNJcpl said:

We never quite understood why separate rooms, but it is definitely a thing for a lot of swingers.

We were on a swingers cruise. We were in a big playroom. It sounded like elephant mating season. I was with a female playmate. My wife was nearby with my playmate’s husband. Neither of the men could perform due to the noise.  If we were in a quiet room, separate or not, we would have performed adequately .

[KatrinaandDriverX 101]

Separate room play is something we've about a third of the time. For me, it's not about 'letting loose' more. It's about the guy letting loose. And they always do. :)