Not replying to messages!

[enhancer 1,585]

We will admit that we do not often respond to messages sent to us!  Sometimes it is, because the person who sent it clearly did not bother reading our profile before they message us.  Maybe it is the people that have no pictures on their profile, only have pics of one of the couple, the cock pic losers or the people that direct the message at her and not us.  All these things we make super clear are not going to get a response and may just get you blocked.  
 

We also sometimes just do not bother responding if we are not interested!  The reason for this is, because there are just far too many people that get butt hurt if you say no thanks you are not what we are looking for.  Can’t tell you how many times we have had insults and even threats thrown at us simply for saying we are not interested.  The latest one was a couple that messaged us first interested in meeting.  When we said we are not interested their response was you guys would have been a down grade anyways.  Thought this was funny considering they messaged us fist.  We have also been threatened to be beat up in the past by goofs that didn’t like hearing no.

It has become clear to us over the years that some people are just not cut out for this lifestyle.  If you can’t realize that attraction matters and not everyone finds the same things attractive then you should just not bother.

 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

I think you covered all the bases here. Great post!

[cplnluv1 872]

When we first posted we felt the necessity of answering because it was the proper thing to do. We didn’t want negative posts about us chasing others away. We learned that there were more messages from those we had no attraction to or felt phony. I have mentioned in the past that the very first meeting was made based on a physical attraction and the thought they would never show up. I am not sorry we met them even if it wasn’t ideal because it broke the ice. It also made us think about all the real couples who like us were being scammed because of their innocence. The last thing a person who is nervous about what they were thinking of doing needs is some idiot to ruin that first n

[NYirCPL 38]

In our instance we end up letting a number of messages go unanswered, even if we would be potentially interested for reasons that are probably non-traditional.  Specifically, when we started getting into the lifestyle we were both very excited and would reply to everything and later have disagreements or even arguments over who we ended up engaging.   

 

We've now made it a policy not to engage anything until we've both had the opportunity to see a profile and discuss it, which avoids misunderstandings and keeps things positive.  The only issue with that is that we don't discuss lifestyle stuff every day or even week and by the time we've both seen something it the message/opportunity may have slipped through the cracks.

[enhancer 1,585]

1 minute ago, NYirCPL said:

In our instance we end up letting a number of messages go unanswered, even if we would be potentially interested for reasons that are probably non-traditional.  Specifically, when we started getting into the lifestyle we were both very excited and would reply to everything and later have disagreements or even arguments over who we ended up engaging.   

 

We've now made it a policy not to engage anything until we've both had the opportunity to see a profile and discuss it, which avoids misunderstandings and keeps things positive.  The only issue with that is that we don't discuss lifestyle stuff every day or even week and by the time we've both seen something it the message/opportunity may have slipped through the cracks.

Great point!  Both people in the couple should look at the message and profile together before deciding if it is someone they are both interested in.  
 

More than a little sure many guys specifically jump the gun before even consulting their wife to see if she is interested as well.  Then a bunch of time is wasted chatting only for her to finally come along and say not interested at all.  In most couples the woman is going to be the one who is more selective, because they can be with the hoards of men throwing themselves at them.  As I like to say the pussy has the power in this lifestyle.  God knows that pisses off all the alpha dom men out there.

[NWAtlSwing 522]

How about setting up a date and then when time to confirm radio silence? That is always annoying.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Whenever we say we will be there, we are there. Nothing worse IOHO than saying you are going to do something then you just don't do it...well, there's worse but usually it is on a much larger scale and it quickly can become political so we'll just stick with there's nothing worse.

[cplnluv1 872]

13 hours ago, NWAtlSwing said:

How about setting up a date and then when time to confirm radio silence? That is always annoying.

 

1 hour ago, GoldCoCouple said:

Whenever we say we will be there, we are there. Nothing worse IOHO than saying you are going to do something then you just don't do it...

Probably most of us have gone through both of these scenarios. We figured if you paid for a membership you were real and not just picture savers. We even were sent pictures we never asked for then learned about reverse picture searches. 
On a positive note, we did meet some real members even if they weren’t totally what they said they were. We were fooled about a dozen times before finally a real couple showed. We then took additional measures before setting up any meeting as we were duped too many times. 
We decided to not renew our profile and now are keeping to having fun with those we know. 

[MidwestHoneys 358]

If you think only swinger sites have people who ghost, you would be surprised the ghosting that goes on with other alternative sex and lifestyle groups. Honey joined a girls group and was faked by an older guy. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

This is one reason why we always try to meet the other couple sooner rather than later. Why waste a bunch of time emailing/texting/communicating with someone only to find out that they are not real/fakes/flakes. Even if they do show, if there's no 'spark' we're not going to be playing anyways. It's best to find out quickly and either move forward from there or move on.

[Couple917nyc 5]

We don’t ordinarily get upset if a couple doesn’t respond.  What we don’t like is when a profile says “it’s rude not to respond to an inquiry” but that couple doesn’t respond to an inquiry themselves. 

Edited February 7, 2023 by Couple917nyc

[njbm 2,869]

21 minutes ago, Couple917nyc said:

We don’t ordinarily get upset if a couple doesn’t respond.  What we don’t like is when a profile says “it’s rude not to respond to an inquiry” but that couple doesn’t respond to an inquiry themselves. 

Happens all the time. Swingers are really lacking in courtesy. 

[njbm 2,869]

My favorite is when people totally ditch us, then contact us three years later to get together as if nothing happened. We generally politely say no thanks. 

[enhancer 1,585]

11 hours ago, njbm said:

My favorite is when people totally ditch us, then contact us three years later to get together as if nothing happened. We generally politely say no thanks. 

This is so true and has happened many times to us!  It is usually people that are new to the lifestyle.  We assume we don’t match the super hot porn stars they think are out there and would actually be interested in them.  When they figure out that there are not so many of them out there they come back to settle I guess.  We usually just say sorry we are the same people we were last time you ghosted us and that boat has sailed.

[njbm 2,869]

Yes, there are a limited number of swingers and after people cycle through the people in their age, locale and demographic group, they realize they are working with a small group. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Maybe YOU'RE not a super hot porn star but...well...nevermind.

[lcmim 1,082]

If there is an intelligible message we respond, even if it is just "no thanks, good luck."

 

The goofballs who post picture requests out of the blue or use some app feature to broadcast requests, just get blocked as a response.