Quite the Issue I am having.

[Gigasangel 58]

Good Evening Everyone, as many of you are aware I have already told the story of how we had our initial threesome. Well since then life has been a little different. We started to look at couples and we found a good couple on a website and we met up but after the wife and I played with each other the other gent apparently had a charlie horse with his wife due to lack of potassium and couldn't get hard so that night ended in disappointment. We tried again with the threesome and this time it was highly successful, my friend was able to get and stay hard and we were able to do stuff with the wife through out the night.... My issue came after. You see before this successful threesome attempt back on the second one my wife voiced her frustration with my friend because she wanted to fuck him because of his much larger dick and due to the fact our sex has been lacking (Some health issues and the work schedule of a healthcare worker) what compounded the issue was that at the end of the threesome my wife spent 10+ minutes being fucked like crazy by my buddy but when he tapped out and I got on, she was asking me within minutes if I was done, If I had come, about 3 times before I just pulled out feeling unwanted. While the experience was fun, in hindsight that comment she made is still eating at me and the fact that I am being rushed to finish while my buddy had her in what she says the most uncomfortable position ever but even when he stopped for several seconds she never even asked if he was done. Left me feeling uneasy with myself and personally bothered. Am I overreacting? 

[let's do it again 414]

I think you are overreacting, she said she was in an uncomfortable position and maybe she was scared to stop him and just wanted him to finish and then wanted you to finish because it either hurt or was not what she wanted the experience to be. I would be more concerned about her not liking the experience. 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

As always, communication here is key. Your questions here are of course VERY welcome and I mean that quite sincerely! But ask her too!

[Alex_heimd 15]

Did you tell her how you feel? If you did What does she say? Our experience is limited in this area but I think commutation is key. I don't think you are overreacting, it should have been a wonderful experience for both. If she did not realize she did something it bothers you is better if you tell her so next time you both enjoy the experience

[Gigasangel 58]

I did tell her and she said she was wrapped up in the sex with my friend and forgot our rules even with the reminders I was giving her. She enjoyed the experience but every time I tried to voice my displeasure it was always a well this happened because of this and this happened because of that and just a lot of statements that made me agitated because it’s like she is not listening to what the problem is 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

This doesn't get better with only time. It might be a good idea to step back from playing temporarily until you can sort this out with her. There's a misunderstanding here, and swinging right now is only going to make it worse.

[njbm 2,869]

She needs to sharpen up and take responsibility for her actions. This heat of the moment excuse only goes so far. I agree with the swinging break suggestions. 

[Gigasangel 58]

5 hours ago, njbm said:

She needs to sharpen up and take responsibility for her actions. This heat of the moment excuse only goes so far. I agree with the swinging break suggestions. 

I wish, she says she doesn’t know how to make it better all she can do is feel guilty for the time being over what happened. I have fought every feeling to be toxic and break her down so she would understand how it feel but it’s not in my nature or character no matter how much it bothers me. It’s ultimately being left up to me to deal with the consequences and rebuild my own ego as she seems incapable of understanding what she can do on her part to help.

 

we are taking a break if we even go back to it. I cannot trust her any longer

[Numex 2,412]

Unless you both put your spouse's pleasure ahead of your own, your swinging is doomed.  Both my wife and I go out of our way to make sure that the other is getting satisfaction out of what we do.  That means one playing alone sometimes, just to make it happen.  It means my wife fucking me after she has gotten plenty from a lover if I need it.  Sometimes I'll go down on her sloppy cunt after I'm spent and the guy she was with hasn't left her fully satisfied.  We both get tremendous satisfaction from knowing the other is sexually fulfilled beyond whatever either one of us alone can give the other.

Edited February 6, 2023 by Numex

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Taking a serious break is the right thing for you to be doing. Without trust and communication, you shouldn't be swinging and it sounds like you need to work on increasing both at this time. Good luck and let us know how things are going.

[Gigasangel 58]

On 2/5/2023 at 7:10 PM, Numex said:

Unless you both put your spouse's pleasure ahead of your own, your swinging is doomed.  Both my wife and I go out of our way to make sure that the other is getting satisfaction out of what we do.  That means one playing alone sometimes, just to make it happen.  It means my wife fucking me after she has gotten plenty from a lover if I need it.  Sometimes I'll go down on her sloppy cunt after I'm spent and the guy she was with hasn't left her fully satisfied.  We both get tremendous satisfaction from knowing the other is sexually fulfilled beyond whatever either one of us alone can give the other.

While I respect your style of play and relationship dynamics; the way our relationship works is that we as a couple always are the main priority and concern. We come into a situation together and we should finish together. I am not saying your dynamic is wrong but personally I don’t think it could ever work for us. As of right now we have been discussing things and it’s been rough. I will write more later I just got out of an 18 hour shift and having a hard time putting letters to words.

[enhancer 1,585]

First of all you said your sex life has been lacking!  Personally I can’t think of anything I would want to do less then bringing other people in if our sex life was lacking.  To me that is something I am going to want to fix on our own before throwing someone else in the mix.  I can see why that would cause resentment and insecurities.  If my partner is frustrated by another guy with a bigger dick not being able to get it up because her sex lifestyle is lacking I am going to feel like I am not doing my day to day job of keeping her satisfied.  I would fix that myself first and foremost.

 

As for her rushing you when it was your turn I can see why that would make you feel unwanted!  I can’t speak for her, but it could be that as you said she had just finished getting pounded by a guy with a much bigger cock.  Something I assume she is not used to.  Maybe she was just sore and overwhelmed at that moment.  Women are not machines.  They can only take so much.  Sometimes they need a little time to recover before they can continue on.  Porn has given people unrealistic expectations of what multiple partner sex is like.  Reality tells a different story.  

 

As  others have correctly said put the brakes on for now!  Which you have said you have.  She feels guilty and probably just doesn’t know what to say or do to correct this.  Is this worth letting your marriage go down hill over?  If the answer is no then try to look at it from her point of view,  let her be comfortable enough to be honest and open without being worried about saying the wrong thing and let this be a life learning lesson.  You can’t change what happened, but you also should not let it consume you.  Everything happens for a reason.  Maybe this will be a turning point in your communication once you work things out. 

[Davdia 119]

On 2/3/2023 at 4:26 PM, Gigasangel said:

my wife voiced her frustration with my friend because she wanted to fuck him because of his much larger dick and due to the fact our sex has been lacking

This entire statement is one big red flag!!,  Might as well start the countdown clock.

[Gigasangel 58]

10 hours ago, Davdia said:

This entire statement is one big red flag!!,  Might as well start the countdown clock.

While I don’t condone my wife’s behavior I also know my wife well enough that her actions are not that malicious. When we have said our sex life has been lacking I don’t mean that we have a bad sex life, it’s that we have a very busy personal one. With having a young child, no real family support to watch the baby for us to go out on a even semi regular basis, me working insane hours in the OR, not to mention my on call schedule it’s been difficult for us to do much of anything but quickies and half asleep fuck sessions. I understand her frustration because we finally got some alone time to do some adventuring and circumstances kinda messed things up and she was looking forward to the experience.

 

14 hours ago, enhancer said:

First of all you said your sex life has been lacking!  Personally I can’t think of anything I would want to do less then bringing other people in if our sex life was lacking.  To me that is something I am going to want to fix on our own before throwing someone else in the mix.  I can see why that would cause resentment and insecurities.  If my partner is frustrated by another guy with a bigger dick not being able to get it up because her sex lifestyle is lacking I am going to feel like I am not doing my day to day job of keeping her satisfied.  I would fix that myself first and foremost.

 

As for her rushing you when it was your turn I can see why that would make you feel unwanted!  I can’t speak for her, but it could be that as you said she had just finished getting pounded by a guy with a much bigger cock.  Something I assume she is not used to.  Maybe she was just sore and overwhelmed at that moment.  Women are not machines.  They can only take so much.  Sometimes they need a little time to recover before they can continue on.  Porn has given people unrealistic expectations of what multiple partner sex is like.  Reality tells a different story.  

 

As  others have correctly said put the brakes on for now!  Which you have said you have.  She feels guilty and probably just doesn’t know what to say or do to correct this.  Is this worth letting your marriage go down hill over?  If the answer is no then try to look at it from her point of view,  let her be comfortable enough to be honest and open without being worried about saying the wrong thing and let this be a life learning lesson.  You can’t change what happened, but you also should not let it consume you.  Everything happens for a reason.  Maybe this will be a turning point in your communication once you work things out. 

The issue that bothered me was the stupid comment she made months ago; then when this occurred it compounded and made me feel very hurt and bothered. The rule we established for each other was that if we feel like we are about to tap out or we are done that we finish with each other so that we close the event in a way that shows our mutual respect for each other. When she didn’t and she told me that she was just enjoying it to much and she just didn’t think of the rule we set. If bothered me for many reasons from the breach in the boundary we created and discussed over and over again but also because her actions now backed up the insecurities that were seeded in me because of her comments months ago about dick size and stamina. Those comments bother me severely because it makes me feel like my wife chose him rather then me; I can’t control my dick size; as for my stamina I am a healthcare worker working as a single income while also taking care of a special needs child when I get home and I am often times beat up and tired.

 

she has apologized; said it was a stupid mistake that she was just overwhelmed with the experience that it’s not what I think and it’s hard for me to believe her honestly because every discussion she tells me a different reason why things happened or what occurred so she doesn’t look like the bad guy. 
 

 

[Davdia 119]

9 hours ago, Gigasangel said:

she tells me a different reason why things happened or what occurred so she doesn’t look like the bad guy. 
 

A real apology always accepts responsibility without excuses for the realization of a bad behavior or mistake, along with a sincere apology there should be a promise to never repeat the behavior or mistake.

I still see major weather ahead!

[couplers 4,636]

On 2/3/2023 at 2:26 PM, Gigasangel said:

I got on, she was asking me within minutes if I was done, If I had come, about 3 times before I just pulled out feeling unwanted.

I'm not a guy, but I pretty well know how guys work, including when they're near orgasm and when they've ejaculated, even if it's just a little because he's cum already.  If I let a guy in me, it's only polite to let him finish. Even if I came ahead of him, it's almost always enjoyable taking the additional ride.  Or offer oral.  So yeah, I agree that there is a problem here.

[oldswinger64 111]

She loves you.  Sometimes someone might turn her on more for the moment.  But she loves and is committed to YOU.

[Gigasangel 58]

Update: Well we sat down and talked and I think I am now more furious and angry then I have ever been. She proceeds to tell me that she does in fact prefer my buddy sexually over me and that she made the mistake of not ending together because he fucked her like she has never been fucked before and she simply forgot about our rule. I mean she complete demasculated me and destroyed my self esteem and then she pretended that I misquoted her once she realized what she said. I don’t know what to do because I can’t touch her without wondering if she is comparing me hell, I can’t stop trying to compare myself and it’s killing me inside.

[Davdia 119]

1 hour ago, Gigasangel said:

She proceeds to tell me that she does in fact prefer my buddy sexually over me and that she made the mistake of not ending together because he fucked her like she has never been fucked before and she simply forgot about our rule.

Sorry friend, there’s no coming back from being told that. For me at least that statement was a marriage ending one.

Where’s your buddy in all this??

[Numex 2,412]

On 2/8/2023 at 12:11 AM, Gigasangel said:

the way our relationship works is that we as a couple always are the main priority and concern. We come into a situation together and we should finish together. I am not saying your dynamic is wrong but personally I don’t think it could ever work for us.

I agree with you 100%, and add that even between loving spouses their individual sexual desires and satisfactions are different, and may be extremely different.  Room needs to be made to allow freedom for that as well.  One of the joys of swinging for me is Daniela telling me things from her past or that she has done when playing alone that she thought I might find distasteful.  I find it exciting.

[Numex 2,412]

4 hours ago, Gigasangel said:

She proceeds to tell me that she does in fact prefer my buddy sexually over me and that she made the mistake of not ending together because he fucked her like she has never been fucked before

Although my wife hasn't said this to me outright, I pretty well certain that she gets "better" sex from one or two play partners than from me.  But she is thankful to me for it and, I believe, one of the many reasons she loves me and stays with me.

4 hours ago, Gigasangel said:

she complete demasculated me and destroyed my self esteem

You are doing that to yourself.  Take satisfaction in her finding pleasure and it will look totally the opposite.

[Davdia 119]

12 hours ago, Numex said:

Although my wife hasn't said this to me outright, I pretty well certain that she gets "better" sex from one or two play partners than from me. 

I’m sorry but there is an enormous difference between thinking your spouse is having better sex than you can give her and her telling you she would rather have sex with your friend than you to your face !!

Dump that POS before she does or says anything else…………Anyone under any circumstance that would tell their spouse they would RATHER have sex with someone else besides them is a POS……unless of course your both into cuckhold.

You don’t kill people, you don’t rob banks……and you never tell your spouse you would rather have sex with someone else!!
Game over!! 
 

 

 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Last time I checked, sex was sex but love was LOVE. You can have great sex with someone you don't even care about, but love requires so much more than just a 'good time' in bed. If she can't separate one from the other, then you do have a huge problem here and it might be time to get some professional help for both of you.