The Real Intimacy

[Shore2Please 611]

The question of what act is the most intimate took me to thinking about our recent vacation with friends who are all in the lifestyle. Our vacation was at a very popular resort that was neither lifestyle nor nudity centered, just a resort that people go to relax. Other than the group we were with we kept our secret arrangements to ourselves.

I was totally intimate with each of the men and one of the women, spending a night alone with each, including a night alone with my own husband. On each of those nights I had intimate relationship, loving and affectionate and completely different. The sexual acts were similar with each man yet no two nights were the same. The intimacy you have is dependent on the partner you are with, each partner finding their own way of sharing. My intimacy with a partner cannot be duplicated by others as the interaction and feelings between partners vary. The way you touch, hug, kiss or have sex is intimate to the person you are with. To that point the intimacy I had with the woman I spent a night with is no less from the intimacy I had with the men yet obviously the sex was different. I can’t answer for the others, for me the least intimate nights were the ones where I was with two others, both a man and woman or two men. Those nights were very sexual, I just would never label them intimate. Now for what I am thinking is my strangest takeaway the most intimate night was the least sexual one, it was with the person I have the most sexual and intimate person in my life, my husband. 
I will repeat, Intimacy is not an act, it’s a closeness between people sharing affection and feelings. It’s a connection mentally as well as physically. I have learned over the years to allow myself the intimacy I enjoy with others without demanding my partner to have the equal commitment. My husband understands my intimate feelings for others, without him feeling jealousy. What I love is appreciation of my happiness and enjoyment I get from the connections I can make with what I call lovers. 

[Billygoat 443]

Spot on.

 

Sex is an act, mostly physical…..but much more enjoyable when there is some level of connection beyond the strict physical act.  Many in the LS will develop very close friendships, even some closer relationships and with each there is a level of intimacy that would be particular and defined by each individual.  As such it would not and should not affect or diminish any level of intimacy with anyone else.

[cplnluv1 872]

This post has me thinking if I have ever been intimate with anyone but Alan. Your points make sense to me that sexual acts are not intimate acts. 
Your vacation with friends are a novel idea and interesting possibility that I need to discuss. I wonder how we would feel spending total nights with a different partner every night. Part of vacations is the change of scenery intimacy Alan and I get, a recharging as we call it. We don’t normally have sex without the other present or involved. Your trip is interesting, I just don’t know if our little group would agree. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,387]

Nicely put @Shore2Please.  If intimacy was the same with everyone then swinging wouldn't exist,  In the words of Carl Jung: "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

This reinforced a feeling I experienced where I spent a full night with someone with Rocky’s knowledge. Sex is one thing, bonding with a sex partner is much deeper. 

[MidwestHoneys 358]

Hmmmm. Interesting. I think I just fuck. 

[couplers 4,636]

From my poly perspective:

On 2/22/2023 at 8:16 AM, Shore2Please said:

My intimacy with a partner cannot be duplicated by others as the interaction and feelings between partners vary.

True.  Every person is different, their sexual connection is different, and therefore the intimacy is different.  There is a deep love between my husband and Lora.  Even though I am in love and have sex with both of them (and see them make love), I am left wondering about the mystery (to me) of their intimacy.

 

On 2/22/2023 at 8:16 AM, Shore2Please said:

the intimacy I had with the woman I spent a night with is no less from the intimacy I had with the men

The bond, the intimacy, among us women is greater than with the men.

 

On 2/22/2023 at 8:16 AM, Shore2Please said:

for me the least intimate nights were the ones where I was with two others, both a man and woman or two men.

Interesting.  When the situation arises that I am with David and Red, you are right - it is about sex, two guys wanting to bang me.  It's not intimate, it's not love, but I really like it.  I'm not sure how Clair and Lora find it.

 

When it's me in an FFM, it is love, it is intimate for us.  It is two women in love unselfishly sharing a man who belongs to us.

Edited February 24, 2023 by couplers