Full swap with my high school sweetheart jealousy issues

[Qamar 5]

My wife and I have agreed to do a fmf (threesome) she says she is cool with not doing mfm… but I’m wondering if I were to try the mfm if she changes her mind how do men deal with the jealousy??? I’ve fantasized about her being sluted out by another man …but I can’t see this in reality I feel like I would snap lol … how do you men do it ? 

[discreetplay 235]

4 minutes ago, Qamar said:

how do you men do it ?

Well, not all men are jealous. From the sound of your sentence 'you have agreed to do a fmf...' sounds like you are not only jealous but are selfish. You're happy to have another woman but your spouse isn't allowed to have the same dual pleasure because you "would snap". She probably says she is "cool with not doing mfm" because you stated you'd "snap" and/or have a history of jealousy so she won't say anything to rock the boat. She submissively says she'll do the fmf because you likely stated how hot it would be. 

 

Curious of your age, how long you've been married. Those who thrive in the lifestyle have very solid relationships and one of a good length. Most are mature enough to handle it. Those who aren't end up splitting up. There are many threads here about couples who regret opening Pandora's box.

[Numex 2,409]

47 minutes ago, Qamar said:

how do you men do it ? 

There are two reasons that I like to have an MFM with my wife.  The first is that I am happy, as you should be, that she is having a good time, perhaps enjoying experiences and pleasures that she hasn't had before, even with me.  It doesn't mean she thinks less of you or wants you less.  When my wife has mind blowing sex with another man, I am the one who gets the credit for it.

 

Second, when another guy is enjoying sex with my wife, he is jealous of me, no different than if he borrows a car or boat of mine he covets, or he's a guest at a club I belong that he envies.  He gets to sample it, but it's mine.  Same with my wife, she is still mine but happier and with a glow of desirability from other men.  (Not "mine" as in possession, but "mine" in that she wants to be with me.)

 

Primary for all of this though is that the sex she has with other men is what she wants to do.  Maybe she doesn't want an MFM with me.  Maybe she wants to play with some other guy alone.  Or another couple alone.  Or even have an MFM with two other men.  All either with me there or not their.  Her call, her pleasure.  She always comes home grateful, which is all that I want.  (Her gratitude, or just personality, is to give me all the sex I need and still let me play with other women.)

Edited March 13, 2023 by Numex

[Qamar 5]

4 hours ago, discreetplay said:

Well, not all men are jealous. From the sound of your sentence 'you have agreed to do a fmf...' sounds like you are not only jealous but are selfish. You're happy to have another woman but your spouse isn't allowed to have the same dual pleasure because you "would snap". She probably says she is "cool with not doing mfm" because you stated you'd "snap" and/or have a history of jealousy so she won't say anything to rock the boat. She submissively says she'll do the fmf because you likely stated how hot it would be. 

 

Curious of your age, how long you've been married. Those who thrive in the lifestyle have very solid relationships and one of a good length. Most are mature enough to handle it. Those who aren't end up splitting up. There are many threads here about couples who regret opening Pandora's box.

We have been together since we were 16 no break Ups both of us 40 at the time of this post …. As far as the fmf it was her idea to try something new …so does that mean I have to be ok with doing something I never suggested? And as far as being selfish I’m at least considering how a mfm would be even tho the whole thing isn’t my idea …. We have been to swingers clubs and enjoyed being watched and same room sex with other couples btw 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Qamar, there are some on this forum who feel it isn't right to swing unless both members of the couple get to play with other people. They're not wrong. I don't agree with that philosophy, but they're not wrong. There are plenty of couples who never do anything other than FMFs or MFMs, and are quite happy with that arrangement. The key here is what is right for you and your wife. The best way to ascertain that is lots of honest, open, heart to heart discussion between the two of you. Successful swingers have very strong communication.

 

As for jealousy; when I was younger, I was a very jealous person. Maybe it was insecurity. I don't know. What really started to snap it for me was a woman I was dating who was cheating on me. There was no question she was cheating on me. But, in the process of trying to rebuild, I became very suspectful. Every time there was even the tiniest bit of evidence of cheating happening again, I presumed the worst...even if there wasn't any cheating going on. My jealous tendencies at the time were absolutely on fire. It took time, but I finally realized that jealousy is a very negative, very destructive emotion. I think of it as 99% bad and 1% good. I actively worked at eliminating it within myself.

 

Part of eliminating the jealousy was breaking up with that woman, realizing I was never going to trust her again. Dating my now wife, the trust was natural and inherent in our relationship and always has been. I've never cheated on her, and she'll never cheat on me. That basis of trust in part gives the basis on which to tell jealousy to take a hike. Fast forward 20+ years, and I've watched my wife have sex with a number of different men. I've never once felt jealous about it. I absolutely love her having sex with other men. I don't have an explanation for it. I tried for a couple of years when we first got into swinging to try to figure out why. I gave up. I just do.

 

If your wife hugs another man as a social greeting, are you jealous? If she spends talking with another man whom she knows, are you jealous? Consider for a moment; if you're not jealous as such moments, why be jealous at more intimate moments? Are you afraid she'll leave you? Afraid she'll fall in love with another man? Afraid she'll find him fantastic in bed? Figure out where your fears are, and talk them out with your wife.

[enhancer 1,584]

First of all unless you already have someone on board for the fmf good luck making it happen!  There is probably at least 100 couples to every one women interested in what you are looking for so be prepared to stand out.  

 

As for for being a male on dealing with jealousy I have none at all!  I am not insecure about myself or my relationship in the slightest.  If I did I was I would not be interested in the lifestyle in any capacity.

[Hwyya 2]

On 3/13/2023 at 2:17 AM, Qamar said:

My wife and I have agreed to do a fmf (threesome) she says she is cool with not doing mfm… but I’m wondering if I were to try the mfm if she changes her mind how do men deal with the jealousy??? I’ve fantasized about her being sluted out by another man …but I can’t see this in reality I feel like I would snap lol … how do you men do it ? 

In our case it has probably to do with how long we have been together and how rock solid our relationship is. We started as friends, became best friends and then lovers. We've now been married for almost two decades. We have been thorough thick and thin in this time (fantastic moments and real dark times too).
We have been again and again proved ourselves to be more than reliable to each other. I literally trust my wife with my life and she trusts me with hers as well.
She's my diamond, best thing that happens in my life and I know for certain that it's them same for her.

And we are a very naughty couple (always been, since the beginning and if anything getting even more as the years pass by!). We've always had a very high communication too, about everything including sex. Our shared fantasies lead to new things until we eventually arrived here.
So to come to your question, how do I don't snap? - I couldn't snap even if I wanted too. It's sounds bad (and in fact it's not even really that way) but I know deep down the other men are meaningless to her. As I said it's not that we considered the other partners "sex objects" or something like that, quite the opposite in fact - we always like to make everyone comfortable and we like to take really care and we are both quite the lovers (more me than my wife but we both are more "givers" than "receivers" sort to speak) BUT at the end of the day there is only my wife for me and me for her.

No matter what happens in bed no other woman has the slightest chance to replace my wife.....ever, and vice versa. I know it, she knows it, we know it so even if Joe Black one night is gonna give her the BEST sex of her entire life (even better than any sex I ever gave her) it won't change a thing in our relation. At the end of the day she will still want me as her life partner and nobody else cause after all sex is only a part in our relationship - an important part sure but not the most important part either. And same for her - there might be one time this 20-years younger girl, way hotter than hers, that blows my mind in bed and yet she will be always overshadowed my my wife.

So what is there for me or her to be afraid of? That one will leave the other? Never. That one of us will start cheating behind the other's back or something? Not a chance in the world. The whole approach to all this is therefore very much light-hearted - we have a good time and that's about it.

That all said, I'm obviously well aware that this is not *at all* how the average marriage/relationship is. And to those that are not into a similar rock-solid marriage my advice is stay the hell away from this swinging business. It will wreck your ship. You're simply not up to it....yet.
Work to make your relationship stronger and only then you might give all this a try, but believe me: you won't get there if you guys have/keep secrets to each others and if your communication is not fully open and free.