Online swinger privacy

[let's do it again 414]

For the ones that do swinger websites or online swinger sites are you concerned for your privacy, especially your job? Why I  am asking is because my wife at the time was let go from her nursing job at a state hospital after the HR department had stumbled upon her profile on various swinging sites, while the HR department was actually looking for union activity. She really didn't care about the job, because being an RN, she knew she wouldn't have a problem getting a new job. But, she still wonders if a coworker turned her in or does the HR department actually looks for swinger activities to fire employees. So my question is: has your swinging activity online or not cause a problem with your job or social clubs?

[TeamCalgary 168]

Hello let's do it again, 

 

What you have alluded to, is the primary reason why many couples, including us, have no face pictures on the "public" aspects of our profiles.

We exchange face pics when we have spoken with and vetted couples and only then. 

 

Unless your wife was working within the terms of an employment contracted that specifically called out certain views/activities as

being grounds for dismissal, what her former employer chose to do is certainly legally actionable. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Even though both Ms. Gold and I have (or had) 'morals' clauses in our contracts, I doubt that they would stand up in court for something like finding us on a swingers site (just whose job is it to troll swinger websites looking for employees?). Not only would the have to prove 'beyond a shadow of a doubt' that it was us, they would also need to prove it was one of us who posted the image and profile and not someone just using a photo found on the internet to create the profile. While we don't post any public photos that openly show our faces, I doubt that is would become a problem.

[let's do it again 414]

After my wife at the time, got fired for this we went on vacation to Jamaica. We were on a nude beach and a group wanted to get a bunch of us together to pose nude on the beach for a large group shot to put on their nudist website and she refused because of the firing! Several tried talking her into it but she held her ground and refused and I declined also . We told several of the nudists what had happened and understood why we refused.  I retired from a very popular company and they too surfed the internet to find dirt on employees. I was warned about something the company found out about me on my daughter's Facebook page. But my then wife was a contracted nurse at a state run facility and like I said before, it wasn't about the job, but about her privacy.

[NoAngels 334]

We believe in discretion and have suggested to others if they are posting to have email going to an address you only use for the lifestyle. We also list towns other than our real towns. Pictures can always be sent via email to anyone you can be assured are real. Remember only other swingers that have as much as you to lose will know you are swingers. We were always afraid that we would meet someone we know until we realized they are in the same position. 

[enhancer 1,585]

We are not concerned about losing our jobs due to what we do on our own time!  It is really nobody else’s business unless we make it theirs and the only problem either of our jobs would have is if we were using company computers to go on those sites which we are not stupid enough to do. 
 

We do post lots of pictures on the sites we are on,  because at least for us if people do not have pictures we won’t even give them the time of day.  We do not however have face pics on our main profile, but do have them in our private pics which we post only to people we are actually interested in that also provide us with face pics of themselves.

 

You have to put yourself out there somewhat if you want to get anywhere in this lifestyle.

[shy_couple 459]

We also are hyper sensitive about our privacy and who know about our extra-curricular activities. Like others have said, no face pics on public profiles. We are very guarded about who and when we share face pics. We certainly don’t share them

By text or KIK. In fact we both get so much garbage on our cell/text, we don’t share until we are agreeing to meet for a date. 
 

also we are very careful not to drop hints in our profile about our careers, our initials, or any info that would easily identify us. He is the only one with a tattoo and we carefully don’t show it. 
 

Im not sure that HR departments have time or personnel to randomly search. I think more likely you were ratted out by a coworker who recognized you and turned you in before he/she was outed. 
 

if your face and personal info isn’t on the site and someone makes te connection deny, deny, deny. 

[let's do it again 414]

There were no pictures of her on these sites, only the history of her being on these sites. Some how they tracked her social media, and both of us suspect a co worker. Yes HR does have the people to follow employees on their social media. I never had been sent to take a drug test only the first day back from vacations out of the USA. I don't do drugs and the company knew that but used it to harass me and make an example to other employees, I don't do Facebook or any of the social media outlets to do the best to lay low. That's why we don't approach potential swap partners online, only at social events. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,387]

Not long ago we were happy Kasidie members. Then about a year ago they established a policy where you could not post explicit (anything other than titties and ass) pics unless you "verified" your identity with your credit card company. This verification process required a driver's license, credit card, and working phone #.

 

We didn't like it. They told us the credit card companies made this requirement and all the swinger sites adopted this degree of verification now. We left, yet a lot of ppl stayed and complied.

 

So, given this degree of "verification", it seems it would be easy for credit card (or other) companies to provide insight to your sexual habits - especially if you "verified" in such a way at a swinger website.

[let's do it again 414]

I totally agree about the credit card verification and I think you did a smart thing by declining.  I realize  Kasadie has to worry about fraudulent people, but giving them access to credit card info is more than I would be willing to surrender. I just think there is a lot more business checking online activity of their employees to use if they need to get rid of an employee. How many people actually know if there company has a morality clause and do they know what it consists of.

[enhancer 1,585]

1 hour ago, let's do it again said:

There were no pictures of her on these sites, only the history of her being on these sites. Some how they tracked her social media, and both of us suspect a co worker. Yes HR does have the people to follow employees on their social media. I never had been sent to take a drug test only the first day back from vacations out of the USA. I don't do drugs and the company knew that but used it to harass me and make an example to other employees, I don't do Facebook or any of the social media outlets to do the best to lay low. That's why we don't approach potential swap partners online, only at social events. 

Unless she was using company computers or company internet I am not sure how they would have been tracking her online activity!  Surely doing that is a good way to be busted on your private affairs.   I know our company monitors what is being done on the companies equipment and internet.  I would not even open my bank account let alone anything else personal on their stuff.  

[let's do it again 414]

She didn't use company computers or internet for personal use only work. My daughter never used my company equipment but they got into her social media and told me what shirt I was wearing in the picture they seen on her social media, so it can be done.

[enhancer 1,585]

1 hour ago, let's do it again said:

She didn't use company computers or internet for personal use only work. My daughter never used my company equipment but they got into her social media and told me what shirt I was wearing in the picture they seen on her social media, so it can be done.

For sure it is not hard for them to see what you post on social media!  If she was on private members sites though and the company pried into that then I am surprised the Union did not back her on that.  That would be intrusive of someone’s privacy.  Telling someone they can not work for you, because of who they choose to sleep with is a human rights violation and has law suit written all over it.   It would be the same as telling someone they are fired, because they sleep with the same sex. Not cool.  

[TeamCalgary 168]

Our dictum has always been that we do not post anything online that we would not be willing to have it become public domain. 

[TeamCalgary 168]

Another strategy that we use is for face pics to be totally PG; they s/b photos that could be on the cover of the local paper but not 

photos that are used for any other purpose than the LS (you should create LS specific face pics). Any photos that show any thing 

at all racy, do not show our faces. This strategy has served us well. 

[HotwifeCouplePA 2]

These are legitimate concerns, you should never risk your financial and familial stability for a "good time". It should be noted, as an IT professional, that there is no 100% fool proof way to stay anonymous online.

 

Trust me, coming from someone who was contacted on a swingers site by one of my former high school teachers, AND I ran into my sister at a swingers club (at the bar, nothing weird, pervs!).  You cannot remain completely anonymous online if you plan to swing IRL 

 

 

All is not lost, however, there are a few first steps you can do to help limit a good 90% of that risk or more.

 

- Keep your face(s) private!

 

Don't post your faces as your public profile picture, or if you do, obscure it in some way. Wear glasses, or if you just gotta show off those baby blues use a mask, we all have a ton of them now! 

 

Then if you get to know someone open a few face pics temporarily.  Most LS sites should allow you to "lock" certain albums and allow you to grant access to whomever you choose. They also in most cases do not allow for saving pictures, though screen shots are a thing. Keep in mind that these LS sites will almost always watermark your photos for you to offer a little protection.

 

- Block Free Accounts!

 

This is a big one.  Most employers aren't going to want to spend the money and take the time to create a whole profile just to try and find an employee, even if you're outed by a snitch coworker. Imagine trying to explain to the accounting dept why a paid subscription to a swingers site is charged to the company account, or to their spouse if they decide to use a personal account instead, AND they're certainly not going to want to explain to the IRS why it was written off as a business expense.

 

- Use a general location in your profile!

 

You are swinging not coordinating military campaigns, there is no need to use your exact location. Let me explain before the haters pounce.  If you live just outside a major city, like we do, (in a one horse town nobody has ever heard of) just round up so to speak.  Within a limit of course.  If you live 150 miles from the nearest major city, use the absolutely closest town someone may have heard of. 

 

For us, it's Williamsport, PA, we usually get a hotel there when we play, our "visitors" can usually find it easily, and most people have heard of it because of the Little League World Series.

 

Then once you get to talking to people and get to know them you can drop the "well we're actually from {insert town name}, but we tell people we're from {insert city name} so they know where we're talking about" conversation on them.

 

- Don't use your real names! - At First

 

This is just like the others and sounds worse than it is.  When you first start a conversation online use initials or nicknames.  Then when you get to know someone, you can formally introduce yourselves, usually before you meet IRL.

 

 

These few things will significantly reduce the chances of an employer or family member finding you.  At some point somebody is going to get fired and try and classify swinging as a "marital status" or "sexual preference" (I know that term is not used anymore and frowned upon, but it fits this situation) and there may be some protections offered against termination based solely on that "preference".

 

Until then, keep smart and swing on!