Thinking about joining a couple but don't know where to start

[newbie.bossman 0]

I'm a single male and thought many times about joining a couple but really don't know where to start i consider myself as quiet small but been told I'm average so don't want anyone seeking big boy haha but really don't know much about this scene so really could do with guidance. 

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

Welcome! We're glad you're here

 

So, let's get the blunt part out of the way. Single males in the lifestyle are a dime a dozen. There's scads of them. GOOD single males are a lot less common. So, how do you make yourself a good single male that a couple would want to play with? Here's a few tips:

• Set up PAID profiles on various swinger sites. Find one or two that are popular in your area (sdc.com and swinglifestyle.com are two of the more often used ones). You can start free and see how many couples are in your area looking for single males, but once you settle on one or two, then pay. If you don't pay, nobody will take you seriously.
• Don't be short in what you write on your profile. If all you have to say is "I like hot, sexy fun! Let's hook up!" you'll get nothing. You can write well about what you're looking for, what you're hoping for, what you can offer, and why they would want to choose you.
• Don't be the prototypical stupid male and include dick pics in your profile. Women know you have a dick. Honest! There's manual somewhere that says something about men having a dick. You don't need to prove it by providing a picture of it.
• If you have professional pictures of you, use them. You can blur out your face for your public images, but being able to see your face is something many couples will want to see. Put those in your private gallery that you share with interested couples.
• If a couple is communicating with you, don't treat them like a hook up. Treat them like it's a first date, and you're trying to show what a great guy you are.
• Do not treat either of the people in the couple with disrespect. They are both part of this. If you're straight, you don't have to play with the husband. But, treat the husband with a lack of respect, and you'll get nowhere.
• The couple may want to know why you want to be in the lifestyle. Some couples, like us, will be looking for telltale signs you are married and cheating. We don't play with cheaters. If you aren't really single, don't bother trying this lifestyle without your spouse. It won't go well for you. There are plenty of good reasons why a man may be single and not actively looking for a long term partner. My wife had two such men as boyfriends for years. Be honest.
• If you get to the point of possible playing with the couple, make sure you understand their rules well. You don't want to inadvertently cross a line, and end the evening early. Respect their rules. Don't try to gently push the boundaries or anything like that. Stay within the boundaries they set up (if they have them).
• Understand the husband of the couple isn't being an idiot allowing his wife to get some with another guy. It's not like that at all. Many husbands, myself included, enjoy their wives having all the sex filled fun they can have, and actively enjoy watching their wives have sex with other men. We're not stupid. Treat us like we're idiots and you won't get anywhere.
• Understand your role; in some ways you are little more than a live sex toy. That's not to demean you. Just understand where you fit in with this. A couple may only want to play with you once, even if you're great. My wife and I choose to keep single guys around if they're great. Some couples don't, because it can lead to emotional complications. Just be clear about your role.

That's some good ground to start with. Feel free to ask us more questions! Others will probably chime in with advice here too.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,422]

We're not gonna top that reply from @bbarnsworth. All we can add is that some single males do very well in the lifestyle while many don't. So read @bbarnsworth's reply twice.

[lcmim 1,086]

After reading it twice, commit to memory.

 

Especially the part about not pushing boundaries.

 

The single man that has been part of our fun for years now, waited patiently in soft play mode for a long time before we invited him into full play. It has been that way for 3 years or so now.

[kittyswinger 261]

"Begin with the end in mind".   In joining a couple, how do you envision the relationship to progress? Will it be purely sexual? Will it be cuckolding? Do u envision yourself to become the couple's friend? Do you want it to be long term?  Do you want to be involved with the female part, if they are open to it? 

[shy_couple 460]

Ignore every porn fantasy about cuckolding, hotwifing, stag/vixen, bull/dom that you think you know about MMF 3somes. Or think you want to get out of this activity. 
 

follow Barsworths advice; it’s not about you, it’s about them (or her. If invited in, you are likely to have a great time. 
 

Be genuine/sincere. Don’t try to be what you think they want Or what internet porn says they want). If you do, you’ll likely look like a fool and won’t get anywhere. 

[kittyswinger 261]

Avoid couples who are narcissists and don't care about you, as a person. They will just use you and dump you when your usefulness is over to them. It's not all about us -couples; our guest male's pleasure is as important as ourselves.

Edited April 3, 2023 by kittyswinger