Why Men Look for More

[TricianMike 788]

We posted that I listed a profile on Ashley Madison a few weeks with a few on here posting I should stay away from cheaters. My profile was approved by Michael where he has full access to all communication between me and any man who reaches out to me. 
A married man contacted with a profile that was shocking if it’s true, we think it is. The man is married 25 years and claims he never sees his wife naked, has never had any sex other than missionary, and has 4 children. The only naked women he saw was In pornography he watches alone. Sex is always in the dark with no reactions from his wife and happens every week but not the one week she has her period. He is a fit good looking man that given the chance could have been with many women  in his life. I suggested he meet an escort, younger than me and better looking to which he said he wants a real woman, which made Mike and me laugh. I told him my real story, married and my husband likes to watch, almost scared him away. He was shocked that my husband knows about my profile and approves. 
We are looking for the best time for him to meet me alone and a place nobody will recognize him. I’m calling him my virgin cheater, it could be fun or a real dud. 

[let's do it again 416]

I believe him, being married for 25 years he probably has been shutdown for sex especially after raising 4 kids. I think that's why there is so much cheating, sexless marriages. 

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

I know of a guy (years ago) who had to schedule sex with his wife. If it wasn't on the calendar days in advance, he couldn't even ask.

 

There's all sorts of strange couples out there. Strange to us, I guess, but normal to them.

 

If it's true, I can't imagine him being sexually attracted to his wife. I mean, how could you be? What a dud.

[NoAngels 349]

Per my wife, this is very common for the men on AM. I just figured that most men were common cheaters looking for some free strange from unsatisfied women or in our case women looking for revenge sex. The scenario the OP put out there is common, no sex at all for some men. She no longer hides her meetings from me, telling all about the men. She has been a first blowjob for many many men, men who have no idea what a clitoris is, and men who just complain how sex is boring. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,421]

Actually I'm very surprised the guy has sex with his wife every week (except those where she has her period). To me, that detail is not in keeping with the rest of his story. We're not on AM (maybe we should be) but have been contacted by many men over the years whose wives simply won't have sex - mostly for reasons unknown to their husbands.  There does appear to be a sexless marriage pandemic in America. We have always been open to single males but not cheaters, but admittedly we have made a couple exceptions in the case where men are trapped in a sexless marriage. We know it's not only men and that women can also be denied, but we've only ever run across one swingle lady who was in the LS due to her sexless marriage.

[couplers 4,717]

Several years ago I was talking with a female acquaintance who was a  little older (40s), married, two kids and the topic slightly veered toward sex.  She immediately shut that conversation down with "We don't do that anymore."  Wow.

 

16 hours ago, TricianMike said:

We are looking for the best time for him to meet me alone and a place nobody will recognize him.

Your place? 

 

1 hour ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

we've only ever run across one swingle lady who was in the LS due to her sexless marriage.

Women who want sex, or more sex, don't have to swing or use an app, they can usually seduce a guy IRL without much trouble. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,421]

9 minutes ago, couplers said:

Several years ago I was talking with a female acquaintance who was a  little older (40s), married, two kids and the topic slightly veered toward sex.  She immediately shut that conversation down with "We don't do that anymore."  Wow.

We have seen and heard the same. Yes. Wow. There is a word for that woman: Asexual. And while being asexual may be fine and dandy, it is less so when an asexual person commits to marriage with a sexual person. Yet indeed that happens.

Edited April 27, 2023 by hunterdonNJcpl

[let's do it again 416]

My first marriage turned into this. The more her career progressed the less sex, and her being on the road more, I raised our 3 kids , laundry, fed them, plus my job, with no sex! So why did I need her? I was 40 when I divorced her and never looked back, we had lots of great times sexually,  but as she got older her sex life died. I think as women make as much or more than the man, and the man has to take more home responsibilities it messes with dynamics of a relationship. 

[enhancer 1,586]

We could care less why a person cheats!  If you are in an unhappy marriage you can choose to leave it. If you are not on the same page sexually you are not a good match. Regardless of what anyone says a compatible sex life is a super important part of a relationship. Without it there will always be resentment. You made the wrong choice in a partner and you learned a lesson. Change is not a bad thing.  Move on and start over.  I did after a 16 year marriage with two children and everyone was better off for it. Is it hard?  Yes, but it is worth it to be happy again.
 

Cheating is right up there with lying, stealing and domestic abuse for us!  It is a characteristic that makes a person undesirable to be around let alone consider having intimate time with.  We are not religious at all, but we do have morales, believe in karma, respect and choose to live our life treating people how we would want to be treated in return.  Just, because we are not the ones cheating it does not take away the fact that we would be taking part in the act of human betrayal towards another person that could possibly destroy their life and faith in people. That would make us no better than the cheater in our mind.  We prefer to be decent human beings even when so many others are not.  
 

I consider myself extremely lucky to have landed one of the good people when I met Missus Enhancer.  Knowing what kind of shitty selfish people are out there helps me never take her for granted.
 

 

[TricianMike 788]

I will be meeting him later today in a hotel, about an hour away. Michael wants to meet him before we go to a room for safety reasons, not to join us. Michael thinks I’m going to be disappointed, I’m more optimistic and excited. I’m sure I will hear more about his wife and his life. 
 

I don’t judge others when it comes to sex or how others live their lives. I have read much on morality and how it plays a role in swinging, we don’t push our morals on others. The vast majority of the population would say Swinging is immoral. There are those on here who say swinging should only be done as a couple, something I would have agreed with years ago, we’ve changed our feelings. Most morality is based on religion, deep rooted or superficially. Monogamy has never been a must if you read the history of man. Most characters in history have had sex out of marriage. If you deep dive into the lives of men in “the Bible”, Abraham was told by his wife Sarah, who couldn’t have children to have a child with her slave. There are many other stories of other men having several wives. 
 

Back to my “cheater”, should he divorce his sexless wife? Marriage is much more than sex. I know nothing about him or his marriage or family or why he finds looking for sex from someone, me, a better option to divorce. Sex is physical pleasure, not love or a more meaningful reason to stay together. In our brief messaging he never said anything negative about his family life except his curiosity to what he knows other men and women do. 
 

[enhancer 1,586]

Yes there are other important parts of a relationship other than sex! Communication, trust, mutual respect, loyalty, compassion, integrity, openness and honesty.  You have none of them with a cheater.

 

 I don’t expect everyone in the world to be a good human being to others, because I am well aware many are not.  I just choose to distance myself from them as much as possible.  If that makes me judgemental to them good.  They will know to stay away.

[MidwestHoneys 359]

Why not look for more? What guy doesn’t want some new pussy? Most of my friends will not turn down a blowjob married or single. 
Tricia if you want a cock just go for it if he wants it. It’s not your business why he wants it. The morality question is a joke one you fuck others. You live in your head not others made up standards. 

 

[let's do it again 416]

If not you, it will be some other woman. If he is on Ashley Madison looking for women then you can bet he is looking other places. He is looking for side pussy and he will find it! Tricia if it doesn't bother either of the 3 of you, go for it, it may be the fuck of your life.

[couplers 4,717]

23 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

while being asexual may be fine and dandy, it is less so when an asexual person commits to marriage with a sexual person.

In most circumstances, a person starts out sexual and becomes asexual.  Therein lies the problem. 

[couplers 4,717]

18 hours ago, enhancer said:

Yes there are other important parts of a relationship other than sex! Communication, trust, mutual respect, loyalty, compassion, integrity, openness and honesty.  You have none of them with a cheater.

If a cheater is otherwise a good spouse, supporting a wife and children, but is getting no sex, I could see cheating as better for all than divorce.

[couplers 4,717]

19 hours ago, TricianMike said:

There are many other stories of other men having several wives. 

That's what I don't understand.  Why didn't the women have multiple husbands?  A woman can satisfy more men than a man can women.  

[Numex 2,459]

On 4/27/2023 at 8:32 AM, enhancer said:

We could care less why a person cheats!  If you are in an unhappy marriage you can choose to leave it.

When she was single, my now wife Daniela preferred and had (the best word is) "relationships" with many married men, often more than one at a time.  She preferred married guys for a number of reasons: there were limits to the relationship (none of them wanted to leave their wife, regardless of what was said in the moment), they were particularly grateful, that they were fucking another woman - their wife - and Daniela would get them to talk about it and always arranged for him to "accidently" meet the wife (something of a kink of Daniela's), and there was no expectation that he would buy her anything, she hated that aspect of regular dating. 

 

When I first met Daniela we went out, then started having sex, we openly talked about our past.  I got to the point quickly where I told her that I didn't need for her to be monogamous, but please no married men.  She explained that she never broke up a marriage, she helped repair them and keep them together.  She liked being the secret third in a marriage, the other woman, who tried to make him a better husband and provided him what was missing.  Many gifts were bought, vacations taken, dinners enjoyed, but not with Daniela, with his wife.  Daniela even bought and paid for gifts for the guy's wives for him to give her.  Then Daniela wanted to hear all about it, how the relationship was going, including the sex.  Meanwhile, Daniela gave him what he lacked, whether it was sex when there was little or none, to specific things that his wife just wouldn't do - ride him cowgirl, anal, blowjobs to completion, dirty talk.

 

That's why my wife is so happy where we ended up in the lifestyle.  After her hotwifing at first to get comfortable that marriage doesn't mean monogamy, then MFMs with me, we started to swing, but settled into swapping within a closed group of married couples.  Now she can openly fuck a married guy in our group and talk directly with his wife, even play with her.  (I've left out the bi aspect of my wife's past and current sex life, that's a whole other story.)   Plus in her mind, Daniela gets to mind play with the fact that she is a married woman with other men in her life, and I am her husband with other women in my life.

 

The whole purpose of this post is that I have come to understand, there are reasons that a woman wants to play, have a relationship with a married man, be his sidepiece.  And it isn't necessarily wrong.  Of all the married guys that Daniela had relationships with when she was single, only one wife suspected.  She confronted Daniela at one of the arranged, "accidental" meetups.  Daniela admitted to it, and wife told her that she must have a "golden pussy", then asked her to meet up for dinner.  The wife never confronted the husband, the relationship continued for a while, then ended.  But Daniela and the wife kept in pleasant contact for a while thereafter.  The couple is still together.  Strange.

 

Daniela doesn't read much here on the Swingerboard, but she helped me with this post.

[NoAngels 349]

Not every man on AM is a cheater, a few have the blessing of an understanding wife with a mutual understanding of an open marriage. 

[PJ&Lin 188]

Ashley Madison sounds interesting. I’m thinking it’s the safest place to find partners without the fear of attachment. I understand that it’s not swinging, it’s sex as others point out, is it just sex or is it something else that makes a man join and women search for married men. Is it really safer for both partners, or are random pickups safer?

[TricianMike 788]

4 hours ago, PJ&Lin said:

Ashley Madison sounds interesting. I’m thinking it’s the safest place to find partners without the fear of attachment. I understand that it’s not swinging, it’s sex as others point out, is it just sex or is it something else that makes a man join and women search for married men. Is it really safer for both partners, or are random pickups safer?

Addressing this post, no random meeting is absolutely safe, my feeling is it is safer, random pickups are dangerous. 
 

My AM meeting was completely different from any other man I met just for sex. I knew this when I set up the date, not expecting a highly charged sexual night. 
He did not lie on his profile or in our conversations prior to meeting him, he was a true novice to sexual anything. I assured him that it will be fun for him but he was nervous about being with me. He kept talking about his wife and kids, showing me so many pictures. My understanding it’s an upbringing of his wife that is the problem, sexually repressed. The big take away is that he had sex with the lights on and saw what a naked woman looks like. 

[MidLifeFun 148]

16 hours ago, TricianMike said:

I knew this when I set up the date, not expecting a highly charged sexual night.

Was this “date” more about him or you? Not a therapist here I just wonder if the lights on were for him to see your beauty as a woman not as a sex craving person. I’m thinking if you were meeting a married man for sex you would want a virile experienced man who would please you, not a man you had to give a biology lesson to. 
 

 

16 hours ago, TricianMike said:

The big take away is that he had sex with the lights on and saw what a naked woman looks like. 

And you had him see you fully naked without comparison to any other woman. 

[TricianMike 788]

On 5/2/2023 at 7:51 AM, MidLifeFun said:

Was this “date” more about him or you? Not a therapist here I just wonder if the lights on were for him to see your beauty as a woman not as a sex craving person. I’m thinking if you were meeting a married man for sex you would want a virile experienced man who would please you, not a man you had to give a biology lesson to. 
 

 

And you had him see you fully naked without comparison to any other woman. 

Fair questions. Meeting this man alone without Michael was a choice we made together.  I don’t know what I expected or how his virility would be. I thought it would be interesting, and SAFE. 

[Numex 2,459]

On 5/1/2023 at 9:12 AM, PJ&Lin said:

Ashley Madison sounds interesting. I’m thinking it’s the safest place to find partners without the fear of attachment. I

Daniela never used Ashley Madison or any other app to find relationships, she found them in real life, having contact with many professional men who were not coworkers.

 

On 5/1/2023 at 9:12 AM, PJ&Lin said:

is it just sex or is it something else that makes a man join and women search for married men. Is it really safer for both partners, or are random pickups safer?

My wife preferred married guys for a number of reasons: there were limits to the relationship (none of them wanted to leave their wife, regardless of what was said in the moment), they were particularly grateful, that they were fucking another woman - their wife - and Daniela would get them to talk about it and always arranged for him to "accidently" meet the wife (something of a kink of Daniela's), and there was no expectation that he would buy her anything, she hated that aspect of regular dating. 

 

She thought that they were safer in both ways.  Since she worked with them, she could spot the crazies beforehand (there was really only one she considered then bailed), and since they were almost always monogamous, the chance of an STD was low.  She never contracted anything.

[couplers 4,717]

I/we (hubby and I) have been on the other side of this.  I got over my jealousy of David playing after two years of him allowing me to have my boyfriend.  I started setting him up with my female friends and acquaintances for sex.  After me saying that he was good in bed dropping the hint that was available, I was amazed at how many women took me up on the offer.

 

It was, I assume, for the reasons above, but with me the wife in on the plan, there was no reason not to try this good looking, pleasant guy.

[TricianMike 788]

I met another sexual partner on AM who was a perfect gentleman and registered his profile for another not typical reason, he is a widower. His wife died a few years ago from medical complications after a 25 year happy, monogamous marriage. It took him some time to re-enter the dating scene, meeting primarily divorcees who were looking for relationships, something he wasn’t interested in. He was honest in telling me he slept with a few of the women he met but they all became too needy. He joined Ashley though it is not cheap for men because he wanted to be with women that had no relationship expectations and were open to be their sexual selves. I was explicit with him that I am married and a swinger that is not cheating and wanted him to meet Michael before doing what we both wanted. I am pretty sure he thought I was an escort and Michael was my pimp even when we assured him I wasn’t looking for anything more. 

[TricianMike 788]

I got a call from the widower this morning asking if I would meet him again tonight. Saturday night I with Michael with me told him I didn’t want a long term relationship with him, that I would be with him just that one time and that the reason I was on AM was just for that reason, nothing long term. He understood my reasoning, his joining that site was for the same reason, no long term complicated troubles. 
I have nothing negative to report on my time with him, quite the opposite it was a lovely time, almost perfect. 
I told him the only way I would meet again is if Michael can watch, they already met Saturday with just a checking out time. 
I assured him Michael is straight and not weird, he just likes to watch or if everyone agrees he will join. 

[PJ&Lin 188]

23 hours ago, TricianMike said:

assured him Michael is straight and not weird, he just likes to watch or if everyone agrees he will join. 

I always wonder what happens after the plans are made. 

[couplers 4,717]

On 5/16/2023 at 1:59 PM, TricianMike said:

I assured him Michael is straight and not weird, he just likes to watch or if everyone agrees he will join. 

 

15 hours ago, PJ&Lin said:

I always wonder what happens after the plans are made. 

For us bi women, this is often the situation, but it never seems to be a problem.  It is not discussed and "assurances" not given beforehand.  We ask, however, no means "no" and that's it.

[Shore2Please 613]

Many swingers don’t understand that being alone with a sexual partner is one of most pleasurable activities for me. It is difficult for me to fully enjoy my partner if anyone including my husband is watching. 
Watching him with a woman has become a bit easier, not something I find myself needing to do. 

[couplers 4,717]

1 minute ago, Shore2Please said:

being alone with a sexual partner is one of most pleasurable activities for me.

Very true.  One can let loose and not be distracted.

2 minutes ago, Shore2Please said:

Watching him with a woman has become a bit easier, not something I find myself needing to do.

Even after all this time I still am wildly jealous.  But I love the feeling, I am addicted. 

[Shore2Please 613]

2 hours ago, couplers said:

Very true.  One can let loose and not be distracted.

Even after all this time I still am wildly jealous.  But I love the feeling, I am addicted. 

You understand my feelings on this. I posted many times about my first time with a new lover when I can’t believe I gave him my whole body even though we just met and I never did anything like it before. I am positive that if my husband was with us that night the experience would not have been the same. All these years later I wonder why I was able to go alone with a man we just met. 
We aren’t big swingers, we don’t go looking for others, we have played with a very limited number of others. Group sex is even more limited, the number of times I watched or even been in the same room as my husband playing with another woman even more limited. Like you I do have jealous feelings watching him and a sense of pride when I see him satisfy a partner. 
I love the feeling of being with the right man, I’m not addicted to it. 

[couplers 4,717]

6 minutes ago, Shore2Please said:

I wonder why I was able to go alone with a man we just met.

It is in our nature to be nonmonogamous.  We are expected by society to deny it and do so for so long that when we have sex with another partner it seems at first unusual. 

9 minutes ago, Shore2Please said:

Like you I do have jealous feelings watching him and a sense of pride when I see him satisfy a partner. 
I love the feeling of being with the right man, I’m not addicted to it. 

I am both satisfied with their mutual satisfaction and jealous.  My addiction is to my jealousy and the crazy things it makes me want to do afterwards (eat her out, suck and fuck him).

[ToeDippers 83]

Men looking for more for the same reason women look for more. The old adage that it takes two to tango, the site that you are on are matching married men with married women. 
We started with wanting a woman to join us, my wife encouraged me to join and she watched. Watching my wife with a woman was more exciting, the jealous feeling didn’t hit until another man came into the scene. 

[TricianMike 788]

The most common reason I get from men is that wives have lost interest in sex and they need an outlet for their needs. It makes me wonder why they don’t discuss the problem with a doctor to find the real reason. Many of us women as they reach an age where sex becomes a problem for physical reasons. 
I won’t disagree these men are cheaters, they are men that still want to save marriages that are otherwise still loving. Registering on an affairs match site is a discrete way to meet others without trying to pick up a date at a bar. 

[NoAngels 349]

I love my wife, my wife I hope still loves me, we both love sex, I cheated because it was available when I was alone on the road. 
My wife says the men she meets have so many different stories about why they cheat, no sex at home is the one she hears the most. Her words, not mine, the nicest men she meets claim they love their wives and are just looking for extra fun. 

[Numex 2,459]

On 5/31/2023 at 7:52 AM, NoAngels said:

the nicest men she meets claim they love their wives and are just looking for extra fun. 

That's why my wife said that she preferred and had relationships, may overlapping, with married men.  They were grateful, both her and the husband knew what it was all about - a relationship that was not going anywhere - she wasn't looking to break up his marriage, he didn't want to leave his wife/family.

 

Daniela likes our situation now in our closed group of married couples.  She gets the satisfaction of being within another marriage with the wife's knowledge and bi participation.  And the kink she never had before, knowing that her husband, me, is involved with other women.

Edited June 4, 2023 by Numex

[PJ&Lin 188]

If you SO knows what you’re doing it’s not cheating, it’s an Open Marriage. 

[couplers 4,717]

On 6/5/2023 at 9:18 AM, PJ&Lin said:

If you SO knows what you’re doing it’s not cheating, it’s an Open Marriage. 

Two thoughts for further consideration - some spouses don't require that they know in order for play to be permissible.  If hubby David or one of the others in our poly family was having sex with someone else without me/the others knowing, I wouldn't consider it cheating.  OTOH, we'd share the stories. 

 

Second, what level of commitment is required to be cheating?  Marriage, yes.  But beyond that I wouldn't feel guilty if I had sex with someone who was in a relationship with someone else, but they weren't married. 

[AdamGunn2 418]

It's easy to find out if you've been cheating. If you feel guilty afterwards, you've cheated . . .

[enhancer 1,586]

3 hours ago, AdamGunn2 said:

It's easy to find out if you've been cheating. If you feel guilty afterwards, you've cheated . . .

Cheating is a narcissistic action so I doubt there is much guilt involved from the people doing it!  Feeling guilty would be a little too late for anyone who did it to me.  Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

[NoAngels 349]

6 hours ago, AdamGunn2 said:

It's easy to find out if you've been cheating. If you feel guilty afterwards, you've cheated . . .

 

3 hours ago, enhancer said:

Cheating is a narcissistic action so I doubt there is much guilt involved from the people doing it!  Feeling guilty would be a little too late for anyone who did it to me.  Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

I was a cheater!!!

I wonder if I felt guilt. I didn’t feel guilt during, I thought about after that if my wife found out it would hurt her. When she did find out my first thought was to deny, I didn’t. If she kicked me out I would have understood and my thoughts that I have now would be completely different. Nobody knows how one would react in a what if situation, I didn’t think when I did cheat. In hindsight her revenge cheating hurt, making me feel more guilt. The mutual cheating has opened up the deepest communication we had in our marriage. 
I never thought of myself a narcissist, I’m not a psychologist to put a label on those thoughts. I am grateful that she still accepts me and claims we are still in love and I love her. As all swingers state love is not sex, sex is a physical act. 

 

[Numex 2,459]

On 6/5/2023 at 9:18 AM, PJ&Lin said:

If you SO knows what you’re doing it’s not cheating, it’s an Open Marriage. 

As a couple who started our journey by joyfully discussing our past lovers and sex life, neither Daniela nor I would have been upset if one of us did something without the other knowledge, but not discussing it afterwards and toying with it would have been a disappointment.

 

We have no rules between us, so nothing would be cheating.  We are, however, now part of a closed group that has been thoroughly tested and has bareback sex together.  Any playing outside the group would be a betrayal of trust and we wouldn't do it.  As far as we have gone is fantasizing between us who outside the group might make a good play partner.

[AdamGunn2 418]

8 hours ago, Numex said:

"We have no rules between us, so nothing would be cheating." 

Ah, but you do have one rule - It's okay to have sex outside of the marriage. And so, it's impossible for you to cheat.

 

Those who haven't set up a firm rule about this are likely to overstep bounds, potentially hurting their partner. 

[couplers 4,717]

OK, I'll say it. Sometimes when making love with someone in my poly family, I fantasize that (s)he has been having sex with someone who I don't know about.  And (s)he is about to tell me. 

[Numex 2,459]

On 6/9/2023 at 5:49 AM, couplers said:

I fantasize that (s)he has been having sex with someone who I don't know about.  And (s)he is about to tell me. 

My wife has had enough lovers before me that I don't need to fantasize, I just ask her to tell me another story.  The stories that I find fascinating and turn me on are the ones where a married lover of Daniela would come to see her shortly after having sex with his wife.  Saturday and Sunday mornings were frequent.

 

Daniela found pleasure in giving him satisfaction that he didn't get at home.  The more my wife tells me about her past, the more I realize how intricate her relationships were; especially that she felt that the guy's wife was present, even though she wasn't physically there.

Edited June 10, 2023 by Numex

[herpob 573]

On 4/28/2023 at 7:47 AM, couplers said:

That's what I don't understand.  Why didn't the women have multiple husbands?  A woman can satisfy more men than a man can women.  

I agree! I think we should have the multiple mates. We much more to offer a multitude of men and they have more to offer in a group.

[herpob 573]

Honestly I do not understand why there are so many imbalanced marriages and so many men needing to look for more with wives caring less. Why on earth did you marry in the first place? I married for sex mostly. No joke. I wanted a man that I knew I wanted to have amazing sex with for the rest of my life, to share ALL of my life with in area of life with. I told him up front it was going to be a wild and crazy ride and he better be up for it or there is no point to moving on. Why are so many people so lazy? So apathetic? Come on humans we should be putting the animal kingdom to shame not the other way around. 

[PJ&Lin 188]

1 hour ago, herpob said:

Honestly I do not understand why there are so many imbalanced marriages and so many men needing to look for more with wives caring less. Why on earth did you marry in the first place? I married for sex mostly. No joke. I wanted a man that I knew I wanted to have amazing sex with for the rest of my life, to share ALL of my life with in area of life with. I told him up front it was going to be a wild and crazy ride and he better be up for it or there is no point to moving on. Why are so many people so lazy? So apathetic? Come on humans we should be putting the animal kingdom to shame not the other way around. 

I’m a little perplexed, why do you look to have sex with others if you have the perfect balance at home. You married for sex and you are happy with the sex you have with your husband. I’m missing your points on people being lazy and animal kingdom. You married to have sex with your husband for the rest of your life so what’s your problem with others looking for more than that?

[couplers 4,717]

4 hours ago, herpob said:

I wanted a man that I knew I wanted to have amazing sex with for the rest of my life, to share ALL of my life with in area of life with.

 

2 hours ago, PJ&Lin said:

why do you look to have sex with others if you have the perfect balance at home. You married for sex and you are happy with the sex you have with your husband.

The relationship that I have with my husband (and the rest of our poly family) is balanced and perfect, including the sex.  But even though I am perfectly happy with the sex that I have with my husband doesn't mean that I/we can't enjoy sex and relationships with others.

 

 

 

4 hours ago, herpob said:

I agree! I think we should have the multiple mates. We much more to offer a multitude of men and they have more to offer in a group.

The one thing that is imbalanced in our poly family is that two men have a difficult time satisfying three women.  When it was just me and my two guys in the beginning in our early twenties, I had to try hard to keep them both satisfied but really enjoyed it and it gave me a sense of power and accomplishment.  As Clair and Lora joined us and we got into our thirties, while we women ramped up the men slowed down, especially in the repeat performance department.

 

That's why we women share a boyfriend Frank, a married man one of us will occasionally hit up with his wife's Becky's permission.  She suffers from a condition that causes depression when she is sexually aroused.  Usually it happens to people post orgasm, but she gets it just getting excited but would press on.  Clair met her at our kids' school and a mutually satisfactory arrangement was made, which has been going on for several years now.

 

Becky has been in treatment, both medical and psychological, and she has made good progress, which however, means that our arrangement is coming to an end.  Two reasons - Becky had sometimes been around when activities were taking place, and sometimes that included David or Red from our poly family.  Even early on Becky occasionally got involved getting naked in front of, giving blowjobs to, or letting her be touched by, our guys.  Although Frank was fucking us, he didn't particularly like his wife getting sexual with other men, especially in front of him.  But she pushed back.  As she recovered with her meds and counselling, she began to enjoy sex without the blue feelings and took it further, having screwed David and Red.  She particularly likes Red.  Frank lets her do it, but he doesn't want to be around when it happens or even hear about it, before or afterwards.  Second reason it is ending is that Becky and Frank want to have another child.  So the plan is in the next few months she's going off birth control and they will be trying for another kid.

 

Anyway, sorry for the previous paragraph going into all of that, but I just want to endorse the idea that a married woman, perfectly satisfied in her marriage both sexually and otherwise, can need and easily handle multiple men outside her marriage.  Men should accept that, especially in these days of birth control where the husband doesn't need to worry about providing resources to provide for another man's spawn.  Men should acknowledge that a woman with a lover or two on the side can still give him all the satisfaction that he wants, while if he has another woman going he cannot usually come home and give his wife two quality rounds afterwards.

 

Assez.

 

 

Edited June 11, 2023 by couplers

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On 6/9/2023 at 4:46 AM, AdamGunn2 said:

but you do have one rule - It's okay to have sex outside of the marriage.

It's not really a rule, more like a guideline.