Telling people about the lifestyle.

[couplefromma 15]

We were curious about how or if you tell your non-lifestyle friends that you are in the lifestyle.

 

Do you share this with close friends ? If you do what has their reacton been ?

 

And not from a stand point of getting them into the lifestyle but talking about it in normal conversation.

 

Thanks

[good times 991]

We have only told a few friends in the past, and as it didn't work out very well, we decided we won't be doing that any more.

[Alura 2,775]

Dito to Mrs. Good Times! We lost some long-time friends just from using the lifestyle as an example of why jealousy does not have to be a part of love. It's hard for vanilla folks to understand what we do, and almost always mistake a reference to swinging as an invitation.

 

We would only bring up the subject if we felt they were good candidates for playmates.

 

Mr. Alura

[VegasLee 1,486]

We don't just blurt out to non lifestyle people and friends that we are swingers. Over the years everyone we know has found out since I do radio shows, T.V. and write articles about the Lifestyle.

 

We have NEVER lost a friend or business because of our lifestyle. We know lots of people but count very few as really being our friends. Our real friends have shown that they would not drop us because of who or what we are or do. That is what makes the difference to us.

 

We could never live this lifestyle in the closet. We could not handle the making up of stories to "cover our tracks."

[hotblonde47 22]

A couple of our male friends know about our activities, not in detail obviously, their wives suspect I think but as yet have not said much. Although they have been a little distant recently LOL. I would not tell my best friend, even though I'm not entirely sure she would snub me. But here's a kicker and probably another thread, over this summer our kids saw some stuff on hubbys computer (he's a little techno. challenged and hadn't hidden it well) and faced us up about it. All they know for sure is that we've been visiting the sites! Surrender But they are filling in the rest for themselves because I refuse to give them details of our personal life. They wanted reassurance that we were emotionally safe and physically safe and I could give that unconditionally. However, none of them has had an attitude or changed their ways around us .... apart from the odd little quip about who we're meeting for dinner! We are a lot more discreet with the computer now but it's a little like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted!

[CB_n_Red 16]

We suspect that our kids suspect, particularly the one who still lives at home. However, nothing is said, apart from her getting concerned at how late we get home some nights (mornings!). Doesn't seem to be much of an issue.

 

As regards vanilla friends, we keep things to ourselves. No sense in kicking that wasp nest!

 

CB

[WesternSwing 504]

So far... No. Nobody outside the lifestyle knows. But other than socializing with neighbors (our vanilla friends) it turned out that none of regular friends were vanillas anyway. We found out by partying with them and stuff would get a bit sexy and it would be "wow, I didn't know you..."

 

Mr. WS

[Spoomonkey 421]

The temptation is to tell... I know. This has been an incredible addition to our lives that you just want to share it with folks. Plus, it is really hard to answer the question "what did you do this weekend?" when the only story you can come up with makes you sound like a real lame human being...

 

I've done such a great job of making our lives sound boring that we don't get a lot of social invites at work...

 

Mrs Spoomonkey recently told a friend and we are still sort of waiting to see how it went. Initially it seemed fine, but you just never know how these things will process. One family member knows and they think it is great and actually jealous of us. We are a constant source of juicy stories for that person.

 

I am glad the question was asked though, because the desire is to tell - but the reality, as evidenced by others, may not be what we want to deal with.

 

Spoomonkey

 

PS - we have a rule that we wouldn't play with friends. We'll become friends with playmates, but we don't want it the other way around.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Dito what VegasLee said. There's no need to just randomly tell friends and family about your private life. Do you go around telling them about your sex life with your partner on a normal basis? So why tell them about your sex life with others?

[couplefromma 15]

OK...followup question then.

 

Do you socialize with both your lifestyle and non-lifestyle friends and if so how do you explain (a) how u met and (b) how you became friends.

 

We find this fascinating.

 

Thanks

[ALilOEverything 901]

I told my very best friend, I can't imagine keeping something like that from her. I don't give all the details though. It's funny because it actually brought us closer together, she knows I trust her and that has helped her talk about things with me she wouldn't want just anyone to know. My sister has an idea... I told her I want to go to an on-premise club for my 30th birthday and asked her to babysit. She was cool with it, even though that's not her thing. I have a hard time being dishonest to those people who are close to me.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

OK...followup question then.

 

Do you socialize with both your lifestyle and non-lifestyle friends and if so how do you explain (a) how u met and (b) how you became friends.

 

We find this fascinating.

 

Thanks

 

No, I don't discuss the lifestyle with anyone and like Julie said, why would I? I've never felt the need to discuss my sex life with anyone other than my partner at the time. As for socializing with lifestyle and non-lifestyle people. Yes, I've done that. Many times. And with no ill effects. As to how we met? Friends of friends, work, church, school, Starbucks. Whatever. It is important to have the stories straight to begin with, tho'.

 

So why do you find this fascinating? - EBF

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Why not just be honest. We met online in a chat room will work for most. If you are hanging out together then you obviously have interests in common beyond swinging... so if they ask what kind of chat room or website... just pick one of those common interests.

[couplefromma 15]

We enjoy this lifestyle and find some of it ironic. We arent asking this because we have no answer for it we just wonder how others approach it.

 

Not only is the lifestyle enjoyable but the whole way people approach it fascinates us. We guess you could say we are students of human sexuality and like to study it. Its one of the reasons we love this web site. People openly discuss topics like this and you can see how people think and feel about the lifestyle and help out those interested in it.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

We enjoy this lifestyle and find some of it ironic. We arent asking this because we have no answer for it we just wonder how others approach it.

 

Not only is the lifestyle enjoyable but the whole way people approach it fascinates us. We guess you could say we are students of human sexuality and like to study it. Its one of the reasons we love this web site. People openly discuss topics like this and you can see how people think and feel about the lifestyle and help out those interested in it.

 

Ironic? Interesting choice of words, but I can see what you mean. Since I'm a "student" too, how about telling me what your answer and approach to this is.

 

And Jullie...

Why not just be honest. We met online in a chat room will work for most.

That would work if I wanted to be honest and had actually met someone in a chat room, but since I never have...now of couse I'm talking about swing partners - not just friends. But who's to say Starbucks isn't being honest? In my case, it was. And friends of friends, too.

 

- EBF

[stoutgatte 25]

One of my wife's friends know, but she also discussed her sexlife with the friend in question before we started swinging, so I guess it's par for the course... Of course the friends hubby now looks at me strange whenever we visit, and won't leave me alone with his wife

 

I'm with Julie, if you would discuss your private life with a friend, then swinging could get in there, but I don't see the point otherwise.

[4lifesaparty 15]

We don't have any close friends that we would tell. But we do have some family members that do know. My own mother knows and so does Mike's sister and her husband. His sister had put two and two together and came out and asked him about a week ago. Of course, Mike is not one to lie, so he let the truth be known. His sister's reaction was more like she could never do it, be careful, and how did we get into it. But nothing else has changed about it. My mother was a different story... she had been in the LS back when I was little so I knew she would not have a problem with it.

[Dave_kat 227]

From all the posts, it sounds like we're a bit strange. Dave is in the Army, and with all the moves that people do, people changing posts etc, he's not really close to anyone in the unit. Yes they are friendly, but not to the point where they would hang out on the weekend. They know he goes to the gay clubs, but he tells them that he goes because he doesn't like the fights at vanilla bars and that he's not interested in trying to look like the big gorilla and beat everyone up over some cute girl who he happens to fancy that night (and he enjoys getting his butt whipped by the lesbians at pool).

 

The majoity of kat's friends are gay and lesbian, and well, with that social avenue open already, it's kind of hard to explain to the single lesbian who kat fancies that it's quite alright for her to take the girl home and that Dave will not have issues without letting the cat out of the bag.

 

One problem with this is that it tends to give the gay men hope that they might someday succeed in getting Dave in the bag, but Dave says no way no how.

 

Actually the glbt friends are rather fascinated that we can be quite happy with each other and not have issues, and on more than one occasion has commented to the other half about the first going off and dancing sexy with someone. For the most part though, the group is quite supportive, and even goes so far as to introduce us to couples who they meet who are involved in some way with the lifestyle (and understanding lesbians who can deal with the fact that kat has a husband).

[inbeachcouple 15]

I think Seinfeld said it best. To paraphrase "You have your regular friends, and your orgy friends". We've found it best to keep the two groups as separated as possible. Most people in the lifestyle understand and respect other's wishes for discretion.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Some of our close friends know about our "hobby" and like to live vicariously through us sometimes. We recently had some of our swinger friends spend the weekend with us and we had to attend an event where some of our vanilla friends were. Most had no idea who our friends really were, but a few people knew exactly what the deal was. We've not lost any friends over it...in fact, many have expressed interest or said that they admired the fact that our relationship was so strong that we could live this lifestyle. Now...family is a completely different story. There's no way we're telling them.

[Guest hammerit12]

I am an honest person and if any body would asks me I would be straight up with them. I also have told a friend and a sister, my husband disagrees with telling anyone, but I feel that if I can't tell, then why do it at all if it such a crime, or a "bad" thing. LOL. Like I said I just don't tell a random person on the street.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

We havent told anyone. But we know they know. I heard a couple friends of ours having a conversation in a bar one night on how Mrs naughty & I like having sex with other people. But no one has come out and asked us about it yet.

We have talked about what we would say if approached by our vanilla friends on the subject.

We decided it would depend on who asked.

We would either admit it or tell them its our buisness what we do in private (which is also admitting it without actualy doing so, in our opinion .).

[frenzb4sex 15]

It's funny, this has actually become quite the inside joke around our household lately. In the last two months, we moved to a different part of our area. The house next to us, well this is a guy that I knew of, but didn't really "know him know him". Well, as the first month went by, he was awesome about helping out with some things we were immediately improving, and they had a baby, to which my wife would help watching while they ran errands. It wasn't a close knit friendship, but we felt comfy around each other.

 

Now, enter in the lifestyle. We had gone some places to meet people during this time, but hadn't really had anyone over as of yet (we didn't have everything in order like we would have wanted them to see). The first time was on the fourth of July, where they came and spent the day and night with us. Almost immediately, as we set up chairs out in our driveway, our next door neighbor was there. He started talking to them, it was actually pretty cool. Nothing different than any other situation.

 

Things went really well for us as a foursome that weekend, and they wanted to make a return trip. So, they came the next weekend. During this time (on Saturday), myself and the male were outside taking a drag, and the neighbor spotted us. He just kind of casually made his way over with a "hey, nice to see ya again" (it really was innocent). He asked what was up, to which the male responded "Oh, well, Tim and I are working on some of the things down in the basement that he wants done and we're just doing some planning and seeing what we can do." To which, the helper my neighbor is, responds, "Cool! Let me help!" I jumped in. "Naaah, man, we really have no idea what is happening right now...you hang out with your new daughter." I think that the neighbor was a little perplexed, because he had helped with something every time before. Well, lo and behold, they actually stayed until Wednesday of that next week (YES, I WAS TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

 

So, you probably know the rest of that story. After they left, later on that week, the neighbor sees me out in the yard (I was still limping LMAO). "So, you guys must have got a ton of work done, they were here an awfully long time!!!" To which I quick-wittedly said "Yeah, we thought about a lot of stuff, but in the end we just scrapped a lot of it because it would cost way too much. So, we started talking about things we could do with their house as well. Plus, Lora and (the female) are really good friends, so they could spend time together as well."

 

When I looked up, all I got was a half smile. I didn't even go beyond that.

 

They were here again last weekend, and stayed until Tuesday.

 

Guess who I saw the day after?

 

You got it. And the only thing he said to me was..."So, planning more home improvements?" from his porch.

 

Yikes!

 

Tim

[Greg & Sheryl 369]

We were curious about how or if you tell your non-lifestyle friends that you are in the lifestyle.

 

Non-lifestyle friends? What are they? :rollseyes All of our friends are swingers, so this hasn't been an issue for us. We don't broadcast our status to everyone in our city, but we would be completely honest with anyone who asked if we were swingers.

[leftcoastcouple 32]

The first friend I told, at the time about our fantasy, ended up being our first playmate. Too bad he couldn't handle it once it happened. But in hindsight, the sex was better than the friendship, so it wasn't the end of the world.

 

The only other person who has a clue, my best friend then and now, 20 years later, I've never come out and told, at least not exactly. I went out drinking with him the first time Mrs. Leftcoast played alone, and he definitely knew something was going on. He also knew about a couple of women I played with in the past and even walked in on me mid-act with one of them late one night in our living room when he and I were roommates, which may not have exactly obligated me to explain to him that I and Mrs. Leftcoast (then Mrs. Leftcoast-to-be) were pretty openminded about sex, but led to an explanation, anyway.

 

He's pretty conservative, but he's never been judgmental, and I think he even envies me on some levels--and I know he envies me for being married to Mrs. Leftcoast. Fortunately, he's the last person we'd swing with, for a variety of reasons, even if we didn't have a hard-and-fast rule at this point about not playing with friends.

 

Meanwhile, though I've never asked her--probably because I know the answer--I'd bet a million dollars Mrs. Leftcoast has never told anyone.

 

Hmmm. Think I'll go wake her up and ask, just for curiosity's sake!

[hotcpl144 15]

hi

well it sometimes sounds very exciting to tell ur friends abt the lifestyle specially if u already are using them in ur fantasies and erotic stories whn u r making love,

but i guess it may not work our ,my wife had once tried with with one of her friends ,with whom she was tough having lesbian realtionship whn they were in college,but now tht she is married she was taken aback and it didnt end up to the kind of result we wanted it to

so i guess u have to be careful,,,,but the fun is to keep trying i guess

bye

[DavidandJess 15]

I have mentioned it to my two closest friends and one actually said that if I go to a club, she wants to come with me! The other one was extremely excited and said that it sounded like we had our heads in the right place and was really happy that we trusted each other enough and cared enough about each other to allow the other to be with someone else, that she thought it was awesome.. hehe.. I think that discretion is the key.... if you think someone is going to go off the deep end about it, then it's probably best not to tell that person...:p

 

Jess

[Chicup 42]

The hardest thing for my wife was after we had a GREAT first time, she couldn't tell anyone she knew about it.

 

I'd say about half the guys I know wouldn't be comfortable seeing their wife in a bisexual relationship (amazing but true, I thought all guys joked about it wishing it were real, the old 'as long as I can watch' thing) and swinging is right out.

 

On the plus side I can't think of any of our current vanilla friends I would want to swing with, just think how your friendship would be if swinging were open and they asked if you wanted to swing with them

 

Some things are better left unsaid.

[EvilMJ 65]

Mr. Evil and myself agreed from the beginning that what happens behind closed doors, stays behind close doors (althought one of my friends is involved in a polyamorous relationship and no doubt would understand). We never discussed our sex lives with our friends before..why start now.

 

It's funny though. The sister of my friend who we play with commented that we were awful cozy and seemed a little too close. Even though we never made mention of anything even remotely realted to what we were doing in private. I think it is just because we are all such good friends and comfortable in each other's company. Oh well.

[tina78 15]

We have a select group of friends who know what we do, and some family members as well....and like someone else mentioned, we're a source of really juicy stories for them! Most of my friends and family are completely unaware of this side of us...but I know my partner's friends pretty much all know about it. We do have a few friends we hang out with who are from the lifestyle, and integrating them into our "normal" circle of friends was a bit...scary...at first, but the question has never come up as to how we all met....we just introduce them as our friends and that's where it ends. I have to say, though, it's tons of fun at big get-togethers that involve both family and friends, to have the ones we can talk about it to there...it's like this BIG secret that we're talking about to each other at the party, yet no one around us has any clue what we're all talking about! LOL!! Overall, I'd say that b/c my partner and myself are very open sexually, we tend to surround ourselves with people who are just as, if not more, open about it as we are, so that makes things a lot easier. However...within our exisiting friends, the ones we had before this whole shift in lifestyle came about...we'd NEVER, EVER, EVER ask any of them to join us in the lifestyle, unless it was THEM who asked US first.

[Brian and Jo 344]

We are quite open about the fact that we are nudists - all our family and most of our regular friends know about that. But we are very discreet when it comes to swinging. We have had a few cocktail parties to which our regular, nudist and swinging friends were invited. Everyone seemed to get on well together and no-one appeared to suspect anything when the swingers, on a tip from us, stayed behind until everyone else had left. Then our clothes came off and the real party began! Our kids may have got a bit suspicious when they discovered that one couple in particular was having regular sleepovers at our place but they never said anything.

[man_wife_sex 15]

New at this HELP where can we go in Indianapolis

[*afcouple* 15]

Well I've told pretty much all of my friends. I'm very open, and they love me for who I am, and support me.

 

Now as far as family is concern I have never told any of them. They wouldn't support me, or my husband.