I wish we get into the lifestyle

[hotwifeandthebeast 0]

Hello to all of you here!

First I want to introduce us, we are a married couple, her-36, me-44 from eastern Europe. We are together for 11 years and have a stable, passionate marriage full of love and understanding. 

 

When I say "I wish we get into the lifestyle" it means I love cuckolding, hotwife, doging and swinging. I tried hotwifing before, with my ex wife (I will explain) but I would love to try with my wife now, all of the styles, or some of them. I want to apologize for my English as it is not my mother language. 

 

So first let me tell you what I had with my ex wife. At some point I suggested we try swinging or MMF threesome and she agreed to MMF which I gladly accepted. I already had a profile on a local website for swingers so we together started searching for a guy. She agreed so easily because she already knew I am into those kind of things, we have been talking about it before so she knew I want it but I guess she needed some time to admit she want it to. I kind of felt it so I kept bringing it up from time to time. So eventually she said yes and we started looking for someone. We found a guy, went to meet him, talked a bit and agreed for a meet.  We had our own apartment so he came to us. That whole day I have been so excited like never before in my life. Even before we had our rituals before sex, dressing, preparing, photo sessions, things like that, and this time it was the same. So he came, we sat, served some food and drinks, talked, laughed and at some point she went to our bedroom to change. She came out in a lingerie we choose together, it was fucking awesome.  The night was amazing, it was the first time for both of us and we knew we want to do it again, which we did. The reason we divorced is very complicated and has no space here.

 

My wife now, she knows I like all those things, I told her last year. She didn't accept it very well at first but after I explained many things she kind of agreed. I am not pushing her in any way! We still haven't done anything because I feel she wants to do it only because of me, because she know I want it, and that is exactly the reason I don't want to do it.  It make sense only if she want it because of her, if she is going to enjoy it as much as I will. 

 

So the things are just hanging in the air somewhere and I am giving her time. I know she shared that with a friend of hers which is totally ok by me. I am even happy she did. At this point I am not sure what is her real feeling about it, what she thinks about it and whether she want to do it or not. 

 

I would love to get some suggestions from the experienced here, some advice what should I do now and how should I do it.

 

Thank you in advance!

 

 

 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

You are doing well by not pushing her. You've opened a door. It's up to her to decide if she wants to go through that door. Keep talking with her. Try to have the best communication possible with her. Tip; don't judge her comments, or she yours. Don't be even slightly sarcastic or make jokes about what she says. Trust is built in this way. She will learn she is completely safe in telling you her deepest thoughts and emotions. Many couples are not able to do this. Whether you get into swinging with your wife or not, this is still an important thing to do. If you do get into swinging, having this level of communication is quite important.

[hotwifeandthebeast 0]

54 minutes ago, bbarnsworth said:

You are doing well by not pushing her. You've opened a door. It's up to her to decide if she wants to go through that door. Keep talking with her. Try to have the best communication possible with her. Tip; don't judge her comments, or she yours. Don't be even slightly sarcastic or make jokes about what she says. Trust is built in this way. She will learn she is completely safe in telling you her deepest thoughts and emotions. Many couples are not able to do this. Whether you get into swinging with your wife or not, this is still an important thing to do. If you do get into swinging, having this level of communication is quite important.

Thank you. I like to believe I am on the right path. Don't think to push in any way, just talk.

 

Edited June 10, 2023 by hotwifeandthebeast

[Numex 2,409]

What worked for me and my wife was telling her that she could be non-monogamous on her terms, that I wasn't looking to be with another woman or even get anything out of it other than her being happy.  I gave her total control over the way we went on this adventure.

 

After confirming this several times when we weren't engaged in sex, we discussed who she would like to have sex with.  She had two boyfriends from the past that she liked, so I said it was fine with me.

 

She met the first guy, then later we three had dinner together so that everything was clear to all of us that she was married, I was ok with them having sex, and she wasn't looking for anything more.  Later we did the same with another ex of hers and she started having sex with him as well.  She loved it, he loved it, and I was perfectly fine with it because it made my wife happy and I didn't mind because they were exes and she had fucked them many times before anyway.

 

It was great, but got even better as we moved on, at her direction, to us having MFMs with them, then regular swinging (couples swaps), to playing in our closed group of married couples in various ways.  It turned out better than I ever expected.

 

So my advice is to let her take the lead and do whatever it is that she wants.  Don't criticize what she does (even things she doesn't do with you), who she does it with, when (before you, after you), where (a hotel, in your bed at home), how often, or whether she wants to be alone or with you watching, participating.  It will make her comfortable in the lifestyle and give you the most exciting and satisfying journey of your life.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

Edited June 10, 2023 by Numex

[couplers 4,614]

I don't have anything to add to the advice others have given about, but from my perspective as a woman:

21 hours ago, hotwifeandthebeast said:

It make sense only if she want it because of her, if she is going to enjoy it as much as I will.

It is my conclusion that women enjoy their sexual freedom as much or more than men.  Women are certainly capable of having more sex than men. Because of the instincts around bearing and raising children, however, women are cautious of two things: getting pregnant with someone not their family partner, and keeping the family, which protects her offspring, intact.

 

The first concern is taken care of by modern birth control.

 

The second concern can only be assuaged by reassurances from her family partner that he will not leave her because of his distress over her repeated, in-his-face sexual infidelity, even if that's what he wants and is asking for.  Or that their playing with others will result in him finding another partner and leaving her.

 

These are instincts, so even calm, rational discussion may not immediately overcome them.  (At first, I worried about the possibility of pregnancy making my husband leave me because it wasn't his, even though I was on birth control and could abort if necessary.)  Small steps go a long way to eliminating these instinctual fears.  Love her and celebrate her holding another man's hand, kissing him, placing his hand on her breast or between her legs.

 

Once those fears are quashed, a new, wonderful world awaits you both.

Edited June 11, 2023 by couplers

[SheernylonCpl 38]

Helen here and we are in an open non monogamous relationship.