No French kissing?

[Candy&Cane 16]

Hello there! This is the female part of 2Gether ...

I have a problem, and was wandering if people have had the same thing...

 

So, we're new to the Lifestyle, have been to a club once. Had an innocent experience there (just touching )... we've also got to know a couple who'll probably be our playmates some time (I've a very good feeling about them).

 

We've talked months about changes we'll have to go through, discussed, compared, visualized, etc. And I'm starting to feel quite good about it (however my feelings can change day by day; very frustrating ). There's just one thing that keeps 'haunting' me; although I think I can deal pretty good with seeing my hubby play (touching, fondling, having a blowjob, etc), I just can't stand the thought of him kissing (tongues) another woman.  I can keep love and sex apart pretty well, but kissing is a 'love-thing' to me...

 

Is this weird ('cause it feels as a very natural reaction to me)?

 

My hubby doesn't mind this, he says it'll be one of our 'rules' until we see how things go, maybe my feelings will change. But I can imagine it being a nuisance to other couples. I'd feel like a fool to say;'Sex is fine but no kissing please'...

 

Or does this occur more often than I think?

[4forfun 15]

Hi 2gether, We had the same problem when we were in talks about swinging. But it was hubby who was concerned about it and I thought "I need to kiss" as kissing really turns me on. Anyway we had our proper first MFM a few weeks ago and we agreed that kissing was ok but when we were all together I think I had a mental block or something and I didn't really want to kiss him but thought the experience we all had together was great! ( Deep down I still had what hubby told me in the beginning) Well later hubby mentioned it again and said "I really don't mind you kissing" as he was comfortable with it and the next time we all got together wow it was brilliant.

 

So I think you should both go with your own instincts and also do what feels comfortable for you both and as time goes by the rules you have together will change.

[frenzb4sex 15]

Howdy 2gether...

 

Actually, what you are thinking is not weird at all, IMO. The couple that "broke us in" had this rule, because they felt that kissing was way more intimate and therefore more "lovey". At first, my wife and I struggled with it, because for us to have sex, kissing was part of the foreplay involved and very much a part of everything. As time went by, it was ok that we didn't, because we didn't really know any different swinging-wise.

 

However, as we explored with other couples, we found that we absolutely had to have kissing with others in order to truly enjoy the experience. So, therefore, our ads/profiles specifically state this preference. I believe you should do the same as far as needs/wants/preferences. It is an important thing to many people, just as much some time as safe sex or same room/separate. If you are honest up front and they know what they are getting before they even begin speaking with you, you reduce your risk of having problems with it significantly. Better than the alternative of not really being up front about it and then getting to the point of no return...

[Vespertine 31]

I can understand how you feel.

 

From reading this board I have learned that several people have this rule. So its not unusual. People like to keep certain intimate gestures just between them.

 

We will only cuddle and sleep (as in Zzzz... ) with each other.

 

I, however, would not be comfortable playing without kissing.

 

I find kissing erotic and love that part of foreplay-- I don't think I could get aroused enough to play without it.

 

I am orally fixated, though. LOL!

 

But you do what feels right for you. Don't subject yourself to something that makes you uncomfortable. It's all about pleasure!

[good times 991]

While we normally won't play with couples that have a no kissing rule as my wife considers kissing a necessary part of foreplay, you are definitely not alone in your feelings about this as we have met a few couples that have a no kissing rule.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The "no kissing" rule is actually pretty common. And while those who don't have really don't understand in the least (typically) why those who have it do.... just know that you aren't alone.

 

Here's a few past discussions on the topic:

 

Is kissing a big deal?

 

Do you reserve kissing for your partner only?

[sensuality 2]

The first experience my hunny and I had was a FMF threesome...kissing was never an issue, we both kissed her and she kissed us...thoroughly

 

We had discussed everything ahead of time and things went well. Except for one thing that bothered me...this girl had a clit ring and had taken it out so I could go "down south" on her. When we were all finished, she and I took a shower...and while I was getting dressed, she was having trouble putting the ring back in her clit...so my hunny helped her {I was out of the room}. THAT bothered me...ironically.

 

Even though I really love this part about my husband, he's very kind and helpful, I just felt like that was too intimate of a gesture for me. Let her put her own damn clit ring back in.

 

Well, now, I'm over all of that. We talked about it and got it out of the way and it wasn't so much that he put it in for her, it was that he did it when I was out of the room , I would have liked to have watched Geez!! {I know, control freak} 

 

The point is, all of us have our own idiosyncrasies. And, what bothers one person, may not bother the other.

 

In this lifestyle, you'd be surprised! What you think might not bother you, ends up bugging the hell out of you and then the thing you thought would bother you, usually doesn't after all... It's definitely a process!

[TeamSoBe 36]

Some people kiss play pals no problem but they seem to reserve a certain type of kiss for playmates. Like a 'porn kiss'. All spicy tongue action, no soft romance kissing. Sexy but not so intimate.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

good times said:

While we normally won't play with couples that have a no kissing rule as my wife considers kissing a necesary part of foreplay, you are definitely not alone in your feelings about this as we have met a few couples that have a no kissing rule.

 

We are the same way we prefer not to play with couples that don't kiss because we have and for me it is just harder to 'warm up' so to speak. You are not alone though there are a lot of couples that don't kiss you have to do what you are comfortable with. Mr Spoo and I always say we are in the lifestyle for us not others so we just look for people who are okay with our rules and us with theirs.

 

When we first started though I was like you "no kissing" "no swapping" just soft swing. Ha, that didn't last long - I put the rules up thinking I couldn't stand to see him with another woman but each experience turned me on so much we moved ahead pretty quickly

 

Go at your own pace for the two of you and keep communication open and share your concerns with each other. You'll either keep the no kissing rule or throw it out the window.

[Candy&Cane 16]

Thank U Thank U Thank U; I didn't expect so many replies!!!

 

(It's so weird realizing most of you guys are living in the evening now; it's 2 a.m. here, and I had a drink, so please excuse my mistakes )

 

OK, so now I get the picture.. ;

 

It isn't weird, but most of you prefer the kissing as it's part of the foreplay... Probably that's another reason why I cant stand it; I want to have the foreplay with my hubby now, and actually that's quite logical; as we are new to this 'game' and i desire to start of with him (to sustain the connection in some way).

 

So, I feel, kissing is too intimate for me to share with others; plus, the 'kissing to get each other horny' is also something that bothers me in this beginners phase (although I know this part will be gone fast, as I feel the same thing and will need it with another man, as soon as we start having experiences apart ).

 

To make it more clear; yes, the sexual horny part I experience in the same way, and as we're only starting, I want my hubby to start me up anyway. I'm SURE this will change as soon as we really 'get into it'. But the intimate part is the side that's really bugging me... If we're going to swing, everything that's intimate between the two of us, will get more important to me (I mean; you'll need SOMETHING to hang on to ). But we'll see; perhaps it's all good, and I'll enjoy every part of it -including kissing.... I'll sure let you guys know in the future

 

@Sensuality; I have a clit-piercing and I'm a bit curious about why she removed it? (the male half here; I don't get it either...not even slightly...I mean, going down on a woman with a clit-ring is a sexy and interesting experience )

[sensuality 2]

About the clit ring:

It was a pretty good sized hoop for down there...and she asked me if I wanted her to take it off...since it was my first time going down south...I said yes Also, we were all a bit tipsy and ya know how that goes In hindsight, she probably didn't need to remove it...but hindsight always is 20/20, is it not?

 

I have to laugh at the whole thing now, even the part about me getting perturbed because it was a really great experience. However, I will say that every time you have any type of swinging experience you absolutely need to talk about it afterwards...talk about and be honest about any insecurities or anything you really loved...be totally honest. If there's something you don't like, do not ever be afraid to bring it up! But,do it in as loving a manner as possible. Remember, this is always about you both as a couple!Never stop talking!!!

[sensuality 2]

P.S. About this whole intimacy thing...again! There's one thing no one can touch but you and your hunny...it's your hearts   Making love is totally different from fucking. And, fucking your hunny is different than fucking in the swinging sense. However, if kissing really bothers you that much...rule it out for now! Just remember, no one can take that love in your hearts away...once you've got that strong of a connection, even the cutest, most well-endowed man or well-built woman can not take that away! There's always sexual attraction, but love has a different meaning, there's more facets to that gem!

[CuriousElders 15]

What? No French kissing? We were recently initiated into soft swing by a wonderful couple. The whole thing evolved from touching and kissing to French kissing and more. It's such a lovely way to say hello. We'd want such kissing to be a part of our next encounter.

[ChloeandHubby 15]

Chloe: We had an interesting experience a few years ago in response to an ad that we replied to. The other woman of other couple phoned me on my mobile and we had a lengthy chat about the lifestyle, her/mine bisexuality etc..Boy was I floored when she said "if we play, we can kiss but you can't kiss my husband and I won't kiss yours" Needless to say I cut the conversation very short there after.

 

It smacks of double standards to me, I mean what if I really wanted to kiss her husband or my hub wanted to kiss her in the heat of the momenttttt facelick

 

Deep french kissing is just soooooo sexy, we really love it with the right mood/couple. yum

[DBL D 120]

Fem D and I feel very confident that we can separate swinging intimacy from the real thing.

 

Therefore we kiss whenever we can!

[lauriern 16]

We stay away from people who have the no kissing rule. Cue in Twilight Zone music. They have "issues" and we are not here to solve them.