Trying to figure things out

[NewCouple23 0]

*Thank you before hand for any responses!
 

So my wife and I are still relatively new to things and we are trying to figure things out. We have gone to many clubs and resorts and really enjoy the lifestyle environment. We have no issue being in rooms with other people (I think someone quoted it as “parallel play”) but we are unsure if we will ever cross that boundary of a full, or even soft swap.  The problem we have is I feel like that puts people off to us. We will make friends but when we say we are unsure if we would ever swap, I feel like that puts a label on us and nobody would want to hang out anymore. Is it possible to be in the lifestyle but not swap? We like to watch and be watched but feel like we would have to find similar people to feel involved. 

[ConfusedHubby 118]

Is it possible to be in the LS without swapping?  Sure, but it shouldn't be a surprise that it isn't what most other couples are seeking 

 

While we value friendship we've got an extremely busy social vanilla life and want sex to at least be a possibility of our LS relationships.  It doesn't have to go there everything or even most times, but we want it to be a possibility.

 

Speaking candidly, we want couples that are on the same page with each other that have an idea of what they want.  "not sure" for us translates to "not a match".

[njbm 2,869]

When we first went to Desire, people would ask us if we were in the lifestyle. We would hem and haw. We wanted to try it, but at that point, we had not. The couples asking us would take off like a shot. 

I think parallel play is sexy, but it is not what most people are looking for. But if you feel that is your limit, stick with it. You be you. My wife often says she wishes we stopped at dinner. 

Edited July 3, 2023 by njbm

[let's do it again 414]

I think that many are looking for a swap and if it isn't going to happen they just move on. It's like fishing at a lake, if the fish aren't biting in a cove, move to the dam and try your luck.

[lcmim 1,082]

 

 

Yes it will radically alter some peoples response. At this point that is probably to your benefit. It probably would not be a good thing for you to be pressured.

 

My suggestion would be , just be who you are. You may circle ever closer to the event horizon, or not. Either way you are doing what you like and remain in control.

There are billions of people. You will not run out of prospects.

 

 There are those who find that just being around those for whom sex is not a forbidden or scandalous topic is refreshing. Someone has a tag line here that goes to the fact that once you needn't lie about sex you needn't lie about anything. That is so true.

 

We realized a long time ago that the only reason that we knew some of our closest friends even had sex was the fact they had children. We began to wonder why that wall was up.

 

My wife and I enjoy talking with people who are making up their minds how and/or if they will take the plunge. Sometimes it leads to play sometimes not. If it does lead to play sometimes it is with us. 

 

In any case we have had the pleasure or helping them figure it out.