Talked to wife about MFM threesome. Is she interested?

[Rayfromotown 2]

Some background. Been wanting to have a MFM threesome with the wife for quite some time now. One day when I was fucking her doggy facing the mirror I saw her mouth wide open and she was bobbing her head up and down. I responded with “keep doing that it’s hot”. Her response was “ewww, that means I’d have another cock in front of me”. I told her “that’d be hot and told her I think she could handle that. She got super quiet while I finished fucking her and then came the questions and comments.

You want to become swingers? My response was “no, I just want to share you with another guy and enjoy seeing you pleasured”. She responded back saying “you just want to fuck other women” and I assured her that I just wanted to see her pleasured and it was just sex.

You want to watch me fuck another guy? You want me to go out and find a guy to fuck? I told her yes and no, that I wanted to watch but I also wanted to join in on the fun.

She dropped it at that but teased me the rest of the day. A song came on the radio and she said “is that what you are going to play during your threesome”. Couple other times she would bend over and grind her ass on my cock.

Later that night when we were going to bed she brought it up once again. This time she asked me how that would work. I said she’d have one of us fucking her while she sucks on the other. She asked me “how that’s even pleasurable to a women and that’s only good for the guys involved”. I left it alone and felt like I planted the seed at that point.

Does it sound like she is actually interested? Should I keep bringing it up or just let it be?

[Anon321 522]

Yes it definitely sounds like she is interested.  Doesn't mean she is willing to take the plunge yet but definitely seems interested if she keeps bringing it up like that.  I find that some women don't want to come out and directly admit that they want a MFM because they might be thought of as slutty or it has some kind of a stigma attached to it,  I think you need to keep the conversation going and let her know that you're perfectly fine with it and make her comfortable that you won't see or think any differently of her but rather find it sexy.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

She didn't say NO! but she hasn't said yes either. First, you two need to talk about this outside of a sexual situation. She needs to KNOW that you are serious and there will be no repercussions for her, then you need to start talking. If she doesn't seem interested at this point, drop it and see if she brings it back up again later.

[AdamGunn2 398]

Both Anon and Gold have given you great advice. I'd heed them, if I were you.

 

I'd add two things: 1) Don't pressure her. Don't make a point to pester her every day, or every time you make love with her. Give her time to digest this new situation. Pressuring her is more likely than not to turn her off. 

 

2) Understand that the process of her accepting this new dynamic is going to take some time. For my wife and I, it was over a year from the first time we discussed opening up our marriage until the moment I heard her whines as she was with another man. This will be particularly true if you have children in the house.

 

Be patient, let her make up her own mind, decide her destiny. Even if she says, "I don't think so," now, in months or years she may have a different opinion.

 

Good luck!

[Rayfromotown 2]

Thanks for the great feedback. Still curious to hear what others think as well. I’m thinking I opened Pandora’s box. As she’s been much more flirtatious with other guys now. Could just be a coincidence.

[Rayfromotown 2]

Last time we fucked she was stroking my dick standing and her other hand was cupped making the stroking motion but empty . My goal is to take her to one of the local college bars and try to find her a young dude. She can be super flirtatious when she gets a couple in her.

[Billygoat 443]

Well….you have stepped out on the ice had a short back and forth conversation and according to your writing she didn’t slam the door shut.

 

The advise so far is all spot on for sure.

 

Now where to go?

 

First my genera list of does and don’ts.  My list is not from a book, study or LS play book.  It my, our experience in over 25 years in the LS.  Having attended hundreds of parties, theme parties, our own MFM, MMFMM, organized gangbangs for the Queen….as well as dozens of requests from couples and single/solo ladies.  We have had three of our own groups/home parties.  I had a stable of reliable gentlemen for such request meaning; safe, experienced, there for the lady’s pleasure, reliable and follow the rules and activities preplanned.  So, this what works:

 

1. Open, honest time allowed conversation (private, not pre sex, during sex, post sex, not with alcohol or drugs, not under pressure, rebuttals, trade or coercion.  Just from time to time casual conversation.

 

2. Open, honest time allowed conversation (private, not pre sex, during sex, post sex, not with alcohol or drugs, not under pressure, rebuttals, trade or coercion.  Just from time to time casual conversation.

 

3. Open, honest time allowed conversation (private, not pre sex, during sex, post sex, not with alcohol or drugs, not under pressure, rebuttals, trade or coercion.  Just from time to time casual conversation.

 

                    No not a mistake this is repeated three times, it is that important.  Every thought, feeling, expectation.

 

4. Role play just the two of you.  Surprise setups, chance encounters, drunken/drugged experiences etc do not work or end well.  Usually followed by tragic results.  So role play is great cause it only requires the two of you.  You can experience each step/level and still keep it between you both.  The only two ingredients missing is a third warm body, the unknown and fluids (if that is your path).  Start with discussion, interest in role play, steps events activities, just the two of you.   Share erotic literature, story, photos and videos.  Time…..making time….get used to making time for sex play, playful sex for you both together.  Add in toys…..there are a dozen of every type of toy to select from. We personally know of more couples that tarted thinking they wanted a threesome, MFM or FMF but discovered they were very satisfied with just the two of them and their toy chest.  Let your imagination run wild.

 

5. The real deal. Where to find that special someone.  DO NOT pick a friend, relative, coworker, stranger at a bar/vacation or even an escort (although slightly better, but still an unknown/potentially dangerous adventure).  Do join and attend swinger gatherings/parties/clubs, get social and comfortable talking with others that attend.  You only stay as a couple, your there to meet, talk, listen, listen, listen to others talk openly.  You will meet single and legit solo males (couples who play separately) and the hosts that can recommend.  It is safe, noncommittal, get to know people but also meet someone that could be a match.  Also gives a safe environment for you both to explore, watch….test the waters slowly.  Settle on your rules and a usable safe word that either of you can use to step back, slow down or stop.  Something that can be easily used in a phrase.

 

6. Always remember you leave with the one you came in with.  Always honest and small comfortable steps….test the water.  Swing parties are best, swing clubs with on premises play are almost as good.  Never put yourselves in a position/location that you do not have 100% control.

 

DO NOT DO THESE:

 

1. Not fully understand what each other wants/expects.

 

2. Do not assume………believe that asking for forgiveness is not an option.  No surprises, ever.

 

3. Always be secure and in control of your situation.  Safe, secure, comfortable and relaxed.

 

4. Never change a rule in the heat of the moment.  If it was not part of the plan at the beginning it still is not.  Talk later, the next day….and move on from there.

 

5.  Enjoy each step, event, activity.  You do not learn to swim by jumping in the deep end of the pool and hope for the best…..you do not test your fantasies and sexual sharing by jumping in the naked Mosh Pitt of bodies and hope for the best.

 

6. The best is slow step by step exploration.  Open discussion.  Likes dislikes desires and improvements. 

 

These are general and can be easily applied and expanded or reduced depending on what the both of you agree.

 

if you have questions feel free to reach out. Best wishes.

 

 

[let's do it again 414]

Don't say anything about swinging or MFM, take her doggy style in front of the mirror again and watch her actions. I would be interested how she would react again. 

[Rayfromotown 2]

You know what’s funny, I was actually thinking about doing it in front of the mirror like that. It gets me so hard and horny seeing her with the look of pure pleasure on her face.

[let's do it again 414]

4 hours ago, Rayfromotown said:

You know what’s funny, I was actually thinking about doing it in front of the mirror like that. It gets me so hard and horny seeing her with the look of pure pleasure on her face.

Not only will she realize that she is in that same position, she will feel how much that turns you on!

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Ray, you commented your wife doesn't understand how giving head and having sex at the same time could be pleasurable for the woman.

 

In talking with a number of women in the lifestyle, and seeing posts here, I can tell you I've never known a woman to NOT enjoy being "spit roasted". For my wife, this is her absolute favorite thing! She loooooves giving head while another guy is having sex with her. It most emphatically is about her and not the guys involved. MFMs generally are about the woman, not about the guys. Sure, they're having fun too, but the focus is the woman involved.

[Rayfromotown 2]

9 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

Ray, you commented your wife doesn't understand how giving head and having sex at the same time could be pleasurable for the woman.

 

In talking with a number of women in the lifestyle, and seeing posts here, I can tell you I've never known a woman to NOT enjoy being "spit roasted". For my wife, this is her absolute favorite thing! She loooooves giving head while another guy is having sex with her. It most emphatically is about her and not the guys involved. MFMs generally are about the woman, not about the guys. Sure, they're having fun too, but the focus is the woman involved.

Yeah I was struggling trying to understand that as well. Maybe I should of rephrased it and asked her what she would like to do and what would bring her pleasure?

[couplers 4,640]

Most women desire to have additional sex partners as much as men, but are more choosy.  So importantly, let her pick the guy she wants to screw.  Continue your conversations by asking her who she would want to be intimate with.  It may start as an abstraction, George Clooney, but will move along to men who she knows.  (Don't be surprised if it's someone who you do not know.)

 

Whoever he is, do not criticize or object.  That will kill her desire, criticizing her taste in men.

 

Also, let her begin the way she wants, whether it's MFM or the two of them alone; in a hotel, his place, or in your bed; whether she wants to talk about it or not.  Let her become comfortable with the whole thing her way before moving on to what you want.

 

 

Edited July 4, 2023 by couplers

[couplers 4,640]

9 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

I've never known a woman to NOT enjoy being "spit roasted".

 I like being spit roasted, but it's not my favorite.  First, I enjoy licking pussy more than sucking dick.

 

Second, when I'm on the road to orgasming (as compared to just enjoying a guy's dick moving in me for a while) I definitely do NOT want a dick in my mouth.  I want to be able to breathe, scream, whatever, freely.  I definitely don't want to deal with cum shooting in my mouth at that point.

[couplers 4,640]

9 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

MFMs generally are about the woman, not about the guys.

Living with two men, and early on me being the only woman in the house, I would say that it's about 50/50.  There were many times when I was just a vessel for their mutual sexual pleasure.  They love me, and I was flattered to be in that role, used that way, but sometimes it definitely was/is about them.

 

MFMs are better one man after another.  That's when I can fully enjoy myself rather than multitasking. 

[ExploringOptions 185]

We are only talking so we decided he will be with her and I would be with him. If I go as far as sex with someone my husband can watch but he has to let me enjoy or try to enjoy. What I picture for the first time is nothing way wild just a new man pleasing me. One step at a time. I don’t know how I’m going to be or how I will react. Can reality be as good as fantasy?

[couplers 4,640]

9 hours ago, ExploringOptions said:

my husband can watch but he has to let me enjoy 

As it should be. 

 

9 hours ago, ExploringOptions said:

the first time is nothing way wild just a new man pleasing me.

Which by itself can be very nice.

 

9 hours ago, ExploringOptions said:

Can reality be as good as fantasy?

Yes.  I've found sometimes better.