Dipping our toes in

[gokuandchichi 8]

We haven't started swinging yet.  But she has said she would like to dip the toes in and see where we go from there.  

It all started a few months ago.  We got this app that is supposed to help couples communicate about certain topics through games and the likes.  One of the first games we played was about threesomes.  I was suprised to find that she was a little keen for them with both male and female.  Anyway a bit of conversation was had with that and we had some really hot sex that night.  A couple of weeks later, I had a bit of an idea to get her worked up a bit for that night.  I asked if it would be ok for me to send some short sex stories for her to read.  Just 1 a week.  She thought it was a great idea.  I tend to like the stories that are more realistic.  Anyway the sight i was looking at for stories was hard to find something that wasn't incest, beastiality or teenage stories.  I found a few swinging stories and these were my favourite.  

Over the space of a couple of weeks i sent a couple of threesome stories and a swinging story.  She liked the swinging story the most.  It was then after a google search i found this site and hit the jackpot.  I have been sending her stories from this site every week for a couple of months now.  This of course got us talking about swinging and clubs.  She confessed to me that she was interested in going to one.  Well good old Google to the rescue again and I have found one about 15 mins from here.  We are both looking forward to an opportunity to check it out.  Kinda hard with kids and getting a baby sitter, but we will figure something out.  

Anyway while I was doing some more research (I figure I may as well have as much information about the topic as I can) i came across a Playboy TV series called Swing.  I downloaded it (completely legally of course *NOT*) in the hopes we might be able to watch it together.  Well on the weekend we were talking about what we were going to do that night and I jokingly said "Wanna watch some porn and have some fun".  She responded with "Sure, sounds good".  I then thought of the series and suggested it to her.  She was a bit more excited by the sounds of that.  So we put it on and watched 2 episodes.  She got really worked up with the Red room scenes and we were doing it doggy style while watching it.  Both episodes.  We then started talking about it again about different situations and rules.  Suprisingly she was keen to do the same the next night too.  

Anyway the swinging conversation has been getting a bit more intense this week.  Talking about which couples we see when out and about and if we would "do them".  Our plan is to go to the club on their couples introduction night and just have a look and probably have sex together and just see what the other couples do.  We may engage in a soft oral maximum swap (still working out this rule and will have a concrete barrier in place before we go).  

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.  The hardest part of this is not having anyone to talk to about it at this stage.  Don't want to talk about it to friends for obvious reasons although i think one couple may want to join us in the future (that is another story for another time) 

So before i sign off, a couple of questions.

1. Has anybody watched Swing from Playboy TV and is it in anyway realistic.  It seems to me like it might be as couples don't just go around and bang everyone, they are very choosey and stick to their rules (at least in the first 3 episodes)?

2. Does it sound like we are ready to take the plunge?

3. Any red flags here?

[zonaboy801 38]

You guys have taken the right steps. Go visit the club, and stick to your soft swap rule. However, if one of you goes a little further than you planned, no recriminations, just agree to do better next time. Let us know how it goes!

[TricianMike 772]

Sounds like us about 10 years ago when we finally went to a club and watched others having fun not joining physically we just made friends. We watched how they were with others, he looked like he respected the women around him and was amazed how long he pleased a partner. Mike and I watched a woman nearby play with another man and a woman who looked to be in total ecstasy. That woman and I started talking and she introduced me to her husband the man I watched before. They invited us to play but we weren’t ready. Not that day they became our friends and our first. 
Go, watch and then decide. Baby steps works, the lifestyle will be there tomorrow or when you are ready. 

[TricianMike 772]

23 hours ago, gokuandchichi said:

We may engage in a soft oral maximum swap (still working out this rule and will have a concrete barrier in place before we go).  

Why soft oral? Oral can be thought of as more intimate as any sexual act. I am more sexually engaged with oral sex, Vaginal sex is more passive for me. 

[couplers 4,616]

I'm  assuming it's Tricia posting.  Correct me if I'm wrong.

 

24 minutes ago, TricianMike said:

I am more sexually engaged with oral sex

Giving, receiving, or both? 

 

24 minutes ago, TricianMike said:

Vaginal sex is more passive for me. 

I'm usually pretty active regardless of the position we're doing it in, but even when I'm lying there letting him do the work, I cum hard.  Shake, shudder, limbs flailing...

 

24 minutes ago, TricianMike said:

Oral can be thought of as more intimate as any sexual act.

For me and my cohort of girls in school before we lost our virginity, which involved a surreptitious trip to Planned Parenthood, handjobs, blowjobs, and sometimes bum sex were done fairly casually, not real sex.  Now, oral to orgasm is mostly between us women.  With guys it's foreplay. 

Edited July 9, 2023 by couplers

[TricianMike 772]

Yes Tricia 

 

24 minutes ago, couplers said:

Giving, receiving, or both? 

Don’t get me wrong, the ultimate sex is all of the acts with me orgasming comes vaginal sex by oral or of course penis. 
We enjoy my giving and Michael watching me give blowjobs. It’s hard to explain the feeling I have when giving oral to a man even wanting him to enjoy to an end. 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

gokuandchichi, it sounds to me like you are on the right path. You're exploring, you're taking it slow, and you're talking about it in AND out of the bedroom. A common mistake is to not talk about the potential for swinging outside of the bedroom. If you can't talk about swinging when you're not aroused, there's probably a problem. It sounds like you don't have that problem

 

The only very slight concern I have is that this path started with an app to help the two of you communicate better. I would encourage you to have as open and honest conversation as you can. It's important that in baring your souls to each other that there is no judgment, no sarcasm, no push back. Accept, consider, respond. Completely opening up can be scary, and requires a high level of trust.

 

In your first outing to a swing club, I would make sure you are both very, very clear about exactly what the limits are. This would be a first time for both of you, and it's going to be a bit of a nervous time. Many couples start out with lots of rules and limitations in place. This is ok, and perfectly normal. Over time, those rules will largely fall away as you get more comfortable with having sexual relations with other people. A rule my wife and I have kept, even after 15 years of being non-monogamous, is the rule we call the "golden parachute". If either of us feels it necessary to leave for any reason, we can voice it. The other will agree, and we'll both leave without questioning the request. We'll talk it out after we leave. We've never had to use that rule, but it's nice knowing it's there.

 

We haven't seen Swing from Playboy TV. But, in general, I would take anything you see on TV or in porn with a large grain of salt when it comes to reality. My wife and I did something similar before we got into swinging. We bought several CDs of a series called "Fuck My Wife Please", and watched them all. It was very erotic for both of us. We recognized it was likely fake, but we weren't viewing it with an eye to it being realistic. We were using it as a visual proxy to foster discussion and reaction. We haven't touched them since a few months after we actually got into swinging (probably need to get rid of them!).

 

A suggestion; if you do go to the swinger club but don't actually play with anyone, but do have sex together...do it in a public room where people can see you. It's definitely a boundary pusher if you don't play with others on the first outing. If it's of interest, give it a try!

 

A caution; you mentioned another couple of your acquaintance that might want to join you for swinging. Unless you know for a fact they are swingers, it usually isn't a good idea to broach the subject. There's an old saying around here; make friends out of swingers, not swingers out of friends. There's all sorts of things that can go wrong with the swingers out of friends scenario. It might feel more comfortable to do it with friends, but the risks are plenty.

 

If you have any other questions, by all means let us know! We're happy to help!

[ExploringOptions 185]

Sign up on a matching site and take your time. The red flag is rushing into doing anything before both of you are ready. We don’t have anyone to talk to which is the reason you can ask on here. 

[gokuandchichi 8]

Thank you for the replies 

 

12 hours ago, TricianMike said:

Why soft oral? 

Basically, when watching Swing or discussing swinging, my wife has come straight out and said, "I would be fine with us doing that" .  We are happy to take our time and see what we are comfortable doing before going to the next level.  

 

4 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

 

The only very slight concern I have is that this path started with an app to help the two of you communicate better. I would encourage you to have as open and honest conversation as you can. It's important that in baring your souls to each other that there is no judgment, no sarcasm, no push back. Accept, consider, respond. Completely opening up can be scary, and requires a high level of trust.

Great pick up there.  Yes if i was an outsider this would be a concern for me too.  At the time i was working full time and also running my business part time in the evening.  She was also working full time and we have 2 young kids.  It was a fun way to talk about sex and keep the spark alive while we weren't seeing much of each other.  It worked.  Now we only use the app when there are interesting topics on it.  We have the trust that is for sure

 

4 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

A rule my wife and I have kept, even after 15 years of being non-monogamous, is the rule we call the "golden parachute". If either of us feels it necessary to leave for any reason, we can voice it. The other will agree, and we'll both leave without questioning the request. We'll talk it out after we leave.

Yep.  Have absolutely discussed this and it is something we both 110% agree on.  

 

4 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

We haven't seen Swing from Playboy TV. But, in general, I would take anything you see on TV or in porn with a large grain of salt when it comes to reality. My wife and I did something similar before we got into swinging. We bought several CDs of a series called "Fuck My Wife Please", and watched them all. It was very erotic for both of us. We recognized it was likely fake, but we weren't viewing it with an eye to it being realistic. We were using it as a visual proxy to foster discussion and reaction. We haven't touched them since a few months after we actually got into swinging (probably need to get rid of them!).

The thing that puts it apart from regular porn (yes i know they are probably actors and scripted and whatever) is that there are couples that just stop middle of it and say "Nope not ready for that" and there is even arguments is someone goes too far.  The bit that i like from what i have read is the fact that the experienced couples on the show always talk about how important communication and trust is.  They also talk about the times when things haven't gone to plan with them resulting in a discussion.  I have read on Reddit of a couple that actually got accepted on it so it may have a little bit of truth. 

 

4 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

A suggestion; if you do go to the swinger club but don't actually play with anyone, but do have sex together...do it in a public room where people can see you. It's definitely a boundary pusher if you don't play with others on the first outing. If it's of interest, give it a try!

Thank you for the suggestion.  We will certainly discuss this one before we go.  

 

4 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

A caution; you mentioned another couple of your acquaintance that might want to join you for swinging. Unless you know for a fact they are swingers, it usually isn't a good idea to broach the subject. There's an old saying around here; make friends out of swingers, not swingers out of friends. There's all sorts of things that can go wrong with the swingers out of friends scenario. It might feel more comfortable to do it with friends, but the risks are plenty.

Again thank you for this.  We have done Strip pool together before.  I think it would more be a "if it happens situation"  Certainly not going to push it though.

[gokuandchichi 8]

5 minutes ago, ExploringOptions said:

Sign up on a matching site and take your time. The red flag is rushing into doing anything before both of you are ready. We don’t have anyone to talk to which is the reason you can ask on here. 

We haven't really discussed a matching site as yet.  More want to go to the club and see how we are feeling.  

[ExploringOptions 185]

13 minutes ago, gokuandchichi said:

We haven't really discussed a matching site as yet.  More want to go to the club and see how we are feeling.  

Not sure if I want to go to a club to watch others. We like the anonymity of searching on our PC 

[gokuandchichi 8]

2 minutes ago, ExploringOptions said:

Not sure if I want to go to a club to watch others. We like the anonymity of searching on our PC 

Each to their own i guess  

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

8 hours ago, gokuandchichi said:

We haven't really discussed a matching site as yet.  More want to go to the club and see how we are feeling.  

We met our first online during the pandemic, clubs were never even talked about. I agree that tv shows are to titillate with editing the real story. Take your time and do what the both of you decide

 

8 hours ago, gokuandchichi said:

Each to their own i guess  

Yes. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Quote

1. Has anybody watched Swing from Playboy TV and is it in anyway realistic.  It seems to me like it might be as couples don't just go around and bang everyone, they are very choosey and stick to their rules (at least in the first 3 episodes)?

 

Keep in mind that reality TV isn't always real, Swing, however, was one of the things we used when we started down this path, but there are some episodes that end poorly, but usually because the couple didn't come in 'ready' by already having great communication and well defined rules that were followed by both people.

 

Quote

2. Does it sound like we are ready to take the plunge?

Sounds like you are on your way. Just really keep the communication open and set your rules and limits (and stick to them). Know that rules and limits can (and probably will) be changed as you find they are no longer needed or need to be adapted.

 

Quote

3. Any red flags here?

bbarnsworth already touched on them and you have responded.

Edited July 10, 2023 by GoldCoCouple

[lovefest04 698]

What app?

 

I'm intrigued.

[gokuandchichi 8]

On 7/11/2023 at 5:49 AM, lovefest04 said:

What app?

 

I'm intrigued.

It is called Paired: Couples and Relationship.  Not sure if a link is allowed but i have put it below.

 

https://play.google.com/store/search?q=paired&c=apps

[gokuandchichi 8]

On 7/10/2023 at 12:16 PM, ExploringOptions said:

Sign up on a matching site and take your time. The red flag is rushing into doing anything before both of you are ready. We don’t have anyone to talk to which is the reason you can ask on here. 

We actually ended up doing this.  It has been a crazy few days that is for sure.  

 

On Saturday we were discussing when we would go to the club.  My wife was feeling a bit reluctant as she thought that she would be the oldest one there with the ugliest body and nobody would go there.  I told her that it isn't true and that swingers and all shapes and ages.  I said how about we sign up to an online meeting site so you can see.  So we sign up to one (not SLS as we are in Australia) we create a profile and start going through our potential matches. 

 

Bam within an hour we had one couple that we were chatting to.  We got along well online so decided to meet up.  Booked a date juat as a catch up.  Well plans have changed as we all want to get straight to it.  My reluctant wife is no longer reluctant and is keen to play with both of them on Friday.  We have also decided we get along so well with them that a full swap is probably going to happen.  

 

We also matched with another couple and they are an even better match.  They look like our twins and we have a date with them the following weekend.  I thought it was going to be a slow journey but it is travelling fast.  

 

Some will say that is too fast but we have been talking about how far we will go and what we want to do a lot.  We also have discussed the possibility of not wanting to play and changing minds with the other couples and they are fine with it all.  

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

We expect s full report back afterwards...

[gokuandchichi 8]

On 7/20/2023 at 12:36 AM, GoldCoCouple said:

We expect s full report back afterwards...

I am writing the story on what has happened, but lets just say we didn't dip our toes in, we dived straight in and swam to the other end of the pool without taking a breathe.  We have met with 3 couples so far.  The first one we went full swap but won't meet up with them again.  She was pushing my attractive enough to shag boundries and didn't have the keeness to make up for it.  We still had fun and are still in touch with them.  Suprisingly for the missus he was better in real life than his photo which was a pleasant surprise for her.  The 2nd couple we have met up with twice and will see them a lot more in the future.  And just this weekend we met another couple that were the best so far.  Great fun and knew what they wanted in the bedroom.  Trying to book another date with them ASAP.  

 

Why did we take so long.  Thank you anyone and everyone that gave advice and commented

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Thanks for the report and congrats!