Is it ok if I do nothing?

[NerdyNeeds 2]

My partner and I are new to swinging. 
He’s a good looking guy and I’m..not. 
 

is it ok if we look for couples and I do nothing? I want to watch but not participate.

 
Are we going to get hate for that?

 

aside from saying just that in our profile, are there any other words/phrases we should use?

 
 

Edited July 19, 2023 by NerdyNeeds

[lcmim 1,081]

Other than your negative self assessment of your appearance, have you any other reason for doing nothing?

 

OR

 

Are you just fearful of not being asked?

 

You would not be alone in that.

Wallflower syndrome is what I call that.

At one time I suffered from it. The fact that my lady got a fair amount of attention and I got a lot of reading done, did not help.

 

My wife, bless her, told me"It wouldn't hurt if you put yourself out there a bit". It turns out she was correct.

 

I still am not an extrovert by any means and that is okay. My comfort level is what it is.

Being in the middle if the crowd and participating even if only in the work at a party, is far better than standing on the sidelines watching.

 

It seems many people appreciate the quieter types.

 

If on the other hand your question is based on your not wanting to participate for personal reasons ideological, personal or moral, I would suggest you stepping back a bit and continuing "the talk" with your partner, until and if you get it squared away.

[TricianMike 772]

2 hours ago, NerdyNeeds said:

 

is it ok if we look for couples and I do nothing? I want to watch but not participate.

You don’t want to participate because of your insecurities or you just don’t want to participate? Somebody found you attractive, he married you. I can tell you I don’t always love what I see in the mirror. Swinging is much more than looks or body shape. If you want to participate make sure you include a picture of both of you and let the others decide if they want to meet. 

[NerdyNeeds 2]

Yes, I think in part I don’t want someone to take one for the team just to be with him. By being with me. 
I’m very confident just also a realist. I think I don’t want to suffer the indignity of having someone not try either. No sex rather than bad sex. 
 

thsnk you for your answers. I’m super excited to join him on this journey but maybe at just a slower pace. ♥️

[lcmim 1,081]

The pace thing will work out better if his pace is yours.

 

If someone decided to "Take one for the team" that is on them not you.

 

 Do not sell yourself short.  On another thread I have spoken of a lady  that my dear wife watched (and allowed) as I fell in love.

This lady was wheel chair bound and as we were together gradually lost everything to MS. She was also smart, funny and had a kick ass attitude.

 It has been almost two years since her husband and I lost her. I still wake up some mornings with her on my mind.

 

The point is that desire and attraction are in the eyes and heart of the beholder.

Again, DO NOT sell yourself short.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

This is a very, very common refrain among people getting into swinging. "No one will find me attractive!" I can't tell you how many times I've heard varieties of that. So, I guess your partner is the only nut job on the planet who finds you attractive? Really? 

 

This is easy. Really! All you have to do is look your best, and let things go the way things go. If someone doesn't find you attractive, they don't find you attractive. No big deal. Move on.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,384]

Self depreciation aside, as long as you communicate your interests and intentions up-front all should be fine.

 

Speaking for myself (husband) I enjoy 'just watching' and have done it many times. Note that it's a bit more common for hubby to just watch, but in the Lifestyle what's good for the goose is often good for the gander.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

bbarnsworth is right on this one. I would HIGHLY recommend that you attend a swingers club...not to swing, but just so you can see what the people that are there look like. Swingers look JUST LIKE everyone else...some are better looking, but some will be not as attractive, but ALL of them usually find a match. As pointed out, there was at least one person on the planet that found you attractive. If there is one, then there are going to be more. You just need some help to understand that you are fine, just the way you are and others will see that. I know that it will be hard to convince you until you actually experience it, so you need to go and actually experience it. I doubt that anyone will feel like they are 'taking one for the team' so their partner can be with your man. Most women are looking for more than just attractiveness in a partner...and so are most men in looking for a partner as well. You'll be fine, you'll do fine, and nobody will be taking one for the team. You bring more to the table than you think...

[enhancer 1,584]

First of all everyone is attracted to different things in people!  I am attracted to a certain kind of women and it is not the kind you see on the cover of a beauty magazine.  One of the most attractive things in a person to myself is self confidence and someone who shows it regardless of who else is present.  
 

Second thing is women regardless of looks and physic are always going to have way more interest than men regardless of their looks and physic in this lifestyle.  A woman could put up a profile on any site with no pictures and have men tripping over each other to line up for a chance.  Men with profiles with no pictures are going to hear crickets.  
 

As for wanting to know about only him playing and you watching I am sure there might be someone out there that would be okay with that, but I don’t see it as a big demand thing for most.  If it was the other way around and it was the wife playing and the man watching again there would be a lineup. 
 

Women are the top of the heap in the lifestyle and have all the power regardless of what any man hopes for.  You would be in high demand regardless of what you think of your own looks.

 Why is this guy you say is more attractive with you if you do not think you are desirable?  I doubt it is because he feels sorry for you.

[Baconheads 431]

Playing as a solo male, of course the prettiest girls catch my eye first, but I'm really looking for a hot time with a hot girl, or hot couple.  Looks have very little to do with how hot you are, so go simply planning on having a good time with your husband and the opportunities will come as they come.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,384]

I dunno but your hubby + my wife, the two of us just sitting back and taking it all in... sounds like a definite possibility to me. Hit us up if you're in our neck of the woods.

[Numex 2,410]

On 7/19/2023 at 12:33 PM, NerdyNeeds said:

He’s a good looking guy and I’m..not. 
 

is it ok if we look for couples and I do nothing? I want to watch but not participate.

 

There is someone looking for someone just like you, so don't just hang back.  There are a number of reasons people enjoy swinging: having an exciting experience with someone you think is hot, watching your spouse as if he/she is a porn star, knowing that your spouse is enjoying him/herself, giving pleasure to a sex partner, and a forgotten on - appreciating and showing appreciation for a sex partner's characteristics that are not usually appreciated.

 

For example, in our group there is one woman who has an unusually loose pussy and she knows it, but I love it, especially when she is sloppy.  It is extremely difficult for me to cum with her, but when I do it is the most intense orgasm ever for me.  She can tell how much I like it, I compliment her for the great orgasms, and she is flattered.  In our group there is a guy with a bent dick who one woman seeks out because in the proper position he really hits her spot.  Another young wife has saggy breasts with her nipples pointing downwards.  Two of the other guys think that they are beautiful and she is the sexiest woman around.  They particularly like for her to assume various poses, particularly on all fours, and see how her tits fall.  Another woman has a post-baby belly paunch which one guy is crazy about.  One of the wives likes the way I can extend an intercourse session, sometimes stopping moving altogether for a while, then pretty much cum on command when she is ready.

 

So just a way to say whatever you think is a deficiency in yourself is something that will be prized by another sex partner.  So perhaps as a couple you should put yourself out that way, as you up front with all of your characteristics, and include plenty of pictures.  Describe your husband more briefly and include just one fully clothed picture of him.  That way you'll know that the responding couple, maybe both him and her, are already interested in you.  Keep us updated on your adventures.

Edited August 6, 2023 by Numex