Should I try getting a one-on-one date with this very very popular guy?

[JessicaJJ 13]

Hello everyone, I am 21 years old, and I have been studying a bit at a summer school these last few weeks, and one guy in my class is this super-hot guy who all girls are crazy about, and he is basically put on a pedestal.

I ended up following him and 3 other girls out on a weekend party two weeks ago, and we followed him home that same evening.

And after probably just a few minutes, I saw the other girls starting to get naked and line up for him on his bed, and I was a bit unprepared for that, but I guess I sort of fell for the group pressure, and decided to go with it.

The next several minutes were essentially him just having his way with different girls from behind (including me), and I did think that this was hot, but I also felt like I was just one in the bunch for him.

It was also a bit frustrating to spend a lot of time waiting (it had kind of become that moment when he was the one switching around), especially when I saw him go at some other girl, and I would just be like "come to me instead ffs". xP

I feel tempted to try to get him on a one-on-one date, but I am not sure if he is that type.

[couplers 4,616]

10 hours ago, JessicaJJ said:

I feel tempted to try to get him on a one-on-one date, but I am not sure if he is that type.

Compliment him and ask him.  Don't be shy, be yourself and you'll stand out among the others.

 

 All he can say is No, and that would be his loss not knowing what you can give him.  Then you can decide whether he's worth another date.

 

Please let us know how it goes.

Edited July 26, 2023 by couplers

[JessicaJJ 13]

2 hours ago, couplers said:

Compliment him and ask him.  Don't be shy, be yourself and you'll stand out among the others.

 

 All he can say is No, and that would be his loss not knowing what you can give him.  Then you can decide whether he's worth another date.

 

Please let us know how it goes.

Yeah, I mean I don't necessarly have a problem with the group part, it is more that I felt like I spent a lot of time of our group date on waiting.

I think the reason why we got into that situation was because he and one of the girls had started making out a lot, and then the girl suddenly got down on all fours on his bed and he started examining her and got ready to penetrate her from behind.

I guess the rest of us just fell in line at that point, and the moment when he got up to me, I did feel like all the waiting had been worth it.

 

I will admit though that I felt a bit unnoticed a lot of the time;

it was only really the moment when he penetrated me and started with me that I felt like I was doing something with him.

But I guess I will try to be a bit more forward with him next time.

I have heard from someone who knows him that he is apparently very used to going home with several girls at once like this, and that he pretty much gets drawn into it, since girls always flirt with him so much.

He did turn out to be extremely good at sex, so I guess he has got a lot of "practice".

Edited July 26, 2023 by JessicaJJ

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Let me see if I understand this: he has already seen you (or at least a large part of you) naked and you have already had sex with him, and now you're afraid to talk to him...?!! You already know the answer to your question. First, you should be able to talk with him and see if he in interested...however, he probably isn't interested in dating one person right now. Why should he, he has multiple women willing to have sex with him whenever he wants it? Second, he had already 'chosen' one of the other women to be 'first'. Third, you deserve better. Just know that whatever happens, having sex with multiple partners is (apparently) the norm for him and he isn't going to change that any time soon, so unless you are 100% okay with him always doing this, then he isn't the guy for you.

 

What he is doing isn't (IMHO) swinging...he is just 'hooking up' and moving on. Swinging is something you usually do with a partner while he is just having sex...with as many girls as he can, at the same time. I don't know if I should call him a cad or a God, but know this is who he is and he isn't going to change any time soon.

[JessicaJJ 13]

13 minutes ago, GoldCoCouple said:

Let me see if I understand this: he has already seen you (or at least a large part of you) naked and you have already had sex with him, and now you're afraid to talk to him...?!! You already know the answer to your question. First, you should be able to talk with him and see if he in interested...however, he probably isn't interested in dating one person right now. Why should he, he has multiple women willing to have sex with him whenever he wants it? Second, he had already 'chosen' one of the other women to be 'first'. Third, you deserve better. Just know that whatever happens, having sex with multiple partners is (apparently) the norm for him and he isn't going to change that any time soon, so unless you are 100% okay with him always doing this, then he isn't the guy for you.

 

What he is doing isn't (IMHO) swinging...he is just 'hooking up' and moving on. Swinging is something you usually do with a partner while he is just having sex...with as many girls as he can, at the same time. I don't know if I should call him a cad or a God, but know this is who he is and he isn't going to change any time soon.

I did feel a little bit "unnoticed" during that date, since he would have those intimate times with the other girls as well, and always one at a time like that.
Of course, it felt amazing when he did start with me, and I always hoped that he would continue for a long time, but sometimes there were those abrupt stops when he just stopped, switched condom, and went for another girl.

Maybe I could try kissing him during his "breaks" with me, or something like that.

I will see what I will do,

it was just a bit difficult to think of something, since he seemed so occupied with the girl that he was having his way with.

Edited July 26, 2023 by JessicaJJ

[NC_Seniors 518]

This seems like more of a topic for Slate.com’s sex advisor column than The Swinger’s Board …

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

I agree that it's not really a swinger topic, but she is asking for advice and I see no harm in giving it, especially since we're all experienced in relationships.

 

Jessica, I think this is a classic case of looking for what you want in all the wrong places. I agree with GoldCoCouple; he isn't going to suddenly drop getting to have sex with lots of women at once to have solo sex with you. Possible? Yes. Likely? Very much no, especially given his (approximate) age.

 

In today's dating scene a woman like you can likely have the pick of anyone you want. You can find what you want, and don't have to think about sharing your guy with someone else. I mean, sharing is FUN, don't get me wrong... but it sounds to me like you really want the 1 on 1 attention (which is great!).

 

I'm glad the sex with him was great!

[couplers 4,616]

20 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

Third, you deserve better.

Better like how?  She just wants to have sex with the guy one-on-one.  And how is this situationally different than a woman who does gangbangs, which are discussed here?

 

20 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

What he is doing isn't (IMHO) swinging...he is just 'hooking up' and moving on. Swinging is something you usually do with a partner

She is doing likewise, and looking for a like minded part with whom to become swingers.

 

12 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

I think this is a classic case of looking for what you want in all the wrong places. I agree with GoldCoCouple; he isn't going to suddenly drop getting to have sex with lots of women at once to have solo sex with you.

She found what she wants with a guy she wants it with.  Trying to have some solo time, or just a threesome isn't out of the question. 

[couplers 4,616]

Sorry for my harsh screed, but my point is what if roles were reversed, a man looking for one-on-one sex (and maybe more) with a woman who he met in a four on one gangbang?  Would your answer have been the same? 

 

For those saying that one woman won't satisfy him, a woman is more capable of giving sex for a long session than a man is, who usually can pump out one or two and then is done.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Quote

Sorry for my harsh screed, but my point is what if roles were reversed, a man looking for one-on-one sex (and maybe more) with a woman who he met in a four on one gangbang?  Would your answer have been the same? 

Yes, it would be. One person is (apparently) looking for sex and a fun time, but that doesn't mean that they are looking for anything more and anything more shouldn't be assumed. Sure, trying to take it further MIGHT work out...if you buy a lottery ticket you might become a millionaire...but don't be surprised when it doesn't work out how you had things planned.

 

It doesn't hurt to try and see, but going into this with high expectations...hurt is probably on the horizon.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Yes, my answer would be the same too. From my perspective, I don't see gender having anything to do with it.

[njbm 2,868]

This guy is not a one woman guy. Maybe once for variety. If that’s enough for the OP, go for it.  In my youth, this group set up would be unimaginable. 

Edited July 28, 2023 by njbm

[Numex 2,409]

On 7/28/2023 at 2:59 AM, njbm said:

This guy is not a one woman guy.

True, and perhaps she is OK with that.  We in the lifestyle are all fine with non monogamy.  And she may not be a one man woman.  This could be a match made in heaven.

[JessicaJJ 13]

It has turned out very well so far.

I actually find the group dates really hot, since the "waiting" has become moments of excitement, partly because I look forward to "my turn", so to speak, and partly because it is a turn-on to see the other girls get visible orgasms with him;

I have also had a couple private dates with him, and they were super-hot as well.

So I have essentially learned to enjoy both types of dates, haha.

[Numex 2,409]

2 hours ago, JessicaJJ said:

the "waiting" has become moments of excitement, partly because I look forward to "my turn", so to speak, and partly because it is a turn-on to see the other girls get visible orgasms with him;

You have found the joys of the lifestyle and someone has found you.  How wonderful.

 

2 hours ago, JessicaJJ said:

I have also had a couple private dates with him,

Very nice.  You have proven the naysayers wrong.

[JessicaJJ 13]

13 minutes ago, Numex said:

You have found the joys of the lifestyle and someone has found you.  How wonderful.

It has mainly been the whole line-up thing these last times when I have met him with other girls, and there is something about those dates that I feel is a big turn-on for some reason;

there is something thrilling about being one in the bunch like that.

I guess it is the submissive side of me that causes those feelings, haha.

And of course, there is also the whole actual sex part, where I observe the other girls go crazy when he has his way with them, and the whole anticipation when he has walked up behind me and I am like "any moment now...!".

[couplers 4,616]

I'm proud that you're exploring and doing it on your terms.

12 hours ago, JessicaJJ said:

there is something thrilling about being one in the bunch like that.

I know what you mean.  I'm sort of living it with two other women in our poly family. 

 

Are you bi at all?  For me FFM is the best sexual experience. 

 

Please let us know how it goes with this guy.  You're on an interesting adventure together, I understand and envy you.