What initially attracts you to a couple?

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

Whether you are scrolling through a website, looking around at a houseparty, or at the welcome party for a lifestyle cruise, something has to interest/attract you enough to have that first conversation with a couple. 

 

What makes you decide to put yourself/yourselves 'out there' and open a conversation? Does it matter whether it is online or in person? 

 

Curious to know what drives others....

 

 

[AdamGunn2 418]

When we have searched online, we have looked for an engaging personality as identified in the text. Perhaps a double entendre, possibly just being quite clear as to what their or his desire is. Without this, we probably wouldn't go much further. Profiles with just one or two lines would not have interested us.

 

At a house party or swing club, while I won't deny the aura of physical attraction, again we looked for personality. Were they (he) able to carry on a conversation? Were we able to identify common interests (beyond sex)?

[ExploringOptions 185]

Not having any experience in house parties, welcome parties or lifestyle cruises our initial attraction is physical. Our first new partners we found on one of the popular lifestyle sites caught our eye as a possibility just by looks. Next step was texts then a call where we just clicked. It wasn’t until we met in person where we knew our life values and outlook were very similar to theirs. I don’t think we could or would go further with anyone who had political thoughts contrary to ours even if they were attractive in other ways. 
We haven’t attended a group gathering yet where we had to find complete strangers to engage, when and if we do I think the same criteria will be used, physical attraction first then social values. Possibly once we become more comfortable we will meet others who we aren’t judging on looks alone as we know we aren’t perfect. I’m sure when that time comes we pass the attraction test others set. 

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

1 hour ago, AdamGunn2 said:

we have looked for an engaging personality as identified in the text.

Communication matters. Dialogue matters. If the brain isn't engaged and having fun, the rest of the body won't have much fun either. 

 

1 hour ago, AdamGunn2 said:

I won't deny the aura of physical attraction, again we looked for personality. Were they (he) able to carry on a conversation? Were we able to identify common interests (beyond sex)?

Physical attraction is interesting. It's not just shape and size. It's dress, grooming, and how they carry themselves. If they are not attracted to each other, it's unlikely we'll be attracted to them. Conversely, if they make it clear that they are each other's best date and take pride in making sure they 'put their best food forward' for each other, it matters. 

 

1 hour ago, ExploringOptions said:

It wasn’t until we met in person where we knew our life values and outlook were very similar to theirs. I don’t think we could or would go further with anyone who had political thoughts contrary to ours even if they were attractive in other ways. 

That's one of the reasons we list our shared values on our SLS profile. We don't want to waste time, or waste their time, with mismatched priorities and expectations. As for politics, we agree with you. In todays social and civil climate, staying tolerant of others' views takes more effort than it should. If it's fun time, we don't want to waste energy trying to look past opposing views. That does not mean we have to share identical perspectives, but it does mean that we are in the same clubhouse, so to speak. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

While we don't think that pictures are that important, we are looking for others who are like us. We have not had a movie made about us and so we don't go looking for Ken and Barbie...we look for people who we think we would feel comfortable with. You know, average people. Especially since we are looking for friends w/ benefits, we want to find people who we can be friends with first. 

 

Second, we then read the profile and see if they're looking for the same thing we are and that our interests seem to line up.

 

Then the most important part for us: we try to meet and see if there is a connection. THAT is the most important thing for us - personality and vibe. It is either there or it isn't. Once again, we want to find friends first...then we can talk about getting naked.

[Billygoat 445]

In all the years of activity in the lifestyle we never met a couple from searching on a swing site.  We did have others reach out to us…..but very few ever followed through by meeting us at a house party.  Maybe a dozen or so.  In time many would contact us due to our hosting parties, wanting to attend our house parties.  But if 10 couples contacted us per month and would meet us socially…..our requirement before attending our gathering……..maybe one or two might actually show up.

 

95% of those we played with, male, female, couples….we always met at a house party, meet n greet or similar venue, always in person.  And our attraction was always based on personality, attitude……curiosity, interest etc.  Age, body type etc never came into play.  Humor, playfulness…..positivity…..curiosity, adventurous, a willingness to please always seems to be a bigger part in our interest and continued play relationship.  85% of our experiences were with friends with benefits, very rare for one offs or one time hookups.   

 

 

 

 

[let's do it again 416]

Personality is what I look for in a couple. Looks fade in most people as they get older, but personality doesn't! I look for a confident couple that doesn't take themselves seriously.  I don't want to train or mentor a couple but rather a couple that know what they are looking for. Also I am not looking for a couple that are full of themselves and think they are superior, but a couple that loves passion with their swing partner. I love to pick a couple at a resort while on vacation, I feel couples are more relaxed and away from the stress of their job and home life.

[enhancer 1,586]

When we were still meeting couples personality was important for it to go any further, but physical attraction was a must initially!  We were looking for sex partners and for us to want to have sex with someone there had to be a lot of attraction from the get go. Who we were attracted to wasn’t models, because we are not, but we have our preferences.

[njbm 2,901]

Personalities is number one. Then physical attraction. The better the personality, the more we can accept some degree of unattractiveness. But some people are not doable due to lack of attractiveness. Blunt but true. . 

[Shore2Please 613]

Good question. Our first experience started with another couple we met on vacation. We just struck up a conversation with fellow cruisers on a Caribbean cruise. We are outgoing and spoke to plenty of people that week, talk being nonsexual and very general. When talk turned to going to a nude beach I thought more about my own flaws, less about their attractiveness. Thinking it now in terms of the question it was personality that brought us together, I never thought sex was ever involved until it did. Being honest with myself I doubt I would have ended up in bed with him if he wasn’t attractive. 
We don’t go looking as our other experiences were more personality driven, none of us are perfect models. 

[Numex 2,459]

Three things get us to play with a couple:  fitness, personality, and their philosophy about swinging.  The last criterion is what got us to form our closed group of married couples.  The major thing was the desire to play bareback, but also being comfortable with alone play, which seems to happen more and more, particularly just to get in more playing.

Edited August 20, 2023 by Numex

[ExploringOptions 185]

A funny thing happened that brought me back to this topic. We went back online looking more than searching for at others on the site. We were just looking at pictures first and if we found them attractive we would read on. 
When we first started looking we looked at both the male and female where I focused on the man and my husband would focus on the wife. I was asked each time would you fuck him making me think if I would. I stopped asking if he would with the wife because of course he would. 
Now when finding someone who interests us I find myself focusing on the wife too. The questions evolved from my focus on being with the husband to would I eat her. 
My husband noticed I talk more about the women and less about the men. I didn’t realize he was right until he brought it up. I never had thoughts of sex with women before I did explore it. Could be the newness of letting myself enjoy a woman I’m enjoying the excitement more. 

[cplnluv1 874]

3 hours ago, ExploringOptions said:

We were just looking at pictures first and if we found them attractive we would read on.

It’s fun to do that. What we look at are fully clothed pictures because how they dress gives us an idea of their personalities. You can’t tell a book by its cover but the cover is the first thing you see, you will never know the real people or what a book is about until getting passed the cover. 
Everyone here has an objective, getting naked and sex, yet so many of us are sexier looking with clothes on. 
 

 

3 hours ago, ExploringOptions said:

The questions evolved from my focus on being with the husband to would I eat her. 

Our primary focus has always been the latter, we started looking for that unicorn. 
 

The best is you are doing the search together and are having fun. Your searches will continue to change as your wants will change. You took 2 major jumps, swinging and sexual likes. 

[enhancer 1,586]

5 hours ago, ExploringOptions said:

A funny thing happened that brought me back to this topic. We went back online looking more than searching for at others on the site. We were just looking at pictures first and if we found them attractive we would read on. 
When we first started looking we looked at both the male and female where I focused on the man and my husband would focus on the wife. I was asked each time would you fuck him making me think if I would. I stopped asking if he would with the wife because of course he would. 
Now when finding someone who interests us I find myself focusing on the wife too. The questions evolved from my focus on being with the husband to would I eat her. 
My husband noticed I talk more about the women and less about the men. I didn’t realize he was right until he brought it up. I never had thoughts of sex with women before I did explore it. Could be the newness of letting myself enjoy a woman I’m enjoying the excitement more. 

Almost every time we would look at a couples profile Missus E would find the woman attractive, but not be interested in the male at all.  Many times it would be, because there would be lots of pics of the wife and nothing but dick pics for the husband which is absolutely useless for her determining if she finds him attractive.  Honestly the lack of effort by so many men is embarrassing as a man. It is one of the reasons we don’t bother with couples anymore.  There was just never much out there for men she found attractive enough to want to meet.  She is not much interested in random sex with just anybody when she can have sex with someone she actually finds attractive anytime. 

[TeamCalgary 169]

The nature of the other couples relationship is what initially attracts us. Are they in love? Are they committed to one another, do they touch, and look each other in the eyes? Do they have their act together (from a swinging perspective)? This is fundamental for us. 

[Numex 2,459]

On 8/24/2023 at 7:29 AM, ExploringOptions said:

My husband noticed I talk more about the women and less about the men. I didn’t realize he was right until he brought it up.

For my wife, it's not only that she is bi (and has been from the beginning of her sexual awareness), and likes playing with another woman, but she also enjoys the imagining who I will be playing with, the acts we will engage in, and how we would do things.

 

On 8/24/2023 at 7:29 AM, ExploringOptions said:

The questions evolved from my focus on being with the husband to would I eat her. 

Strangely, Daniela says that she has gone down on 95% of the women she has found attractive and become intimate with, but can't say for sure she'll do oral until she has gotten close and taken in their aroma.  Some women don't smell bad, but the aroma is just not an attraction, not a turn on.  Fortunately, every woman (and man) in our group goes down on all the women.  Eagerly.

[Numex 2,459]

On 8/26/2023 at 9:33 AM, TeamCalgary said:

The nature of the other couples relationship is what initially attracts us. Are they in love?

What Daniela and I found as we went from regular swinging/couples swaps to being in our closed group of married couples is how much more intense the experience is for both of us having sex with people who are deeply in love with someone else.  Burned in my memory are the times that I picked up the wife of another man for us to go on a vacation together, the sweet goodbyes that they gave each other; and same when my wife went off for her first overnight with another couple - the love she showed for me in the departing grasp of her hand.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

We've tried to find a group of couples that we all liked, but just having had any success (yet). You two are exceptionally lucky...

[nusofties 54]

On 8/24/2023 at 2:00 PM, enhancer said:

Almost every time we would look at a couples profile Missus E would find the woman attractive, but not be interested in the male at all.  Many times it would be, because there would be lots of pics of the wife and nothing but dick pics for the husband which is absolutely useless for her determining if she finds him attractive.  Honestly the lack of effort by so many men is embarrassing as a man. It is one of the reasons we don’t bother with couples anymore.  There was just never much out there for men she found attractive enough to want to meet.  She is not much interested in random sex with just anybody when she can have sex with someone she actually finds attractive anytime. 

So you are doing mostly FFM?

[enhancer 1,586]

1 hour ago, nusofties said:

So you are doing mostly FFM?

We are not overly active in the lifestyle anymore by choice, but if another good situation popped up again with another bi female we would definitely do FFM again!  She would also play with another female without me if that was a good option or we would get together with another couple where only the women played with each other and the men only with their own lady.  We had that arrangement with a couple in the past that worked well, but of course it was clear the other guy wanted more so it fizzled out.  She had zero interest in the husband, but enjoyed fucking his wife.
 

She was never huge on playing with other men before and after a lot of let downs by men decided it is just not for her anymore!  I am sure if a guy she was very attracted to with an awesome attitude that wasn’t a want to be dom alpha male popped up she might change her mind.  

[nusofties 54]

1 minute ago, enhancer said:

We are not overly active in the lifestyle anymore by choice, but if another good situation popped up again with another bi female we would definitely do FFM again!  She would also play with another female without me if that was a good option or we would get together with another couple where only the women played with each other and the men only with their own lady.  We had that arrangement with a couple in the past that worked well, but of course it was clear the other guy wanted more so it fizzled out.  She had zero interest in the husband, but enjoyed fucking his wife.
 

She was never huge on playing with other men before and after a lot of let downs by men decided it is just not for her anymore!  I am sure if a guy she was very attracted to with an awesome attitude that wasn’t a want to be dom alpha male popped up she might change her mind.  

Agree-no alphas!

[Sunshine&Whiskey 15]

We had an organic start with a couple we went to concerts with etc. I knew the guy before I met my wife. We knew what they were involved in but it took hanging out a lot, and some drinks, and it just happened. 
 

An attractive couple who you have things in common with, and yes attraction to, makes everything very smooth.

[samandtammi 99]

One of the most important things for me is the connection the other couple has with each other.  If they are not a loving couple, it won't work for me.  Although looks certainly do matter, if a man has a good personality and can make me laugh, I'm good to go.