Help me define 'monogamous' please

[AdamGunn2 393]

Hey, gang, I’d like your help. It has to do with the definition of ‘monogamous.’

 

I’m writing a novel that is a sequel to another erotic novel I’ve just published.

 

A couple that is in the LifeStyle decide they want to have a baby. For the period where they are trying to get pregnant, plus the pregnancy, plus the time where their child is very young, they choose not to have sex with others. They’ve never said they won’t get back into the lifestyle when the baby reaches an appropriate age. On the other hand, they also haven’t said they will, either.

 

So, during this period where they’re being ‘faithful’, are they ‘monogamous’? I’d love to hear your opinions.

[lcmim 1,081]

I am a purist.

Monogamy is a compilation of two Greek words that cobined literally means to be married to ONE.

 

It has little if anything directly to do with who put what into which orifices, or who those orifices belong to.

 

While sex and one person restrictions make sense as far as determining lineage go, it has little if anything to do with marriage  in any other sense.

 

Marriage is a contractual and "spiritual" union which demands exclusive priorities and complete loyalty, for life, hopefully. 

We consider ourselves monogamous even though we do play with others.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

They have always been faithful. They have shifted initially from non-monogamy to monogamy. They have left the door open for something close to "monogamish". Latter is a neologism from Dan Savage, but has mainstreamed, see this from 2016

 

https://www.glamour.com/story/what-is-monogamish

 

 

[lovefest04 698]

8 hours ago, lcmim said:

I am a purist.

Monogamy is a compilation of two Greek words that cobined literally means to be married to ONE.

 

It has little if anything directly to do with who put what into which orifices, or who those orifices belong to.

 

While sex and one person restrictions make sense as far as determining lineage go, it has little if anything to do with marriage  in any other sense.

 

Marriage is a contractual and "spiritual" union which demands exclusive priorities and complete loyalty, for life, hopefully. 

We consider ourselves monogamous even though we do play with others.

Exactly.

 

I think there is a very powerful argument that separates sex from marriage, and therefore a couple can be monogamous and still have multiple sexual partners or interactions while married. Sex has been so weaponized and creates so much shame, connecting it to being faithful, monogamous or in love is simply a power play by the church, parents, and partners to continue the shaming of those that enjoy sex, mostly though to shame women. 

[lcmim 1,081]

Lovefest

Being a lifelong church participant I guess those negative aspects did not take hold with us.

[couplers 4,616]

It used to be believed that some animals were monogamous, in that they mated for life and didn't have sex with others.  DNA testing for other reasons found that the paternity of the female's offspring were not always of her mate.

 

So monogamy has been split into two: "social monogamy" whereby the pair stays together for life, which does exist, and "sexual monogamy," which does not exist on a species wide basis for any creature.

 

For us in our poly family, we are neither, although our group of three women and two men have been together for a decade and with a bunch of kids, looks like we're in it for the long haul. 

 

The fun part for us women were our pregnancies where we did care which of the two men was the father.  A loving exposure to both men, a microbiological competition between them.  The difficult time was when the next pregnancy was to be with the other man.  Sexual activities were severely restricted, both to avoid the one man, but also to preserve the semen of the other man.

Edited August 20, 2023 by couplers