Baby steps

[M&GILF 8]

Hey all,

We are a couple, I suppose you could say mature. M -59. F-56.
We both have not had great sex lives, until we got together a year ago. We are growing quite nicely together and exploring our sexuality. We are both very much into the same things (well pretty much).

She brought up the topic of a threesome. She only wants MMF, me with another guy. I am quite happy with that. 

The most important thing for us is that we don't damage the great relationship wh have. So, I thought I would join here and ask the opinions of people who are in the scene.

We intend to try a club. 

We have talked this through and agreed ground rules etc. Some of the ground rules make me wonder.
What we have in mind is both me and him pleasuring her. Nothing off the table, except anal. She is reluctant to try that. She only did once and was hurt. I am straight but would say I am bi-curious. I love ass play and have always wondered what it would be like to have a cock in my ass. She loves the idea of that. I have told her, a Bi man would be ideal ut I might not want to play with him when it come to it. 
I love the idea of her being with a guy. I want to be there and she wants me there, partly for security. 
She can't stand the thoughts of me with a woaman. Which is cool. This is going to be just a first step afterall. She has commented that is unfair of her, but we both have to be comfortable. 
We both agree that there would be no contact details shared and once the fucking is done, good or bad, we walk away until the next guy. 
She is happy to have a guy fuck me, but only if I am inside her at the same time. 

She says she needs to meet and talk to the guy first because she doesn't think she can fuck a guy unless she feels an emotional attachment to him. That is what makes me wonder. She says that is not a problem for her.She can walk away but needs an attachment first. What do you guys think of that?
 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

It is not at all uncommon for women to express a desire to feel some sort of connection with the men they have sex with. Sex for a woman is a very different thing than it is for a man. A woman is literally bringing a man inside of her body. It is deeply intimate. Men have an easier time separating sex from emotion I think than women do. I wouldn't worry about her desire to have some sort of connection.

 

It is unfair she wants to have sex with a man but you don't get to have sex with a woman? Unfair is defined by the two of you, not by anyone else. Don't let others decide for you what is fair and what is not. When my wife and I first got into swinging, she wasn't too comfortable with the idea of me having sex with other women. It took some time for that to come around. It did, and now she's comfortable with it.

 

A club might not be the best venue for your hopes of a threesome with a guy. Ok, it can work. But, single guys are not often allowed in clubs. Couples and single women yes, but single guys...some clubs have special nights where that's welcome, but in my experience most clubs want to see couples and single women, not single men. Now, you might find a couple where they are happy for the husband to go off and play with you without the wife, but the chances aren't that high. Not zero, but not high. You might have better luck setting up a profile on a lifestyle dating site, such as swinglifestyle.com or swingerzonecentral.com. You can say in your profile you're looking for a single bi guy. Be careful though; there are quite a few single guys on such sites. Be prepared to have filters for them. If you want to find a good guy, I think step one is to put something a fair bit into your profile that says something like "If you've read this far, then say you read it all in your email to us", and don't have it at the beginning or end of a paragraph. If they don't say that in the email, delete the email, block them, and move on. There are guys who play the game of spray spaghetti on the wall and hope something sticks. I doubt you'll want such a guy.

 

Also, just a thought but...if you find a guy that's great for both of you, why give up on them after one play session? My wife and I have always felt that if we found great partners, keep them around! Swing dating is no different than vanilla dating in that respect, there are duds, and there are good ones. When you find a good one, you keep dating them. My wife has had two long term boyfriends that way, and I've now been playing with a great lady for a bit over a year now. If the sex is great, and the sex partner is great, might as well keep going!

 

Best of luck, and let us know how it goes!

[M&GILF 8]

 

 

Thanks bbarnsworth. Appreciate the answer.

We are going slow and being careful. Trying to cover all bases before we take our first step is not easy. We are very much on the same page and want the same things. Mostly we want to develop into this and protect the fantastic relationship we have. It is graer to have some input from people who have walked the same part before us.

 

Yes, I get the difference between how men and women regard sex. Makes sense. I should have thought of that myself.

 

I had wondered about a club being the best first step. I know they limit single male entry. When I was single and horny I joined a few adult sites, what a nightmare they are. That was what pointed me to clubs. She agrees. From what a good mate who was in the lifestyle told me, getting into private groups is probably the way to go. Not easy, and could take some time. We are in Spain. I have joined a contact group here. As new members we are getting lots of contact. Might pursue that more.

Friends of ours, a couple who she suspects might be in the lifestyle, have been making moves on her. Talking to her about her sex life, asking if she is satisfied. Running an ice cube down her neck and dropping it into her cleavage etc. We both agreed it was too close to home but over the weekend she commented to me that he was the type she wants. Need to have a think about that, but maybe. They are more her friends than mine so will let her do the running there if she wants to.

Exciting times.  

[M&GILF 8]

It seems, one of the reasons she doesn't want to see me with another woman is because she had a 3some before FFM with an ex partner. The extra was her neighbour and friend. She didn't like seeing her then partner in her friend, and freaked out. This is why we decised on a stranger, and a man. That time he gave the extra all the attention. Bad past experience for her, can't blame her for not wanting to repeat that.
I am very different to her last partner. 

Also, she had a lesbian relationship and the sex was bad. Not sure I understand how that could be, but it has put her off being with another woman. I feel that the right woman could change that.

I am wondering if a soft swap with a couple might be the way to start. Let her thoughts and feeling develop. What do you all think?

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Oh geez. Just had a good post and accidentally wiped it out.

Edited August 30, 2023 by bbarnsworth

[AdamGunn2 398]

On 8/28/2023 at 5:19 AM, M&GILF said:

Also, she had a lesbian relationship and the sex was bad. Not sure I understand how that could be, but it has put her off being with another woman. I feel that the right woman could change that.
 

 

Don't mean to be disrespectful here, but trying to figure out what someone else is thinking, even a spouse, usually leads to misperceptions - at the very least. My advice to you is that if she doesn't want to do sex with women, leave it be; it'll make for a happier marriage, and probably better swinging.

Edited August 31, 2023 by AdamGunn2

[BiloxiBiMaleMMF 63]

I think YOU (hubby) are exceptionally LUCKY to have a Lady willing to share you with another man, ala MMF.

 

Theoretically, that means you're looking for a "guy like me" (male willing to "play along" exactly the way you two want it to go).

 

So where are we?  Not in club, because clubs are few and far between.  Plus, most clubs already have established members who live close bi.  I've been to a few (4) and in each case butt one (Green Door in Vegas) I could only get in with a woman (twice with wife and once with co-worker).

 

In the case of the Green Door in Vegas, it's owner encourage me to CUM alone!  He explained that it's almost always the hubby who gets a wife into a club the first time butt always the WIFE who decides to go back again.  He told me that such couples could not find "enough men bi themselves" to have a MFM or (more rarely MMF),"  Now THIS WAS VEGAS which probably has the largest "thru put" of sex hunting men in the US (save perhaps Hollywood).

 

I used to be on AFF (90's) after starting out on AOL.  AOL yielded me my BEST MMF (that started out MFM butt progressed as we dated for nearly THREE YEARS!).  Read: THEY SPOILED ME bi making me APPRECIATE the MARVELOUS pleasure associated with "escalating options in bisexuality."

 

Matt & Peggy moved to Miami and while we tried for two years after they moved to meet together at Hedo, it just never worked out.  Quite frankly, the main reason I joined here after moving to SWFL was in hopes they would find me here on Swingers Board.  In going on 30 years worth of seeking to enjoy this "LS," I've been bisexual for 28.  HOWEVER, in that span, I've had just 3 bisexual playmates and not even a "hand full" (less than 5) 3somes.  Sorry Ladies, butt you single women are much too likely to "bait and switch" bi claiming 3somes+ butt ONLY WANTING 1 man to yourselves.

 

Thus, you married couples are MUCH SAFER for many reasons.

 

Bi means of being a MF couple interested in playing MMF, YOU are in the drivers seat, SO DRIVE.  Join AFF, seek out MWM's playing alone and tell them to CUM to you ("expedition sex").  Set up a "G Meet (public place, clothes on) with an option to play (CUM join us in room 369)."