An Interesting Summer

[ExploringOptions 185]

This summer we went from 0 to wow and now we are catching our collective breath and deciding what is next. 
This summer I more than doubled the number of different partners I had sex with in my life. For my husband it was the summer of dreams. We started very cautiously then it feels like we threw caution to the wind. We made many new friends that we hope will remain friends and met others that will just be part of our history. 
I read the posts here and wonder what is real and what is fantasy putting myself into the situations and thinking would I do that or would I enjoy that or could I enjoy that. I can report some I did and enjoyed and some I didn’t enjoy and many more I didn’t try. No DVP for me. I even learned new terms, yes Spit Roast is a thing. Carpet Munch even if there weren’t carpets. Safe Sex hmmm, not so much. 
Now it’s time to slow down before things go sideways. We both have routine medical exams on the calendar which is now making me a bit on edge. I’m not sure if routine blood tests are enough to find something hidden. I know I should be honest with my doctor, I’m just trying to find a way to tell her about our summer. My family doctor is the same one my parents use and the only doctor I’ve used as an adult. My gynecologist knew me as a virgin and how scared I was when I went that first time after the first time. My husband could not care less about his doctors, I don’t think men are examined the same way, it’s much more routine. 
I also want to thank those more seasoned who took the time to read my sometimes sarcastic younger posts for the little guidance I read. We will always be Exploring and looking for Options  

[ConfusedHubby 118]

Congrats on diving into the lifestyle.  It's a  fun and wild adventure which changes your fundamental mindset and perspective in potentially great ways.

 

I can understand your discomfort with wanting your doctors to have an idea of your extracurriculars--in my own case my primary doc is one of my fathers closest friends so that could potentially be awkward.   To avoid it there I simply have another specialist (urologist), whose opinion I could care less about, write the script for an STD test and take it to LabCorp to fill.

 

In the case of my wife she simply hits an Urgent Care for a full STD panel and sees an NP she has no relationship with and won't see again after.

 

If that is still not discrete enough for you, there are plenty of online resources to get discrete STD testing.

[PeterJ 940]

3 hours ago, ExploringOptions said:

We both have routine medical exams on the calendar which is now making me a bit on edge. I’m not sure if routine blood tests are enough to find something hidden. I know I should be honest with my doctor, I’m just trying to find a way to tell her about our summer. My family doctor is the same one my parents use and the only doctor I’ve used as an adult. My gynecologist knew me as a virgin and how scared I was when I went that first time after the first time. 

EO, if you dig deeply enough through the archives here you will find posts from Fundamental Law and other medical professionals urging all who are in ENM relationships and routinely engage in sex with others to be tested regularly (some hard-playing folks won’t play with anyone who can’t show an all-negative comprehensive STD panel) and to be candid with their primary care provider. It can be awkward telling your PCP that you are in the lifestyle but they cannot provide you with an adequate level of care if they don’t know what your health risk factors are.

 

I understand your reticence . My (non-playing but very supportive) wife and I are in our mid-70s and she is in a non-reversible decline that leaves her increasingly dependent on me for support and care. I cannot afford to take health risks that would leave her without a caregiver. Though my ENM history goes back more than four decades (and includes her as part of my very first) and I’ve been fairly active for 20 years (with time out for the height of the pandemic) it wasn’t until recently that I took to heart  the good counsel of Fundamental Law and others. I got tested at my local Planned Parenthood. (If you don’t have disqualifying objections to the organization because it provides abortion services, I heartily recommend PP as an excellent source of sexual health care. Your care provider will be highly knowledgeable and no one there is judgmental at all. The NP I saw did confess that there were few mid-70s men in their patient population. 😉😂) PP takes insurance, including Medicare. If you don’t have insurance payment is on a sliding scale according to income.

 

I signed the form requesting that PP share its information with my PCP, affiliated with a major medical school in NYC and in most important ways very good. So, I expected that when I had my next annual physical my PCP would have through inference figured out I was regularly having sex with people other than my wife (who is also her patient). That was a bad assumption on my part. She spends 90+ minutes on an annual physical and generally comes prepared — she isn’t flipping through my history and lab tests while she’s talking. She didn’t bring up anything about my sex life, which in the past was always a brief conversation (You two still having good sex? Need a new Viagra scrip?) Three or four times I said to her that we needed to talk an]bout sex, and she kept blowing past it. I finally leaned forward in my chair, addressed her by her first name and said in a stronger voice than before "WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT SEX!"
 

That got her attention. I shared the full nature of my sexuality with her. She wasn’t judgmental but clearly she was big-time surprised. I’m 20 years older than she is and she’s pretty conservative in dress and demeanor. Also a practicing Catholic, and I think on the religiously conservative side. But she asked all the right questions about the specifics of the behaviors I engage in. I gave her accurate and specific answere. And then she asked why I had been forward in bringing up the subject. I told her it was because I wanted to know whether with this significant knowledge about me she would be comfortable being my doc. And assuming she was okay with having me as her patient, that I  wanted her to be able to provide me with appropriate overall care. She said she didn’t have other patients in my situation (I said to myself, "that you know about") and she wasn’t confident she had the degree of knowledge necessary to care for my sexual health. I told her I was planning on having PP take care of that but that I wanted them to share their records with her so she’d have the full picture.

 

EO. at this point you may be saying to yourself that if you thought you would go through anything like that with your doc you would just keep your sex life to yourself. My experience with my PCP was not nearly as awkward as it might seem when you read my stripped-down telling of the interaction. And I felt really good having gotten past my anxiety from the prospect of having the conversation. Given your particular circumstances you might best have the talk with your Ob-Gyn and ask them to not share with your PCP unless something happens that makes it medically necessary. 
 

As a side note, my observation over the years is that members of the medical/health-care community (physicians, surgeons, nurses, psychologists and clinical social workers) are vastly over represented in the lifestyle. It’s not likely your ObGyn is or was in the lifestyle, but it’s far from impossible. Just the other evening I was on a Xoom with a couple who are prospective playmates. Turns out he’s an ObGyn…😉😊

[njbm 2,868]

I know that I am a broken and depressing record, but OP please get HPV vaccines if you have not already. HPV can lead to cervical and other cancers and it is very common. Men cannot be tested for HPV, unless they get genital warts. That means they are positive. 
 

HSV 1 and 2 are common, well known as herpes, the gift that keeps giving. No cure, can be suppressed with antivirals. 
 

I am sad to report that condoms are fairly ineffective against these infections. But they can help a little. 

[ExploringOptions 185]

On 9/8/2023 at 10:38 PM, njbm said:

 

I know that I am a broken and depressing record, but OP please get HPV vaccines if you have not already

 

Part of adolescence for me it was a routine vaccination before I went to college. Thinking about it now my mom was more enlightened about life and sexuality. 

[ExploringOptions 185]

Thank you for giving us the easiest way to get tested discretely by using an Urgent Care. I don’t have to explain why I want to be tested or tell as much as I want. My husband can’t wait to go and be graphically descriptive of our swinging to any person who is going to check us in hoping to get a female doctor to check us. 
It’s crazy I am more afraid of a doctor examination, less about having sex with strangers we just met. My husband jokes about my fear yet he also isn’t running to his doctor. 

[let's do it again 414]

20 hours ago, ExploringOptions said:

Thank you for giving us the easiest way to get tested discretely by using an Urgent Care. I don’t have to explain why I want to be tested or tell as much as I want. My husband can’t wait to go and be graphically descriptive of our swinging to any person who is going to check us in hoping to get a female doctor to check us. 
It’s crazy I am more afraid of a doctor examination, less about having sex with strangers we just met. My husband jokes about my fear yet he also isn’t running to his doctor. 

I just got my tests done last week, all negative, and I am glad that it goes as easy as it does. Nobody blinks an eye and very professional and discreet.  I hope that everyone is getting tested and stay safe!

[ExploringOptions 185]

Our fears and our friend’s fears are very similar. Crazy how the original friends we met on a sex site are so much like us in so many different ways including how to get std tests. 
Last night we were talking while both husbands were watching football, not together but in our own houses. I feel we made the best connection when we found them that we can talk about everything. We even talk about the newer friends we made including the good and bad. 
When I told her we may take a break she agreed we both went too fast and she would be happy to just keep it us four. When I brought up the doctor issue she thought we should all go together to a doc in the box or one of those walk in places. Made me almost pee thinking what it would be like to the doctor to get us as a group. She wants to be very graphic which I hope she was just joking. We should go together and tell the doctor we enjoy lesbian sex too. I enjoy we can talk about it together. 

[let's do it again 414]

1 hour ago, ExploringOptions said:

Our fears and our friend’s fears are very similar. Crazy how the original friends we met on a sex site are so much like us in so many different ways including how to get std tests. 
Last night we were talking while both husbands were watching football, not together but in our own houses. I feel we made the best connection when we found them that we can talk about everything. We even talk about the newer friends we made including the good and bad. 
When I told her we may take a break she agreed we both went too fast and she would be happy to just keep it us four. When I brought up the doctor issue she thought we should all go together to a doc in the box or one of those walk in places. Made me almost pee thinking what it would be like to the doctor to get us as a group. She wants to be very graphic which I hope she was just joking. We should go together and tell the doctor we enjoy lesbian sex too. I enjoy we can talk about it together. 

I think that's a good idea about the 4 of you going at once to the doctor and being so open about it. I don't think the doctor would bat an eye! I think it's great the other couple offered the opportunity to go together. 

[cplnluv1 871]

10 hours ago, ExploringOptions said:

. I enjoy we can talk about it together. 

We met many couples over the years that I felt like I had to teach new things to. I never wanted to get that close or make long term friendships or get very involved with. I learned I missed out on so much more of life by closing the door on some beautiful people. My eyes were finally opened when we decided to keep a small group to enjoy. I finally accepted one friend that I hold nothing back talking about. I’m not afraid to say I love my friend. 

[Numex 2,409]

On 9/11/2023 at 8:25 PM, cplnluv1 said:

I’m not afraid to say I love my friend. 

One of the greatest gifts my wife and I have given each other is the freedom to express our feelings, even live, to another sex partner.  And yet, we are bound tighter than ever.