All involved clicking

[NoAngels 349]

After years of meeting others alone, I had affairs, she is on an affairs site, we have played together a number of times. We now are on a site together trying to find a match, someone who interests her and a wife that I’m attracted to. There so many possibilities except when she finds a man that attracts her, I am not that attracted to the woman. It goes the other way too, we are having difficulty finding the perfect find. I find I usually defer to her choices, just going through the motions of enjoying. 
I thought we found a good match, physically attractive to both of us and then we met as the attraction faded. 
Do others find perfect matches, four people truly interested in the others? Or do you just suck it up for the sake of sex for a night. 

[Numex 2,459]

That's why I like our closed group of married couples: both Daniela and I can go with whoever we are clicking with at the moment, it doesn't have to be a swap with another couple.  In this trusted group there is also a lot of alone play.  Even before our closed group, our play wasn't always a couples swap.  Perhaps that path would be better for you. 

[let's do it again 416]

We don't look for the perfect match, we look for good personalities and attractive to us. We usually do this on vacation and we are looking for nothing more than a good time!

[enhancer 1,586]

We always found it hard to find a good match for both of us when we were still swapping with others!  More often than not we would both be attracted to the wife,  but she would not at all be attracted to the husband.  
 

Unfortunately there seems to be a lot of guys that think they can just ride on the back of their attractive wives without putting much effort into themselves.
 

 We see absolutely no point in having sex with people we are not attracted to.  Already have our ideal one on one partner with each other and neither of us feel the need for an ego boast by having more partners.  One of the many reasons we no longer do the swap thing.  For some people a strong attraction is not needed and that is great for them, but for us it just doesn’t work that way.
 

 13 years into our relationship and we both still have the same lust and fire for each other that we did when we started our incredible journey together.  I think if nothing else swinging only reinforced that for us. If a top notch situation for both of us pops up in the lifestyle we would jump on board.  Otherwise we will just continue enjoying the amazing sexual connection we have with each other.

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

Most of us who somehow find the courage to reach back into our memories of young adulthood will recall many dates and matches that...did not go well. Truth was that finding a 1:1 match that was fun and felt right for both parties took a lot of time, energy, and "um...good luck on your journey...bye".  Those in our orbit who are now single in older adulthood report much the same circumstance...except potential matches now have "a history", expectations, and battle scars. They all report "nope, nope, nope, NO, nope..." when scanning through potential partners. 

 

Which brings us to couples' dating. Even though the agenda is quite different, there is still a matching process. Each person in the foursome has to have some interest and enjoy being around the other three.  When all four (as each should) have veto power, the likelihood of getting to "Both of us enjoy being around both of you to make the choice to spend time...in public and in private with you" is predictably low. Moreover, time and distance narrows opportunity and choice. As adults, we all have other things to do than "find a date, get ready for a date, go on a date". 

 

enhancer (just above-thanks!)  makes the key point: " we both still have the same lust and fire for each other that we did when we started our incredible journey together.  I think if nothing else swinging only reinforced that for us. If a top notch situation for both of us pops up in the lifestyle we would jump on board.  Otherwise we will just continue enjoying the amazing sexual connection we have with each other."

 

We'll add one more thing, though: we have a fantasy of actually bringing together the couples who seems to show up consistently in the threads that we respond to. The values are shared, the perspectives add to our own, and we think we would enjoy meeting all y'all. While there would certainly be some 'nope, not that couple' when meeting for real, we think the odds of finding matches would be much higher now that we have gotten to know you through the SB site. 

 

 

Edited September 16, 2023 by Fundamental Law
Grammar and syntax

[NoAngels 349]

My feeling is most have entered into swinging in a way much different from the way I did. I didn’t go looking for a swinger I met women who I became attracted to in a social or business environment. Physical attraction might have been the impetus to form a friendship where I was able to see more to the person. I never hid my marriage and then spending a night was a natural progression. My wife had a different path finding men online. She didn’t get to know personalities before agreeing to meet them. Profiles, pictures and maybe a pre meet conversation, she is less interested in the person more in the physical. My wife has set up the meetings I am involved with, I have gone along for the most part. It is hard to turn down sex. I just wish I had interest in the partners of the men she finds. 

13 hours ago, Fundamental Law said:

We'll add one more thing, though: we have a fantasy of actually bringing together the couples who seems to show up consistently in the threads that we respond to. The values are shared, the perspectives add to our own, and we think we would enjoy meeting all y'all. While there would certainly be some 'nope, not that couple' when meeting for real, we think the odds of finding matches would be much higher now that we have gotten to know you through the SB site. 

Meeting others on here is an interesting thought. I’m not sure what anyone looks like, I know there are some pictures posted. Drinks and dinner, some laughs and stories, most of the interesting posts that are real are from a different generation I suspect. 
 

[BillyandDebbie 301]

We clicked with those we knew before any sex. Friends first is frowned upon by many on here for many reasons, for us it let us have fun without the extra burden of unknown personalities.