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Threesome lead to wife giving something that I had always wanted

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Yesterdaywhile buzzed , my wife (35) and I (37) did something we always fantasized about, but should have left as a fantasy. We had a MMF threesome, with a neighbor.

We picked a neighbor because we thought the chances of a repeat performance were less likely. It took a while of talking to get him ( 25 ) to try it too.

Anyhow, to be honest, we all really liked it So what's the problem ?

 

She was going down on me, he slowly worked on inserting in her anus. I thought something was up because the pace slowed, and she stopped moaning and starting making grunting sounds ( the same kind of sounds you make after dropping a deuce ) but I just didn't know exactly what he was doing behind her.

 

Well it hit me when we changed positions and she went to mount him in a reverse cowgirl and I saw him inserting in her anus.

 

My problem is I have always wanted to have anal sex with her and never have been afforded the opportunity, she always said " No " and

 yet there he was taking her anal virginity ( without even asking her first ) and having at it throughout the whole threesome. I feel something has been taken from me and I can never look at her the same.

I talked to her about this afterwards and she had apologized saying she " got carried away and went with the flow of things "

 

I know it took two to tango, in this case three, but I'd think it would have been understood that our "guest" would at least have the same guidelines as her husband, or less.

Didn't know I needed to write up a contract covering the rules.

 

I know I carry a certain portion of the blame here, but how do I move forward?

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14 minutes ago, let's do it again said:

Going over the ground rules with everyone involved is crucial and if you don't go over the rules this is what will happen. One problem I first saw was that you admitted that both of you were half buzzed, bad idea. Next, are you sure she was an anal virgin, maybe she has done it before? Anyway it happened, now what to do about it. I think both should stop until you both get on the same page with your rules. This is not uncommon, I have really seen problems about going bareback or ejaculating inside her. Having rules and sticking to them is important and later down the road you may adjust your rules.  Talk this out and don't let this get between you,  but don't swap until your rules are agreed upon by both!

Yes that's for sure

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From reading the original post, there is no way she was an anal virgin unless this third guy has a needle dick. She took it anally from behind and then switched to reverse cowgirl and took it anally again. The women on this forum can speak better on this than I can but from my experience, the first time taking it anally isn't easy, instead it is painful. Then to move to an advanced position like reverse cowgirl without any issue...I got news for you...her anal virginity was gone long before that night. From reading the original post, there is no way she was an anal virgin unless this third guy has a needle dick. She took it anally from behind and then switched to reverse cowgirl and took it anally again. The women on this forum can speak better on this than I can but from my experience, the first time taking it anally isn't easy, instead it is painful. Then to move to an advanced position like reverse cowgirl without any issue...I got news for you...her anal virginity was gone long before that night.

Edited by discreetplay
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I’m sure I’m going to get some slack for my opinion, if my wife let another man do something that I’ve always wanted to do, especially without discussing with me first……. I would have stopped the playing instantly, got dressed and started looking for a good divorce lawyer.  The sheer amount of disrespect it took on her part would’ve been all ever needed to see.  I’m not convinced this story is true. For her to tell you no, then doing it with someone else right in front of you………….not really sure I’m buying this.

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7 hours ago, discreetplay said:

The women on this forum can speak better on this than I can but from my experience, the first time taking it anally isn't easy, instead it is painful.

Yes, not because there's a hymen that's ripped or the girl's anus is permanently expanded, rather she eventually learns to open, not instinctively tighten, and to lube up her bum hole and his dick first.

 

Perhaps the bi guys on this forum can speak up as well. 

 

3 hours ago, Davdia said:

I’m not convinced this story is true.

I think many stories here are untrue, but still form the basis for a worthwhile discussion. 

 

3 hours ago, Davdia said:

if my wife let another man do something that I’ve always wanted to do, ……. I would have stopped the playing instantly, got dressed and started looking for a good divorce lawyer.

 

11 hours ago, njbm said:

You can have anal with your wife anytime you want. You really didn’t lose anything. 

Agreed, nothing lost, but something found.  A cause for celebration. 

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On 10/3/2023 at 1:53 PM, WhatIsItNow said:

Yesterdaywhile buzzed , my wife (35) and I (37) did something we always fantasized about, but should have left as a fantasy. We had a MMF threesome, with a neighbor.

We picked a neighbor because we thought the chances of a repeat performance were less likely. It took a while of talking to get him ( 25 ) to try it too.

Anyhow, to be honest, we all really liked it So what's the problem ?

 

She was going down on me, he slowly worked on inserting in her anus. I thought something was up because the pace slowed, and she stopped moaning and starting making grunting sounds ( the same kind of sounds you make after dropping a deuce ) but I just didn't know exactly what he was doing behind her.

 

Well it hit me when we changed positions and she went to mount him in a reverse cowgirl and I saw him inserting in her anus.

 

My problem is I have always wanted to have anal sex with her and never have been afforded the opportunity, she always said " No " and

 yet there he was taking her anal virginity ( without even asking her first ) and having at it throughout the whole threesome. I feel something has been taken from me and I can never look at her the same.

I talked to her about this afterwards and she had apologized saying she " got carried away and went with the flow of things "

 

I know it took two to tango, in this case three, but I'd think it would have been understood that our "guest" would at least have the same guidelines as her husband, or less.

Didn't know I needed to write up a contract covering the rules.

 

I know I carry a certain portion of the blame here, but how do I move forward?

 

 

Well, let me tell you that when things get wild, they get wild and brain is not really catching up the speed.   My wife has done new ( not ever tried before) while on a threesome.  I asked her abut it and she just told me she was horny as hell and went with the flow.  I really thing that if it was you going anal on her while on thre MMF sex, she would have gone for it as easily as with the other guy.  The other guy just didn´t know she didn´t wanted to do it and went for it.  On the heat of matters she went with the flow and let it happen.  It does not mean she would do it again with him or with you.  Actually, this other guy may have opened a door for you to go through.  Maybe....   But my advice is not to sweat it, this things happen on the mood and heat of the time.  I guess I would try new ( not before accepted) things if I was on a FMF sex for the first time. 

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On 10/3/2023 at 10:19 PM, discreetplay said:

From reading the original post, there is no way she was an anal virgin unless this third guy has a needle dick. 

 

I have to agree with this statement. I've never been involved with anal (watching or inserting) where an relatively inexperienced woman easily took it and then moved to another position (especially reverse cowgirl) so easily. Buzzed or not.

 

I've also never heard of a guy who joined a couple that went to anal as the choice for penetration. Was there prior discussion about doing anal with the neighbor? If not, I wonder whether the wife and the neighbor has this discussion at some point. Like I said, I've never heard of a guy, especially an acquaintance like a neighbor, who would do anal on a whim.  

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6 hours ago, MrMrsswinger said:

I wonder whether the wife and the neighbor has this discussion at some point.

Ooh, another possibility - the wife and neighbor had had something more than a discussion at some earlier time.  It would explain the ease with which this all took place. 

 

On 10/3/2023 at 1:53 PM, WhatIsItNow said:

We picked a neighbor because we thought the chances of a repeat performance were less likely.

That may have been a repeat performance. 

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Yes, it sounds like the neighbor knew the territory. 

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3 hours ago, couplers said:

Ooh, another possibility - the wife and neighbor had had something more than a discussion at some earlier time.  It would explain the ease with which this all took place. 

 

That may have been a repeat performance. 

Shit....better talk with her about this then

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How on earth does someone who has never done anal, isn’t physical prepared or mentally prepared just take it in the ass in multiple positions without having their ass completely destroyed?  Not to mention the mess it would be without being prepared a head of time!  
 

I guess if it was just that easy for your wife to take it in the bum and you saw she was why didn’t you just take your turn as well?

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1 hour ago, enhancer said:

How on earth does someone who has never done anal, isn’t physical prepared or mentally prepared just take it in the ass in multiple positions without having their ass completely destroyed?

Exactly. And why would the neighbor, with supposedly no experience with the wife and the husband in the room, go straight for anal? Anal is ok, sure. Here you have a guy who, out of nowhere, was invited to this MFM and have sex with this man's wife. He has no issues (e.g. failure to rise) and with a willing vagina in front of him, goes for anal??

 

Only two possibilities here... (1) the story isn't real or (2) the wife had prior discussion and prior interactions with the neighbor to where he had already been in the vagina and wanted something different. 

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2 hours ago, WhatIsItNow said:

I wish this was fake but it's not sorry

Then there is something missing here. I've been behind a few women in my day. Not one time in all my years did I opt for anal. With long term partners, sure after talking about it. With a stranger/swinger acquaintance,  never. When presented with a new vagina, never. The thought never crossed my mind. As I and others have said, sliding in there isn't easy. The woman needs to be ready, lube needs to be flowing, and even then it isn't necessary go time. When a MFM threesome is agreed to by the female, definitely the first one, it is about getting a lot of penetration from two guys. I've never heard or read about a woman saying she wanted a threesome for anal (unless it was a DP, but that is not the first threesome experience).

Edited by MrMrsswinger

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58 minutes ago, MrMrsswinger said:

Then there is something missing here. I've been behind a few women in my day. Not one time in all my years did I opt for anal. With long term partners, sure after talking about it. With a stranger/swinger acquaintance,  never. When presented with a new vagina, never. The thought never crossed my mind. As I and others have said, sliding in there isn't easy. The woman needs to be ready, lube needs to be flowing, and even then it isn't necessary go time. When a MFM threesome is agreed to by the female, definitely the first one, it is about getting a lot of penetration from two guys. I've never heard or read about a woman saying she wanted a threesome for anal (unless it was a DP, but that is not the first threesome experience).

I hear you. Thanks

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On 10/3/2023 at 8:09 PM, njbm said:

You can have anal with your wife anytime you want. You really didn’t lose anything. 

Let me get this straight? Your wife says no to you having sex in a way you’ve been asking for, then without any explanation does it twice in front of you with another man…….and your response is You really didn’t lose anything?????

Some people should just remain silent.

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This post is so similar to our post over four years ago. Our first meeting with two others everything was very good I was with both other women and the wife was with the men and the women. Great night we went home happy. We agreed before the night we would talk about everything we did, what we liked and what we didn’t. We didn’t have rules set up other if either of us wanted to leave we had a word we would use. 
I remember how her words stopped me when she said He put it in me, you know. Of course he did. She then said he took it out and put it in the other place, he put it in my butt. I was shocked because she always stopped me. I was concerned he hurt her, she assured me it was fine. 
I posted I was hurt as I was not the first to do it, again she always stopped me. I wanted to be first. 
I heard from many on here saying not to be mad. I wasn’t mad at her, I love her. It was more about me being disappointed, less about her doing something. I was reminded I was not her first sex partner yet I don’t hold a grudge, she wasn’t my first partner. 
I know there is a post about this going back over four years, look it up. 

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So our last threesome.the guy went for anal even though he was told beforehand that it was not on the table.  I also didn't know he went for that as I couldn't see from my position.  She revealed after it was pretty traumatizing/painful but was scared to speak up about it.  She pretty much felt anally raped.  That event has put a chill over any new hookups for the near future.

 

If you wife didn't ask for it I would not be placing blame on her my dude. She may just not have felt safe enough to refuse the new guy.  As he obviously went for it before asking for consent.

Edited by NerdsAreFun
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1 hour ago, Davdia said:

If you don’t feel comfortable saying no, then you have no business in the swinging game!

 

She did, preemptively even.  Guy didn't respect it.  No room for someone in swinging that doesn't seek enthusiastic consent.  Guy was a dick.

 

 

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15 hours ago, ToeDippers said:

This post is so similar to our post over four years ago. Our first meeting with two others everything was very good I was with both other women and the wife was with the men and the women. Great night we went home happy. We agreed before the night we would talk about everything we did, what we liked and what we didn’t. We didn’t have rules set up other if either of us wanted to leave we had a word we would use. 
I remember how her words stopped me when she said He put it in me, you know. Of course he did. She then said he took it out and put it in the other place, he put it in my butt. I was shocked because she always stopped me. I was concerned he hurt her, she assured me it was fine. 
I posted I was hurt as I was not the first to do it, again she always stopped me. I wanted to be first. 
I heard from many on here saying not to be mad. I wasn’t mad at her, I love her. It was more about me being disappointed, less about her doing something. I was reminded I was not her first sex partner yet I don’t hold a grudge, she wasn’t my first partner. 
I know there is a post about this going back over four years, look it up. 

Give us the readers digest version.  Did she enjoy the new anal experience? Was he gentle enough for her to enjoy it?  Was she going with the flow and caught in the moment like the OP of this thread?  

 

More importantly, did it open a new range of fun for the two of you after that?  Did you two become more regular or semi regular participants of anal sex?

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We would also be upset. She crossed a boundary and did something with someone else you wanted to do with her and she let him do it.

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This isn’t an answer some want to hear, we enjoy being alone in separate rooms. Nobody gets jealous, nobody has to hold back, everyone is free to be themselves. My swing partner lover does things my true lover husband doesn’t do which makes swapping so much fun. I don’t want every sex partner to do the same thing. I also don’t hide what I do with others to the man I’m with for life. 

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First, you were 'buzzed'. So, not thinking clearly.

 

Secondly, you were doing something you had never done before and hadn't discussed in depth.

 

Lastly, when youre playing on the fringe of anything, especially sex, you can't expect not to have your nose 'bloodied' occasionally. 

 

The only thing that matters is did she have a good time, in that moment ?  She did. You did. He did.  

 

Truly, are you a man or a mouse ? Squeak up.

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50 minutes ago, Shore2Please said:

This isn’t an answer some want to hear, we enjoy being alone in separate rooms. Nobody gets jealous, nobody has to hold back, everyone is free to be themselves. My swing partner lover does things my true lover husband doesn’t do which makes swapping so much fun. I don’t want every sex partner to do the same thing. I also don’t hide what I do with others to the man I’m with for life. 

--------------------------------

 

I adore having sex in separate room Play--- Katrina

 

I adore her having sex in separate room Play--Driver X

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6 hours ago, KatrinaandDriverX said:

First, you were 'buzzed'. So, not thinking clearly.

 

Secondly, you were doing something you had never done before and hadn't discussed in depth.

 

Lastly, when youre playing on the fringe of anything, especially sex, you can't expect not to have your nose 'bloodied' occasionally. 

 

The only thing that matters is did she have a good time, in that moment ?  She did. You did. He did.  

 

Truly, are you a man or a mouse ? Squeak up.

It’s amazing how stupid some people really are. Clearly he’s upset about this and your advice is simply be happy you feel scorned and humiliated, at least your wife got anal.  This is exactly why swinging fails so often. Idiots giving advice!

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It happened to me without an intention to cheat. My partner always wanted to do me anal but I always refuse. With another bf on a separate occasion and room, I gave it to him first. I didnt know if he was too adept at it or it was the heat of the moment. I let my partner do it eventually but it was not my intention to let bf have it first. It just happened.

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2 hours ago, kittyswinger said:

I didnt know if he was too adept at it or it was the heat of the moment. I let my partner do it eventually but it was not my intention to let bf have it first

I think maybe you left out a couple of options….like “I” decided to cheat on my husband, going behind his back and just chalk it up to heat of the moment because, really I’m just weak and only care about myself.  Your reasoning that he was more adept is beyond ridiculous. 
You turned your spouse down and then gave it freely to another guy……nothing more, nothing less.

swinging involves honesty……cheating doesn’t….simple

I would have served you divorce papers the following day.

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1 hour ago, Davdia said:

I think maybe you left out a couple of options….like “I” decided to cheat on my husband, going behind his back and just chalk it up to heat of the moment because, really I’m just weak and only care about myself.  Your reasoning that he was more adept is beyond ridiculous. 
You turned your spouse down and then gave it freely to another guy……nothing more, nothing less.

swinging involves honesty……cheating doesn’t….simple

I would have served you divorce papers the following day.

It is not that simple as it was not a typical swing partnership.  The bf is a partner in a polyamorous relationship.  I'm just sharing that sometimes it happens without the intention of favoring one partner over the other.

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7 hours ago, kittyswinger said:

It is not that simple as it was not a typical swing partnership.  The bf is a partner in a polyamorous relationship.  I'm just sharing that sometimes it happens without the intention of favoring one partner over the other.

So you think that you as a polygamist are the right choice to be offering this man who’s clearly upset advice??

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Simple question for you?, if your husband always refuses to go down on you and while swinging you watch him enjoying eating someone else’s pussy……your okay with that?

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14 hours ago, Davdia said:

if your husband always refuses to go down on you and while swinging you watch him enjoying eating someone else’s pussy……your okay with that?

For me, yes.  

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On 10/9/2023 at 6:19 PM, Shore2Please said:

we enjoy being alone in separate rooms. Nobody gets jealous, nobody has to hold back,

I agree, but not for the reason you might expect.  I crave my feelings of jealousy, of Lora and Clair giving David and Red something I don't, or even can't (him rubbing his dick between her tits maybe?).  I've seen them make love hundreds, thousands of times, but still wonder if there's something different when I'm not there.  I certainly hope so. It turns me on to ponder. 

 

 

 

Edited by couplers

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2 hours ago, couplers said:

I've seen them make love hundreds, thousands of times, but still wonder if there's something different when I'm not there.

I still see a major difference between “them doing something different “ and doing something you personally have always wanted to do and she refused!

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3 hours ago, couplers said:

For me, yes.  

I’m not buying it for a second.   Unless your spouse turning you down and then doing someone else actually turns you on.

Still not buying it.

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On 10/6/2023 at 4:56 PM, NerdsAreFun said:

So our last threesome.the guy went for anal even though he was told beforehand that it was not on the table.  I also didn't know he went for that as I couldn't see from my position.  She revealed after it was pretty traumatizing/painful but was scared to speak up about it.  She pretty much felt anally raped.  That event has put a chill over any new hookups for the near future.

 

If you wife didn't ask for it I would not be placing blame on her my dude. She may just not have felt safe enough to refuse the new guy.  As he obviously went for it before asking for consent.

I don't understand this.  If she was fine having the conversation with him beforehand telling him that anal was off the table then why wouldn't she say something during when he went in for it?  Especially if her SO is right there.  If you don't feel safe in a situation with your SO right there then are you ever going to really feel safe in a threesome?

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On 10/3/2023 at 5:07 PM, let's do it again said:

Going over the ground rules with everyone involved is crucial and if you don't go over the rules this is what will happen. One problem I first saw was that you admitted that both of you were half buzzed, bad idea. Next, are you sure she was an anal virgin, maybe she has done it before? Anyway it happened, now what to do about it. I think both should stop until you both get on the same page with your rules. This is not uncommon, I have really seen problems about going bareback or ejaculating inside her. Having rules and sticking to them is important and later down the road you may adjust your rules.  Talk this out and don't let this get between you,  but don't swap until your rules are agreed upon by both!

Although I agree with the premise that going over the rules is crucial, I don’t think something that you refuse to do with your spouse would even be considered.  If my wife refuses to do anal with me, I shouldn’t have to even bring up that it’s off the table for others.

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On 10/6/2023 at 4:56 PM, NerdsAreFun said:

So our last threesome.the guy went for anal even though he was told beforehand that it was not on the table.  I also didn't know he went for that as I couldn't see from my position.  She revealed after it was pretty traumatizing/painful but was scared to speak up about it.  She pretty much felt anally raped.  That event has put a chill over any new hookups for the near future.

 

If you wife didn't ask for it I would not be placing blame on her my dude. She may just not have felt safe enough to refuse the new guy.  As he obviously went for it before asking for consent.

I can’t even fathom my wife getting anal raped right in front of me………I would want to kill him and I would be so pissed at her for not speaking up, I’d probably leave her.  Certainly I would never trust her in a sexual situation with others again.  If your not blaming her for not speaking up then you shouldn’t blame him for doing it.

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4 hours ago, Davdia said:

I can’t even fathom my wife getting anal raped right in front of me………I would want to kill him and I would be so pissed at her for not speaking up, I’d probably leave her.  Certainly I would never trust her in a sexual situation with others again.  If your not blaming her for not speaking up then you shouldn’t blame him for doing it.

I don't want to go that far and start passing judgement now but I just wanted to understand the thought process here.  A line was drawn prior and then this guy clearly crosses the line.  Anal is black and white - you either did it or you didn't.  It's not like when a girl asks you to slap her ass hard but not too hard.  There is no ambiguity to anal.  So if she didn't want it, why not just say it?

 

I know he said she was "scared to speak up" and this is 100% a real thing. My GF has told me about situations before we met or where I wasn't around where she has been in where she didn't speak up for a variety of different reasons whether it was out of fear, not wanting to make a scene, among other things.  Thankfully nothing too horrible has ever come from it and it hasn't had any long-term impact.  However whenever I'm around there has never been a reason why she couldn't or wouldn't speak up - ever.  Especially in a situation where she would feel anally raped.

 

I can wrap my head around certain circumstances where a woman is with 1 or 2 guys and freezes, get scared, doesn't speak up, etc. when one of the guys crosses the line.  But in a threesome with your SO?  That's a tough one.  If you can't feel safe with your SO then how can you ever feel safe in this lifestyle?

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On 10/6/2023 at 1:36 AM, Davdia said:

Let me get this straight? Your wife says no to you having sex in a way you’ve been asking for, then without any explanation does it twice in front of you with another man…….and your response is You really didn’t lose anything?????

Some people should just remain silent.

The only thing lost in a situation like this is a some trust. With work that can be repaired. This should not be a relationship extinction-level event, and if it is someone needs to look deep into their own insecurities and not project them on to their partner. 

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On 10/6/2023 at 1:36 AM, Davdia said:

Let me get this straight? Your wife says no to you having sex in a way you’ve been asking for, then without any explanation does it twice in front of you with another man…….and your response is You really didn’t lose anything?????

Some people should just remain silent.

The only thing lost in a situation like this is a some trust. With work that can be repaired. This should not be a relationship extinction-level event, and if it is someone needs to look deep into their own insecurities and not project them on to their partner. 

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On 10/6/2023 at 1:36 AM, Davdia said:

Let me get this straight? Your wife says no to you having sex in a way you’ve been asking for, then without any explanation does it twice in front of you with another man…….and your response is You really didn’t lose anything?????

Some people should just remain silent.

The only thing lost in a situation like this is a some trust. With work that can be repaired. This should not be a relationship extinction-level event, and if it is someone needs to look deep into their own insecurities and not project them on to their partner. 

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On 10/6/2023 at 1:36 AM, Davdia said:

Let me get this straight? Your wife says no to you having sex in a way you’ve been asking for, then without any explanation does it twice in front of you with another man…….and your response is You really didn’t lose anything?????

Some people should just remain silent.

The only thing lost in a situation like this is a some trust. With work that can be repaired. This should not be a relationship extinction-level event, and if it is someone needs to look deep into their own insecurities and not project them on to their partner. 

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Where did the OP go? We not going to get an update as to whether there was prior discussion and why it was so easy for her to take it anally?.

 

 

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On 10/10/2023 at 3:59 PM, Davdia said:

So you think that you as a polygamist are the right choice to be offering this man who’s clearly upset advice??

It was a mistake. If I have to travel back in time, I prefer to do it with my primary partner first.

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18 hours ago, Davdia said:

I still see a major difference between “them doing something different “ and doing something you personally have always wanted to do and she refused!

I understand. 

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