Need A little Help!

[MrsGiga 1]

Hello All, my name is Amy and was wondering if I can get some advice on the site. My husband and I have dabbled a little bit in the lifestyle. We have done threesomes and an almost couple's swap but it didn't work out very well. But recently we found a couple on Swings Town and at first they seemed pretty cool but recently there has been a slight issue. I started talking to the guy and my husband, myself then started talking to the wife. 

 

The wife seemed to be very disinterested in the just talking to us. We have tried talking to her on multiple different occasions but its left with a couple word sentence. Like "I am doing good. How are you?" and then we respond and it's just nothing. Crickets. The one who seems interested in is the husband but we both have noticed that seems to be crossing several lines despite us redirecting him in other ways. We both want the couple to partake in it and just to have fun with us. Almost as if it's one sided and the other doesn't really care or want to even get to know us at all. No questions from her about us or just talking to us in general. 

 

The husband on the other hand, as I mentioned earlier seems to be crossing a couple lines and being overly cocky (which I don't like one bit). There were a couple of things that he said that sort of sent red-flags my way and please feel free to tell me your thoughts.

 

I have explicitly told him on multiple different occasions that I shave and want to be bear. He, of course, wants me to be hairy and says that he doesn't like that and want's a hairy pussy. I told him that my husband and I both want it clean. I mentioned this twice to me and then i quote from him "you will get to a point where you will want me so bad that you will want to do anything together it..." I respond that will always be number one to me. We have a rule that us, as a couple are number one. If one of us get's tired or bout done - we finish with each other. That us as a couple are the most important thing. 

 

His response is - "in time you will bring me a hairy pussy" I once again stated "we both like it clean". His response is "i'm not competing with your husband... he can be number one."  this is where i ended the conversation because i was getting pissed and almost felt how pushy and controlling he was being in the conversation. Literally trying to make me submissive to the conversation and him (which I don't like and it's not a turn on). I have on occasion mentioned to him because he's told me that he wants me to submissive to him - that I a) don't want that and b) good luck with that. I think his response at the time was "will see", I don't recall much of that. 

 

I simply stated that Ive got a couple things that i need to get done and ill message him later. Which i haven't done because a part of me believes that if he truly believed that he crossed a line with my abruptly end of the conversation that he would reach out and try and apologize to me. To see if maybe he crossed a line or apologize. This is verbatim what I told my husband "I have a thought. The fact it’s been 2 days since I last spoke with [NAME]. He hasn’t even reached out to see if maybe he crossed a line or anything that or to see if offended me since I abruptly told him that I had things to do. That didn’t trigger in his head that maybe he had crossed a line. And since he hasn’t reached out to that he thinks it’s okay. that’s kinda concerning to me."

 

My husband had agreed with me on this. He even mentioned that the guy was an habitual line stepper. My response was "Yea, and I shouldn’t have to reach out to apologize or contact him. If I mentioned abruptly end the conversation after stating something to my displeasure or something that I don’t want to do or feel. And you don’t apologize or ask if he crossed a line. That’s deeply concerning because who’s to say he won’t do it in person". 

 

I know he won't try anything with my husband around but who is to say that he won't try something if we separate. We have of course talked about being in the same room and separate rooms. I prefer same rooms for that comfort of my husband and him being near. Then if we do get comfortable expanding out to separate rooms. Or even the possibility of myself, my husband and him or just his wife, him and my husband. We deeply discuss a lot of the possible feelings and outcomes along with just being open about it all. I admit, there have been times when I haven't been as open and it's my own personal mental thoughts that we work through as a couple. 

 

But going back on topic a bit, I am not sure how to approach this couple now. We are suppose to meet them next weekend, but just how he approached the situation two days ago, and the couple other times - where he has overstepped his boundaries. Along with the fact his wife, has barely responded to us, showed little to no interested in it, the fact she also goes and does whatever she wants with whom ever, and on a couple occasions tried to find out what she likes or wants to do with my husband. Just in a way feel like it's a wasted effort on our part. 

 

I want to be able to give my husband some fun stuff to do with another couple/female and to be able to do what he wants to do as I have had my fun for a bit. It's his turn and want to be able to provide him that. I don't know if we should still meet them, see how it does or just put our efforts elsewhere. 

 

Thank you all for listening to me on this bit of a long rant. In a way, it's very therapeutic to just express how I am feeling and hearing thoughts on it from all the life experiences from other people. I look forward to hearing all your thoughts about it. 

[NC_Seniors 518]

You don’t need this couple … there are plenty of fish in the sea.

[curious_2for2 92]

Meeting them is not in your best interests as a couple. If you're not happy before the initial meeting, we can't see it getting much better, especially given the wife's apparent disinterest.

[Billygoat 443]

9 hours ago, NC_Seniors said:

You don’t need this couple … there are plenty of fish in the sea.

We agree.

 

And keep in mind although there are common threads of thought, expectations, desires, endless different ever-changing rules and go/no-go (by individual/couple, single, solo)  one time event to poly relationship. Variations/mix like Lottery numbers.  Of coarse in the end it is the two of you, your choices.

 

I will share what we have told couples, singles and solos new to or in the lifestyle:

 

Although many do try to address this like dating it really isn’t but everyone has their own comfort level.   Use of swing sites is fine but often open more as a source of entertainment.  Most, not everyone, but I would venture 80% of those who are active in the LS are quick to draw the line on too much written/telephone conversation.  Best communication is always personal, in person.   Contact on line but early on arrange in person public meeting.  Public place always but enough privacy to talk openly.  This would include a hard and fast rule, only platonic, friendly people getting to know one another.  No intimate contact at all.  And even here once, twice and move forward or move on.

 

We always advocate meeting like minded people at parties (home or club), hosted meet n greats (public) LS events and private hosted LS groups.  You meet like minded people, loads of fun….and it is social, no sex participation required.  The best way to meet people.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[lcmim 1,082]

I also would say to throw this one back.

[AdamGunn2 398]

13 hours ago, MrsGiga said:

But going back on topic a bit, I am not sure how to approach this couple now. We are suppose to meet them next weekend, but just how he approached the situation two days ago, and the couple other times - where he has overstepped his boundaries. Along with the fact his wife, has barely responded to us, showed little to no interested in it, the fact she also goes and does whatever she wants with whom ever, and on a couple occasions tried to find out what she likes or wants to do with my husband. Just in a way feel like it's a wasted effort on our part. 

 

I want to be able to give my husband some fun stuff to do with another couple/female and to be able to do what he wants to do as I have had my fun for a bit. It's his turn and want to be able to provide him that. I don't know if we should still meet them, see how it does or just put our efforts elsewhere. 

 

As the others have stated, there are so many negatives with this couple that I'd also suggest you avoid them. From experience I can tell you that an experience with them would be disappointing to you, and to your husband.

 

How do you approach them now? Simply and honestly, tell them after thought that the two of you are no longer interested - have a great life. If he asks why, do not tell him your reasons - it's none of his business, and a revelation will only lead to argument.

 

Continue to search for another couple or female. You'll find them eventually, and your husband will be quite happy then. Better to have patience than a letdown.

 

Best of luck . . . 

[TeamCalgary 168]

"Run Forrest run!"

 

Sorry, I couldn't resist bringing a little levity into what appears to an absolute rabbit hole. 

 

Truly folks; run from this couple. As our eminent colleagues have stated above, there are more red flags here 

than at a communist flag shop. Run. 

 

Learn from this encounter, take this as an opportunity to further your understanding of this pursuit.

This couples is a negative role model; they exhibit behaviour/characteristics of people to avoid.

Couples like this will test the limits of your relationship and your patience. 

 

Run fast and run far from these folks. 

 

Good luck to you both. 

[TnA83 309]

Dump them.  If he pries and asks why, a simple "I think you know." should suffice.  Plenty of fish-pairs in the sea.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

She's not interested and he is looking to change you into what he is looking for...and that isn't you. When we started out, we kind of did the same thing. Found a couple that wasn't really a match but were close to what we thought we wanted (but not really). It was taking too long to find a good match so we were willing to settle for 'close enough'...even thought they weren't. Big surprise, it took awhile but we finally realized that we were just wasting time with them. In the end we moved on and found a much better match. Finding a great match is hard and takes time, but it really is worth the effort. Keep looking and stop spending effort on putting a square peg into a proverbial round hole (pun not intended). Good luck but try again.

[MrsGiga 1]

Thank you all for all the encouraging words and advice. It has really helped us out in deciding what we want to do. He literally texted her today and she still hasn't responded back to us yet. (Big surprise... not). He even made a condescending comment which I have yet to respond back to him because I don't want to feed into his ego and have the power over me in myself responding. His comment was "did your bald pussy get fucked yesterday?" - which was Sunday. Why on the earth would you even say that? A ton of red flags completely went up the moment he said that. 

 

My husband has on numerous occasions thinks that he is the one answering her phone in attempts to keep interested and hopes that we will do stuff with them. He even tried to tell us that shes busy and thats why she doesn't answer the phone or that her son is visiting and was spending time with him. We literally have made ever effort to try and talk to her but doesn't barely respond. 

 

We have ultimately decided that we are going to forgo this couple and better spend elsewhere. We were even thinking of going to a club? Does anyone have any advice or stories that could be beneficial for us as a couple. Things to do and not do? Experiences? Should we just go and see how it is the first time or go full out? Anything would be helpful.

 

I really want to express how thankful I am for listening to me and giving me advice. It has really helped out with us as a couple and just trying to figure out what to do with this couple. It is definitely better to figure this out now before we go and meet them with them and possibly do something with them. it would just be a waste of time, money, effort and even the overall experience.

 

Our first experience didn't go as we had planned... the guy had a charley horse and couldn't get up even when I was trying to suck him. Made me thing that it was me overall because in my head I am thinking that I am not sexy enough or not doing a good job. (i guess that i like to be praised when I am doing something good and satisfying the person, especially my husband) So that experience didn't go very well. So with this couple, it's best not to waste time and find another couple that will be better fit for us in the long run. 

 

Thanks for listening to my second semi-long rant. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the situation. 

[TeamCalgary 168]

Hello MrsGiga, 

 

Pleased to hear that you are moving on from the couple presented above; good decision.

 

"Thinking of going to a club", this is a good thought, as long as you are prepared beforehand.

Clubs are the proverbial candy store, lots of bright shiny objects that tempt you. 

Before you head out to the club, nail down what is your goal - are you just there to check out the scene, 

are you there to potentially chat with other couples, are you open to offers to play, etc. 

Ensure that you are both on the same page and stick to what you have decided when you are at the club.

 

If you have a perusal of this board, there are many unfortunate stories that litter the pages, tales of 

things gone wrong at a club, usually, "in the heat of the moment". Don't put yourselves in that position. 

 

Regards from Canada.

[enhancer 1,585]

If some guy told my lady he doesn’t like her shaved pussy and wants it hairy she would say then go find a hairy pussy! End of conversation with said idiot. She is not going to change anything about herself to suit some random guy.  Don’t want what you see then get lost.  Men are a dime a dozen and should be catering to the women if they want some.  The pussy has all the power in this lifestyle.  
 

As for his wife not wanting to chat a bunch with people she has never meet we get that.  Neither one of us wants to spend a bunch of time chatting with people we have never meet in person.  We chat enough to know if it is worth meeting in person and if enough pictures are provided with face pics we would meet to see if there is anything they’re worth pursuing.  

[MrsGiga 1]

2 hours ago, enhancer said:

If some guy told my lady he doesn’t like her shaved pussy and wants it hairy she would say then go find a hairy pussy! End of conversation with said idiot. She is not going to change anything about herself to suit some random guy.  Don’t want what you see then get lost.  Men are a dime a dozen and should be catering to the women if they want some.  The pussy has all the power in this lifestyle.  
 

As for his wife not wanting to chat a bunch with people she has never meet we get that.  Neither one of us wants to spend a bunch of time chatting with people we have never meet in person.  We chat enough to know if it is worth meeting in person and if enough pictures are provided with face pics we would meet to see if there is anything they’re worth pursuing.  

I completely agree with the first paragraph. I shouldn't have to change what I like for just for him. on top of that, my husband likes it bare. Why am i going to keep it hairy for this one guy who isn't my own husband. It does a disservice to my husband when he wants to go down on me. 

 

The second part of it, yes i agree meeting with this couple and seeing pictures to see if we are interested in it is a must. But we have tried from the beginning to gauge and get her interested in the conversation with both myself and my husband. But she doesn't seem to care at all or even show interest nothing about boundaries, interests, really anything even pictures. It's all him, texting as her along with him showing interested. The only interaction has been the husband trying to establish dominance and make me become submissive, demanding constant pictures, and trying to make it sound like my only interest sexually during and after we meet will be him and not my husband which will NEVER happen. We want both parties  to be involved and show interest but this couple has come off kinda disturbing. it just shows a red flag to me, if we meet and then she is doing the same thing like showing no interest at all. Don't want to waste our time on that. 

[MrsGiga 1]

5 hours ago, TeamCalgary said:

Hello MrsGiga, 

 

Pleased to hear that you are moving on from the couple presented above; good decision.

 

"Thinking of going to a club", this is a good thought, as long as you are prepared beforehand.

Clubs are the proverbial candy store, lots of bright shiny objects that tempt you. 

Before you head out to the club, nail down what is your goal - are you just there to check out the scene, 

are you there to potentially chat with other couples, are you open to offers to play, etc. 

Ensure that you are both on the same page and stick to what you have decided when you are at the club.

 

If you have a perusal of this board, there are many unfortunate stories that litter the pages, tales of 

things gone wrong at a club, usually, "in the heat of the moment". Don't put yourselves in that position. 

 

Regards from Canada.

Thank you. It is something we both will sit down and discuss in deep detail to not put ourselves in any sort of situation. Will definitely take a look at some of the stories that are on here and make sure that they dont happen. 

[enhancer 1,585]

15 hours ago, MrsGiga said:

I completely agree with the first paragraph. I shouldn't have to change what I like for just for him. on top of that, my husband likes it bare. Why am i going to keep it hairy for this one guy who isn't my own husband. It does a disservice to my husband when he wants to go down on me. 

 

The second part of it, yes i agree meeting with this couple and seeing pictures to see if we are interested in it is a must. But we have tried from the beginning to gauge and get her interested in the conversation with both myself and my husband. But she doesn't seem to care at all or even show interest nothing about boundaries, interests, really anything even pictures. It's all him, texting as her along with him showing interested. The only interaction has been the husband trying to establish dominance and make me become submissive, demanding constant pictures, and trying to make it sound like my only interest sexually during and after we meet will be him and not my husband which will NEVER happen. We want both parties  to be involved and show interest but this couple has come off kinda disturbing. it just shows a red flag to me, if we meet and then she is doing the same thing like showing no interest at all. Don't want to waste our time on that. 

The line about him trying to establish his dominance and make you his submissive is one of the biggest reasons she is no longer interested in men at all!  There seems to be a really big amount of guys married or not that think all women should be submissive and do what they’re told and that they actually think this is an attractive trait to have.  It is not and it is ridiculous.  There is nothing manly about dominating women.  
 

As the missus puts it she has a guy that is every part a man that treats her like a queen in the bedroom and gives more then he takes why would I settle for some insecure want to be alpha male treating me like garbage.  
 

It is too bad, because I really enjoyed sharing her and would have again if guys were not so fucking thick between the ears and clueless.

[WesternSwing 504]

Move-on, you don't need this kind of crap. If he's already not listening to you and has no respect for you as a couple, can you imagine how many boundaries he'll cross in-person? I think I feel sorry for his wife, too.