First year, how many?

[AdamGunn2 393]

In the first year after you began swinging and/or hotwifing, how many sexual experiences did you and your partner have? This includes both repeat trysts with the same people and new people.

 

What I’m trying to find out by asking this question is how quickly did your foray into Ethical Non-Monogamy ramp up. Did you go very slowly? Did you quickly have a few experiences then drop it? What was your personal path?

 

Please feel free to elucidate in the comments.

Edited November 4, 2023 by AdamGunn2

[Billygoat 443]

Year two almost double that.  Then we hosted a twice per month semi private party, Coffee Time.  10 am to 2pm Sundays. Later came events and themes.  It became quite easy to have 2 - 6 sexual experiences per week.  
 

 

[NC_Seniors 518]

17 (11-20) … 8 with our first couple, 3 with our second couple, and 6 1-offs. The first 2 couples were spread out over 10 months and the remaining 6 couples were “woven in” amongst our other experiences. Our most exotic encounter was with a man from South Africa and a woman from Thailand at a club in Sydney, Australia.

[couplers 4,615]

I chose "other."

 

The way I became non-monogamous was banal, unconventional, and romantic.  I called off the wedding with my fiancé Red, moved out, but kept the relationship going.  I wasn't looking, but then met the man who would become my husband David, and I started a relationship with him.  A woman with two men going at once, not that unusual, I suppose. 

 

Since Red and I were so close, I immediately went to his apartment (what used to be our apartment) after the first time i had sex with David.   We then made love too.

 

David knew about Red, and figured out quickly that it wasn't over between Red and me.  Instead of dumping me, he said it was fine, and that he loved me.  Shortly thereafter they met, and got along well despite being quite a bit different.  One Saturday afternoon we were all together and we had the first threesome for each of us.

 

We mostly kept the sex separate, but with regular weekend threesomes.  After a couple of months, I moved in with David and several months thereafter David asked me to marry him with the explicit promise that I could keep Red.

 

So on one hand one could say in the first year our swinging career ramped up quickly into the hundreds, while OTOH, one could say that I was just a slutty single girl.  But David and I got married and I'm still sleeping with Red. 

 

 

Edited November 5, 2023 by couplers

[EastInWest 1,524]

The way I remember it, we moved pretty slowly. Our first experience was soft swap with two other couples, then full swap with the couple we knew well the following evening.

 

That was really where her comfort zone was, familiarity, and we met up with them a few times before we branched out, I want to say a summer or two later. That was the first time Mrs. E got the nerve up to engage with a flirty stranger on vacation.

[Numex 2,409]

The first year we started in the lifestyle, Daniela hotwifed separately with two exes (a comfortable situation for all involved), which led to MFM with me, then we swapped with another couple.  If you're counting repeat events, there were well over twenty-one.  My wife is a horny bitch.

[cplnluv1 871]

Our first year was the most active one for us. After not find a unicorn we decided to meet a couple that Alan found from an adv he placed. We talked about our reason for our first before, Alan wanted to watch me with a woman, a thing I did before meeting him. I had no problem fulfilling his fantasy if we found the right woman. I agreed to the couple we met and others he met through his search. Our second couple became a regular part of our life, then it became too much of the same, the excitement waned. Alan then got an invitation to a house party, the first time I was with multi men and women in a night. Our world was becoming too wild and sex became too dominant in our life. Alan was the impetus at first, I then changed the direction becoming equally excited to meet new partners. 

[couplers 4,615]

57 minutes ago, cplnluv1 said:

Our world was becoming too wild and sex became too dominant in our life.

You bring up something that I think about from time to time - how dominant sex is in my/our lives.  I will do it quickly in the morning (this morning David took me quickly from behind, Clair and I 69ed) and post-orgasm I think it was a stupid waste of time.  Then in the afternoon at work I'm dreaming of what and who I'll be doing when I get home.  Being in a poly situation, however, takes the "wild" out and makes it safe and convenient. 

 

1 hour ago, cplnluv1 said:

I then changed the direction becoming equally excited to meet new partners. 

Please explain. 

[cplnluv1 871]

1 hour ago, couplers said:

You bring up something that I think about from time to time - how dominant sex is in my/our lives.  I will do it quickly in the morning (this morning David took me quickly from behind, Clair and I 69ed) and post-orgasm I think it was a stupid waste of time.  Then in the afternoon at work I'm dreaming of what and who I'll be doing when I get home.  Being in a poly situation, however, takes the "wild" out and makes it safe and convenient. 

 

Please explain. 

Instead of letting Alan be the one selecting others with posts on sites that catered to sexual meetings or even posting what we did I took charge. I found that most meetings were set up by men with wives going along. I was involved with all of our choices, though the choices were male focused, even the ones that were female bi focused. It’s hard to explain how our very first meeting went. Ten years later it still bothers me that a man told his girlfriend what to do and I allowed her because Alan wanted to watch. The whole scene was directed by a jerk and I went along. 

[AdamGunn2 393]

Okay, I asked the question, I should answer, shouldin't I? More (much more,) than twenty-one.

 

We had our first night at a swinger club on Nov. 30, 2002. By Feb. 15, we had been in situations with twenty-one partners. (Either foursome swaps which I counted as one, orgies where I counted the guys who had Mary, or threesomes.) We never slowed down that first year, and kept going for years and years - some slower than others, but we never stopped.

 

Also, I'm confused about the 'other' votes. Yes, couplers, you explained and I thank you for that. But I'd be interested in why some picked 'other' rather than a specific number.

 

 

[ConfusedHubby 118]

Wow, looking back at pictures and certs to try and reconstruct, it seems we were pretty slutty year one.  Around 35 different partners between the two of us...  Not really sure the number of experiences.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

So many the first couple years we lost count (not that we were really counting anyway). After kids we slowed down, but the 4 years in the LS prior to kids were absolutely full of clubs, parties, lifestyle resorts....  the whole shebang.  If i could relive any 4 years of my life lol

[PJ&Lin 188]

This was our first year with plenty of fun. We enjoyed a few group parties, camping trips and one on ones. Linda had more partners because women can go more times without refraction. 

[couplers 4,615]

21 hours ago, cplnluv1 said:

I found that most meetings were set up by men with wives going along. I was involved with all of our choices, though the choices were male focused, even the ones that were female bi focused.

Once again, I'm thankful for David and Red in our poly family.  When it comes to sex Clair, Lora, and I run things in this tribe.  As a matter of fact, when it was just David, Red and me, I'm the one who eventually expanded our sex life by recruiting among my female friends and acquaintances for David.  If one said she found him attractive, I would said he, likewise (even if he never said anything about her) and I ordered him to have sex with her.  Empowering for me, he never complained. 

 

The guys have never set up anything with others that we women didn't want.

 

 

Edited November 7, 2023 by couplers

[couplers 4,615]

18 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

After kids we slowed down

Even ater we started having children, we were going at it maybe not as hard, but just as frequently.  Being in a poly family helped, not having to go out.

 

Before kids, when it was just me with two men, it was well matched.  When it got to three women and two men, it was difficult sometimes for the guys to keep up with us women's sexual demands.  We girls being bi helped a lot, and until recently we women shared an outside boyfriend among us.

 

Recently, we've started playing with another couple, which has added some zest.  Unfortunately, they're halfway across the country. 

 

Edited November 7, 2023 by couplers

[Tomy Nikki 62]

At the beginning of the lifestyle we were slow and only had been with two couples the first couple we only had one experience and with the second couple we sticked on and had 3-4 experiences that year with them.

 

[Sophy 569]

Wow, it seems like yesterday, and it has already been ten years….

 

We were very active and consistent; we attended dates, house parties and clubs almost every weekend; of course, some of these encounters were “repetitions with the same people”, but still significant enough numbers to lose count.

 

Now, I can tell that, me being Bi and my husband being straight, I do outnumber him by a large margin.

 

If I have to guess a number, I would say I did 30+ people in my first year; this includes all types of interactions, soft-swaps and full-swaps.

[couplers 4,615]

4 hours ago, Sophy said:

me being Bi and my husband being straight, I do outnumber him by a large margin.

I sometimes wonder about that, like when asked how many partners have you had or how many times you had sex in a day, do Lesbian partners/does Lesbian sex count?  My belief is that even most vanilla couples wouldn't consider girl/girl sex cheating. 

[Sophy 569]

12 hours ago, couplers said:

I sometimes wonder about that, like when asked how many partners you have had or how many times you have had sex in a day, do Lesbian partners/Lesbian sex count?  I believe that even most vanilla couples wouldn't consider girl/girl sex cheating. 

I don't know about other people, but if a girl goes down on me, fingers me, uses toys on me and makes me cum and vice-versa, It Does Count for us.  

[AdamGunn2 393]

I think most vanilla people would say that girl/girl interactions is a breach of the marriage covenant; therefore, I would include such in the count of first year, etc.

 

But if you feel differently, I respect that.

[chimrichalds 11]

On 11/4/2023 at 2:50 PM, AdamGunn2 said:

In the first year after you began swinging and/or hotwifing, how many sexual experiences did you and your partner have? This includes both repeat trysts with the same people and new people.

 

What I’m trying to find out by asking this question is how quickly did your foray into Ethical Non-Monogamy ramp up. Did you go very slowly? Did you quickly have a few experiences then drop it? What was your personal path?

 

Please feel free to elucidate in the comments.

 

for our first yeear it was only 2 guys, but one of them was a repeat customer after drunken nights at the bar 😛

[Anon321 521]

We originally started as FWB, so we had a few that first year or 2.  Then by the time we put an official title on the relationship we were already deep into the lifestyle by that point.  So, if we're going by the first year we were officially a couple, and we're including hotwifing activities, then it's definitely over 20.  We were extremely active at that time.

[couplers 4,615]

On 11/9/2023 at 7:47 PM, AdamGunn2 said:

most vanilla people would say that girl/girl interactions is a breach of the marriage covenant; 

 

But if you feel differently, I respect that.

I could definitely be wrong, so no need to respect my opinion, but I think most vanilla husbands wouldn't care, or actually like, their wife to play with another woman.

 

Even among swingers, I don't think Lesbian play brings out the visceral reaction among the guys that MF does.  Most put it in the category of soft swap.

[AdamGunn2 393]

36 minutes ago, couplers said:

. . . I think most vanilla husbands wouldn't care, or actually like, their wife to play with another woman.

I respectfully disagree with you.  In a truly vanilla marriage the biggest problem for the male in a situation like this is the lack of honesty.  One of the first questions a husband tends to ask of their unfaithful wife is, "Do you still love me?"  And in the situation we're talking about here, another question is likely to be a shocked, "You're a fucking lesbian?!?!? No, the husband, I think, is going to be initially shocked and concerned that his marriage is in jeopardy.  I wouldn't matter in most cases, I think, the sex of the lover, but the fact that there is a lover. 

 

Now after the husband cools down, and they have the inevitable talks, the husband might feel that a girl/girl experience might be less harmful. After all, he thinks, at least she didn't have another dick in her!  And then, the discussions may morph into an acceptance of the dynamic, and might actually lead the couple into swinging or hotwifing. But it takes time for the hurt party to go from one perspective (the one society has drummed into his/her head) to the perspective that Ethical Non-Mongamy might not be the end of the world.