Pregnant while Swinging

[cplnluv1 874]

Posted with permission 

 

Has anyone come across a situation where a pregnancy was possibly the result of a swing partner. Most women I know are either on birth control or have reached menopause. Not everyone we meet uses condoms, something anybody capable of becoming pregnant should insist partners use. 
I’m not looking for conversation of the perils of unprotected sex, or what she should have done, what happened already happened. 
I feel most of the posters are older and sensible, knowing better, then most of us are smarter and know unprotected sex is a big risk outside of pregnancy. 
I should add there is a paternity question as she had more sex with someone not husband even though her husband was fully aware. 

[TeamCalgary 169]

Interesting my friend. 

It raises the question; the husband was aware of her involvement with the other man, but is he aware that she is now pregnant?

[PeterJ 960]

2 hours ago, cplnluv1 said:

Posted with permission 

 

Has anyone come across a situation where a pregnancy was possibly the result of a swing partner. 

When I was in graduate school two married couples engaged in an exchange of spouses. I don’t believe either couple were engaged in regular ENM activities; just couples in their late 20s or early 30s doing a bit of erotic experimentation. And I don’t know if the play was planned or spontaneous. But one of the women did become pregnant. I also have no idea if the couples knew for certain if the play partner provided the male genetic component of the prospective baby, but I do know the woman elected to end the pregnancy. 
 

It’s been a long time since I’ve had sex with a woman who wasn’t post-menopausal, but when my first wife was in medical school in a moment ruled by a high level of emotion on both our parts we had sex with no contraceptive protection and she became pregnant. There was no way we could manage having a child at that point and we terminated that pregnancy. In combination with a later miscarriage of a planned pregnancy, that careless episode did some damage to our marriage.

 

On two other occasions FWB partners became pregnant. In one case our deep and almost lifelong friendship continued unscathed. In the other our 20-year friendship never really recovered. 
 

Looking back from the perspective of my 70s I regret all three of those instances.

[couplers 4,717]

We are not swingers, per se, but a poly family.  But before that I was just a slutty newlywed with a boyfriend Red and had just gotten comfortable with hubby David playing.  Red didn't care to play, just have sex with me.

 

An accidental pregnancy is what created our poly family. Our live-in girlfriend Clair got pregnant by David despite being on birth control. She was upset and offered to have an abortion to keep us "as is" in our relationship. It took me about two seconds of thinking about it to decide that there was no reason not to start having children. We took the rest of the day off from work, she took three or four pregnancy tests, we cried together and decided that I would try to get pregnant as soon as possible so we could have our children as close together as possible. I stopped taking my pills that day. We told David and Red and both were overjoyed. I had sex with both David and Red and got pregnant within a couple of months.

 
We are all extremely pro-choice, and this was our choice, the right decision.

 

 

Edited November 10, 2023 by couplers

[MidLifeFun 148]

Pregnancy is always possible given that no birth control is 100% effective. Condoms breaking is very common, IUD I know have led to pregnancy, pills and implants have their side effects. Only sterilization is fool proof. I foolishly allow the women we meet to control the birth control. 
I wondered when vacationing with a lesbian couple if they took precautions, I offered using a condom which I didn’t have and was told not to worry. 
 

22 hours ago, cplnluv1 said:

I should add there is a paternity question as she had more sex with someone not husband even though her husband was fully aware

Any time a swinger becomes pregnant there will be a question. 
Do you have permission to tell the outcome? As a man I want to know who the father is. Are there other possibilities? 

[TnA83 314]

21 hours ago, MidLifeFun said:

 Only sterilization is fool proof.

 

 

Nope, not even that.  I have a dear friend that had a third child after a vasectomy.  I don't think his wife was a cheater, but who knows?

[Shore2Please 613]

Getting pregnant was a genuine concern immediately after our first swap. I knew I was protected, I also know no protection is foolproof. I know that pregnancy with the form we used has led to heartbreak with friends of ours who are not in any outside relationships. Our situation was we kept the option of future children open preventing anything permanent. That first night my main concern was more disease, less pregnancy. When I asked my husband about his night and contraception he was only able to say he guessed she took precautions. We had the most intimate nights and never thought to discuss a prime concern. We had the talk way later along with the what if. Made us think way more. 
Years later, I still am protected though my husband had a vasectomy, my fear of others and what ifs. What does bother me is I am never asked about contraception, men just expect the woman to deal with it. 
As I stated, we have discussed and we agree what actions we need to do if something crazy goes wrong. 

[Billygoat 445]

The LS/ENM/KINK is an adult choice and the responsibilities are personal adult responsibilities with potentially adult lifetime responsibilities/results.  The majority of participants are say between 30 to 70 age range, so not so much high hormonal/inexperienced/alcohol/drug/heat of the moment happenstance.

 

Men should and are responsible for themselves and their actions as are women.  With many men the thought of birth control tends to slip their mind when there is the potential for sex assuming the woman, that could get pregnant will take care of it for her own protection.  In the real world many women do get pregnant unplanned and the LS/ENM/KINK is not any different.  However, those who are active usually take additional precautions so this outcome is far more rare then found in the club, single or cheating lifestyle.

 

From our personal experiences (25 plus years) with a variety of singles and couples we know of several instances were participants used with full knowledge and acceptance male “donors” (natural way) for those that wanted children.  We also know of a few lesbian/bi female couples that did the same to have their children.  We have had relationships (Poly based) with younger couples that when planning to have children still attended parties or time with us with limitations.  And in some cases still participated with us or a chosen few through much of the pregnancy.  

 

Personally my decision to get a vasectomy many years ago was as a result of one of these relationships.  The Queen was fixed after our daughter was born, I chose not to want any more children with anyone but my life partner so I got fixed as well.  It actually made us a safer couple to play with and increased our activity with others.  We found that many men, women and couples preferred relations naturally, no condom once pregnancy is off the table.

 

We all hear about an oops, pregnant in the lifestyle however I believe this is an extremely rare situation as most all participants are safe players or play only in a circle of friends (such as us).

 

 

 

 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,421]

We have always had an agreement that if a 'mistake' should happen and my wife gets pregnant from another man while swinging we will accept the child and raise him/her as our own. I was always prepared to accept that possibility - although it never happened.  It gave my wife peace of mind knowing that an accident like that wouldn't ruin our marriage.

[MidwestHoneys 359]

Honey’s friend had an older gentleman “friend” who claimed he was fixed and she didn’t need to worry that she stopped her pills due to another health problem. Her real boyfriend used condoms for several months and was horrified that she said she was pregnant as was the friend who had much more at stake. The decision was made to terminate the pregnancy without any certainty to the real father. As far as I know the boyfriend knew about the older guy. I think they are all happy that the right wing crazies haven’t taken away our friends rights. 

[couplers 4,717]

18 hours ago, MidwestHoneys said:

I think they are all happy that the right wing crazies haven’t taken away our friends rights.

Methodist Pastor David Barnhart:

 

"The unborn” are a convenient group of people to advocate for. They never make demands of you; they are morally uncomplicated, unlike the incarcerated, addicted, or the chronically poor; they don’t resent your condescension or complain that you are not politically correct; unlike widows, they don’t ask you to question patriarchy; unlike orphans, they don’t need money, education, or childcare; unlike aliens, they don’t bring all that racial, cultural, and religious baggage that you dislike; they allow you to feel good about yourself without any work at creating or maintaining relationships; and when they are born, you can forget about them, because they cease to be unborn. You can love the unborn and advocate for them without substantially challenging your own wealth, power, or privilege, without re-imagining social structures, apologizing, or making reparations to anyone. They are, in short, the perfect people to love if you want to claim you love Jesus, but actually dislike people who breathe. Prisoners? Immigrants? The sick? The poor? Widows? Orphans? All the groups that are specifically mentioned in the Bible? They all get thrown under the bus for the unborn.

 

 

Edited November 15, 2023 by couplers

[MidwestHoneys 359]

57 minutes ago, couplers said:

They are, in short, the perfect people to love if you want to claim you love Jesus, but actually dislike people who breathe. Prisoners? Immigrants? The sick? The poor? Widows? Orphans? All the groups that are specifically mentioned in the Bible? They all get thrown under the bus for the unborn.

Do you find it necessary to post on every post? 
I can quote fiction too. I do not like green eggs and ham! Would you like them here or there? I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere.

 

There is only one truth, the first three posts every day 

 

 

[lcmim 1,086]

couplers,

Normally I leave this discussion to one on one face to face.

 There is a logic error, I believe, in your post.

 

It is precisely the fact that they have the potential for all of those things that you seem to see a negatives, that make them important, that means they would be fully involved humans. We are a messy group us humans.

Thus there is a a possible advantage in eliminating them before they become more than potential.

[ChristianSwinging 59]

We share our love with others out of love for our relationship and because we make good choices in the men who sleep with her,
it is natural for us to accept a possible fertilisation and the child as a gift to us, regardless of whose sperm it comes from.

Edited February 7 by ChristianSwinging