different feelings

[couplers 4,640]

Something that I have found when my men are having sex with another woman, whether it be with Clair or Lora in our family or a mere partner simply for sex, is that I perceive in two totally different ways the pleasure that he is giving her and how she feels to him.

 

I look at her and feel a warm goodness, happy to share, knowing that she is envious of what I had first.  Watching Red or David, however, moving differently than he does with me, making heretofore unexpressed faces and sounds makes me jealous, it hurts.  The experience with her must be better than it is with me.  (It is somewhat similar feeling for me, but not exactly the same when Clair or Lora is having a Lezzie experience with another woman.)

 

And you?  Is there a dichotomy in your emotional reaction between what your spouse is experiencing and the other partner is feeling?

 

 

Edited November 12, 2023 by couplers

[AdamGunn2 398]

I agree that when I observed Mary with another man, I felt that goodness. The varied experience was very interesting to me, and certainly for her.

 

But . . . I was never jealous or hurtful. We got into the game for variety in sexual partners.

[couplers 4,640]

For me, my extreme jealousy was like the kid who rides the roller coaster, is scared shitless, and the first thing she says afterwards is, "Can we do it again?"

 

I'm still jealous, but I'm addicted to the feeling and all the questions in my mind about how it felt for him, how he feels about her now, does he compare her to me.

 

Honestly, I hope my feelings of jealousy never go away. 

[AdamGunn2 398]

Couplers, not arguing here, just trying to get to the nub of the matter. Are you sure what you're feeling is 'jealousy'?  M/W defines the term as "a painful awareness of another's possessions or advantages and a desire to have them too".

 

Another word that might define your feeling is 'angst': a strong feeling of being worried or nervous.

 

Again, not arguing . . . But if you checked a thesaurus, you might find a word that better describes your emotion.

[Numex 2,416]

Daniela again. I don't really have feelings about my husband having sex with another woman and how they feel about each other. Presumably it's different than with our spouses, maybe even better, sometimes it is for me, but that's the point isn't it?

 

One thing you need to know about me, I'm different, special.  In elementary school the administration thought that I was retarded, but I ended up going to an ivy league school and doing well. Mostly, I'm a bit emotionally detached, I am totally aware of what's going on but don't get as angry, excited, nervous, sad, fearful as most people, just objectively move ahead.

[couplers 4,640]

12 hours ago, Numex said:

I'm different, special...  I ended up going to an ivy league school and doing well. Mostly, I'm a bit emotionally detached,..., just objectively move ahead.

To a certain degree, I think that's true of female nerds, including me. 

[couplers 4,640]

Adam – Thank you for your insight. 

 

19 hours ago, AdamGunn2 said:

not arguing here

I don't mind at all if someone disagrees with me.  I appreciate the effort. 

 

19 hours ago, AdamGunn2 said:

Are you sure what you're feeling is 'jealousy'?

You are correct; it started as jealousy even though I was the one who set up David’s play dates (the first one with a girl who used to flirt with him in front of me), but it has morphed into something else. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve become the female equivalent of a cuckold. Those guys’ psyche interests me. Either way, I now seek the feeling.

 

I need to search for a more precise term to describe my feelings.

 

In any case, I like it and it doesn’t bother anyone else.

 

BTW, the occasional verbal and slightly physical BDSM play that Lora and I have (the others hate that we do it and are totally uninvolved), stokes my feelings even more. She says to me what I think: she (and other women) are fucking my husband and better than me; I’m a slut for fucking other men; I’m less of a woman because I’m flat chested; she makes me lick her pussy whenever she wants. All of it true. But after cold analysis, she genuinely loves me and has proven it many times, especially the way that she treats my children as well as her own.

 

Oh, and the slapping and verbal abuse does go both ways.  I enjoy dominating Lora as well and taunting her with made-up inadequacies. 

 

 

 

Edited November 13, 2023 by couplers

[StartingOver60 58]

On 11/12/2023 at 7:19 AM, couplers said:

For me, my extreme jealousy was like the kid who rides the roller coaster, is scared shitless, and the first thing she says afterwards is, "Can we do it again?"

 

I'm still jealous, but I'm addicted to the feeling and all the questions in my mind about how it felt for him, how he feels about her now, does he compare her to me.

 

Honestly, I hope my feelings of jealousy never go away. 

Like you expression of how you feel.  I kind of feel the same.

[couplers 4,640]

5 hours ago, StartingOver60 said:

Like you expression of how you feel.

Another analogy is the feeling after a hard workout, the burn of a long run.  Pain, yes, but it feels good during, and better afterwards; a sense of accomplishment, proving myself.

 

Thinking of her, however, it is sharing, being generous, bonding even over a shared man and experience.  No "pain" whatsoever. 

 

 

Edited November 14, 2023 by couplers