ED during play dates

[HowieTheWeasel 0]

Looking for advice on a situation that my wife and I seem to run into on a not infrequent basis.

 

The situation is one of meeting a couple, finding a social connection, and then taking in to the bedroom, with the other male unable to rise to the occasion. 

 

My wife has learned to not raise a fuss about this and attempt to just take this in stride; I give her credit for handling a difficult situation with aplomb. 

 

Here is my question; what should the other couple (the other female and I) do when this arises?  Also, when this happens, should we call it a day and offer to 

reschedule? 

 

Many thanks for sharing your input. 

 

 

[njbm 2,868]

This is a frequent occurrence in the lifestyle. I have used Viagra for several years. Before we play with another couple, I will joke around to see if the other male will admit to using ED meds. Usually, they will be frank about it if I am. If they are my age group (60s) and they don’t use it, there can be trouble ahead, but we’ll know it. 
 

One tried and true cure for a non-cooperative penis is to have both the women perform oral on the other guy at the same time. If that doesn’t wake it up, it ain’t happening that night. 
 

As a female partner said to me when I had trouble once, “We’re not pornstars.” Move on to other things, massage,, kissing, blind folds, etc.  We don’t terminate the relationship unless they are never going to get an erection and refuse to use ED meds. Stuff happens and the guy who it happens to feels terrible. Be nice, it happens to everyone at some point. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

2 hours ago, njbm said:

Move on to other things, massage,, kissing, blind folds, etc.  We don’t terminate the relationship unless they are never going to get an erection and refuse to use ED meds. Stuff happens and the guy who it happens to feels terrible. Be nice, it happens to everyone at some point. 

Exactly. A lot of times it's just jitters and performance anxiety so taking the pressure and focus off the dysfunctional member often helps. Have him give your wife a massage, use massage oil, let his hands do the work for a while and things might come back online.

[couplers 4,616]

4 hours ago, njbm said:

One tried and true cure for a non-cooperative penis is to have both the women perform oral on the other guy at the same time. If that doesn’t wake it up, it ain’t happening that night.

We in our poly family are all in our thirties, so no need for meds yet, but when one of our guys is having a problem going a second round, oral almost always does it.  Thirds even, after some recovery.

 

As a woman, I can understand why a guy can't make cum fast, but I don't understand why our healthy, fit, full-of-energy guys can't manage to pump up their dick to keep going.

 

We women get wet easily when excited (me sometimes embarrassingly so), but if it stops, lube is easy enough to use.  We already have to use it in our bum hole when we're doing anal.

 

 

Edited November 24, 2023 by couplers

[let's do it again 414]

I am 63 and usually use viagra when I know sex is going to happen. But on the times when I get the opportunity to have unexpected sex and haven't taken viagra, 69 does the trick. Doing 69 is the sure cure when no viagra is used or if she gets me up for a 2nd or 3rd round.

[HowieTheWeasel 0]

Many thanks for the replies. 

 

If I can elaborate a bit, a concern of ours is whether what the other pairing (MF) does while this is all unfolding. 

 

The advice presented re: having both women perform oral is helpful, and we have tried this in the past. 

But when this does not alleviate the problem, then what.  

 

One of our concerns is that we don't want to make the poor fellow feel as though a spotlight has been put on him, 

so do we just allow the "functional" couple to carry on, business as usual, or does the whole evening come to a grinding halt?

 

In our experience, anxiety/nervousness often plays a role in this situation and frequently the situation corrects itself upon a second outing.