conflicting emotions

[mandj 15]

Hello again... We are a couple who is swinging with another couple and have enjoyed it immensely. My problem arose when i agreed to allow my hubby to sleep with a woman that he has talked with in another state when he is working down there. I am not jealous of the couple we swing with, but knowing that the possibility of him sleeping with this woman completely freaked me out. We discussed it many times, and yep I encouraged him to do it, thinking that we are swinging with a couple and I have no jealous feelings there. But then he went to the other state and took condoms with him, I was ok till that evening and he went out. My imagination went crazy, thinking of all the things he was doing. I'm not sure if the feelings I have are jealousy or insecurity... cause my thoughts were sure revolving around is she better than me...

 

Guess my questions are these... How come I am jealous or insecure over this woman and not the woman in the couple, and would it be right and ok to now deny him of this encounter after i encouraged him to go for it???

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Guess my questions are these... How come i am jealous or insecure over this woman and not the woman in the couple

Probably because the unknown is far more frightening and threatening than the known. When you swing with this other couple, I'm assuming you're there. You know what's going on. Him meeting another woman without your presence probably feels different because you have no idea what's happening while you are not there. Do you know this woman? That might be your other reason for some self doubt. It's easy to imagine this woman as a total sexpot, without a flaw in the world if you don't know her. I personally wouldn't be able to handle it.

 

and would it be right and ok to now deny him of this encounter after i encouraged him to go for it???

I don't think there is a "right" in this situation, but I do think you need to tell him that you've changed your mind and you aren't comfortable with this open encounter anymore. Let him know that you aren't going to hold what happened against him, because, like you said, you consented initially, but let him know that this situation won't be happening in the future. To me, swinging is quite different than an open marriage, and having separate liasons in a different state is more of the open marriage type thing. It's fine for some people, but if you are staying up nights worrying over what he's doing with her, it is not the type of situation for the two of you.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

. . . We are a couple who is swinging with another couple and have enjoyed it immensly... my problem arose when i agreed to allow my hubby to sleep with a woman that he has talked with in another state when he is working down there. . .

Who is this woman in another state? By this I mean, did he seek out someone through a swinger site so that while in this other state he could swing?

 

If this woman is someone he met while travelling on business I would like to know. It would help me form my comments.

 

Could you tell us more about how your husband became acquainted with her? Also, have you ever met her or spoken with her?

 

LM

[Spoomonkey 421]

mandj said:

would it be right and ok to now deny him of this encounter after i encouraged him to go for it???

 

It would be absolutely right.

 

Last week, I was working a training shift one evening. Mrs Spoomonkey had made plans to entertain a couple with whom we have played with before. The reason is, their "Mrs" had been over a month ago for a MFF with us - so it was their turn... And what better opportunity than on a night when I would be out...

 

I have to be honest with you - I struggled with it all week leading up to it...

 

I felt so damn selfish knowing that we had played with his wife - and now I was considering pulling the plug on his chance to play with mine... But Mrs Spoomonkey and I talked about it and we agreed - if at any time I had second thoughts, I could call her and it would be cancelled (before or during). And she had that right as well...

 

As it was - it went off without a hitch and everyone had a great time - but I needed to know that I had the freedom to "freak out" if I needed to. After all - this is MY marriage we're talking about...

 

Yeah - pulling the plug would have made me a complete asshole... No doubt about that... But - I'd rather be an asshole than a guy who let something hurt my marriage... Mrs Spoo is far more important than this lifestyle to me.

 

We always play together - and have discovered that while playing apart is "against the rules" it is also our least favorite way to play. We may do it again with this couple (they are GREAT people and we feel like we can trust them completely) but it will likely become a "special occasion" kind of thing. I doubt we'll ever pursue it with anyone else...

 

Bottom line - playing apart is a different kind of animal. Don't beat yourself up for struggling with it.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

There is a HUGE difference between being ok with swinging with another couple while you are present and him having sex with another woman in another state, while you are not there. The first and most obvious is simply that you aren't there and therefore don't know what is going on.

 

- You don't know this woman and don't know that she might have some hidden agenda. Does she even know your husband is married? Is this really just a sexual fling to her? Does she want more than that?

 

- He travels there often from the sounds of it, so you worry of what might happen over time if he continues to see her each time he goes and you are not there.

 

You need to talk to him and tell him that you were wrong to let it happen and that you were not ok with it but felt like you had to let him do it for whatever reason and put a stop to it. If you don't, you will be a ball of nerves every time he travels to that state wondering what is going on between them that he might not be telling you about.

[TexasBlondie 15]

Dear MandJ,

 

That's a tough one but it may have a simple solution.

 

I think that it would be within your rights, if it's really what you want, to request that he not see women alone anymore as both of you must agree to your personal "swinging rules".

 

I also think that Pepper & Drew hit your problem on the head when they said that your insecurity most likely arises from the fact that you are not there and part of the process. I don't know if this is the best analogy but I think it's kinda' like seeing a completely naked woman vs. a scantilly clad woman. The scantilly clad woman is more sexy as she leaves more to the imagination and in your case... you didn't get to see her at all which left EVERYTHING to the imagination.... and your imagination ran wild.

 

All that said I am assuming that you are not BI (or that the other lady is not) and that is the reason that you did not go with your husband. If that is the case and you still like the idea of allowing him to be with single women then just tell him that you want to be there to watch, film, take pics, etc.

 

For many swingers the lifestyle is a "together thing". What I mean by that is that in our relationship we only swing together as a couple and that is a rule that we both agreed on and have adhered to with great success.

 

Hugs,

Texas Blondie

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

I was trying to hold off on commenting on this situation until I gathered more info but that could be later than sooner so I'm just going to spill my guts...

 

If your husband met a woman while on a business trip and now wants to sleep with her whenever he goes there on business this isn't swinging. It might be called an open marriage if you both have decided to seek out sex partners on your own. But I doubt you have from how you wrote your post.

 

Things smell funny to me. I don't like it.

 

Why did you give him permission to meet her?

 

I'm not surprised you're feeling the way you are. Please fill us in.

 

LM

[EvilMJ 65]

I agree with what everyone has said. I know from our limited experiance with swinging that I have no problem with my husband being with another woman if I am in the room, but the one time that he was in a separate room It felt wrong to me and I didn't like it at all.

 

I personally would not be able to handle a whole other state! It would be to much. I think your feelings are vaild and you need to speak to him about it

[good times 991]

my questions are these... How come i am jealous or insecure over this woman and not the woman in the couple, and would it be right and ok to now deny him of this encounter after i encouraged him to go for it???

 

You should have no problem denying him this, as I don't think you should ever do anything like this if you find it uncomfortable. When we first started my wife went with another guy and I did the sit in the camp trailer (we were camping at the time) imagining all sorts of things route instead of being present and participating. The next day we discussed how stressed out it made me and we made the decision never to do that again, and always to play together in the future. Thats what we have done ever since and it is one of the best decisions we ever made in my opinion.

[mandj 15]

Hello again and thank you all for the advice, the answers to the question are... He did not seek her out, it was the other way around. She knows he is there cause he stays at the same hotel and she knows the people who own it... so she is told... she called him one night and asked him out for a drink, he refused and then showed up at his room... they sat and talked for a few hours and he got to know her... He was interested at the time but didn't cause he wanted to talk to me about it. No i have never met or spoken with this other woman... perhaps that would make a huge difference. Think i will bring that up when we talk about this... We did discuss it several times and i gave him permission thinking that i would not feel bad or insecure about the situation, cause i am not with the other woman in the couple and i wanted him to have some fun while out of town, instead of just work, and i love him, his pleasure is important to me... I am bi but not allowed to travel with him, his company does not allow it. I would love to meet this other woman if he is interested in her then she must be a good person, perhaps form a freindship with her someday... ya never know what could happen...

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

... He did not seek her out, it was the other way around. She knows he is there cause he stays at the same hotel and she knows the people who own it... so she is told... she called him one night and asked him out for a drink, he refused and then showed up at his room...

If I understand you correctly, you're saying the hotel owners told this woman that your husband was staying at the hotel. Sounds to me like the hotel and this woman have an arragement. The woman is called in by the hotel to seduce business men and have affairs with them in order to get the men to patronize the hotel on return business trips. In exchange I'd bet the woman receives something in trade.

 

mandj, what your husband is doing with this woman is not swinging and I think he knows it.

 

It's time you have a long talk with him and end this foolishness.

 

LM

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

He talked to you about it first. And you encouraged it.

 

 

If you decide to pull the plug on his activities, which I believe you have the right to do. Don't do it in a way that puts him in the blame.

He came to you and talked to about it first and you gave him your blessing.

 

At least he is not cheating.

 

I will go back into my hole now

[taomaster 15]

There is a HUGE difference between being ok with swinging with another couple while you are present and him having sex with another woman in another state, while you are not there. The first and most obvious is simply that you aren't there and therefore don't know what is going on.

 

I think this hits the nail on the head. Many years ago Mrs. T had a 'friend' that I didn't know she was having sex with. This went on for 5 years. When I finally found out I was, to say the least, not very happy. It wasn't so much what she did - but the fact that I did not know what was going on.

 

After much work we put things back together again. The 'ghost' from that situation however has still been with us and had left me uneasy any time she developed a close friendship with another man.

 

This may sound crazy but the main reason for us to go to a club was to kill that ghost. I needed to see for myself that she was telling the truth when she said 'I enjoy the sex but I'm staying with you'. I believe it now

 

So I totally understand your feeling of unease about what goes on when you're not present. I don't think there's anything wrong at all with speaking your truth about this.

[robnbarb 41]

When We disscussed the "rules" one of the first ones out of the gate was "we had to be present" for this exact reason. As was said, the unknown is quite scary.

[sensuality 2]

From another standpoint? It sounds like you're being manipulated If your husband knows you well enough, he may very well have known you'd say yes to this encounter. Because of your unconditional love for him and wanting him to be happy, and etc. He should never have allowed that woman into his room...that was way off base. And, sleeping with her before you've even had a chance to get to know her or even speak to her??? NO,NO,NO,!! This is an open affair, to me. Open because you know about it...and it's happening right under your nose,affair, because you are not involved AT ALL and he's in another state. Pull the plug on this sister, because you need to have your hand in this as well. If you meet her and all is kosher, fine. But, right now??? I smell a rat!!

[Vespertine 31]

mandj said:

 He did not seek her out, it was the other way around. She knows he is there cause he stays at the same hotel and she knows the people who own it... so she is told... she called him one night and asked him out for a drink, he refused and then showed up at his room... they sat and talked for a few hours and he got to know her... He was interested at the time but didn't cause he wanted to talk to me about it.

 

Oh Wow! He said he wasn't interested but she still came to his room?

 

That would make me VERY uncomfortable. No wonder you're feeling uneasy.

 

Are you sure your husband's telling you the truth? No offense meant, but I find that scenario really hard to believe. And if it is the truth, then LikeMind's theory is probably right. If she's in cahoots with the hotel owners she is a probably a prostitute.

 

I'd have a long, long talk with your husband.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

mandj said:

He did not seek her out, it was the other way around. She knows he is there cause he stays at the same hotel and she knows the people who own it... so she is told... she called him one night and asked him out for a drink, he refused and then showed up at his room... they sat and talked for a few hours and he got to know her...

 

Can you explain this a bit better? "...so she is told..."

Based upon this, I'm not certain what is going on, but for me, the fact is that she is/was chasing after your husband. Had she been part of another swinging couple - perhaps someone ya'll had chatted with on an ad site - it might be somewhat different. But did she even know ya'll are swingers? Did she even know your husband is married? And why would she just "show up" at his room after he had already declined her invitation?

 

Quote

I would love to meet this other woman if he is interested in her then she must be a good person, perhaps form a friendship with her someday... ya never know what could happen...

Why?!? She sounds like a vulture to me and I'd want to do most anything other than meet her and try to form a friendship.

[sensuality 2]

Okay, why are you all blaming, for the most part, the female?? Saying she's a vulture and all, is probably correct, however...He LET her in his hotel room...HELLO!! What does that make him??? He's a grown man...and should have practiced self-control.When a man has an affair or messes up...why does everyone blame the woman? It takes 2 to tango... 

 

Which brings me to another point..women are so scandalous, especially the ones who like to specifically go after married men. See how wicked we are towards each other, ladies? How sad

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Many posters have discussed the issue of uneasiness when your spouse is with another playmate and not in view, but I think this very real concern that most swingers face at some point is not the crux of mandj's issue and may even be causing her to feel she MUST be understanding of her husband's choice and let time help her adjust. Even when all agree that she has the right to ask her husband not to have anything to do with this woman, and he should comply happily, there is a more salient point for me. That is the way in which this "hotel woman" seemed to conveniently pop into her husband's life.

 

If I look at mandj's husband in the most positive light, I would say that he had given in to a desire, felt guilt, tried to relieve his guilt by telling mandj that he would like her permission to play with the woman knowing mandj would not refuse. Hopefully he will come around to realize that a relationship with the hotel woman would not be beneficial to his marriage, with or without mandj's request to relinquish.

 

LM

[Elusive BiFem 70]

sensuality said:

Okay, why are you all blaming, for the most part,the female??

 

Why? Well, to begin with, because she (the wife) is the person posting the questions, because she (the wife) reports that this woman, after overtures being declined, showed up anyway at the husbands door, because she (the wife) says that they just sat there and talked for "a few hours," because at this point, she (the wife) believes her husband.

 

If she is reporting honest details (honest as in given to her, although I suspect there may be more to his story), then this other woman is a vulture. However, that is also the reason I was asking...did this other woman know they were swingers (perhaps having "met" on an ad site), did this other woman know he was married, and why she just showed up at his door.

 

And this comment...

Quote

Which brings me to another point..women are so scandalous,especially the ones who like to specifically go after married men.

 

is intended to mean????

 

Further, scanning back, it appears you are the only one accusing this man of having an affair. I didn't see anything in mandj's post to indicate her husband and this woman had formed any type of sexual liaison. Yet. Do you see that? If so, please point it out.

 

And then...

Quote

See how wicked we are towards each other,ladies?How sad

No, I don't see that at all. I see a bunch of different people with different thoughts and ideas providing that information to mandj - calling it the way we see it - and sometimes asking for more details. Also, having read the board for one heck of a long time, I also see the same thing occurring when the poster is a man questioning activities of his partner - as in a recent thread on the board right now.

 

What would you have us do?

[sensuality 2]

First of all, by now I should have learned to be more specific for the more sensitive members who seem to take everything I write personally.

 

Yes, I am saying he almost had an affair, because irregardless, he shouldn't have let her in his room.

 

Now, with regards to my comments to how women are with each other especially single or even other married women who go after married men?...that's just a plain ol' fact. By no means am I referring to anyone on the boards...We, who are in the lifestyle, have no reason to want to steal anyone from anybody...so, it's all good If I offended you, I apologize.

[mandj 15]

Wow, ya'all have hit several of my own thoughts right on the head. I am the type of person who will go out of my way to make sure everyone is pleased, including something like this that i am not sure about. I am not sure if my hubby slept with this woman or not, i just know that he is interested in doing so. I have given the details of the encounters in colorado as they were told to me. My hubby told me that this other woman is just a lonely married woman, who saw him in the hotel lobby, overheard his room number and called him, then showed up when he refused to go for a drink... hence how they met. (dang even to me that sounds a bit off, but i will believe him)... I sometimes think i have the word fool written on my forehead but in the end it all comes down to trusting him and what he tells me. If at a later time i learn something different then i will probably be dealing with a whole different set of emotions. For now, the encounters in colorado have ended and we will be concentrating on the here and now.... not the unseen somewhere else. He will still have to go there for work and i will still be a huge mess of emotions while he is there but i am trusting him not to do anything, cause if i think about it that is all i can really do... that is all any of us in this lifestyle can do... trust and love...

 

Thank you all for taking the time to post your thoughts and feelings, they have helped me say the things i needed to say, and cross a bridge i was scared to step onto. I really can't thank ya'all enough....

mandj

[Elusive BiFem 70]

sensuality said:

First of all, by now I should have learned to be more specific for the more sensitive members who seem to take everything I write personally. Yes, I am saying he almost had an affair, because irregardless, he shouldn't have let her in his room.

 

Now, with regards to my comments to how women are with each other especially single or even other married women who go after married men?...that's just a plain ol' fact. By no means am I referring to anyone on the boards...We, who are in the lifestyle, have no reason to want to steal anyone from anybody...so, it's all good If I offended you, I apologize

 

Well, since you responded to my questions, I'll have to assume I am the recipient of the comment

Quote

by now I should have learned to be more specific for the more sensitive members who seem to take everything I write personally.

 

Sorry, I don't think I'm particularly "sensitive" to anything you write. You asked questions...I answered your questions with my reasons for disagreeing with you and offered up some questions of my own. Does that make me sensitive? I did wonder where you came up with the information that he was having an affair. Still wonder. I agree there is some room for questioning, but the fact that he let her into his hotel room does not equate with the fact that he "almost" had an affair.

 

A married friend came to town a few months ago...we went out to dinner and then back to his hotel room and had a glass of wine and talked for 2-3 hours. Now I'm wondering...did he "almost" have an affair with me? Damn! I wish he had let me in on it because I sure didn't know it was happening.

 

I'm not disagreeing with you in that it was probably a not very smart thing for him to do - let a strange woman into his hotel room, and frankly, I'd be real skeptical of the entire story.

 

I'm still not clear on your "scandoulous women" comment and how wicked we are to each other.

 

I wasn't offended...merely attempted to answer your questions and seek clarification.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Hopefully, mandj, his concerns for you and your feelings will be the most overriding factor if he is confronted with this situation again.

 

I can't help but wonder - since men and women sometimes see things differently - if perhaps he was thinking something along the lines of, "hey! we're swingers - shouldn't really matter too much." Or something along those lines. I'm rather inclined to believe something like that since he did come home and tell you about it. Now that you've expressed to him how you feel about it, I'd bet he might be seeing things quite differently. Communication, as they say...it can work wonders sometimes.

 

Try not to worry too much while he's gone, although I understand it might be tough. And like you said, all you can do is trust him.

[robnbarb 41]

I am going to have to say that the idea that this woman at the hotel is a con artist holds some wieght to me right now. Guys will often be dumbfounded by a woman approching them in a agressive maner. Most times they are so shocked they accept any lame-brained scam presented. Thux the story of the Lobby. Now she admited whe knows the owners so that leads me to believe the original threory of this woman being a hired catch and grabber for the hotel fit even more.

 

Basicly I am saying that, yes the story sounds false, but I don't think your hubby is lying, I think he is being lied to as well. Again just my POV.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

robnbarb said:

a hired catch and grabber for the hotel fit even more.

 

Is that the same thing as a prostitute? I've never heard the expression.

 

Would the hotel hire her, and then maybe split the profits with her?

[sensuality 2]

It's actually more of an escort type of situation...escort being a classy term for prostitute.Escort services have more protection in that the clients are screened prior to any kind of meetings.

 

Also, with regards to your post to me...

 

I felt you were being a bit sensitive and that because I said some women are scandalous,I somehow hit a nerve...As I said,if I offended you...I apologize.

 

Maybe you've been fortunate in your life that you've never had to deal with a scandalous female...Thank your lucky stars. But, women are wicked to each other when the pursuit of a man is involved. Not necessarily in this lifestyle...but never put anything past anyone. In the end,you can only control your own actions, not someone else's. All you can do is trust they won't do something foolish that breaks your heart.... And, to me, if you let someone in your hotel room w/o your spouse's knowledge...regardless of whether they played checkers or screwed their brains out...it's still not right. And, I sincerely hope there's nothing more to this story . But, she is definitely worried and obviously her radar went up for a reason.

 

And, we really need to stop treating men as if they're literally mentally challenged when it comes to women. Even if they get "stupid" when a woman shows them attention, is that any excuse to allow misconduct on their behalf? When are they held accountable???

[Elusive BiFem 70]

sensuality said:

Also, with regards to your post to me...

 

I felt you were being a bit sensitive and that because I said some women are scandalous,I somehow hit a nerve...As I said,if I offended you...I apologize.

 

You didn't hit a nerve. As said...responded to your questions and added some of my own.

 

Personally, I think women are fantastic and make fantastic friends. I love and adore men, but if I'm looking for a true and honest-to-God friend, I'm going to head straight to the females. They have a level of understanding, empathy, and compassion for me, as a woman, that I haven't found in most men. By the same token, men offer other things women don't and can't. I hold women in very high esteem. I suppose I have been quite fortunate in that I've never had to deal with a "scandalous" female in pursuit of "my man." It seems that you may have had bad experiences with females and I'm sorry for you. Still...I don't understand exactly where you are headed. You seemed upset that the woman in this scenario was being blamed and called a vulture (that be me!), stating the man had some culpability (and nobody was arguing that he did not), but at the same time, you talked about scandalous females. I was confused as to your points then and remain so. As for treating men like they are mentally challenged when it comes to women? Not guilty here.

 

Now...you are right. Her radar went up for a reason. But the reason was because he told her he wanted to go back to Colorado and sleep with this woman. That's just a head-on collision - no radar necessary. But again...across the board sweeping generalizations...if you let a woman into your hotel room...checkers...screw their brains out... it is still not right. Not true. Just because I might visit someone in their hotel room (as noted in prior post) doesn't make a thing about it not right.

 

I'm not sure who I'm writing to here - male or female, but thinking female. So tell me, please...if your husband flew to a distant city and ran into an old friend, had dinner with her, later they went back to his room and talked, he came home and told you about it...would you be up in arms about it? Or would you just simply want to know who this person was, what they talked about...just as if it had been a male friend?

[sensuality 2]

Between you and me...EBF...We could start our own thread BTW...I am the female

 

Yes, I do believe some women are scandalous, by this I mean they go after what is clearly not theirs to begin with. And, yes...many, many moons ago before I met my hunny ...I did have an experience with a female whom was professing at the time to be my BEST FRIEND. So, I feel I have an insight here. As for you not finding the level of empathy and compassion in some men that you've found in women...that is true,to some extent also. But,my hunny is one who is both compassionate and empathetic and is more of a friend to me than any other female ever has been.

 

In answer to your question about what I would do if my husband went on a business trip and etc.? If he met an old friend, he would call me and we'd discuss it, but he wouldn't cross that line.As for taking her to his hotel room? He wouldn't let that happen,either. We have built a strong foundation in our relationship and we hold much respect for one another. So, before one of us pursues anything, we discuss it amongst ourselves first. And, his preference is that I am always involved and/or at least in the same house, club, etc. Because this is all about the 2 of us...per his own words

 

You're concerned/confused as to why I was irritated that it seemed everyone was blaming the female, and perhaps you felt I was contradicting myself, but all I meant was that he too should be held accountable. And, it's that simple.

 

I, too, happen to love women, in this lifestyle, but vanilla chicas??? That's debatable. There'd have to be a lot of trust there between us!

[sensuality 2]

P.S. I also wonder,EBF...have you ever been married?

[Elusive BiFem 70]

sensuality said:

P.S. I also wonder,EBF...have you ever been married?

 

Yes, for a short time. My husband died. If you would read (and participate in) the Swingers Board Spotlight Interviews, you would know these little details - Evil MJ is the Spotlight this week). But why? It would not make any difference in my opinions on the topic. I'm sorry your trust of vanilla "chicas" is debatable. I've had and still have wonderful friendships with vanilla females. As for your friendship with your husband, most would say the same, and that's great and wonderful. Friendships with other females serve other purposes and needs.

[Vespertine 31]

Sensuality wrote- In answer to your question about what I would do if my husband went on a business trip and etc.? If he met an old friend, he would call me and we'd discuss it,but he wouldn't cross that line.As for taking her to his hotel room? He wouldn't let that happen,either.We have built a strong foundation in our relationship and we hold much respect for one another.So, before one of us pursues anything,we discuss it amongst ourselves first. And, his preference is that I am always involved and/or at least in the same house, club,etc. Because this is all about the 2 of us...per his own words

 

It would bother you if your husband spent time with a woman in only a friendship type of setting? How come? Why would spending time with a female friend be any different than spending time with a male firend? What makes it different?

 

Reading this thread has piqued my curiosity.

[sensuality 2]

Hello Vespertine,

I think you misunderstood me.In a friendship type of setting, my husband having a female friend ~who respects our marriage and our relationship~ is no different from his male friends. However, any friend, male or female who shows a lack of respect would not be a friend for long, because he wouldn't allow it to happen. And, the same goes for me in my friendships.

 

As for this thread and what I wrote: I was speaking from the context of being in this lifestyle. My husband and I always discuss things before anything takes place. Which is where I feel mandj's husband crossed a boundary. If she had met/talked to this woman FIRST and then, told her husband that it was okay to take her back to the hotel, then hey...that's wonderful because everything is on the up and up. I sincerely feel he made a serious error in judgement by allowing that woman in his room BEFORE his wife even knew about it. That's all I am saying!!!

[sensuality 2]

Hello again, EBF...

I hardly think I should be chastised for not reading EVERY freakin' thread on here, I DO have a life {Sorry to disappoint you } However, I am very sorry for your loss. That really must have been a rough time for you. I went through a divorce about 10 years ago and that was hell. So, for that, and my ignorance, I do apologize! I think we should agree to disagree here You have your opinions and I have mine. I think we have both made some really valid points and that's what this is all about, is it not?? Again, I am very sorry .

[Vespertine 31]

sensuality said:

Hello Vespertine,

I think you misunderstood me.

Yup, I sure did.

I thought you meant you didn't let your husband have female friends.

 

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In a friendship type of setting,my husband having a female friend ~who respects our marriage and our relationship~ is no different from his male friends. However, any friend, male or female who shows a lack of respect would not be a friend for long, because he wouldn't allow it to happen. And, the same goes for me in my friendships.

That's how we feel too.

 

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I sincerely feel he made a serious error in judgement by allowing that woman in his room BEFORE his wife even knew about it. That's all I am saying!!!

Dito

I think so too.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

He did not seek her out, it was the other way around. She knows he is there cause he stays at the same hotel and she knows the people who own it... so she is told... she called him one night and asked him out for a drink, he refused and then showed up at his room... they sat and talked for a few hours and he got to know her...

 

My hubby told me that this other woman is just a lonly married woman, who saw him in the hotel lobby, overheard his room number and called him, then showed up when he refused to go for a drink... hence how they met. (dang even to me that sounds a bit off, but i will believe him)...

 

These posts of yours pretty much cover it.

 

It's not about trusting your husband, you have no reason to trust this woman. She's evidently cheating on her husband and lying to him, so why should YOU trust her?

 

GO with your gut.