Toys are satisfying

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

Would you be satisfied if you only had a toy to play with? 

 

We were with a young lady at a friend’s house who was recently divorced, then had an abusive relationship and is now living alone. She identifies as bisexual which she realized when she was in her twenties, she is now in her thirties. She claims to had sex with a hundred people so I asked sarcastically what was her best sex. Her answer had me think. She claims she is always satisfied with her toys, always satisfied she knows what she likes better than anyone and didn’t need anyone to help. She said she has dozens of toys and changes up depending on mood. 
What makes a woman enjoy solitary sex over human contact I wondered, I asked her and her answer was surprising, depressing and made me angry. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

Even though 100% of experiences cannot be satisfying, my wife much prefers actual humans over toys - or a combination of humans and toys - to solitary masturbation. I would imagine most women do. What did she say that had you so vexed?

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Toys are enhancers. We usually have some out. Favorite? Hitachi Magic Wand Mini. Great for solo play and even better for partner play. 

[lustylearning 705]

Angry? That’s a strong word. What was her answer? 

[AdamGunn2 393]

We all go through phases in our life. At this point, it seems your friend is in a phase where she may be discounting sexual connection to other humans; your post didn't make her current status regarding sex clear. I'm sure that if you give her a little time, her answer may change. Or, perhaps, she was just in a mood to answer that way.

 

And I'm curious: What made you ask your question sarcastically? 

[MidwestHoneys 356]

I figure all women have at least one toy they use alone just like every guy jerks off. Humans need alone time which can be reading a book, watching a movie, listening to music or masturbating. We also have a bunch of toys that are primarily for her to play with me, others or alone. I understand the pleasure she gives herself. 
The saddest part of the most isn’t her relying on toys for satisfaction, I applaud that, it’s the abusive relationship that drove to being alone. We need others to survive, we need human contact. Sex is not just an orgasm it’s the contact and interaction. I fear her state of mind and depression that needs to be addressed. Depression amongst Millennials is rising and should be kept in mind when talking to her. Possibly she is showing you or crying out for her need of help. Looking to an older woman for advice could be easier, women her own age have their own problems. 

[lustylearning 705]

Okay. I had to go back and read the post again to understand your question and her answer. What I still don’t understand is why you took it so hard. You indicate her response to you depressed and angered you. How come? 

[discreetplay 235]

13 hours ago, ROCKlandCpl said:

What makes a woman enjoy solitary sex over human contact I wondered

Maybe she hasn't been with a good lover. Many men are very selfish in the bedroom. They'll give a half hearted effort to get a woman off while they're doing their thing. Once the man cums, they wander off mentally and leave the woman unsatisfied. The woman you're speaking of probably had a few guys that left her to finish with the toy and she wondered what the point of letting the guy inside her when she would end up solo anyway. I've heard women make statements like they were "used" by the man to get himself off. The guys would go for a few minutes, finish up and barely be present. That's just sad.

[MrMrsswinger 202]

2 minutes ago, discreetplay said:

Maybe she hasn't been with a good lover

You beat me to it. That was my thought as well. When I was younger, even into college, I had zero confidence in the bedroom. None whatsoever. It stemmed from my first experience being lousy. And my whole physical relationship with that woman being terrible (the terrible went on for about 3 years). So I decided to learn how to use my hands and mouth to please my partner since I was so lousy. When I was in college I enjoyed giving and really didn't care if I got anything. I had dates and relationships that would end up physical yet the focus of every encounter was her. I'd cum once a week (maybe), they'd get a dozen a week. I'd make my partner cum orally via clit focused oral and then again with g-spot finger attention. If she was willing (and able), I'd circle back and give her another orally. Many times this would happen with me taking off nothing more than my shirt. When they would start undoing my pants, rubbing my cock, I'd reposition to make it difficult and then focus back on them. Yes, occasionally I'd get a BJ or something but almost never had intercourse. None of these women had every experienced a man who didn't want anything in return....and this intrigued them to the point that I had many of friends with benefits who came over to get multiple orgasms without thinking they had to give something in return. I developed some pretty good skills this way.  

 

Granted, there aren't that many guys who were so lousy in bed like me, who approached things like I have. There are many, many guys who don't care and could have made the woman mentioned by the OP just turn off to guys pounding a little and leaving her unsatisfied.

[couplers 4,615]

20 hours ago, ROCKlandCpl said:

Would you be satisfied if you only had a toy to play with? 

God, no.  Even when I'm away and alone, I prefer just my fingers.  The only toy we girls have and rarely use is a double-ended dildo.  My psychological satisfaction of heterosexual sex is a man ejaculating sperm cells into me.

 

What satisfies me more and more is being the toy.  You know, when one (or both) of my guys shoves me into the bedroom, pulls my pants down, and uses me for relief.  (It makes me jealous if Lora or Clair is chosen in that regard.)  Or when one of the girls calls me over to get on my knees and pushes my head between her legs.  To be fair, I sometimes do likewise to them.

 

I can understand, however, the clinical appeal of masturbation - devoid of lust, love, or any human interaction.  Only my weird thoughts.  BTW, I have never just masturbated in someone else's presence or had them do it in front of me.  

[PeterJ 940]

23 hours ago, ROCKlandCpl said:

Would you be satisfied if you only had a toy to play with? 

 

…She claims she is always satisfied with her toys, always satisfied she knows what she likes better than anyone and didn’t need anyone to help. She said she has dozens of toys and changes up depending on mood. 

What makes a woman enjoy solitary sex over human contact I wondered, I asked her and her answer was surprising, depressing and made me angry. 

ROCKlandCpl, your post has generated an interesting discussion with a wide variety of opinions represented. 
 

But in looking back at your original post I find myself quite curious about two things. First, what was her response to your question what makes her "…enjoy solitary sex over human contact…? Second, what was it about that response that you found "surprising" and "depressing" and that stirred feelings of anger? (Please don’t take this as implicit criticism in any way; I’m looking for your insights about this.)

[oldswinger64 111]

For my wife, human contact was important, and very arousing, but her biggest and best orgasms were with my tongue and her vibrator.  It had nothing to do with the skill of the other lover, but her being open to her lover to "let" him or her bring her to an orgasm.  To her, orgasms were VERY personal, and as a result, swinging was foreplay, with the big orgasm when we were alone (or she was alone with her toy).  We are all wired differently, and if you are okay with who you are, that is what is important.  No reason to get angry.

[PeterJ 940]

After electric lights for homes, one of the first (if not the very first) non-industrial or non-public uses of electricity was to power vibrators as a means of providing women with orgasms. As many on this board are aware, in the late 19th century women "suffering" from the now long-discredited diagnosis of hysteria were masturbated to orgasms by their physicians. Other sex toys, mostly dildos, trace their origins back centuries, but by the early 20th century vibrators became popular home appliances, though always marketed euphemistically as for "relaxation of tight muscles" or "stress reduction". 
 

Reviewing this thread I found myself thinking about my personal history with spouses/lovers and toys, and also about my acquaintance through a different business with Tex Williams, who a half-century ago was the first person to market a vibrator, dubbed the Prelude 3, explicitly for sexual enjoyment. I did an internet search for Tex and the Prelude 3 and (exclusive of ads for vibrators) the second citation after a 1981 NY Times article on the business of non- prostitution sex was my 2018 post right here on the Swingers Board. 😂😊 (Which cited the now 42-year-old Times article.) For those interested, so you don’t have to go searching through the board’s archive, see below my nearly six-year-old comment. The only thing I will now add is that among the 200 or so women I’ve engaged with over my 60+ years of being sexually active, not only is there a small minority of women who for one reason or another don’t wish to receive oral, so too is there a segment of sexually active women who find even gentle vibrators too intense to be enjoyable. And a number of women (and their male partners) who are turned off by the prospect of using any toys in any context. (I’m not judging; each of us as individuals and as partners in pleasure have to determine what works for us and what doesn’t.)

 

Here is my original comment:

Posted May 28, 2018

I have no problem at all with my partners using vibrators (or other toys) when we play, though I’ve had several experiences with couples where the woman was shy about using any of the toys — vibes, plugs or dildos — that she normally uses with her husband or S.O. It’s like, threesomes or moresomes are cool, but somehow toys are too pervy to use except alone or when they are alone with their regular partner. 

 

I know that 130 years ago vibrators were one of the first applications once homes (and doctors’ offices) were wired for electricity. But it was only in the early 1970s that discussions of the use of vibes for sexual gratification became common in the popular press (and I think among casual friends.) My first wife and I married when we were in our early 20s, and it was only during our courtship that she had learned to have orgasms. Once we discovered vibrators she became totally entranced on how easy it made her cum. And I became a regular Johnny Appleseed among friends and lovers, sometimes purchasing vibes for our friends who were too shy to frequent an adult bookshop. (Which was pretty much the only place in those days one could buy sex toys.). I introduced both of my subsequent wives to vibrators and they quickly became so canditioned to the ease of achieving orgasm that they stopped being able to cum through intercourse. Which has never been an issue for me. My current wife, who was always an easy cummer (when she was younger she would sometimes finger herself to orgasm when on long solo drives) is now almost 70 and after 30+ years of vibrator play is experiencing the strongest and longest orgasms of her life. What’s not to like there? Plus, we have found a couple of positions for intercourse where a wand-type vibrator provides such strong stimulation that I experience quite intense vibratory pleasure as well. 

 

Backtracking to the early 1970s, my first real job out of college was selling business equipment in New Jersey. The son of the owner of the business ran an affiliated business that sold tab cards (only us old people will remember when tab cards were the main way of entering computer data) but on the side he started a business selling through the mail a massager-type vibrator called the Prelude 3. It was to the best of my knowledge the first vibrator that was unabashedly marketed for the purpose of providing sexual stimulation and satisfaction. I just did a quick internet search for Tex Williams and Prelude 3 and came up with this 1981 article from The New York Times. It’s worth reading if you need a reminder of how far things have come in the past three and a half decades:

 

https://www.nytimes.com/1981/02/09/nyregion/sex-is-a-growing-multibillion-business-first-of-two-articles.html

 

Here is the specific reference to Tex & the Prelude 3: 

 

“Tex Williams, developer of the Prelude 3 vibrator, whose success has spurred several major companies to enter the field, said that vibrator sales now totaled about 1.3 million units a year, worth $15 million. The agency always refers to the therapeutic use of such instruments, but they are often used for sexual stimulation, as manufacturers know.”

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

On 1/15/2024 at 10:25 AM, lustylearning said:

Angry? That’s a strong word. What was her answer? 

 

20 hours ago, lustylearning said:

Okay. I had to go back and read the post again to understand your question and her answer. What I still don’t understand is why you took it so hard. You indicate her response to you depressed and angered you. How come? 

 

5 hours ago, PeterJ said:

Second, what was it about that response that you found "surprising" and "depressing" and that stirred feelings of anger?

I’m sorry that I triggered others while writing my feelings on how a young lady’s response affected me. 
The woman I wrote about has gone through traumatic times in her life that I feel shouldn’t be expressed on a forum without her consent. 
Her playing with toys is not troubling as we all have toys with mine being used more often since menopause. 

[PeterJ 940]

ROCKlandCpl, I wasn’t triggered, just quite curious. And for sure I understand your reluctance to share another person’s thoughts.

[lustylearning 705]

Ditto.

[ExploringOptions 185]

Sorry your friend had a traumatic experience.