Do you play on the first date /meeting?

[njbm 2,868]

We generally have not played on the first meeting. We feel like we want to discuss it with each other privately first. But we are meeting a couple who are on a brief vacation near us. I feel like I know the husband well from a lot of texting. They will be leaving the next day for our home area. We won’t be back there till summer. They asked if we all agree, will we play after lunch. Help! 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

We've played on first dates on a number of occasions. We both of course have to agree. The way we do so is silent though; one or the other of us will squeeze the thigh of the other to indicate they are wanting to play. The other will do one squeeze back for yes, two for no. We haven't felt the need to discuss it out beforehand now for years. We both know what the other likes (and doesn't like).

 

Best of luck!

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

1 hour ago, njbm said:

we are meeting a couple who are on a brief vacation near us... They asked if we all agree, will we play after lunch. Help! 

We have had similar offers. LS couples you only know online traveling somewhat nearby and wanting to stop by for one night only (in your case afternoon).  We generally don't accept these meets as they always seem rushed and too high-pressure and, honestly, we have a circle of LS friends so we're not desperate to squeeze in a quickie.

 

However, one setting where we do enjoy casual hookups is when on vacation - and your friends are on vacation.

 

So the question is: Do you want to be the hookup that spices up their vacation? 🤔

[cplnluv1 871]

We have and we haven’t. If meeting the first time was based on a profile other qualities must click both ways. Others posted women control the action something 99% true. Over the years I found those too willing to start play immediately sends up some red flags

[shy_couple 459]

Almost exclusively. 
 

due to work and family commitments, and scheduling around babysitters and the red tide, we break away for lifestyle fun 3 or 4 times per year. 

[njbm 2,868]

We told the other couple if everyone is on board, we’ll play. It’s not like we can meet them the following week, it would be several months. The men have texted for years, I feel like I know them and they are nice. We’ve had meetings fall through. We’ll see what happens. It’s never what you expect. 

[AdamGunn2 393]

We normally played on the first date. We found we could tell in the first ten minutes after meeting them if the game was on, and we saw no reason not to play on the first date if we knew we were going to play on the second. What do you gain from waiting, we wondered.

 

We came up with a system so that we could tell each other what we were thinking by the use of code words. Either of us could veto at any time, but we found we were normally on the same page.

[discreetplay 235]

2 hours ago, shy_couple said:

Almost exclusively

Same here. We'll meet someone online, exchange chats/emails. If we're a match, we'll try to schedule a time to meet. Scheduling is tough with work travel, babysitters, etc so if we can get on the same page with a couple we seem to match with, it's a go when we meet. We have aligned the stars before only to meet up with a couple who were the opposite of what they presented in chats/emails. I'm not talking about looks. As long as your claims about looks are close, we're good. Don't say you're 6'0 190 with 5% body fat and turn out to be 5'9 (at best) and build like the Pillsbury Doughboy.

 

We've met up with couples that focused all their small talk during drinks and hors d'oeuvres on the supreme court and political talk. Talk about killing the mood. We spent weeks chatting while waiting for our schedules to align. Finally were able to get a night setup. A lot of money on a babysitter, drinks, food and a room only to have them kill the vibe babbling about politics.  They were heavily talking about subjects that were just downers. We want to have a small meal, couple drinks and spend an hour or two having naked fun.

[William2001 53]

My wife and I have met couples and singles on first dates and had an evening of sexy fun together.

 

But those were rare and mostly when we were on holiday... The majority of our partners were via messages and working out if we had a connection.

(the couple who talked about politics...!!! Mad as Cheese on a Tuesday..!!!)

 

Over all we had a wide circle of 'Friends' and acquaintances that we met and enjoyed their company... 

 

I have always thought that a good evening and meeting should be like a great Hollywood Movie... Its should be fun, enjoyable and take you out of your normal life into a fantasy world. Where you are connected to wonderful experience.

[SJBluebirds 194]

We're not against playing on a first meet, per se, but it's such a rare occurrence as to be nonexistent.

 

The absolute last thing we want is for any of the four of us to 'take one for the team', and a first meetup lets both couples communicate privately and without pressure about it.

 

If all four of us are overwhelmed with feelings of 'OMIGOSH we have to play now' on that first meet, it's pretty apparent to everyone.  But if there's even the slightest hesitation by one of the participants, it's best to finish the first date, regroup with your partner, and make plans regarding a next time to play.

 

At least, this is  the way we do it.  YMMV.

[MrMrsswinger 202]

We're similar to others here. Time is so valuable with commitments all over the place. When we get time to go to a club, to meet up with a couple, etc we want to play. It'll be nice hen the kids are grown and we have more free time but our current situation doesn't allow for a lot of "dates". If we went the route of meeting up for 'dates' rather than play, we wouldn't get to play more than once or twice a year.

[oldswinger64 111]

We never went to a first meeting intending it to be a sexual encounter, but the option was always open.  No words were necessary.  I would look into her eyes and know if she wanted to move in that direction, and as we all know, she is in charge in those situations.  That is what worked for us.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

We always let the other couple know that the first meeting is just to meet and nothing more (to take the pressure off and to let everyone have the chance to talk and decide if they all want to play). However, if there is a big enough spark, and it is apparent that everyone is on board, we are willing to play...we just don't want anyone to feel obligated or that they should be taking one for the team.

 

In your situation, a second meeting is probably going to be way down the road, so you should decide on a code phrase that tells your partner that you are in (or out) in advance. Some couples are looking for a connection (FWB like) while some are just wanting to play whenever they get together with another couple...connection not needed. Sounds like you are more of the first type and they are more of the second (nothing wrong with either...they are just different types). Keep one thing in mind...all of the texting/phone calls/emails in the world are not as good as spending 5 minutes in person with a couple. You will find out more in that 5 minutes than an eternity of any other communication. Good luck and let us know the outcome...

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

We met our first for dinner and drinks followed with calls and texts before we finally played. First meetings have been called terrifying even after having that first experience, my heart still races after meeting numerous times. 

[njbm 2,868]

This is a potentially exhilarating hobby. 

[WesternSwing 504]

Throughout my 20 years in The Lifestyle I can't think of a time that we didn't play on the first date. For us it's the whole reason we are there. However, we have not played with everyone we've met for a pre-fucking "date". Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there. 

[Billygoat 443]

Posted this a couple hours ago under Ice Breakers.

 

“It all depends on the couple.  We had a standing rule….very rarely ever broken.  Whenever we met a new couple or single outside of the club we always met in a public place, nothing fancy, coffee, desert, lunch, nothing too intense, casual.  Get to know each other, about each other…..usually newbies/first timers so they might have questions concerns.  This also created a safe, no pressure, open discussion.  Also no NRE issue/regrets.

 

About 75% of the time we would meet again for first time play……sometimes started using a game of some sort, nudist lake/swim hole or they would just attend one of our parties.  The biggest hit was Pimps and Hoes board game.  We had all 5 levels so it was easy to break the ice if we had a hotel room over night.  We would most often use the standard pack with the expanded pack and then filter in some of the swinger pack depending on their expressed desire of participation. “

 

Except for a few we never played first meet.  Exception would be at our parties or other house parties and group/orgy situations.

 

However we didn’t “date” couples or singles.  Just meet once publicly, learn about each other.  Leave and talk about each other, no obligation.  If all agree then next meet is play date.

[Numex 2,409]

Daniela and I are outliers, but it took 1) multiple social meetings, and 2) several weeks before we played, and even then the first time was only feeling her up, blowjob maybe.  This was Daniela's practice from before we were in the lifestyle, before we met.

 

Now in our closed group of married couples we can immediately get down to it if that's what we want.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

When we meet new couples/singles for the first time we always say "no sex on the first meet" and that helps alleviate any pressure or expectations.  But the reality is, if there is chemistry, we're game if they're game.

[njbm 2,868]

On 1/15/2024 at 1:32 PM, njbm said:

We generally have not played on the first meeting. We feel like we want to discuss it with each other privately first. But we are meeting a couple who are on a brief vacation near us. I feel like I know the husband well from a lot of texting. They will be leaving the next day for our home area. We won’t be back there till summer. They asked if we all agree, will we play after lunch. Help! 

We met this couple and we all agreed to play. They were very nice personally and we had a great playtime.  

[24fun4u 8]

  We very much play on the first date, and plan to do so. That doesn't mean it always happens. Sometimes, as others have mentioned their is a lack of chemistry, or the other couple doesn't want to play on the first date or a host of other reasons. That is fine and their choice and we have no issue with it, we're not going to pressure anybody to do something they don't want.

  However, we are on a swinger web site to meet people and have sex with them. And, if we have great sex with them, we want to meet them again, have sex with them again, and this way we become friends with them, which is great!  We would much prefer to have sex with the people first, and then become friends. We have met several lifestyle friends this way. Its always great to meet up with them, catch up as it were, and then have great sex with them.

 We also have made friends first, finally went to have sex with them, and it was not all that great. Now, we have friends that can't understand why we can get together with them, but are reluctant to move forward to the bedroom. Yes, we can, and have been honest with these folks, but as much as honesty is preached here, (and its important), not everybody likes honesty, especially when it's not what they want to hear.

So instead of having great sex with friends, we end up in an awkward situation with friends, and nobody has sex. Or, If we decide to have sex with them, so we don't hurt our friends feelings, because, well, they're our friends, we end up in a situation were both of us are "taking one for the team."