Does a history of cheating lead to swinging?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Cheating seems to be the hot topic of late and some of the comments in the thread "more on cheating" made me wonder... is there some sort of connection between those who have cheated or been cheated on in the past turning to swinging in future relationships? Is it possibly some people's way of preventing cheating. Kind of like the idea that if drugs were legal we wouldn't have a drug problem in the US? Well if the acts that are usually considered cheating in a relationship are ok'ed by the parties in that relationship (thus they agree to swing), then cheating won't be a problem anymore.

 

Any thoughts?

[DragonsLair 26]

Julie,

 

Here's my $.02 worth. In my opinion swinging eliminates the need for cheating. You're getting the sexual variety you want without needing to cheat on your spouse. As long as the reason you're cheating is about the variety. If there's something else missing from your relationship, you probably won't find it in swinging. And cheating will continue to be a problem.

[sinc 15]

Swinging only becomes cheating when you keep it from your partner and when you feel guilty about what you did . If it makes you feel guilty then its cheating, at least to you.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Just to clarify, the topic here isn't about what is or isn't cheating when it comes to swinging couples. The topic is about how many swingers have cheated in PAST (non-swinging) relationships or have been cheated on in past (non-swinging) relationships. Even if that past relationship is your current relationship prior to incorporating swinging into it.

[sinc 15]

I have to admit I cheated in a past relationship. I was being accused of sleeping with a friend that I figured that if I was being accused of it then at least I should actually do it.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by sinc

I have to admit I cheated in a past relationship. I was being accused of sleeping with a friend that I figured that if I was being accused of it then at least I should actually do it.

 

I can understand where you are coming from there. When I was a teen I dated a guy that was extremely jealous of any time I spent with ANYONE but him and was constantly insisting that I was cheating on him. Finally I felt the exact same way you did, if I'm going to be accused of it I may as well do it.

[L&K 15]

This is a bit deep. From a lot of reading on this board it seems that many feel that by swinging there is no need to cheat , also several have said something in the order that they swing because they have cheated in the past.

 

There is a major element missing here . The GAME cheating is often not just about sexual pleasure. Instead it revolves around the issue of getting away with it. The game of not getting caught is more interesting then the sexual play it self.

 

Simply put it is a game of wits for many cheaters, much the same way a criminal will leave hints of his identity cheaters will make calls knowing they will show up on a phone bill, many like the risk factor more so then the sex. This has something to do with the mental make up i guess .It is where the get there adrenaline rush.

 

L&K or M&S as we were in the past. For some reason we were unable to get on the board and had to get in under a new name.

[FunFLcpl 15]

I (the she part of us) would have to say that we began swinging because of cheating. There was no cheating in a prior relationship by either one of us, but there was cheating in our current marriage. I was the one that cheated on my wonderful husband, and he has forgiven me for the past. To an extent, I regret that portion of our lives, but that is why we began to swing. If I had told my husband of my desires instead of going behind his back, we would have been swinging a long time ago. That is where good communication would have come into play. We have become a much stronger couple because of our communication, and now we can both share in the swinging life instead of cheating. I will ad this, hubby never (and would never) go behind my back and cheat. I am just very grateful that he loved me enough (and still does) to stay with me and move passed this issue. We still talk about it to this day. It allows us to understand why it happened, and it prevents it from happening again.

[Handyman69 15]

Both my husband and I have felt the pain of cheating. Mine was through my parents....know its different than spouse but set the tone for how I feel about cheating. For my husband, it was his first wife that cheated. Knowing how we both feel, I know cheating will never be an issue in our marriage. We didn't get into this lifestyle quickly, it was a slow process but know neither of us feel we are cheating on each other.

 

Maybe you are right Julie, we are using swinging to do things that we would like do or try. In any case, don't feel the same about it as I would if Mr Handyman was doing things behind my back. They might be similar, but in my book...not the same.

 

Rhonda

[darling 17]

We began swinging because of cheating in our marriage. He cheated and told me about it immediately, because he wanted strange after 18 years of marriage. We had talked about swinging for a while before. I talked to the girl and she admitted that she had done everything to seduce him and they both agreed it was totally sexual only.

 

I agreed to try swinging and the funny thing is he is the one that only likes to watch me with others and doesn't have sex with others although I encourage him to as long as I am there.

[verdandi411 15]

I was cheated on by a fiance two months before our wedding date in 1999. More recently, I was involved in a 'fun' relationship with a guy who ended up having a serious girlfriend of three years. That ended when I found out about the girlfriend. (could it be some sort of f-d up karma?!)

 

I was introduced to the lifestyle by the 'fun' guy. I am fairly open to try new things - nothing too extreme - and have always been a voyeur at heart with no opportunity, so I agreed to go to a club with him to see what it was about. But as a happy medium between his interests and my limitations, we chose to be soft swap/same room only.

 

I agreed to swing with him, but I was (and still would be) very hesitant to go full swap for the reason that I just couldn't get myself to fuck another woman's significant other... mostly because I had been cheated on. (another reason was safety)

 

Since me and 'fun' guy have been over, I've had offers from some couples we'd met to play with them, or even to fuck their husbands/fiances/beaus while they were out of town... having been cheated on, I have mixed issues with it. As I learned with the 'fun' guy and his girlfriend, not every relationship might be what it seems. Since I HAVE been cheated on, I would never want to make anyone go through the pain that I went through, and now the pain that this girlfriend has gone through... I feel terrible about being a part of that, and how can I be sure that every swinging couple I play with is a secure happy couple?

 

so i'm not sure this answers your question, especially since i'm not really swinging much these days. but, yes, having been cheated on and cheated with has definitely affected my experience in the lifestyle.

 

much love!

 

[Guest Couple42moreTN]

While I am able to understand the simple fact that there are those out there in the "swing" lifestyle that are in it for the simple reason of not being hurt again by a cheating S/O, I have to question if they are in the lifestyle for sound reasons.

 

I must admit that firstly as a couple whom swings that I appreciate the simple fact that I or my girlfriend are able to go out and get "strange" when ever we either one feels like it, after all, "variety is the spice of sex" as my better half would say it.

 

We have been together for about 2 years now, and found that we are both "VERY" into the idea of being with other people and other couples. The one thing that neither of us would do is keep a sexual encounter from the other. To be honest it would excite the other half of the relationship to know about it, so keeping it from them would be denying them a bit of personal satisfaction and sexual bliss..

 

I cannot deny that I love going after her after she has had a new man, and she certainly seems to love going after me when I get a new woman. So this sort of throws the idea of "cheating" out the window with our personal relationship.

 

In our opinion, the lifestyle of swinging has to do primarily with the sexual aspect of things, it is not based in love. When one realizes that sex is one of our animalistic functions and that it is nature to want something different it makes it a bit more understandable that people go for the "swing lifestyle"

[Rhythm_Blues 15]

When hubby and I first started dating we talked about the fact that both of us had cheated on our spouses in the previous marriage. We liked the idea of being with other people and the chase was fun. It had nothing to do with love it was pure sex.

 

So swinging seemed like the logical thing when we realized we were forever partners and never wanted to hurt each other like we knew we had our previous spouses. We do full swap but only same room and we are never without the other. To us its not sharing if we can't be there with each other and both of us participating. We still enjoy the chase, it just has a little different twist to it!

[Elusive BiFem 70]

OK...so JC said my polls were not ridiculous...and it made me so proud! (Of course, he's the ONLY one that said that and maybe it was a language barrier thing...just joshing JC! )

 

So now...WR and I are on the phone discussing some poll site she came across about cheaters in general. I'll post the questions as we were curious about cheaters in the lifestyle. The results of the poll she read indicated the following - and bear in mind, this was not swinging associated...

 

47% responded yes, they have cheated.

49% responded no, never cheated.

4% responded, don't ask - don't tell

 

There was no breakdown of age or gender or even current marital status. Not a good poll IMO...not like MY polls that normally have LOTS of options. However, WR is helping and said I can only post those options (spoil-sport!).

 

For this one...singles that have been in relationships...please respond to...marital status is not a criteria...just relationships.

 

- EBF

[LadyCleo 16]

EBF, ever is a REALLY LONG TIME.

 

I have cheated while in a relationship, but it was a long time ago. I learned my lesson and have not done it since. In fact, it was in a relationship previous to the one I am in currently. He cheated, I cheated, we divorced. I learned my lesson and remarried. I am tons happier now,even on the bad days,than I was on the great days of my previous marriage.

 

Hope this helps,

LC

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by LadyCleo

EBF, ever is a REALLY LONG TIME.

LC

 

Yeah...it helped...but for some of us, EVER is much longer than it is for others. My EVER is a really, really long time!

 

- EBF

[Alura 2,775]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem

Yeah...it helped...but for some of us, EVER is much longer than it is for others. My EVER is a really, really long time!

 

- EBF

 

And my "Ever" is even longer!

 

I've never cheated on Mrs. Alura and that's going to be twenty-four years this Easter. Now, "cheating" does not include that motel meeting with my old high-school sweetheart because Mrs. Alura knew about it from the time "Jill" suggested it while we were dancing at a reunion. In fact, Mrs. Alura prepared a "motel kit" (a scented candle and a few other goodies) for us. "Jill" was also aware that Mrs. Alura knew what we were up to.

 

Mrs. Alura also had my approval to fuck her high school sweetheart at her reunion, but he was dumb as a rock and never seemed to get the idea of what was being offered to him. I was heavily involved in the plotting on that one, too, and as disappointed as she that it didn't happen.

 

Now, back in my college years, during my "trial" marriage, it was a different story. That's why I had to vote "Yes."

 

Mr. Alura

[OhioCouple 41]

I had to vote yes. While I was married to the father of my children for a little over 10 years, we were separated for more than the last five of them. During that time, young twenties...need I say more?

 

Any future relationships that I got seriously involved in. No, not ever and it has never crossed my mind.

[Chicup 42]

That is the interesting thing about swinging.

 

Last weekend I had sex with another woman and I can say with a straight face I've never cheated on my wife (nor anyone else I was ever involved in).

[StacyCat 30]

Why do some people still feel the need to cheat?

 

You dont have to cheat on me, you can tell me openly that you want to fuck someone else. Same with me, I dont feel a need to cheat on my partners because they all have full understanding that I can have sex with other people.

 

My first boyfriend (open relationship) "cheated" on me with my best friend. I knew that they had sex, however, he didnt use protection. So, even though I knew of the sex, it was still cheating because it was dishonest.

[EternallySingle 32]

Have I ever cheated while in a relationship? No. Have I ever wanted to? Definitely. What did I do about it? It depended on how the relationship was going.

 

If the relationship was in trouble and there was very little either of us could do to move past whatever obstacle got in our way, I'd say we needed to take a break for a while and start seeing other people.

 

If I was just bored with what was going on, I'd simply close my eyes during sex and pretend my girlfriend was the woman I wanted to cheat with. You'd be surprised at how powerful visualizing someone other than your normal partner having sex with you can be.

 

Oh, wait. I forgot where I was for a moment.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Hey there StacyCat! I understand what you are saying, I think, but when we were talking about cheating, we didn't have in mind open relationships. As nice as that may be for some, I'd say that most people don't have that sort of "open" relationship in which one partner can simply tell the other they want to sleep with another. Know what I mean? And that is where the poll was headed. Like swinging...that isn't cheating as long as your partner is aware and approving. Cheating, in my mind, is when one partner is NOT aware and certainly not approving.

 

Interestingly, the results here are somewhat different than those WR found in that other poll. I wonder if swinging isn't the reason for it? Maybe VegasLee will help us decipher the results!

 

- EBF

[sexypairca 41]

I've cheated in a previous relationship. I told my boyfriend about the encounter the next day and explained that I was certain that it would happen again with the same individual. I gave him the choice of calling it off due to my actions or accepting the fact that I was very drawn to the other man and it was for the sheer sake of sex that we got together.

 

We remained a couple for about another 6 months and adopted the don't ask-don't tell philosophy, not exactly the best grounds for a stable relationship. The other man and I maintained our relationship for about a year and a half in total, peaceful parting of ways, not what I would even consider even a breakup.

 

About a year after all ties were cut I ended up working at the same place as the second man. I had just started to date hubby at this time and told him of our past, since people talk and I wanted him to know that I was being up front. He trusted my word that I was not going to revert back to my old habit with this man and never questioned our working together, even when it was later than it should have been.

 

I know that cheating is wrong and that I should have never given in, so to speak, but I don't look back on the situation as a negative experience. I learned quite a bit about myself and had to take stock in who I was and what I wanted out of life.

 

Annette

[BradAndJanet 70]

So...a whole lotta cheatin' goin' on...or so it would seem. Of the 28 responders, only 6 (21%) say that they've never cheated or been cheated on (that they know of anyway!)

 

Now, I did a little online checking and it's commonly accepted that about 25% of women and 40% of men have had affairs, so the numbers here seem a bit high, don't they? True, this is a 'self-electing' poll, but I'm wondering, "Why?"

 

What do you think? Is there something about the kind of people who swing that makes them more likely to cheat, or to have cheated in the past? Is it our higher sex drive, our loose morals , our open minds? Did we arrive at swinging as a way to 'have our cake and eat it too?' Or, am I just way off base here?

 

I've spoken about my affair (or 'near affair', I suppose) and I answered that I have cheated, even though we never actually had sex. I don't believe that we're swinging because I want to have sex with other women, although the possibility of that is appealing. I do have a strong libido, yes, and that did lead me to this other woman, because at the time, J was having some difficulties and was more or less unavailable to me. So, for me, maybe that's the reason I both cheated and am now a swinger.

 

I'd welcome any thoughts y'all have....

 

-B

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

OOOOPPPSS!!! I voted wrong.

 

I thought the first option was "I haven't cheated on my current partner."

 

So you can knock that down one vote.

 

Add it to the last option.

[WesternSwing 504]

What do you think? Is there something about the kind of people who swing that makes them more likely to cheat, or to have cheated in the past? Is it our higher sex drive, our loose morals , our open minds? Did we arrive at swinging as a way to 'have our cake and eat it too?' Or, am I just way off base here? -B

 

In my mind, there is a difference between cheating and an affair. To me an affair alludes to a physical and/or emotional relationship, whereas cheating is strictly sexual, such as a man visiting a prostitute or a housewife seducing the pool boy.

 

So far, the percentage of swingers that have been cheated on in prior relationships is higher than swingers cheating on their SO's, prior or current. Therefore, I think it has little to do with looser morals or more open thinking. Maybe a higher sex drive and I think that some are better able to separate sex from love, and thus there is such thing as swingers.

 

When I was last single, I dated several married women. These women were not going to leave their husbands. They were not unhappy in their marriage. Never once did one complain about her husband's sexual prowess or say I was better. I was just different. They liked the excitement of doing something secret. Maybe it was taking back a bit of themselves. They gave so much of themselves to their family and they needed a little autonomy. A little something that was still private. It was purely sex and nothing more. Who knows, had they talked with their husbands they may have become swingers.

 

Mr. WS

[mrs good times 73]

Like Brad I had a near affair, no sex but emotional attachment. Mr. and I agree that it was worse than if I had just had sex with the guy. We did not start swinging until several years after my indiscretion but I think that for both of us having our cake and eating it too has been great.

[Botcpl 15]

You know, that word "ever" is a big deal.

 

No one walking this earth is a true saint and we all have done something in our past. So are we going back to high school when we "cheated" on our steady girl/boy? Are you only interested in cheating on our spouses? What about lies in general? Does flirting with the desire count?

 

An affair or cheating is the first sign that something is wrong and the people involved have to do something ie. talk. People only do these things if something isn't quite right at home. Some are able to fix the propblem and save their marriages others learn that the marriage was a mistake in the first place and split up.

 

That's my view, but after 23 years of marriage, what do I know? I need to go sailing and I'm waiting for her to get her stuff together, it's always better on the water.

 

P

[tazzie_n_truck 17]

We came across a couple a while back, we never did anything with them other than talk, but we found out in the middle of disussion with them we found that the 2 of them were both married to other people, cheating on their spouses, with each other, and when they got together would swing with couples. So we decided really quick not to do anything with them. Really surprised us that there are people in the lifesyle who do that. When they asked us later when we talked with one of them on line, we told them that the reason we chose not to was we didn't want thier spouse that they were cheating on, to find out then come after us. With us when we swing with another couple, we swing with couples who are married to each other and who are also have a very strong marrige.

[hotblonde47 22]

Tazzie, we had almost exactly that same situation. Our take on it was that everyone involved in swinging is taking some kind of emotional and physical risk, the spouses of these people were actually taking the risk without knowing about it. Doesn't work for me. We will only swing when both parties are aware of and happy with whats going on.

[ChloeandHubby 15]

So agree with you hot blonde. We avoid people like that like the plaque. We don't want to be around when the shit "hits the fan" and "unknowing" husbands and wives come looking for us..or worse yet a legal suit "claiming" alienation of affection and we only swung with their partners and had no idea! No thanks, its committed couples or nothing happens ~ not even an email or phone call!

[good times 991]

We have also ran into two couples who were maried but not to each other. We didn't want to play with them but we talked to the second couple enough to find out that evidentely cheaters think of swing clubs as places they can go where they are unlikely to get caught.

[Rett 15]

Stoutgatte,

 

According to the poll results sofar, the great majority have been involved with a cheating partner at one time or the other.

 

That's interesting, but I don't think one can gather a good conclusion dependent on the questions asked: if it relates to commited couples, married, or single persons playing the field ? Whether it was while living the lifestyle of swinging? Whether the respondents have been into swinging or just thinking of it? Did the cheating take place before they were swingers or after? It might also be interesting to know the age groups of the respondents or at what period in time the cheating occured. After several years into the relationship together or a shorter period of time. Maybe another question might be : What was the reason given behind or for the cheating?

 

I guess that's a few of the questions . Very interesting poll though, sofar.

Thanks for starting it.

[Rett 15]

Stoutgatte,

 

Just another thought in regards to cheating swingers -or- cheating partners.

 

Was it the Male, Female, or Both that cheated?

[onenosbest 31]

We have come across a cpl the other day at a swing site who wanted to swing with us. Once we found out by their profile that they have other spouses we backed out as fast as we could.

 

I am just curious though for the cpls who cheat while swinging out there how many really get turned down from being with another cpl because of the issue they brought upon themselves..

[Chicup 42]

I have a hard time understanding why active swingers would feel the need to cheat. While I've never cheated on my wife, before we were swinging I would sometimes think 'what if that attractive woman came onto me' type of things. After swinging those thoughts have gone away completely. Being that almost everyone who works for me if female, thats a good thing

 

I guess this is why we only play with couples who are married and we know a little about first.

[xxoticangel 99]

I will be the first to shamefully admit that I cheated on my ex numerous times. Angel also had several affairs while married to her ex. I was young, stupid, and sexually unsatisified which is no excuse but still a fact. Now that I am older and in a swinging relationship with my wife I have noticed that my desire to cheat has evaporated. Most of it is my love for my wife and my desire not to disappoint her. Part of it though is knowing that if a girl came along that I wanted she would let me. We've discussed this in the past and she feels the same way. Something about having the freedom diminshes the desire.

[stoutgatte 25]

Ok, I was a naughty boy here, started the thread and left... Back for a bit now...

 

I'm fairly open about the fact that I cheated on my wife, and she had an affair, just wanted to clear that, so no-one can say: "But you ask and don't tell... "

 

I don't know if there is enough votes to actually say swingers cheat more often. 60 votes isn't exactly representative of the general swinging population by more than say 15% accurate... But it does seem a little high.

 

As for people swinging as a couple but not with their spouses, we've been approached by at least 2 couples in exactly that situation, and ran like hell...

[robnbarb 41]

Well I once cheated on an ex-girlfriend, but not for sex, it was because I wanted out of the relationship and she kept clinging to me like flypaper. even cheating on her was not enough. but that is another story.

 

I never considered swinging until I was in a realtionship I trusted. even then I wondered my motives, but eventually I have come to the determination there are fantasys I want to do, and I want to do them with my wife, not a bunch of strangers.

 

To me, cheating is about hurting someone. Keeping anything from someone you say you love is just wrong.

[Jamie&Kieth 36]

Cheating has never really been an issue in our lives. Prior to meeting my husband I never really had a serious relationship nor did my husband. Although we were both sexually active before we met, we were not in 'serious relationships'.

 

Since we have been together we have never 'cheated' on each other. We do swing/group sex but it has always been together. There was one time when my husband was in Europe for about 2 months and I was with 3 kids at the time, feeling lonely, fustrated and horny.

 

Ended up having a 5 some with the people we swing with, after it happened I called him and told him why and what happened. He was very understanding, so I really do not call that cheating.

 

We have always been truthful with each other and to my knowledge he has never cheated on me. So thats it!

[Paramour2_99 0]

No surprises here in this poll at all,,,,,, "X" Swinger

[Chicup 42]

No surprises here in this poll at all,,,,,, "X" Swinger

 

Mostly because you don't have a scientific backround. Now maybe you were a cheater, and my guess lust fills your heart even now, but without a comparison to non-swinging data, no conclusions can be reached.

 

Based on the divorce rate, I think you will find very similar stats for the vanilla world as well.

 

Of course you already stated that swingers always cheat, but from the looks of this as well, it seems most people who cheated did so prior to swinging.

[sweetdelite 15]

We can't even think about cheating. Our trust is so strong and the thought of hurting Mr. or Mrs Sweetdelite or losing the smallest bit of trust is unimaginable.

 

Mr and Mrs Sweetdelite....yum

[Paramour2_99 0]

Mostly because you don't have a scientific backround. Now maybe you were a cheater, and my guess lust fills your heart even now, but without a comparison to non-swinging data, no conclusions can be reached.

 

Based on the divorce rate, I think you will find very similar stats for the vanilla world as well.

 

Of course you already stated that swingers always cheat, but from the looks of this as well, it seems most people who cheated did so prior to swinging.

 

These stats speak for the members of this board and visitors who posted their opinions, no "science" is required to see that. The "vanilla" world has it's fair share of marital/relationship indescretions surely - but it would've been a greater surprise to read that "those in this board" (and not all swingers) either won't cheat at if it's convinient or have not been desensitized to cheating due to having been cheated on in their past.

 

,,,,,,Sincerely "X" Swinger

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ Every Soul Has A Watcher ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

[Paramour2_99 0]

Mostly because you don't have a scientific backround. Now maybe you were a cheater, and my guess lust fills your heart even now, but without a comparison to non-swinging data, no conclusions can be reached.

 

Based on the divorce rate, I think you will find very similar stats for the vanilla world as well.

 

Of course you already stated that swingers always cheat, but from the looks of this as well, it seems most people who cheated did so prior to swinging.

 

As far as me being a cheater - before I became born again cheating (aka swinging) was possible, and lust filling my heart now - not so much now as before I became serious about Christ. SOme things are a constant battle but now I see a beautiful woman in a different light. The first look recognizes the beauty - the second look or continued gaze allows lust to kick in.

 

Now there's allot less second looks and gazing.

 

Thanks for your concern though Chicup

 

Sincerely "X" Swinger

[Spoomonkey 421]

The first look recognizes the beauty - the second look or continued gaze allows lust to kick in.

 

So - you cast your vote at "BootyVote.com" before the second look?

 

Actually - based on the statistics, Christian marriages are much more likely to end in divorce than Athiest/Agnostic marriages. Personally, as a Christian, I think this is very much because of the bondage that Puritanical Christianity has placed most Christian marriages in.

 

Christian men struggle with the "lusts" that have them wanting sex more than once a month, while their wives sit back under their golden parachute of "good Christians don't divorce".

 

It is amazing that - according to a study by "New Man" magazine (a Christian publication), Christians have a much higher rate of addiction to pornography, with an even higher percentage being those in full time ministry...

 

The greatest glue to a marriage - and a thing that most close-minded Christians don't realize - is an adventurous sex life. This can be through hot monogamy and, yes, through a lifestyle that is a bit more adventurous. An amourous wife is the best cure for porn addiction (a thing Christians struggle with staggering numbers) and the best way to have an amourous wife is to be an attentive husband (a thing that Christians struggle with because they are too busy "defining roles").

 

If Christians would get their heads out of the sand and deal with the sexual problems that they have, rather than judging and condemning the choices of others (who are wildly more successful at marriage than they are), Christian marriage might one day be more than a laughable sham.

 

Spoomonkey (A Christian, interested in why Paramour ducks so much debate)

[intuition897 2,179]

These stats speak for the members of this board and visitors who posted their opinions, no "science" is required to see that. The "vanilla" world has it's fair share of marital/relationship indescretions surely - but it would've been a greater surprise to read that "those in this board" (and not all swingers) either won't cheat at if it's convinient or have not been desensitized to cheating due to having been cheated on in their past.

 

,,,,,,Sincerely "X" Swinger

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ Every Soul Has A Watcher ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

 

 

There's no such thing as becoming desensitized to being cheated on...it's not the sex that causes the pain, it's the lie. No one becomes desensitized to being lied to or deceived.

[Spoomonkey 421]

There's no such thing as becoming desensitized to being cheated on...it's not the sex that causes the pain, it's the lie. No one becomes desensitized to being lied to or deceived.

 

Actually, I would think that cheating would be more painful for swingers. Mrs Spoo and I talk about this all the time. If I were to cheat on her, I wouldn't have the excuse "it was just sex... It didn't mean anything". I can have sex with virtually anyone I want - that is the nature of swinging. She has the same freedom.

 

But an affair for us would be an emotional thing - it would have to be.

 

THAT would be devastating.

 

Spoomonkey

[Chicup 42]

Actually, I would think that cheating would be more painful for swingers. Mrs Spoo and I talk about this all the time. If I were to cheat on her, I wouldn't have the excuse "it was just sex... It didn't mean anything". I can have sex with virtually anyone I want - that is the nature of swinging. She has the same freedom.

 

But an affair for us would be an emotional thing - it would have to be.

 

THAT would be devastating.

 

Spoomonkey

 

Dito

 

This would be true for us as well. I can't even imagine cheating or being cheated on.

[JnCC 24]

Swinging is only one of several ways of addressing one's desire for sexual variety. Not everyone has that desire, and of those that do, not everyone chooses swinging as a way of dealing with it.

 

Trying to understand why someone cheats is like trying to understand why someone in a blue Chevrolet turns left. There are simply too many possible motivations...some valid, some no-so-valid, some misguided, some selfish, and some downright cruel and meant to be so. Some people are just lost, although they either don't know or won't admit it. They think that whatever they're looking for is to be found "left, down that street"

 

We knew one couple who divorced, allegedly because he allowed her to have other sex-partners. They were both professionals in their late 30's, married almost 8 years. She seemed to be the instigator and the more enthusiastic participant in their swinging activities. At least, I never got the idea that she was being pressured into it by her husband.

 

One day she came home and said she'd fallen in love with one of her clients, and that she was leaving with the kids. Her reasoning?

 

"Because HE loves me so much that he would never think of sharing me with anyone else"

 

Personally, I don't believe that swinging caused their breakup. (I think she was an intelligent, but somewhat complex personality, and that she was just "ready for some new dick" as one of our friends crudely, but succinctly, put it) I'm smart enough to know that I don't know why she cheated. Maybe when it comes to relationships, her "attention span" only runs to 7 years or so. If that's the case, her new husband, the man who "loves her so much he could never share her with anybody" had better be preparing himself for some really bad news come next summer...

 

Until they invent a medicine for people who are "A-D-D" when it comes to relationships, cheating is going to happen, and there will never be a shortage of excuses for justifying it.