Wife’s friend??

[Charles2121 0]

Hi
My wife and I are sort of just getting started with this after a few months of fantasizing and roleplaying all sorts of amazing ways (about some of our friend for example).
I’ve been hot for it all but one new interesting thing about it is my interest in watching her with another man without another woman or even me for that matter.
This whole thing has given the marriage a whole new spark and the relationship seem to never have been better!

Years ago when we first wanted to try this out we were on the fence about it because I of course wanted to try it out with another woman as she wanted to try it with another man and a sort of “fair”-feeling came about as she wasn’t really ready for me with another woman. She was and still is quite insecure and jealous.

However, that fair-part have all disappeared and as I said, I get turned on just by seeing her get turned on and being with other guys.
We haven’t really gotten around to it yet but we are chatting and setting up meetings with guys just now so any day now.
We’ve even entertained the idea of her being with one of my friends that she’s sort of hot for, and we’ve kind of asked him a little about it.

However, of course I would one day wanna be able to play as freely as I feel she can, but like I said, she wasn’t and still isn’t ready for me with another woman. In fact, probably way not ready unfortunately.
We’ve roleplayed it many times and in the moment she’s all for it and she has even talked to one of our/her friends (that we sometimes use in our role plays) about it all and they both have sort of played with the thought about us in a MFF.
I’m mean just the other weekend they were out dancing (and my wife flirted with a few guys and got fingered by one, so hot!:)), but she and her girlfriend made out a bit and she came home, quite drunk, but horny and happy, telling me we would probably be able to get her friend into a threesome with us.

The thoughts and somewhat graspable picture of all of that has gotten me way hotter for my wife’s girlfriend that ever before, and now my wife sort of invented her to come along to a swingers club with us in a few weeks, of course I got exited.

But after a talk last night about the swingers club my wife got sort of a flash that I actually might watch her friend getting fuck (not even fucking her myself) and getting turned on by it, she sort of felt sick and blocked it all out, telling me she’ll probably have to uninvite the friend. That recently graspable picture felt a hundred miles away!

As I said, she really has a lot of jealousy in her and I of course don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with any of this, but I also really would love this scenario to play out in some way!

I realize it’s not a attractive feeling but right now I kind of feel like I would easily give my wife 100 guys if I only could like watch this friend of ours in that club (let alone a MFF with her and my wife).
Of course that’s not a fair comparison either, as i get turned on by she with others and she at least sometimes get sick of me with others. 
As I write this I sort of realize the answer to it all, but I guess I sort of wanted to vent, and hear other, more experienced people and couples about my situation.

Are my thoughts and hopes unreachable?
If not, or either way really, how can I help my wife get rid of those jealousy feelings that block out so much fun?
Will her and our experimentation with other guys get her loosened up to the idea? 
What are your experiences in regards to any of this.

I’d really appreciate any advice in this, thanks!

[lustylearning 705]

I hope venting helped you feel better.  Sounds like you need to let go of trying to make things happen with your wife’s friend, if you are going to respect your wife’s boundaries. As far as helping your wife work though her jealousy goes, I’d caution you to do that without having an endgame in mind. Otherwise, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.

[AdamGunn2 392]

First, congratulations on reaching the point where you are now. If you're like most of the rest of us, it took a lot of reimagining your relationship and understanding where both of you want things to go. 

 

I'd be very curious to find out your ages, and how long you've been married.

 

There's a big risk to playing with friends. One, if it doesn't go well, the friendship is likely to suffer or even break horribly. A lot of drama could ensue, and no one wants drama in these situations. Second, you risk having her friend tell others about what happened, and if you want to keep this a secret (most of us prefer that,) you could easily be outed. I'm not saying playing with friends always goes south, but it's risky.

 

Many wives start out thinking they'd be incredibly jealous of their husband's playing with others, then think again. It may happen that when you two get more experience under your belts, the situation won't seem quite so dire.

 

Best of luck!

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Quote

There's a big risk to playing with friends. One, if it doesn't go well, the friendship is likely to suffer or even break horribly. A lot of drama could ensue, and no one wants drama in these situations. Second, you risk having her friend tell others about what happened, and if you want to keep this a secret (most of us prefer that,) you could easily be outed. I'm not saying playing with friends always goes south, but it's risky.

^^^ Second this ^^^.

 

Sure, there are swingers that started by swinging with friends, but, once again, there is a HUGE risk associated with doing that. On top of the above points, all too often, the friend isn't of the same swinger 'mind frame'. Ms. Gold and her ex started out with swinging with friends...and the friends husband 'fell' madly, obsessively in love with her. If you are okay with the possible risks, then go for it...we feel the risks are just too great so we find other swingers to become friends with (in the end, you still end up with friends that you swing with).

 

As for jealousy: the more you communicate, the more open and honest you are with your partner, the more that they know you are totally committed to them and that you are not interested in finding someone 'better', the less the jealousy becomes. Jealousy is something that is born from a lack of trust and honesty. The greater the love and trust, the less jealousy has to 'feed' on until it just fades away. 

[Idahocouple6969 294]

We live in a rural area in a EXTREMELY ultra conservative state that well..... frankly lies constantly about what they engage in. And they would not think twice about ruining your life. So as a result we don't play with non LS friends. I will say that we have a local bar we like to hang out in, and yes it is a place where everyone knows our name. Oddly enough last week a female of a couple asked us if we were swingers! I grinned and said if course not it's against the law ( yeah in our state non monogamy is considered sodomy and a sodomy charge is routinely used here). I would much rather hang out with our LS friends as I don't feel the need to guard against saying something inappropriate 😜.

      We are not jealous of each other.  This past summer we celebrated 40 years of marriage so I'm pretty confident that there isn't much we don't know about each other. My wife can look around the room and tell you which female I am attracted to. And we are not the "beautiful" people you encounter at some parties/clubs we ARE old and nothing is going to change that. 

Swinging does one of two things to a relationship it either makes it stronger.....or it burns it right to the ground. There are 3 things I have never understood about the LS 1. Jealousy 2. The no kissing rule. & 3. How homophobic so many LS people are ( male-male and it doesn't apply to female-female) I respect anybody's rules but I don't get it. 

Enjoy your trip into the LS you will know if it's for you both. It's not for everyone and if it's not your cup of tea... well it won't be for lack of trying.

 

[couplers 4,614]

15 hours ago, Idahocouple6969 said:

We live in a rural area in a EXTREMELY ultra conservative state

We consider ourselves fortunate to live in an ultra tolerant part of the country.  We wouldn't be able to pull off what we're doing otherwise. 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Charles,

 

First off...WELCOME! We're glad you're here. We're a helpful bunch here, so please feel free to ask us any questions. You'll also get gut-level honest responses if we think you're going about something in the wrong way.

 

With that in mind, back off your wife's friend. There's a number of reasons for this. Among those; read what lustlearning and AdamGunn said. Read them again. Your wife will very likely feel a lot less concerned about you playing with a woman who isn't a friend. Then, if things don't go as she hoped, it's easy to block them out and never see them again. With her friend, that's not the case.

 

As to you being more receptive to your wife playing than she is to you playing... My biggest piece of advice is; LET GO. It sounds very much to me that you gain a great deal of pleasure in your wife being happy and getting pleasured. That's a reward all its own. Some couples never do anything other than MFMs and find it exceptionally rewarding. Just forget about anything about this that makes your wife the slightest bit uncomfortable. She is moving on this at a slower pace than you, and that is PERFECTLY acceptable. If you let go of your hopes and aspirations for this, it will feel a lot more comfortable for both of you. From what I'm reading, I don't think it will be long before your wife will be wrapped up in a man who is giving her a great fucking, and you will be overjoyed at the sight of it all. Some people say that swinging has to be balanced; one doesn't play if the other can't. I strongly, strongly disagree with this. What matters is how happy the two of you as a couple are. It's your adventure. It's not a tit-for-tat haggling exercise.

 

When my wife and I first got into the lifestyle ~15 years ago, she wasn't very interested in me having sex with other women. She could logically understand it, but emotionally it wasn't something she was quite ready for. We did do a couple of soft swaps, but not full swaps with other couples at first. That came later. For some years, it was largely MFMs (and one time it was two other guys, me, and my wife). It was a great time, and lots of fun. My wife thoroughly enjoyed all the sex, and really embraced it all. She also had two long term boyfriends that she had sex with for years. After a couple of years, she became more receptive to the idea of me having sex with other women. Fast forward many years, and she's perfectly comfortable with it. She doesn't derive any pleasure from it; it doesn't turn her on to watch me have sex with another woman. I get completely turned on by her having sex with other men. Soooooo damn hot! But, the same is not true for her. That's perfectly fine. Your wife may never enjoy you having sex with other women. There's nothing wrong with that. She may eventually be more comfortable with the idea. But, let it evolve on its own. Don't push it. Open doors for her, embrace her new adventures with you at her side, and share the journey. What comes it what comes.