Why does he always make me feel unwanted

[eb1981 0]

Hello there

 My issue here is my husband always makes me feel like the other lady is more attractive, sexier, wants her more etc.  I essentially feel like I'm shoved away. Just a means to get to someone else.  Then I don't enjoy anything.  

 

Should I put a stop to this?  Am I ruining our relationship?  Is this a sign that we shouldn't even be together or just not swinging?  He literally gets so excited and reacts 100 times more excited for any potential play dates we have.makes me feel like absolute garbage. I could do or say thr exact same thing and he practically yawns at me.

 

I told him.how I feel about that.  I always make a conscious effort to ensure I don't ever make it seem like I'm more into anyone than him.  He denies it, but obviously he feels that way as he can't even fake it for my sake.  Breaks my heart.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

Abstractly; there's nothing wrong with a partner exhibiting exuberance and anticipation when they're about to have sex with someone else. I mean, the point of it is to have fun with others, so not being excited would be counter to that, right? If my wife weren't really all that excited about having sex with a particular guy, then it really wouldn't be worth it, would it?

 

Specific to your situation; there's real problems here. Yes, I would put a stop to this at least for now. The two of you need to work on your relationship and figure out where you really are, how you feel, what you want out of the relationship between the two of you. There's a lot of growth needed here. Without it, continued swinging is going to kill your relationship.

[couplers 4,717]

10 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

the point of it is to have fun with others

And until you get to the point where you look forward to the love of your life eagerly anticipating sex with another, I agree it's time to pull back.  Discuss it calmly and rationally.  It took me two years.  Perhaps I would have gotten over it more quickly if I had been more rational.

[Numex 2,459]

On 2/10/2024 at 3:06 PM, eb1981 said:

He literally gets so excited and reacts 100 times more excited for any potential play dates we have.makes me feel like absolute garbage. I could do or say thr exact same thing and he practically yawns at me.

You two are certainly on different wavelengths.  You should both be excited for the other one to be finding fun and pleasure.  Whenever my wife is with another man (or woman), I am hoping that she is having the best time of her life, better than me even.  No different than if she goes to a restaurant and finds a chef who is a better cook than me.  It doesn't bother me, I'm happy for her.