Beware the calendar?

[Couple917nyc 5]

Anyone have any thoughts on this scenario?

 

1. We contact a profile on SLS or a profile contacts us

2. Their profile shows a geographic location near us

3. Each profile says they like the other profile’s face pics

4. Each profile says they want to meet soon

5. We suggest to them a date to meet

6. The other profile doesn’t message back … ever

 

This is really annoying, especially since it’s happened more than once. WTF?

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Flakes. It happens. Just move on.

[Billygoat 443]

It happens often.
 

There are those few that drop out do to work, emergency of some kind, relationship issue and just second thoughts.  As it has only been light contact….no relationship established…..no reason is given.  Welcome to online dating….something.

 

Then there is in my opinion the equal or majority of these situations.  A few couples and a lot of men of all ages get off on this like real life role play.  Some get off on just the contact.  And a few it’s their kink.  
 

This is why we always counsel newbies to attend meet n greats, house party’s, non sexual LS events etc.  If you are going to use a website paid memberships work better than free in that most that will ghost you for kicks will not/cannot pay for membership.  
 

Another red flag if you’re asked for intimate photos, face picks, nudes, sex pics or even detailed stories of adventures before ever meeting……red flags.  Keep it ver general….provocative….for the meet.  Not even weeks of texting, emails or daily phone conversation.  A meet has to happen first.  And other then rules to meet and to play still limit everything until after your first play date, then you can move from there.

 

 

 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

Like @bbarnsworth says: move on and don't take it personally.

 

There are many reasons ppl go dark online. Maybe both ppl weren't on board, maybe something else panned out first, maybe they're juggling complicated schedules, maybe they're flakes... just move on.

 

Getting together with couples is tricky.  Ppl poopoo single males but they're definitely easier.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

2 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

Getting together with couples is tricky.  Ppl poopoo single males but they're definitely easier.

 

Very true. With couples, there needs to be (at least) two sets of attractions between the four of you. With a single male, there's usually just one attraction to be concerned about. Toss in schedules for four people instead of three. Toss in potential debates/concerns/discussions with the other couple that are non-existent with a single male. In can be tricky finding a good single male, and that's its own problem. But, overall I'd say it's easier.

[njbm 2,868]

5 hours ago, Couple917nyc said:

Anyone have any thoughts on this scenario?

 

1. We contact a profile on SLS or a profile contacts us

2. Their profile shows a geographic location near us

3. Each profile says they like the other profile’s face pics

4. Each profile says they want to meet soon

5. We suggest to them a date to meet

6. The other profile doesn’t message back … ever

 

This is really annoying, especially since it’s happened more than once. WTF?

Happens ALL THE TIME. How bout this one: you actually go out for a vanilla meal with the other couple, you think they are your age group, same range of attractiveness, you get along well, etc.  A couple days later, we invite them to our house to play. They say they will think about it. Of course, we never hear from them again. It’s really like four dimensional dating and it gets frustrating enough to consider quitting.  

[njbm 2,868]

Also keep in mind that many of these couples are poseurs and not swingers at all. We had a refreshingly easy playtime with other very comfortable in their own skin swingers who we just misaligned with several times. We got together for a very uncomplicated sexy time. So easy and comfortable! No wondering, no drama, great time. All too rare. It used to be easier for us, we think. Maybe we were younger. 

Edited February 15 by njbm

[njbm 2,868]

P.S. if the other couple has no certs, you are asking for trouble generally. Unless they claim they don’t give or receive certs. Still!

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

1 hour ago, njbm said:

It used to be easier for us, we think. Maybe we were younger. 

I think, for us, things are easier now. When our kids were young we maybe had one free night every 6 weeks sometimes not even.  We couldn't risk flakes or ghosters so the best option was one or two single males my wife had good chemistry with. Again, single males were less complicated schedule and chemistry wise, and we could count on them. 

[AdamGunn2 393]

8 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

I think, for us, things are easier now. When our kids were young we maybe had one free night every 6 weeks sometimes not even.  We couldn't risk flakes or ghosters so the best option was one or two single males my wife had good chemistry with. Again, single males were less complicated schedule and chemistry wise, and we could count on them. 

You are right, but single males also flake a lot, in our experience. We finally instituted a rule that they confirm on the day of the initial meet. They had to call or text us or leave a message on SLS that they would be there. If they didn't, we assumed they would be a no-show, and didn't go ourselves.

 

A couple of times we got a 'where-are-you' message. They hadn't contacted us on the day of, and yet they still showed. Typical SM behavior. Once, because the place we were to meet was only 10 minutes from our house, and because Mary was already made up since we decided to go out, all she had to do was change outfits from schoolmarm to slutty and we went over. It turned out to be a great night, the guy showed her a great time.

 

One last thing, if a single guy flaked for any reason, he never got another chance. Flake once, you're done. 

[oldswinger64 111]

In any situation, you can always assume the best or the worst.  There are couples who find excitement dreaming of getting involved but remain afraid to pull the trigger.  Others are exploring and may not be ready for a few years.  You never know.  We always viewed it as a day of fishing.  You may make 1000 casts, and some days you don't get a nibble, other days you might land three lunkers.  We learned to enjoy the journey, not just the destination.

[Couple917nyc 5]

Thanks to everyone for the replies (and keep them coming)!
 

One thing we wanted to clarify is that we only engage with couples with certs from other couples that say they actually played together.  This is why it really confuses us when this scenario happens, since there’s some indication that they are a real couple who has played in the past.

 

Again, we welcome any additional thoughts on this topic.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

4 hours ago, AdamGunn2 said:

You are right, but single males also flake a lot, in our experience. We finally instituted a rule that they confirm on the day of the initial meet. They had to call or text us or leave a message on SLS that they would be there. If they didn't, we assumed they would be a no-show, and didn't go ourselves.

Yep. Had that happen just a few weeks ago. He didn't reply to our same-day confirm then was like "i was there what happened??"

 

Still, by virtue of the fact a single male is just one person, we found they are half as likely to flake out.

 

We do prefer couples to SMs, but in our child-rearing years most other couples we knew also had kids and therefore the same scheduling problems, and we didn't want to risk sacrificing our very rare free nights to new couples who might flake. So, despite maintaining 2 profiles on 2 swinger sites there were literally years when we didn't meet new couples and stuck to the same small circle of single guys.  It helped us keep one foot in the LS at a time it would have been easier to leave it altogether.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

We think the key concept is "dating".  The process of "dating" --going back to those horrible teen memories-- is opaque by design, if not intention. A date is negotiated (dinner date, coffee date, movie date), there is interaction, and the parties are learning more about each other.  Unfortunately, there is rarely open and candid transaction about "what are you thinking".  In LS lingo, there is rarely (if ever) a candid exchange of fantasies, intentions, and boundaries. Absent such transparency, there are only unmanaged expectations that are infrequently realized. 

 

We are old(er). As such, we are content to move slowly and  we would rather not waste time around unmanaged expectations. We prefer to spend more time with fewer couples towards more durable connections. Best to back out early when flags appear. 

[BiloxiBiMaleMMF 63]

23 hours ago, oldswinger64 said:

In any situation, you can always assume the best or the worst.  There are couples who find excitement dreaming of getting involved but remain afraid to pull the trigger.  Others are exploring and may not be ready for a few years.  You never know.  We always viewed it as a day of fishing.  You may make 1000 casts, and some days you don't get a nibble, other days you might land three lunkers.  We learned to enjoy the journey, not just the destination.

I really REALLY like oldswinger's comment.  My dad sold insurance and told me that maybe 1 in 20 (or 30 so) calls resulted in a sale and that if he wanted to sell 10 policies, he needed to make 200-300 calls!  That's a LOT of hussle.

 

As a "fisherman" (which oldswinger clearly has experience with), we often make a distinction between "fishing" and CATCHING!

 

Pursuing SEXUAL PLEASURE is CERTAINLY a JOURNEY!  I even compare it to "mountain climbing!"  Mountain climbing REQUIRES planning, preparation, TRAVEL, accommodations...literally dozens of DETAILS.  Shaved smooth pussy...shaved smooth cock and balls....freshly showered.

 

CATCHING the WONDERFUL FRAGRANCE of freshly wet pussy, freshly ejaculated cum, delightfully wet surfaces not to mention SEEING ALL THAT HAPPEN, HEARING what it SOUNDS LIKE....."great sex" awakens all five senses at once.

 

IMHO, it's EASY to find someone who fucks or sucks.  THE CHALLENGE is SELECTING the BEST CATCH and that my dear and way more experienced swingers IS PRECISELY WHY we CUM back seeking to DO IT AGAIN.

 

So the NYC couple is probably located in ONE OF ....THE MOST...."target rich" locations on earth....Miami and LA being close competitors.

 

And whomever mentioned dedicated on-premise clubs or venues CERTAINLY understands the VALUE of "SEEING more to choose from."

 

ALL of us are sexy to someone.  NONE of us are sexy to everyone.  Even Angelina dumped Brad Pitt.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Anyone that doesn't respond is doing you a favor for whatever reason they didn't respond. Maybe they are not interested, maybe it's someone who is just fantasizing that their partner would do this with them, maybe they are picture collectors, maybe there wasn't a spark and they are looking for a spark (when we meet another couple, that's what we are looking for). Whatever the reason they don't respond, they are saving you time and effort that you can use to find someone else that may be interested.

 

Back when we were starting, we met a couple for dinner and instantly hit it off. Had a great evening talking about sex and everything else to where we ended closing the place down (what, you're closing...we only just got here...3 hours ago). We left looking forward to our next meeting, but they fell off the earth after that. At first, we were disappointed and kept asking what we did wrong, especially since it was such an enjoyable night, but finally came to the conclusion that they just did us a favor and saved us the time and effort we would have spent on them when they weren't interested, or ready, or all on the same page, or whatever the reason was. Finding a four way match is HARD, and nobody said that it wouldn't be. All we know is that when we found a match, it started a fire and all of the disappointment and difficulty was worth it. Just keep going and don't take it personally.

 

And lastly, beware the Ides of March...