When 1 Plus 1 Is Not 2 (How do you define a couple?)

[EvilMJ 65]

Spoomonkey...

 

I'm dying here at my computer...I thought I was the only one who would turn someone down because they had poor grammar, and yes I think over use of the word 'Dawg' would make me unreasonably cranky. (Let's face it, I get snarly when someone uses the word irregardless).

 

That guy sounded down right spooky!! It would be enough to make me run screaming for the door.

 

I have not had a lot of swinging experience, however in my own humble opinion a couple is someone that agrees they are a couple and have spent more than five days together. Who thought it would be so difficult to define a couple...

[crestviewcpl2 15]

Sounds like they're a couple all right. Won't say a couple of what but very odd "dawgs" indeed. Couldn't resist. I think you and the missus were totally justified in eliminating this individual as a possible candidate.

[EvilMJ 65]

I don't know what it is, but as soon as a man starts talking like a fifteen year old I some how lose interest. One of the guys at work uses so much slang I have no idea what he is talking about, I just stare at him blankly. Then he ends every conversation by calling me baby girl.

 

I can safely say that as at my current amazon like stature of 5'9 and holding strong at 32 I am probably not the best candidate for that particular moniker...sarcastic bossy wench might be a better term of endearment.

 

I'm sorry but if I am going to plan a 'playdate' if you will, I want to be able to understand everything he is saying to me....

 

It's okay, I use a lot of dots too...love them dots...sign of a twisted mind... or genius

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Here's your problem with this guy, Spoo. You've already given too much of yourself to him...you should have been smart enough to know you should never give advice to numskulls. These guys never get the message!

 

No matter what explanation you give him of what a couple is, he will work around it and try to get in bed with you and Mrs Spoo.

 

What makes a couple?

 

For us it would mean being married, or living together as partners who are committed to each other for the long haul.

[WesternSwing 504]

So my question for the panel is this...

 

How do you define a couple? When does 1+1 really equal 2?

Dawg, U R so rite...

 

Okay, enough of that...

 

1+1=2 when they are a real couple. They don't have to be married, but in our opinion they do have to have a history, like at least a year or so.

 

And am I being a little hard on the use of the word "dawg"?

No you aren't. I'd be hitting the "block" button real quick. This guy's a kook!

 

I'm funny, but legible writing and grammar are very important to us when choosing play partners. For me at least it is a sign of care and concern about themselves overall. I don't expect them to be as anal as I am about my writing, but most grammar and spelling should be correct. I am more lenient on instant messaging because so much is abbreviated, but profiles and emails should be pretty good. Especially since you can run a spell check before posting your profile or sending an email.

[good times 991]

Sometimes you kill me spoo, I sit here laughing my ass off, and then, more often than not, I find myself thinking...hey, we have had that happen too.

 

I don't imagine anyone has noticed but I like comma's better than dot's.

This approach has left us with a couple of experiences that we kind of wish we hadn't had... One lady in an unmarried couple began to act really, really weird about me - saying she'd chosen certain dresses and shaved just for me...

 

I once had a female of an unmarried couple we had played with before come up to me right after they walked in the door of the club and say "I've been dreaming about your dick all week". Freaked me out right away, we haven't played with them again. The last time they came to the club she followed me around like a puppy and when I apparently didn't pay enough attention to her she stomped out mad, weird.

 

So my question for the panel is this...

 

How do you define a couple? When does 1+1 really equal 2?

 

When they are committed to each other more than they are to swinging. How one reliably determines this is still something I'm working on.

[cannon1968 15]

As I'm new to this board I send this a little reluctantly, it is sad that some bad experiences can reflect bad on all others in the same category (Single Males). I had good experiences with couples as a single. I think common decency and respect needs to be part of a person’s life, under the covers as well!!

[fun_pairTX 26]

He obviously is desperate for sex with anyone except "Miss Freak". Seriously the guy is either unbalanced or just has no grip or clue as to how reality operates. He reminds me of a guy that calls at least three times a year wanting to "invest" in one of my projects. I won't get within a ten foot radius of the guy. He too has little grip on reality, he just has a lot of money so he slides through life.

 

We would avoid the guy like the plague. He sounds like a caricature of one of the "Petrov Brothers" off the old Saturday Night Live. I don't want to pass judgement on her, but she is probably as unbalanced as he seems to be. "Birds of a Feather" and all...

[robnbarb 40]

But to answer the question, when is a couple a couple. I think Good Times said it best, but also when they don't make sex in general the major issue in their shared life too. When it is about each other and what works with them.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

We've only played with married couples, but this weekend we met some couples who are just dating--living together, in committed relationships, but not married. And it gave me pause, just for a minute. Although married couples certainly aren't infallible to messy breakups, in the back of my mind, I thought that if we became good friends, played, and then they break up, it could be quite ugly. I don't know why, but personally, I'd prefer to play with married couples, although those in long-term committed relationships (say 1 year or more), would equal 2 for me. I think I'd be too uneasy with people together for less time than that.

[2play04 15]

I agree, this was a man to avoid.

 

He's not really part of a couple as he has no seeming respect for his partner. Where's the unity? He wants to swing with you by enticing you with what he calls a 'freak' because he doesn't care enough about her to be jealous and violent. Grreeaattt.... He sure sounds like an open-minded and fun person to be with, no rage or 'women are people too' issues to work out for him!

 

Also...with his attitude towards his current woman, just what does he REALLY think about the married woman he's hoping to be with?

 

This attitude makes me wish I could 'zap' people through instant messenger. (Which I wouldn't do because I'm a peaceful person...but it's a tempting thought).

[desert_dwellers 18]

Maybe they are attached at the hip, maybe not... But what matters is whether or not we get a good vibe.

 

Your gut instincts are your best guide. Obviously this guy had NO respect for your relationship (or his for that matter). Good call.

[JnCC 24]

I think that "dating" and "living together" are almost synonymous, as are "committed" and "married." People who pair-up primarily for the purpose of participating in the Lifestyle...I don't know, flame me if you like...but they seem to have an air of desperation about them. I always wonder if the guy is such a loser that his only hope of connecting with women (other than the one he's dating) is through the Lifestyle. I often wonder if the woman is so insecure about her looks or her age that she's afraid to say "no" to whatever the hell crazy idea he cooks up, whether it's going to wild, naked orgies together, or moving to Canada to hunt bears.

 

I've had some experience in this both as the male-half of a married couple, (twice) as a guy who was dating a woman who also happened to be a swinger, and now, as a male who's been living with a woman for about a year-and-a-half, and with whom we sometimes participate in swinging activities. I/we have always been upfront about the nature of our relationship to each other when dealing with couples in the Lifestyle, and feel absolutely NO ill-will towards anybody who passes us by because we're not married, and aren't planning to be. This is where I have to say...the level of enjoyment I've experienced in swinging has been directly proportional to the level of commitment I had with the woman I was swinging with.

 

By far, the most fun, ever, were the times that my ex-wife and I participated together. We got into the Lifestyle as tentative, frightened newbies, and when we left it, we were swinging from the chandeliers. Hands down, there's nothing as fun as getting into some grown-up mischief and merrymaking, unless it's doing it with your best friend and lover.

 

The least fun by far were the times that I did this with a "date" or a woman I didn't really have an ongoing relationship with. In fact, it was downright depressing, probably because I was comparing the experience, and the experience after "the experience," to the happier times described above. I only went to one club with one woman, and a couple house parties with the other. Never again!

 

Currently, I'm in a "quasi-relationship" with a woman, so our level of involvement in all this would probably qualify us as "quasi-swingers." She had no knowledge of my past experience, and I didn't mention the word "swinging," until we'd been together for almost 8 months. Her sex drive is much higher than mine, and she likes to play. We've even done some full-swap. But to be honest, the giggle-ometer has been pegged at about "half" ever since we started this.

 

I guess swinging is like horse racing...it's a lot more interesting when your own horse is in the race.

[Guest Pinmonkey]

Mr Spoomonkey. I agree with you on the poor grammar and poor spelling to some extent. I suck at spelling. I mean suck. So I'll tolerate it on IM's. However when words are purposefully misspelled and bad grammar is purposefully misused to try to act "down" then it starts getting annoying.

 

As for couple, I think I have the same fuzzy definition you have. it's like the saying "I can't define pornography, but I know it when I see it." Well it hard to define a couple, but you can tell one when you see one. I think the best way to describe "coupledom" was said by someone (sorry forget who) as people who have a history. Maybe it's living together. Maybe it's being married. Maybe it's just how well they know each other or how long they've known each other. But in any case there is some kind of solid link between the two.

[EternallySingle 32]

As far as them being a couple, they are not. They are just two people who like to have sex. Maybe she would jump in with both feet once she heard about swinging, but why not approach her alone and leave him behind? Oh, I know. Then he'd get jealous that she was getting attention from you and the Mrs. and ...

[Chika 15]

I just have to say that I love this board!!! After working 60 hours in the past 5 days, I came home this evening....wait....this probably is considered night not evening anymore.........and thought I would just collapse in a heap. Instead I decided to check email, read this board and then probably head off to bed in a weary and not very well-humored state. Luckily, the first posting I read was Spoo's. This entire thread gave me a much needed chuckle. Thanks so much to you all!

 

As for the original post, I found it interesting because we often find ourselves being messaged by people, who quite obviously have not simply made typos. They either type in slang....and only in slang or they give every impression of having never attended school beyond 1st grade. While I don't expect to spend hours of time chatting away with the modern day likes of Proust, I do expect that anyone I might have even the slightest sexual interest in, should have at least a passing acquaintance with a dictionary. My theory is that no matter how good the sex is, there's still a point when conversation has to take place!

 

If the individual or the couple has no communication skills, knowing all the tricks in the Kama Sutra are won't make them interesting to me. Hmmmmm maybe I should re-think that one! I will admit that Cap used to think that I should be a little more lenient in this but past experiences have taught me that it's worth my while to use grammar, intelligence and wit as indicators of whether I'll enjoy any level of the company of the couple or individual. As time has gone by, he has come to trust me more and more on this point.

 

As for what constitutes a couple, I agree that it has to do more with the nature of the relationship than the length of time they have been engaged in it or their marital status. We do not ever play with married individuals who are "with" another or alone. That is always a firm rule here. There's enough drama that comes into our lives without that! We do tend to shy away from couples who make it clear that they are new to each other. Again the potential for drama seems disproportionate in those situations.

 

Well, I find myself rambling. I'm not sure how much fatigue is a factor but I think it's time to stop. I just wanted again to say thanks for the interesting read and the laughs.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

In this day and age it is so hard to tell who is telling the truth about what and unless you just outright ask people detailed questions you may never know.

 

This thread reminds me of a couple that my ex and I met through another couple years ago. They seemed like a really nice couple, they had been together for a couple of years (they told us)..... what we didn't find out till later was that they were both still married to other people. She was legally separated and had not filed for financial reasons... he still lived with his legal wife, but she (supposedly) knows about the other woman and the relationship between him and his wife was over. I can't remember why he hadn't completely moved out but I think it had something to do with his kids and his business... too complicated for me.

 

I guess for me it comes down to the way I am with people in general. I am a trusting person by nature, until you give me reason not to trust you... then you aren't going to get a second reason not to trust you.