Husband's mixed feelings after MFM threesome

[SadieSuhan 15]

My husband and I have involved a third (the same third) twice now. He has mixed emotions after the fact though. I came here to see how others deal with feelings.

[curious24 17]

hey sadiesuhan! welcome to the forums!

 

you'll find a lot of information about this on the site.. you can do a search for "MFM".. there are quite a bit of threads on it...

 

i'm sure some other couples will chime in on this topic and give you their point of view... i would but i'm a single male.. so i don't think i would be much help..

[mwsw4ever 15]

Hello and welcome to the forum. Welcome.

Here is our story of mine and my wife's MFM 3some. We had our first 3some with my (male) cousin. It wasn't a big deal since my wife was dating him before we married and me and him have always been best friends. We all discussed before hand if anyone felt there would be any hard feelings we wouldn't do it. To this day there are no different feelings.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

I honestly have not had any mixed emotions yet. For me its about her having the best possible time she can. During an MFM she may spend more time with him than me. And thats cool. Thats what we are there for. He is the "stunt cock". When we do MFMs it is an all participate event (in a straight manner). But there are times when I will step back for a few and let her have her way with the other M.

[BradAndJanet 70]

Hello SadieSuhan and Welcome. In addition to read, read, read, I would also say talk, talk, talk with your husband. 'Morning after' regrets are not uncommon, but can be overcome with communication. Keep in mind though, swinging isn't for everyone and some never can shake those feelings.

 

The best to y'all and Welcome to the board!

[gyn6969 15]

My husband and I have involved a third (the same third) twice now. He has mixed emotions after the fact though. I came here to see how others deal with feelings.

as long as you have confidence in your relationship; that means plenty of trust, MFM relationships can be invigurating to both of you. as others mentioned before, communication is of utmost importance.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

What kind of mixed emotions?

[SadieSuhan 15]

He was all for it before it happened the first time. But the morning after he had feelings of inadequacy. We talked and he said he felt like I liked sex better with the other guy. He said it was nothing I did or didn't do, it was just how he felt. I reassured him that sex with him was still ultimately is what I want. So, months later we tried it again with the same guy. This time he felt pressured (he says) and could not enjoy himself. But he says he still wants to include the other guy (same guy all times). He says since he's the only one I can put into my comfort zone it makes it easier. I would really like to continue this, but not if it makes him uncomfortable. He's said he wants to do things with me because I enjoy them. But if he's not happy then I'm not happy.

 

I'm hoping I can get him to come to the message boards here. It may help him to better express his feelings. I'm not alone in my first time/second time experience, am I?

[wildwife1010 15]

If something caused problems not just one time but twice, it is time to try something different.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I have to agree with that last response.

 

I'm wondering, who usually brings up the idea of doing it again? You or him?

[eroticsensation 17]

if you tried it once and there was a problem I would not try it again until that problem is resolved. Sounds like he has one foot in the door and the other is out. You have to be sure.

We havent had group sex or an MFM yet (we were meant to tonight but our male friend had work on tonight and he lives pretty far away...Tokyo and we are in the north of Japan.....so we have to keep it for another time )

 

Anyhow I will be honest when we have sex we talk about it...well mostly me (about the MFM) and everything is all erotic and sexy but when I cum it all changes. I think "why did I say that stuff....why was I thinking that stuff??".

 

All his urges of fantasy were probably gone the next morning this is why he felt that way.

 

Julie sorry I dont mean to jump on someone elses thread but can something be done about that? I mean I do want to try an MFM and I am secure enough however after I cum I get the guilty feeling.

[SadieSuhan 15]

It was at his suggestion both times. Yes, we talked about it during sex, but we also talked outside of the bedroom. He was the one who always brought it up. It was never anything I had ever considered. Just never crossed my mind.

 

After the first time, we talked and he was OK with things. The other guy is a good friend and it didn't seem to harm their friendship. And yes, all three of us talked about the experience together.

 

Months later he suggested it again and after I was sure he was fine with it I agreed. But days later he said he felt pressured. Again, we talked and now (weeks later) he's fine. This has not harmed our marriage. Our friendship with the other guy is still the same as it always was. Nothing has changed. I'm glad for that. But I don't think we'll have anything more than a friendship with anyone after this.

 

I came here to see how others have dealt with feelings. It's a very helpful place! This weekend we'll be surfing through it together.

 

Thanks for the welcome and support!

[scalcpl714 15]

I see warning lights all over this. If he brings these things up then he definately has fantasies about MFM's but.....some people learn quickly that the fantasy can be better then the reality if they are not truly ready. It sounds as if he has some issue's he needs to work out first, ie when you said he was feeling inadequate...altho everything might seem fine, these things can turn quite ugly if everyone involved isn't quite ready for it.

 

As far as your second question about how other's have dealt with these problems....can't really say that we have had these problems. I know when we first started swinging it was 3somes and we were quite young (seniors in high school) but I loved it....watching her with other's just does it for me I suppose. When we had 3somes with her girlfriends we never had any problems in reverse....think it just comes down to having the self-confidence...if you have that, the reality will surpass the fantasy big time.