Confused and hurt

[Curiousbee 0]

My boyfriend and I have talked about having 3somes with other people and tried it with one person and talked to a few people that didn’t go anywhere. 
 

when talking about boundaries and things that would be kept just between us he told me that he wants to do everything he does with me with the other woman. when I said there was things that I didn’t want to share and want to keep between just me and him he explained that it’s not like he is asking to do something with someone else that he hasn’t done with me first and I’m not the first person that he has done anything with so it shouldn’t be a just me and him thing. Though I feel like there should be things about our sex life that are sacred and left for only me and him to do. 
 

I don’t want him to cum in someone else or stop being with me to go finish with them.. why if it’s just the 3 of us should I be left to go finish with them? Why would that be what he wants? I also said I don’t want him to do anal with other people since that’s something I started doing for him cus he wanted to and enjoys it and I do enjoy it with him but I don’t feel like that’s something I want to share. Plus I don’t want to be with him after he is with someone else in that way it’s a big turn off to me. Is that wrong? Should not feel like there isn’t anything sacred in our sex life if he wants to share everything with another woman? Besides the fact that I rather not have unprotected sex with other women since that chances STIs I honestly feel like that isn’t something I should be asked to share.. 

[TnA83 314]

You two are way far apart. Don't swing until you both are totally on the same page.

[discreetplay 235]

Agree with TnA83. You two are nowhere near ready to bring someone else into your physical world. What were the circumstances with the "other person" you tried it with?

 

It sounds like you are talking about a threesome with a woman. It also appears that you don't have a whole lot of interest in the other woman as all the talk surrounds what the boundaries are with him and the other woman. Are you really interested in this? Or are you doing this to keep him happy?  Seems like your boyfriend just wants to have sex with other women and doesn't care what your thoughts are.

 

How old are you? How long have you two been dating? My experience has been the most successful couples who enter the lifestyle, or dip their toe into the other people in their bedroom pool, are married and have very secure relationships, solid trust and no concern about specific acts. From what I'm reading in your post, you went down on strikes.

[discreetplay 235]

Just found your original post. You two are 32 and 38, not married, with a young child. 

 

Reading the incident summary in the previous post it seems that the woman you brought in isn't into women and just wants to have sex with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend isn't into watching his girlfriend with another woman (not even sure you have any bi interest), instead just wants to have solo sex with this other woman. Anyone else you bring in will be exactly the same. Your boyfriend has shown his inability to follow your rules. What exactly is the point of bringing in a third if you aren't interested in the other woman and want restrictions on what your boyfriend does? Why not suggest another man for your next threesome. That will end all discussion about this.

 

You two should stop bringing people into your bedroom. Or, plan to separate.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,421]

When new to swinging it's important to have rules and try to stick to them. Not to sound vulgar, but there is a saying among swinger ladies that goes "I have the pussy so I make the rules", and that is generally a true statement.

 

With time and experience boundaries expand and rules change - but that takes time.  At this early stage in the game it's important to have rules, explain them to everyone before playing, and everyone should do their best to stick to them or it's not going to work.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

I have to agree here...stop now. It sounds like you are doing this because he wants to do it and he wants to do it because he wants to fuck other women. This is not a good plan. We swing because it is something that we both enjoy doing together. We both like watching the other get and receive pleasure. We both like being able to fulfill each others fantasies. We both love that we have this much trust to be able to do this. It sounds like you are doing this JUST because he wants to. He should be ecstatic that you are willing to consider this and, as a result, welcome and HONOR any rules and limits you set. This doesn't sound like he is. In swinging, the women absolutely get to set the rules and if he isn't willing to play by them, you both need to stop playing.  

[travelingprofessional 48]

1 hour ago, GoldCoCouple said:

It sounds like you are doing this because he wants to do it and he wants to do it because he wants to fuck other women.

I agree with this statement. 

 

I don't know anything more than what you wrote here and in your first post. I'm wondering a few things...

You mentioned you have "young children" in your first post. How young? How long have you been with your boyfriend? Are the kids his?  I'm asking because I'm wondering where this is coming from. You mention that the talk of threesomes came from your fantasies about him and another woman. Yet you put restrictions on his activities with the other woman you brought in. Your original thread is very difficult to understand but it seems that you had many discussions prior to meeting up with another woman but he did something that went outside the many discussions. 

 

So my advice follows what others have said. Since these are your fantasies, put an end to them as it seems you aren't able to handle deviations from the script. Stop bringing others in. I worry that you have opened Pandora's box here. I agree with discreetplay in that the easy way to stop this if he doesn't want to is to suggest an MFM threesome as the next experience. 

 

 

[Numex 2,459]

13 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

there is a saying among swinger ladies that goes "I have the pussy so I make the rules"

Face it, for most women getting into the lifestyle is a more complex mental process than for a man. That's why I suggest letting the woman lead the way and do what she wants while her husband or partner stays out of the game and just encourages her. Eventually he'll get dragged into it in the best way possible.