Opposite Attraction

[ExploringOptions 185]

After watching an Oscar winning movie, very sexual, I commented about the way acted during sex. I got excited by seeing a man very aggressive during the sexual act, the actress looked in ecstasy. I understand acting is not reality but it had me thinking how sex with an aggressive partner, different from our norm, would be. 
My husband urged me to find a couple on our swingers app that I thought would be my fantasy couple warning me to be very careful. The parameters I first set were changed, I looked at more hardcore, less curious. I saw a very fit sexually dressed “gym rat” couple. My husband once again warned me to take my time, I messaged them. I know this wasn’t the real me doing this, or was it? That night I got a reply from a woman. Skeptical me wanted to FaceTime her, it was a woman. We are so the opposite yet she is interesting. She reminded me that she is bisexual, it was in their profile. I told her about the movie she didn’t see that the star had her friend perform on her. She asked sexual questions too, more about my husband who she said is handsome. 
More conversation, me assuring my husband, him excited with her body, more concerned with safety, we are meeting them. I worry what they think, I worry if this is smart. 

[AdamGunn2 393]

So, please be more explicit - what is it that you're worried about?  That they will be too hardcore or aggressive?  Or that they won't be what they say you are?

 

And what is the name of the movie?

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

I think one of the perks of the Lifestyle is the freedom to experiment with people and situations outside your norm.

 

Be adventurous. Push your boundaries.  Usually you find there was nothing to be afraid of.

 

Was the movie "Poor Things"?

[couplers 4,615]

20 hours ago, ExploringOptions said:

a man very aggressive during the sexual act, the actress looked in ecstasy... sex with an aggressive partner, different from our norm

Have you tried role playing in this regard with your husband or any of your play partners?  It would be a good way to calibrate the reality with the fantasy.  

 

Also, your husband's concern is warranted, but is the plan for him not to be there?  Otherwise, them being sexually aggressive with you doesn't seem as worrying as a BDSM situation. 

 

Overall though, I agree with you.  It is sometimes very satisfying to be on one side or the other of aggressive sex; for me either with another woman, me towards a man, or multiple men towards me. 

[ExploringOptions 185]

21 hours ago, AdamGunn2 said:

So, please be more explicit - what is it that you're worried about?  That they will be too hardcore or aggressive?  Or that they won't be what they say you are?

 

And what is the name of the movie?

Poor Things with Emma Stone

 

Worried adds excitement to the unknown every time we meet anyone new. We are still getting used to initial flutters, our first time having sex, just getting naked took time adding to the excitement. 
I figure most people looking on a swingers site are more hardcore, we are still newbies, our first was only months ago. I want restrained aggressiveness, not painful, pleasurably aggressive. 

3 hours ago, couplers said:

Have you tried role playing in this regard with your husband or any of your play partners?  It would be a good way to calibrate the reality with the fantasy.  

We are married six years with half during the pandemic, plenty of role play. We had many laughs about the Amazon delivery knew about packages. 
 

My husband can be aggressive sexually and very satisfying in a predictable way. That sounds bad, it’s not. He is also an avid gym goer who looks at asses on the elliptical and enjoys telling me about it. He also tells me about some real gym rats that would “fuck me good”. We are open about wants and sexy talk, he knows because I told him about my feelings with the few we met. The excitement of newness and the unknown. 
 

FaceTime with the woman has gotten me even more wanting to meet. I think she won’t be afraid that something extra I want. 

Please have the reality meet the anticipation. 

[Juan234 18]

I like to take complete control, or conversely just lay there and let the other person take all the control or do all the work).  Another way to say this is let the hornier partner take the lead and keep the less horny from getting in the way. When I am in control, I fantasize about being with a younger, sexier, inexperienced partner.  When I give up control, I fantasize about being with an older, more stable, experienced partner. 
 

I will start this next paragraph by saying no one should ever be raped, period.  Nevertheless, under consensual mutually-satisfying relationships, some people enjoy talking up a rape fantasy or may even partake in some progression as part of role play.  This is where one-way rough sex comes up.  One person just taking the other.  Or one person is just being taken by the other.  My paragraph above fits two moderate aspects of this.  And I will warn that this often requires the role play “aggressor” to ask “are you ok?” once in a while.  This is because the game can sweep things up and be so safe yet intoxicating that the recipient can sound like they are being hurt even when they are experiencing pure sexual satisfaction and nothing else. 
 

Which brings me to the point of why do  rape fantasies exist?  There may be 50 answers to that. They may span from mundane laziness (have the other person do all the work), to the indulging vanity of validating your desirability, to not having to be responsible for the hot sex if coming from a conservative upbringing.  You can add bondage to further spice up the last one.  Heck, bondage and a pre-agreed safe-word can go far here. 
 

I would like to hear from others for other reasons why having an aggressive partner would turn them on?  

[AdamGunn2 393]

Juan24, you bring up some really good points. Thank you.

 

I've never been one for rape fantasies, nor have I been with women who've expressed that they have such fantasies. I found this article on the Psychology Today site: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-self/202101/understanding-and-indulging-in-rape-fantasy    It answers some of the questions you ask.

[couplers 4,615]

You and your husband seem to be on the same wavelength, a very good one.  But this caught my attention: 

20 hours ago, ExploringOptions said:

 

My husband . .. is also an avid gym goer who looks at asses on the elliptical and enjoys telling me about it. He also tells me about some real gym rats that would “fuck me good”.

I love, love, love it when David or Red (both in great shape) tell me about a woman who he'd like to fuck, or he thinks I'd enjoy fucking, or even better, someone he'd want to watch me have sex with.  They just don't do it enough. 

 

 

Edited March 17 by couplers

[couplers 4,615]

15 hours ago, theReluctantHotwife said:

I really love aggressive sex where I feel taken and used, by my loving husband that is! (Have not had a swing experience..)

 

But I also understand struggle between the allure and the reality with a stranger.

I understand, I'm not into stranger sex at all.  But I do like being "used," the one chosen over two other women in our family to simply satisfy a man's desire for an orgasm and ejaculation.

 

This usually happens as a morning quickie.  The best times for me are when I'm pulled aside by one, then the other, solely for their sexual release.  It's very flattering and satisfying for me, even though the reason may be that Clair and Lora are not readily accessible.  Genuine lovemaking comes later.

 

BTW, I also sometimes desire aggressive Lesbian sex.  Anyone else? 

 

 

Edited March 17 by couplers

[ExploringOptions 185]

My posting took a strange direction. 
 

NO RAPE FANTASY!!! 
 

I wasn’t looking for anything close to be called rape, real or fantasy. 
 Don’t be offended, I looked for a hard fuck, a different fuck, an exciting experience with a new man and going further outside my real me with a woman. In the movie she was a prostitute having random sex. I’m not a prostitute I just wanted random exciting sex. My husband is wonderful talking about  how we can go outside our norms. 
Our meeting is for sex not for friendship. I was attracted to a look that is not a look I usually am attracted to. 
Last night things went fast with very little getting to know time. I was not the usual me, I didn’t care. Fifteen minutes after meeting I was ready. I was open telling him I wanted hard and aggressive. My husband and the wife wanted watch both nude. 
He lived up to my wants not my expectations. I wanted to howl like in the movies, I didn’t. He kept going about 10 minutes of very hard thrusting, I enjoyed up to the time he ran out of steam. I can tell he sensed I was completely satisfied, asking if I enjoyed. Then the lookers got busy my husband slightly more aggressive from our normal. I am not a voyeur or an exhibitionist, it is still normalizing the new lifestyle. 
Step 2, I wanted her to take me orally as they did in the movie. She got me. I felt I needed to reciprocate. I felt like I did it right by the way she responded. 
Rest time, small talk and one more time. This time, all four of us on the bed with Ladies Up. Cowgirls, this time I was the controller and this time very satisfied. 
Hard aggressive was fun if not great, it was different, something that we all wanted. Every person is different, the reason for us to meet others. 

[findinganswers 369]

We play with the same small group primarily with one of our friends being more aggressive. I once asked if he was hurting the women never hearing any complaints. It made me become somewhat more forceful too. 

[NoAngels 333]

My Angel came home after a tryst looking pained. She meets married men from a cheaters group with my knowledge and shares all with me. She’s a great actress in her sexting messages she has before meeting the married men. The majority are in sexless or very vanilla marriages looking to work out his sexual thoughts. Rape Play is real, I read his messages and her answers. She set boundaries and told me she had safe words and promised to keep her phone close. 
I asked her if he hurt her, Yes. With a smile. Did he stop? Once when I used the word. 
She said she enjoyed the role playing with the pain bringing a strange pleasure. 
 I’m happy she isn’t in a worse condition after her role playing doing something I couldn’t do before knowing she enjoys it. 

[Numex 2,409]

On 3/17/2024 at 7:00 AM, Juan234 said:

no one should ever be raped, period.

 

On 3/17/2024 at 7:19 AM, AdamGunn2 said:

I've never been one for rape fantasies, nor have I been with women who've expressed that they have such fantasies.

I dated a woman in college that after the second time we had sex, she got weird by saying "Hurt me, violate me." It went on to more explicit rape talk. At first I ignored it because I didn't know what to do. As she continued, I stopped dating her. I hope she found a nice, decent guy who satisfied her desires but was otherwise good to her.

[Numex 2,409]

On 3/15/2024 at 10:29 AM, ExploringOptions said:

me thinking how sex with an aggressive partner, different from our norm, would be. 

----

That night I got a reply from a woman. Skeptical me wanted to FaceTime her, it was a woman. We are so the opposite yet she is interesting. She reminded me that she is bisexual, it was in their profile.

Interesting. My wife is very dominant with men, but not me, and very submissive having sex with other women.

[PJ&Lin 188]

I never understood anybody enjoying being choked or having their hair pulled. I have been known to hard spank, hard ass grab and holding a head. 

[Anon321 521]

On 3/17/2024 at 10:02 PM, ExploringOptions said:

My posting took a strange direction. 
 

NO RAPE FANTASY!!! 
 

I wasn’t looking for anything close to be called rape, real or fantasy. 
 Don’t be offended, I looked for a hard fuck, a different fuck, an exciting experience with a new man and going further outside my real me with a woman. In the movie she was a prostitute having random sex. I’m not a prostitute I just wanted random exciting sex. My husband is wonderful talking about  how we can go outside our norms. 
Our meeting is for sex not for friendship. I was attracted to a look that is not a look I usually am attracted to. 
Last night things went fast with very little getting to know time. I was not the usual me, I didn’t care. Fifteen minutes after meeting I was ready. I was open telling him I wanted hard and aggressive. My husband and the wife wanted watch both nude. 
He lived up to my wants not my expectations. I wanted to howl like in the movies, I didn’t. He kept going about 10 minutes of very hard thrusting, I enjoyed up to the time he ran out of steam. I can tell he sensed I was completely satisfied, asking if I enjoyed. Then the lookers got busy my husband slightly more aggressive from our normal. I am not a voyeur or an exhibitionist, it is still normalizing the new lifestyle. 
Step 2, I wanted her to take me orally as they did in the movie. She got me. I felt I needed to reciprocate. I felt like I did it right by the way she responded. 
Rest time, small talk and one more time. This time, all four of us on the bed with Ladies Up. Cowgirls, this time I was the controller and this time very satisfied. 
Hard aggressive was fun if not great, it was different, something that we all wanted. Every person is different, the reason for us to meet others. 

You should have watched the movie or sex scene with them.  We've done that before.  Sometimes just saying "hard and aggressive" can actually be confusing to some guys.  My GF likes it hard and aggressive and is also into the rape fantasy thing.  But just saying "hard and aggressive" can actually mean quite a few different things.  Spanking, hair pulling, pussy pounding, throat fucking, slapping, etc.  It's usually good to be as specific as possible.  Having said that, I know a lot of women are shy divulging specific details or feel laying out a plan beforehand takes away from some of the excitement (my GF is like that), but there needs to be some sort of guidance in my opinion,

[Anon321 521]

On 3/24/2024 at 9:18 PM, PJ&Lin said:

I never understood anybody enjoying being choked or having their hair pulled. I have been known to hard spank, hard ass grab and holding a head. 

I didn't get it for a long time.  I still don't fully understand it.  The choking thing is really not my thing even though my GF loves it.  I don't understand the appeal there.  Even hair pulling sounds painful but my GF says that when it happens during sex it's not as painful for her.  She loses certain painful sensations that actual arouse her during sex.  If you pull her hair during sex she loves it.  If you pull it outside of sex play or initiating sex play she'll punch you in the face.

[Numex 2,409]

On 3/24/2024 at 3:33 PM, Numex said:

My wife is very dominant with men,

An incident that has stuck in my mind is when Daniela and a guy in our group were preparing to fuck at one of our larger get togethers.  He took take Daniela doggy, she backed him into the wall hard and aggressively fucked him while he couldn't move.  To me, doggy was always a male dominant thing, I had never seen a woman do anything like that before.

[let's do it again 414]

13 hours ago, Numex said:

An incident that has stuck in my mind is when Daniela and a guy in our group were preparing to fuck at one of our larger get togethers.  He took take Daniela doggy, she backed him into the wall hard and aggressively fucked him while he couldn't move.  To me, doggy was always a male dominant thing, I had never seen a woman do anything like that before.

I saw the same thing in a bar. K and I  witnessed this and couldn't believe what we were seeing. It happened in a packed redneck bar and both dropped their shorts, he entered her and she backed him into the wall and took control and not one person seemed to mind.

[Anon321 521]

On 3/24/2024 at 5:33 PM, Numex said:

Interesting. My wife is very dominant with men, but not me, and very submissive having sex with other women.

I've never seen my GF dominate another guy.  I have even asked her before why she never has or doesn't want to try it and she says she wouldn't even know what to do.  But she loves to be dominated by men.  And I think "being dominated" sums it up better than "being submissive" because she is not the kind of girl who necessarily likes to just do whatever a man tells her to do but rather she enjoys when a man makes her do it.  That is why she will oftentimes be disobedient during sex with other men.

 

To me, an example of a submissive woman would be if she is getting fucked and the guy then said "get down on your knees and suck my cock" and she then drops to her knees and does what she is told.  In the same scenario, my GF was told to drop to her knees during sex and suck the guy's cock (keep in mind this is a guy we knew pretty well and knows the kind of sex play my GF is into) and she refused to do it.  This made him physically grab her off the bed and put her on her knees.  Then when he told her to open her mouth she refused, kept her mouth shut, and shook her head no.  So he pulls her head back, slaps her across the face and tells her to open it.  She still refuses, so he does it even harder and says something like "open it you fuckin whore" until she does and then proceeds to facefuck her really hard.

 

A lot of times I tend to say that my GF is "submissive" but I think there is a very clear line between being submissive and wanting to be dominated.  I think being dominated (or at least how I view it) involves some level of physical and/or verbal abuse, whereas submissive is simply being passive and obedient to the other person's wants and desires.  Even though I use them interchangeably, I think they are actually quite different.

[TricianMike 772]

This post has troubled me since I first read it. When a woman looks for aggressive sex men may read that in different ways. I never thought my actions looking for new thrills, new excitement, new men, starting with tame swinging then looking for new ways to meet men would be construed as rape fantasy. Michael was always there as my protector when my desire to meet random men was acted out. I won’t rehash some of the acts I did while living out pornographic types of things. My analyst warned me, I discounted her analysis. I continued looking for the next sexual thrill until more happened, men went further even with me protesting. 
Luck will run out I found. I never thought it was rape fantasy until it went too far. I never thought I asked for it, I certainly didn’t asked to be hurt or infected. Be careful on what you are looking for. 

[PJ&Lin 188]

20 hours ago, TricianMike said:

never thought I asked for it, I certainly didn’t asked to be hurt or infected.

Good to read your comments and that you are there with cautionary tales. 
Do you think you will return to the lifestyle?

[Anon321 521]

21 hours ago, TricianMike said:

This post has troubled me since I first read it. When a woman looks for aggressive sex men may read that in different ways. I never thought my actions looking for new thrills, new excitement, new men, starting with tame swinging then looking for new ways to meet men would be construed as rape fantasy. Michael was always there as my protector when my desire to meet random men was acted out. I won’t rehash some of the acts I did while living out pornographic types of things. My analyst warned me, I discounted her analysis. I continued looking for the next sexual thrill until more happened, men went further even with me protesting. 
Luck will run out I found. I never thought it was rape fantasy until it went too far. I never thought I asked for it, I certainly didn’t asked to be hurt or infected. Be careful on what you are looking for. 

This is the kind of stuff that always makes my stomach churn as it sounds relatable to my GF's activities and the dark things that can happen in the lifestyle.  So sorry to hear about your horrible experience.

[TricianMike 772]

On 4/3/2024 at 11:17 AM, Anon321 said:

This is the kind of stuff that always makes my stomach churn as it sounds relatable to my GF's activities and the dark things that can happen in the lifestyle.  So sorry to hear about your horrible experience.

No person should go through this. I was warned many times about risks of unprotected sex that is multiplied by anonymous men and my want of pushing the envelope. I am blessed with an understanding lovable husband. 

[Numex 2,409]

8 hours ago, TricianMike said:

I was warned many times about risks of unprotected sex that is multiplied by anonymous men and my want of pushing the envelope.

It is all about how comfortable one is with the risk versus the reward. Some people engage in high risk activities like jumping off or out of high places with various contraptions that most of us never would do, but that's their thrill. We in the lifestyle accept various risks, health, emotional, professional, legal, for nothing more than pleasure or to satisfy some strange desire. Don't be reckless, but don't criticize others either.

 

  

8 hours ago, TricianMike said:

I am blessed with an understanding lovable husband. 

What does he say?

 

 

Edited April 7 by Numex