Bi-women who don't go down

[SnowwwWhite 39]

In addition, please don't tell me to "relax". I'm an extremely relaxed, courteous person who is never rude to people (probably part of why I certainly never did or would try to push anyone into anything). That was condescending and somewhat of a personal attack.

 

Sorry, I didn't mean "relax" in a condescending way. Just an example of how sometimes words don't come across exactly as you intend them to in the forums. I was "thinking" relax in a calming way but I can accept the words maybe didn't sound as soothing on paper. Sorry if you found that offensive.

[SnowwwWhite 39]

Did you express your feelings in this manner because you were receiving pressure to go beyond your limits from another woman?

 

If yes, you must have felt angst about what was your role in Swing. How did you handle the break off? Did the other woman pout.

 

What is the best way to communicate your feelings at the beginning of a new woman encounter?

 

Hi xray, thanks.

 

I think there are a few reasons I felt compelled to communicate on this particular issue. First off, I really took offense to the word "bi-selfish" and the other two euphemisms used in the original post.

 

No, I haven't been in that exact situation, but I could easily see it happening to me as a newbie. If during play, a female bisexual started to go down on me I wouldn't particularly be excited by it, but I would let it happen and enjoy the moment if I thought this was simply something she wanted to do.

 

It bothers me to think that she would later be upset and pissed off that I didn't go down on her, and call me a demeaning name like "bi for the guy" or "bi-selfish" .....when honestly I wouldn't have realized there was an expectation for me to do something I don't feel comfortable with. I enjoy oral on a man very much (and oral on myself not so much) so I would naturally assume maybe she enjoys oral on a woman very much. How am I to know she's doing it with "specific" strings attached if she doesn't communicate?

 

I was feeling it from that perspective and thought "Hey, I'm a fair-minded person and also very giving, so it upsets me to think there are bisexual women out there making up names to insult women who just simply don't realize!" And I think it would be pretty obvious to most true bisexual women that many straight and "bi-curious" (or whatever) women do not typically go down on other women. I think that's the whole foundation of the original post anyway.

 

The other reason I responded to the post was because it was very clear to me that communication was at the heart of the OP's issue. Sure, there may be selfish takers out there who intentionally lead people on, but I tend to believe that most people don't want to be like that. If a bisexual woman will communicate clearly what she wants and expects before the playing begins, everything would be handled before there's any frustration or resentment on either side.

 

Not everyone "knows the code" when it comes to bisexuality and I just feel that bisexuals have to be sensitive to the loose definition of "bi" these days and not go into an encounter expecting anything if they haven't communicated that they expect a fully-reciprocal encounter. I know that puts more responsibility on them, but then again we each shoulder extra responsibility for the things we have more knowledge about, or for getting the things we want and need.

 

Hope that answers your question!

[curiouscpl72 48]

I am so confused by all the terminology.....I think im just bi and ill go with that lol...

 

P

[two42lovers 273]

We often talk about the importance of being clear about boundaries. Being clear ahead of time about what you are after is just as essential.

 

Kiss her and smile and ask, "are you into giving and recieving?"

 

As far as I can tell, the only thing we know "bi-curious" means is she is not bisexual. ("Bisexual" is one of the choices she specifically didn't pick it... )

[lunarlady 15]

When I had limited experience with women, I was somewhat scared of going 'downtown,' mostly because I felt like I didn't know what I was doing. Now I've had a few short relationships with women, and sex with a few more. But I still get nervous sometimes because every woman responds differently, and some take a long time to orgasm. Guys are so much easier I love going down on a woman though; it's awesome. Everyone has boundries, gay, bisexual, or straight, and these should be respected. There's nothing worse than doing something with someone when they really aren't into it.

[JustMrsJ 15]

I agree with Mrs. Good Times. I am straight but I don't mind woman kissing me or fondling me but I would not have woman go down on me. I am not comfortable with that.

[Nickii_Lee 15]

I am exploring my Bi-side. I am finding myself more and more sexually attracted to women. This is after my first experience - full experience, oral and all. I say I'm Bi-comfortable because I'm very inexperienced, but interested. One girl's profile I saw described herself as Bi-Situational. That may be more accurate for me too. It really is dependent on the girl and of course, chemistry. I do see girls kiss and pet because their man likes it, it is a bit misleading. Especially for me who is unsure of the girls who want more or are just playing at it. At the same time, I don't say Bi-Sexual because I'm not there yet, not quite ready for one-on-ones or one-on-more with the females. Maybe that's why I have such a desire for couples- for me it fits all my wants. This my expand as I go...i'm finding my attraction to females grow stronger - or maybe I'm finally discovering what was always there.

[SweetandSalty1 18]

I am very bi-curious. To date I have never done anything at all with another woman but if I had the chance (and if it was a woman I was attracted to) I really think I would go down on her. It would be scary though. I really feel like I know what I am doing in terms of oral sex on males but on females I would have no idea. I guess I would just go by what I think would feel good.

[jimnjan 16]

Then there's me...I'm VERY Bicurious....why am I listed as CURIOUS?

1)You list yourself as BI and every couple thinks you will automatically play with the female. BECAUSE YOU ARE BI.

My response? I don't fuck every guy I see, I have to be attracted to them....just like playing with a girl. ALOT of people DO NOT understand that.

2)My first FULLY BI experience with a woman I would prefer to do as a 1 on 1 event. NO SPECTATORS. OMG, can you imagine the first time you had sex had to be with people watching??? Talk about performance anxiety!

3)I have had some bad experiences. Like with the first two women I was ever with....to use my kids terms...they smelled like a swamp, completely nasty...now I am very gunshy. Not that I haven't gone down on a woman, I have (a little, twice), but I had to be completely comfortable with both halves of the couple. The first time was at a club in a semi-private room (curtain for a door) another couple came in and tried to join in...Oh just frigging great (didn't even know them - and the male half of that couple just starts trying to finger me!?!?!?) The other time, she had acted into me, but when I went to go down, she pushed me away.

 

So, as I stated, would love to go 1 on 1 with no spectators with someone I was very attracted to, know a few women who would be willing, but their husbands say "NO", because they have to be there??? They know me & my husband, and know that he would NOT be there, and would be willing to keep her SO company while us girls played. NOT GOOD ENOUGH for them.

 

So, here I am, still bi-curious....and writing novels...LMAO

 

Jan

[sweet_tna 680]

Then there's me...I'm VERY Bicurious....why am I listed as CURIOUS?

1)You list yourself as BI and every couple thinks you will automatically play with the female. BECAUSE YOU ARE BI.

My response? I don't fuck every guy I see, I have to be attracted to them....just like playing with a girl. ALOT of people DO NOT understand that.

2)My first FULLY BI experience with a woman I would prefer to do as a 1 on 1 event. NO SPECTATORS. OMG, can you imagine the first time you had sex had to be with people watching??? Talk about performance anxiety!

 

AMEN, sister! These are two of the reasons I still have my "training wheels" on.

 

3)I have had some bad experiences. Like with the first two women I was ever with....to use my kids terms...they smelled like a swamp, completely nasty...now I am very gunshy. Not that I haven't gone down on a woman, I have (a little, twice), but I had to be completely comfortable with both halves of the couple. The first time was at a club in a semi-private room (curtain for a door) another couple came in and tried to join in...Oh just frigging great (didn't even know them - and the male half of that couple just starts trying to finger me!?!?!?) The other time, she had acted into me, but when I went to go down, she pushed me away.

 

So, as I stated, would love to go 1 on 1 with no spectators with someone I was very attracted to, know a few women who would be willing, but their husbands say "NO", because they have to be there??? They know me & my husband, and know that he would NOT be there, and would be willing to keep her SO company while us girls played. NOT GOOD ENOUGH for them.

 

So, here I am, still bi-curious....and writing novels...LMAO

 

Jan

 

I haven't quite had the negative experiences you have, but I am pretty sure I wouldn't have the nerve to go down on a woman for the first time in a group situation, which is where the majority of my bi experiences have occurred.

 

That said, I don't think I'd require strictly a one-on-one situation. If I trusted the other couple enough, then I'd be okay with just our hubbies present.

 

And rest assured, you're not the only one still bi curious and writing novels.

 

=)

[Ed & Bunny 160]

i was glad to see this topic come up again. The wife and I are starting to talk about swinging alot again so it looks like we may be back in action soon.

 

The bi topic came up last night. Right now I am not entirely too sure what to think about her motives. I dont think it is a case of "bi for the guy" because she states that there is going to have to be a certain chemistry for that to happen. I am hoping it is just her re-evaluating her feelings. She is already doing that with some of the rules we have so this would go along with that. So it is now possible we will be involved in some bi activity. But one thing she does state is that she doesnt think she could go down on another woman. She doesnt even like to kiss me after I have been down on her so her preference doesnt supprise me.

 

So now to this post. It was enlightening to read how others feel about this topic. I can understand how some could feel a bit let down by the one sidedness of it. So based on this, we probobly wont list her as even bi curious on our profile when we set it up for Arizona. If asked about it, we will tell others that she is not sure if we can go there yet. This way we will be telling the total truth. Bunny is picky with men, so I am sure it will be as bad if not worse with women. This way if she does feel the spark, it will be a bonus supprise for the other couple/female, and Bunny will be able to state her preferences before it goes anywhere.

 

So what do you think, is this the best route to take?

[sweet_tna 680]

i was glad to see this topic come up again. The wife and I are starting to talk about swinging alot again so it looks like we may be back in action soon.

 

The bi topic came up last night. Right now I am not entirely too sure what to think about her motives. I dont think it is a case of "bi for the guy" because she states that there is going to have to be a certain chemistry for that to happen. I am hoping it is just her re-evaluating her feelings. She is already doing that with some of the rules we have so this would go along with that. So it is now possible we will be involved in some bi activity. But one thing she does state is that she doesnt think she could go down on another woman. She doesnt even like to kiss me after I have been down on her so her preference doesnt supprise me.

 

So now to this post. It was enlightening to read how others feel about this topic. I can understand how some could feel a bit let down by the one sidedness of it. So based on this, we probobly wont list her as even bi curious on our profile when we set it up for Arizona. If asked about it, we will tell others that she is not sure if we can go there yet. This way we will be telling the total truth. Bunny is picky with men, so I am sure it will be as bad if not worse with women. This way if she does feel the spark, it will be a bonus supprise for the other couple/female, and Bunny will be able to state her preferences before it goes anywhere.

 

So what do you think, is this the best route to take?

 

I think honesty is always the best policy. It should be no different than discussing any of your other preferences and boundaries when swinging.

 

=)