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We Tybees have been working together today on our financial plans for the coming new year and working out a budget spreadsheet for 2008. We're making plans to pay off debt aggressively and save more, too. By putting everything on paper in great detail like we did, we both agree that swinging the way we do costs too much for us. We're going to revise how/when/where and how often we swing. We have big financial plans and goals, and blowing this much money on swinging doesn't fit in with our plans. There are no clubs here...we either have to travel (very expensive) to other cities & pay club memberships/entry fees, or we have to date other couples (wine & dine, get hotel room) which is also very expensive. Then there are the sexy clothes, more money spent on grooming, sex toys, website memberships, club memberships & entry fees, house party "donations" - the list of potential expenses in swinging goes on and on. Out of curiosity... Does the subject of the costs of swinging come up at your household? Do you spend more on Lifestyle-related expenses than you'd like to spend? What do the costs run for you on a monthly basis? (Please include your style & frequency of swinging.) Would you/do you alter the way you swing, or the frequency, to suit your budget? I'm very interested to hear other people's take on this!

In most of our swinging experiences, I have not had an orgasm with anyone but Jeff (when we play together at the end of the night). While I came to terms with the fact long ago that no one is responsible for my orgasm but me...most male partners I've had generally do feel some responsibility for getting me there, like they think if I (or any partner for that matter) don't have an orgasm then the night is ruined. Is there a nice way of saying 'what you're doing feels great...but I'm not getting there/going to get there'? Do men see this as a challenge? Or is it a blow to the old ego, more like, 'if it feels good then WHY aren't you getting there? For the record, I usually do make our playmates aware that I am not one to orgasm quickly. Particularly when they tell us that the female in that couple is multi orgasmic and/or doesn't take much to get her there...kind of like in another thread where someone's play partner licked on them for just a few minutes and asked if she was going to cum or not. If that is the kind of partner a man is used to, I feel I have to 'warn' them a bit that I'm a harder nut to crack. TIA for any comments/advice.

Okay, all of y'all are going to want to puke at this and you'll be thanking GOD that it wasn't you. Even you atheists out there. Brace yourself... I not only outed myself (I think), I revealed another scary secret about myself: I talk to myself when I'm alone driving in the car. It's a helluva long commute to and from work, and sometimes I have a lot on my mind. Music works sometimes, but other times, I just need to vocalize my thoughts, set them in order and make them make sense to myself. What comes out sounds a bit like a monologue you'd hear on a podcast/audioblog. I find the fact that I do this quite embarrassing to begin with, but it's harmless enough, right? I can talk about any old thing I please, as loud as I please, get it off my chest and get it out of my system. It's a good stress reliever. Wonderful. So anyhow, I was driving home the other day from work and I had attended a workshop on Queer Positive Spaces, which is like sensitivity training for working within a LGBTQ-pro environment. This sparked my imagination and creativity and I started putting thoughts together. What about swingers? How, if at all, would they fit under this umbrella? So I started on my monologue. It lasted a good while, covering a wide array of issues in what I felt was a coherent and organized manner and wrapped it up nicely when I pulled into the driveway. I'm getting things gathered up to head into the house and happen to glance down at my cell phone which was plugged into my handsfree headset (earphones weren't in, but the mic was clipped to my lapel). The screen was lit. It had accidentally dialed my VERY VANILLA best friend since childhood and had been online for 2 minutes and 47 seconds. I hung it up and literally threw the blasted contraption away from me like it was on fire. My hands started to shake and my stomach clenched. Oh. My. God. WTF have I done? So for 2:47, my poor friend got an earful of some very um...enlightening...conversation. I found a pair of balls and called her back immediately, knowing that delaying it would only make it seem worse. I lied my ass off, telling her that what she heard was a podcast recording that I was listening to on the speaker (recorded from the workshop I attended earlier that day, conveniently), and I must have accidentally dialed her number and that's what she heard. Okay people...give it to me straight. How believable does that sound? I WAS at a workshop that fit nicely into my explanation. It's a quasi-reasonable explanation as long as she doesn't look up the particulars of my phone and find out that it doesn't have this kind of capability. And of course, being an extreme vanilla, she WANTS to believe me. Here's the catch: she had 2 minutes and 47 seconds to recognize my voice. Do you think the desire to believe me might be enough to overcome what her ears told her? The voice might've sounded like me, but the "me" she knows would NEVER say the things I was saying. Sympathy cards welcome.

Sometimes there's a "maybe" . Then look at the suggestions given as a way to increase the chance of not blowing it.