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One night at our club, we were about to go upstairs with a couple. I went into the bathroom and the husband followed me. As I was using the urinal, he pulled out his junk and showed it to me. "Think she'll mind that I have a Prince Albert?" Yes, he did; wagging there just about a foot from my pants leg. It was probably the most uncomfortable moment I have ever had in swinging. "Uh... I doubt it..." I said, suddenly unable to pee... That has nothing to do with your question, but it was the first anectdote that popped into my head. Maybe the point is, we typically don't ask questions prior to heading upstairs about big or small, cut or un-cut, pierced or not pierced. We have connected with the couple we are heading to a room with and while I can imagine (if I try hard enough) a few unpleasant surprises that may pop up, "lack of circumcision" wouldn't be one of them. Mrs Spoo has never been with a guy who is not circumcised (which I find rather surprising, actually) so she doesn't know if she would enjoy it or not. Since you mentioned cleanliness, that is the one issue that would pop into her head. If your husband is a clean guy - making that a non-issue - then that wouldn't be a problem at all... Besides - cut guys can be pretty hygiene deficient themselves sometimes - which is one of her major complaints when it happens. For me - playing with someone new for the first time there is a joy of discovery about that person - and those are always some of my favorite swinging memories. I don't like to "over talk" and take the fun away. So my advice would be don't think of it as a big deal. Now, if you run into a number of couples who get to a room, see your husband naked and bolt, then you might want to start bringing it up prior to heading up - but I am guessing that won't happen. Spoomonkey

I knew a woman once with a clit the size of your thumb. Fun to play with...

I skimmed this thread because it's a long one, but from what I gathered limp men seem to be a big problem for many women. This thread has made me feel that we must not play anywhere near as much as most couples () because limp men have never been a "problem" for us. Have I been with men who couldn't get it up? Yes. But only twice, two different men and that was early on in our swinging and neither time was I bothered by it. Both times I believe I knew why they couldn't get hard: one man was very tired, he had quite a bit to drink, and it was very late before we began play; I believe the other man was inhibited by his wife. I could have also played a role in their ED, but I decided not to worry about that and hope that my play with future partners would result in more hard cocks than not. A couple years have gone by and I haven't encountered any other limp men. "How many limp men does it take to screw up swinging?" A take-off of the "screw in a lightbulb" joke. Somebody, come up with the punch line! MtnSwing ~ You only soft swing, so I understand that to mean no intercourse with your partners, but you do oral. It occured to me that maybe some men resist (maybe unconsciously) getting erect when receiving oral because they are concerned that they may orgasm during oral and they are saving that for intercourse with their wife, especially if they only have the ability to orgasm once in a night. Maybe some men could comment on this possibility. Tell me if you think this is far-fetched. Also, does your wife give oral to these men right off the bat? If so, maybe if she focused on moving slower, enjoying lots of kissing first, and touching the men elsewhere before touching their penis. Going about play in a more relaxed easy pace, rather than fast and furious, sometimes does wonders. With time and experience, and trying some different approaches, I bet limp men will be a thing of the past in no time. LM

I would disagree with this. We have played with many couples over the last five or six years and have yet to play with a couple that the man was more "well hung" than me, but we have never had anyone refuse to play because I was bigger than the other guy, some of which were considerably below average. As I mentioned before, we have had one woman who refused to play with me for a long time (it took five years) because she thought I was too big for her. We have also had a couple of guys mention that they thought I might intimidate some guys, but we have yet to run across a guy that actually was intimidated enough to refuse to play.

In the posts above, there isn't much about the actual negative effects on the person who is writing. It's all about perceptions of society and others who cheat, etc. Here's personal experience: The only negative has been the health issue. Almost as soon as we started swinging, my wife started to have yeast infections after almost every new partner. When we laid off for a year because we were out of the country on business, suddenly no more yeast infections. The connectons between swinging and yeast were pretty clear! The yeast infections were a minor annoyance which was not even close to making either of us want to give swinging. Then, some son of a bitch gave my wife herpes and HPV. She had an outbreak one week which was pretty unpleasant. I had one very small lesion a week later which was hardly even noticeable. That was 8 years ago. Very fortunately, neither of us has had any outbreak or other health problem since. The HPV in her is not the bad kind and it cleared spontaneously. On me, the doc used some kind of lotion that made all of the warts go away. It has not affected our own sex life at all, except for giving up swinging. Only recently, have I started swinging again evey couple of months with a longtime friend who is in an open marriage and who is willing to take the chance. Having not had any signs of outbreak in over 8 years, the risk of contamination is very low according to my Mayo clinic urologist and several other sources. Another of our swinging friends, with whom we had only soft swing experiences and who NEVER, EVER allowed penetration by any swinging partner, got herpes from oral contact (not us). She had two really bad outbreaks in the first year but no more for several years. He never had any, inspite of the fact that they were screwing each other several times a week. A very minor negative was the discomfort that my wife had while trying to keep knowledge of our swinging activities from our children until they were old enough to understand it. (They probably knew anyway.) Our swinging had no bad effect on the kids. They are now grown, responsible, married adults. One has been swinging on occasion for years, and the other has talked quite a bit about starting soon. Unlike us, both had many partners before marriage, so swinging is not quite the same thrill for them as it was for us (who had not had other partners before marriage). Let's now have more personal experiences in this thread and less generalizations and speculation.

Well, Tybee, we haven't played with very many. But to answer your question, our meetings have come about just by keeping our eyes and minds open for couples who might be "like-minded." It all started in Germany when we met a couple in a restaurant and went to their apartment. I think they were somewhat experienced but don't know for sure. We played a game they knew called, "Rain," which amounted to being naked and each person having a turn being touched by the other three at the same time. Since this was our second date, Mrs. Alura and I weren't comfortable enough to play. On the way home, though, we discussed the concept at length and admitted we both wanted to but wanted to talk first. We never saw that couple again, but I believe that event started started us looking for the "right couple." We met our first play-couple in line waiting for a table in a restaurant. We got to talking and shared a table "to help with the long line." We talked for a long time and, just before asking for the checks, asked the question, "How do y'all feel about swinging?" We weren't sure we'd ever see them again, so what was to lose? It turned out they'd discussed the idea so we discussed it some more... We ran an ad in a local swingers' newsletter, and met a couple who had been married twenty years. Neither had ever had sex with anyone other than each other. They adapted readily! We played with them for several years. One weekend a man I've been friends with since 1973 in Germany and his wife visited for a weekend. We got in the spa for awhile then asked, "How do y'all feel...? Swim suits came off and... One day I was writing an order at a local adult book and sex toy store that carried my line of motorcycle clothing. During a time when the buyer was busy with another matter, I was reading the "Swingers' Bulletin Board." A man came up and started reading, too. He pointed to a 3X5 card and said, "That's our ad." I read it and asked if he'd like to go across the street for coffee. We made plans for dinner with our wives. We played regularly for several years. We met a couple at a motorcycle event, chatted for awhile and asked, "How do y'all feel about swinging?" One night at a cultural event, we chatted with an attractive couple during intermission, decided to go for drinks afterward, talked a lot, asked our question, talked some more, switched partners for the ride home (so nobody would get lost) and... At a traffic light, Mrs. Playmate and I could see (through the back window of his pickup truck) Mrs. Alura and Mr. Playmate making out ahead of us. We did the same. At the next traffic light, Mrs. Alura was nowhere in sight. We thought things were going well... So you see, we've been "going with the flow" the whole time. How will we meet our next playcouple? Who knows? But we're looking forward to it! We've recently decided to try a bit harder. Mr. Alura

What sites are you refering to???? Commercial Porn sites? They don't count as they are not swingers. Swingers are real people and real people have bumps, bulges, love handles, beer guts, moles zits and blemishes, bald spots, receding hairlines, stretch marks and so on and so on and so on. The best thing to do to put your mind at ease is to go to a lifestyle club and just look around. You will see all types of bodies and all types of people. Yes there will be some hard body model material folks and there will be some that barely fit through the door and there will be a whole bunch that fall somewhere in between those two extremes. Now I am not going to insult your inteligence by blowing sunshine up your butt and tell you that appearances are not important or that people will only judge you by your personality. Appearance and presentation IS very important but cleanliness, meticulus grooming and nice appropriate dress will go a long long ways and that is something that is within everyone's reach.

Yep. If you value your relationship, that is. Also, and I mean this in a friendly way, go back and read what you wrote. I understand the quid-pro-quo you're looking for, but your analogy is superficial. The two situations are not really alike and carry with them whole different sets of risks and rewards. You can't let yourself become bitter. Not everyone swings. Is it really more important than her?

I think the shifts in pronoun usage are very illuminating and are very supportive of Julie's analysis. Notice shift from "WE claim..." to "what the hell do YOU...". Then it continues with "YOU are..." then shifting back to "I think...". There is a dialogue going on here, but i believe it is only superficially directed at us. It is not hard to imagine as a more private conversation, given the context, who "We", "You", and "I" are. Actually, it makes me pretty uncomfortable, like eavesdropping on a conversation i really didn't want to hear. Perhaps i am reading a bit too much into it, but the implicit is often more honest than the explicit. mark

The past few months I have been thinking about this. We have been to house parties and other things over the years. At some of these parties the people are playing with multiple partners either in private/public/both. So here is the question. If she had someone cum (bareback) in her earlier in the party and you start playing with her: Do you know if she played earlier? Would you ask her if she went bareback before you do oral? Should she tell you before you go down on her? What if she doesn't tell and you find out? What would be required before you go down on her if she did have someone cum in her? I am not personally interested in creampies, but this question I thought was interesting.