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I think the double standard is a carry-over from society as a whole. Swinging is really representative of society as a whole.... the same issues you see amongst vanillas still exist in the swinging world and just because people are more open-minded doesn't mean that they aren't still closed minded about some things. Just as male bisexuality is still very much in the closet in the vanilla world, so is it in the swinging world. From my experience I'd say that at least 1/3 of swinging men are bi-curious if not bi-active. Since I don't openly discuss sexuality with as many vanilla men, I can't say that it is the same with them, but I'm willing to guess that it is. Society seems to have opened the door for men to be gay... but for some reason male bisexuality still has a huge stigma attached to it. This is a great point that too many people often choose to ignore.

It's funny how the common denominator is simply communication. The problem is that someone misreads clues or jumps to premature conclusions - who is really the "victim". The distinction between a welcome gesture and an unwelcome one is subtle and often gets blurry at a sex party. Each party has it's own "mood" and the folks having the most fun can read the vibes and act accordingly. We've been to parties where the absence of a grope or kiss would be an indication of a lack of interest. I've touched a lady on the knee as an invitation to get closer in the hot tub. I've fondled a ladies hair as a way of saying I was interested in her. And yeah, I've grabbed a few asses and mostly been grabbed right back. I've been grabbed and pulled into a bedroom. It's not the WHAT that's being done, it's the HOW and WHEN that makes the difference. We've also been to a party where there was a much longer "flirting phase" before the "touching phase". More communication happens with the eyes than with the mouth.... As a side observation, the ladies that have invited me to play had already made their decision about me before they approached. They were quick and direct with their invitation. I tend to flirt a little bit and then make a decision about an invitation - if they don't flirt back, I don't feel the pain of rejection.

Now I understand. We're talking about roaming hands and unwanted gropes. I dislike that too, but haven't had it happen often enough to be considered a burden. There is one guy though who has bugged me too many times lately. The last time I was around him I thought, Man, if only there was something like those Invisible Fences for dogs that swingers could use. I could have a control in my pocket and then I'd push the button when this guy was grabbing my ass and he'd get zapped! I would act like nothing happened and he would walk away with this confused look on his face, never to return again. I don't know what help to offer you Teresa and Ted, other than maybe try different parties/clubs that attract more of the kind of people you prefer being around. If you're finding the venues you usually attend are not as enjoyable as they once were, seek out some new ones. Good luck to you and let us know how things are going a couple months down the road.

What have people been saying, or doing, that makes you feel they are assuming you want to play? I would think that when a couple is interested in you, they would tell you, are you just getting more people telling you lately and finding yourselves having to reject them? Could it be that having to say "No thank you" to more people is the reason you are pulling back on being nice/sociable? Your experience with the woman you mentioned was unlike anything I've heard before...yep, she was direct, but so many people are begging for people to be more direct. I certainly think she could have presented her interest differently, but I found her approach more funny than anything. A big complaint I see mentioned in the forum of the ad site we belong to is nobody brings up the big question, "Do you want to play?" People seem to want to be asked, but don't have the nerve to ask others, as a result people complain they ain't gettin' any. We've had no indication that anyone has ever assumed we wanted to play with them because we were nice to them and talking with them. When people are nice to us we never assume they want to have sex with us, unless the signals are so strong, in which case, if we aren't interested we keep things very "business" friendly, and when they are people we don't like at all (usually because they are pushy and don't know how to take a hint), we avoid them like the plague. And to answer your final question, we don't think that being nice equals "I want to fuck you."

Nicertxcple, You have several great things going for you! The lifestyle is made up big and small, red, yellow, black, and blue. At this moment you are someone's fantasy, and you don't know it yet. Once you get out there and start enjoying yourself and you realize people find you attractive it really builds your confidence. Since entering the lifestyle my wife has gone from relatively shy to bold and sexy, and all it took was her hearing how sexy she was from someone other than me. On the flip side, nothing has given both of us more inspiration to get in shape than being in the lifestyle. It is a win/win situation!!! Take care and enjoy! Texasfun

8inches, I've got some good news, and some bad news. After reading this, I decided that I was going to ignore it. But after reading some of the other responses, and reading a couple of other posts from you, I thought this was probably the best place to give you the news. The good news is: (and I'm assuming your fairly young as you have never introduced yourself) In your age bracket the women tend to be young, slender, more fit, more in line with what you see on TV and in magazines. The bad news is: You may be able to keep your "buff" body longer by working out. But our sexy ladies pay the price for raising kids and nature isn't often real kind to them. I know, some women can have a child and weeks later you would never guess it. But they are the exception, not the rule. Throw in 25-30 years on top of that. The really good news is: As you get older, live through life with a lady, watch your children grow, and watch the changes, you may, or may not learn one of life's great lessons like I did. I look at my sexy lady and see the beautiful young woman that she once was. Yes, diabitis has caused her to gain weight no matter how hard she has fought. Yes, gravity has taken its toll here and there. Yes, she has scars here and there. But when she smiles at me her eyes still sparkle. When I hold her in my arms she is still a cuddly arm full and I still love feeling her great tits up against my chest. I hope you learn to do that, for one day you will be 50ish like me, still randy, but you will be chasing 20ish girls when they are looking at young buff 20ish guys. Not some guy who has some grey hair, if he hasn't lost it, who is in good shape, but ewwww, he is her father's age. Age does not give me wisdom, but it does give me perspective. Enjoy it while ya' got it 8incher, time levels all playing fields...

Let me fill you ladies in on something. I've had many conversations about women over the years with male friends. From the age when you first start to see girls beyond cooties to with fellow swingers. Never, not once, not ever, has anyone said 'She was so hot but man she had a big pussy, I just couldn't do it, it really turned me off.'. As a guy there is generally only one thing we care about when it comes to a vagina. That you have one. There may be likes and dislikes about hair and hygiene but when it comes to the vagina itself, it only matters that its there.

1) Does it obscure your navel or knees? 2) Has it ever been trimmed for "Locks for Love"? 3) Does oral sex echo? 4) Have you lost any sex toys larger than 8" in there? 5) Will a penis touch two sides at once? (not to put too fine a point on it, but will mine) 6) Has anyone ever suggested sheers and a valance to go along with your meat curtains? 7) Has anyone ever damaged an eye ear or tooth on your clit? 8) Do you have to roll anything up to fit it in granny panties? 9) Does the tattoo on your labia minoria say "Welcome to Jamaica, Have a Nice Day."? 10) Have you had anyone actually come to bed with a board tied across their butt? If you can answer yes to six or more of these questions, maybe your pussy is too big; otherwise, fuggeddaboudit. Mr FC4L

More than 6 on non-kid weeks, and average twice on kid weeks (face in pillow to muffle the screams). Mrs. D