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Our biggest fear is probably STD's. We always use condoms and try to get to know people before we play to help reduce this factor.. but even so.. you never know. Another issue with us is couples that seem like they are ready to get into the lifestyle or maybe they even have been for years but once you play you find out they have major issues.. jealousy, relationship problems, etc... only to find ourselves in the middle of their mess. S&J

I like this thread, and I wish there were many more folks who respond. For us, swinging was almost all positive. (The single exception is that std we contracted from a "friend," i.e., not someone we hadn't known for a long time. I discussed that in the thread on the downside of swinging.) I opened up and became much more sexual, sensual, attentive, appreciative, etc. For my wife, the fact that I changed so much was reward enough for her since she didn't really care if she had other partners or not. Oh, she enjoyed the flirting and romancing and attention that she got from a lot of guys, but the sex was hardly ever really terrific. She could have given it up any time. For me, I loved the variety. I loved the taste and feel of other women. I loved the sense of creating a new bond of friendship with several women whom I still adore and/or sleep with. It is a little like poly, but without the other facets besides sex and companionship. Maybe it is open marriage. I'm not sure what the label should be. After sleeping with another woman, I was always hot for my wife. There was never a hint of betrayal or jealousy. Our bond was strengthened by the swinging. In part, it was because she was so generous in allowing me to do what I wanted. It also demonstrated so clearly that we were so well suited to each other that no other person could threaten our marriage. For a long time, our best friends were other swingers, and swinging activities were the main "recreational" focus of our lives when children and work allowed some free time. It is impossible to overestimate how much good the swinging did for us.

I think the double standard is a carry-over from society as a whole. Swinging is really representative of society as a whole.... the same issues you see amongst vanillas still exist in the swinging world and just because people are more open-minded doesn't mean that they aren't still closed minded about some things. Just as male bisexuality is still very much in the closet in the vanilla world, so is it in the swinging world. From my experience I'd say that at least 1/3 of swinging men are bi-curious if not bi-active. Since I don't openly discuss sexuality with as many vanilla men, I can't say that it is the same with them, but I'm willing to guess that it is. Society seems to have opened the door for men to be gay... but for some reason male bisexuality still has a huge stigma attached to it. This is a great point that too many people often choose to ignore.

My wife and I are 35 and 31 three kids, married 13 years. We have a regular play couple he 44 she 42. two kids married 22 years. My wife and I are somewhat "wild" in bed i.e. a gentle night of love making means the neighbors didn't hear us. Our playmates are much more "calm" then we are, The other wife is very passive, her husband is well about half as aggressive as my wife and about a third as me. On the other hand the other wife is very passionate very much into kissing, touching, and sex is at a much slower pace than we are used to. Over the last few weeks I have found myself being much slower with much longer foreplay with my wife, I feel that the things we have shared, and learned from our playmates have made my wife and i better lovers when we are together. I always knew that foreplay could be very erotic but never knew that it could be so very powerful. I thought I'd share this with everyone, and if anyone else feels that they too have become better lovers with their spouse or SO, we would love to hear about it. Thanks for reading this long post.

This was an interesting thread! I'm glad to see so many say that boredom didn't lead them to swinging. It wasn't boredom that brought Mr. Tybee and I to it, it was excitement with each other. We were already excited and very much turned-on by each other, and this was just embarking on a sexual adventure together. Nothing more, nothing less. Have you ever met with a couple and sensed that they were there because they were bored with each other? When you can sense that, it makes for a very uncomfortable feeling...you sense a distance between them. Have you been with a couple who were obviously very hot for each other and into each other? The sparks just fly off of them...the heat between them make them hotter and more appealing as play partners, too. At least, that's been my feeling and experience.

If you are with one person for a long time, you learn most of what there is to know about them. A new person is total discovery. It invigorates both members of a couple to have that kind of excitement and it spills over into the rest of their relationship; sexual or otherwise. Each of us likes to see the other have pleasure, or know of it if we are not actually seen. It sparks lots of discussions that are fun and erotic. It builds anticipation for events and for future unknown. Boredom is a word that sets people on edge and causes them to feel that they should not admit to anything even remotely headed in that direction, but sameness has its unfortunate aspects. Swinging is a wonderful boost of vitamins for a couple. In many ways.

Good question!!! I tend to get defensive about the use of the term "boredom" because I feel it implies a strong negativity in disinterest or lack of motivation and that's not at all what I felt. We've been married 30 years and yeah, there's an extreme familiarity and predictability that develops over time (although she still fools me on occasion) and the need for fresh stimulation is a basic result of my "need" for continuous self improvement (both for myself individually and for our relationship). The search for fresh and exciting stimulation led me to explore the possibility of swinging for us - and it worked!!. We've found the unpredictability of the stimulation from swinging to be "exactly what we were looking for" and we've both got that newly-wed feeling again. We don't "need" to continue to swing in order to share fresh sexual excitement with each other (but it does make it easier and it's lots of fun). We've gone to house parties and played only with each other - because we WANTED TO. Swinging is just PART of what we do for fun sex and we're not bored with each other at all.

I'll agree with that, but I think that is opposite of what you originally quoted.