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Is it being critical, though, to say (with LOVE), that this kid is smart, has lots going for him I'm sure, and will have a great life...but maybe the pressures of multiples sex with different people and different partners is not prudent at this juncture due to his current maturity level and perspective? I mean, surely not everyone is ready for swinging with their first partner at 20 years of age. A (precious) few are, but for most, they are just diving into the shark tank. I'm not going to judge the person, but I am certainly fit to judge the behavior. If someone is punching another person, calling someone "gay" for being in love and wanting to be with a long distance love the night before they leave, and has such a callous approach to sex that he or she is ALREADY jaded in love and pushing for multiples, that person doesn't need a pat on the back. They need a bit of tough love.

Yes Julie I agree, but define and set the boundaries for themselves and not me. I've seen a lot of hypocrites in this lifestyle. Take for instance, I'm a member of a very popular swingers site, they have what they call Speed Dating, where you can post a request for a last minute date, or a request to meet you at an event. Every day I see members that are listed as couples, and are legit couples, where the male posts that he has permission to party sans partner, the wife has given him permission, or the wife is out of town, anybody want to hook up. I always get a chuckle when I read their profile, and there in bold letters NO Single Guys, or Single guys are a dime a dozen. And these are some of the same couples that disparage single guys at every chance. If some of these guys that are a part of a couple that badmouths singles were truthful, they would come clean and admit, if she left me today, I would be at the swingers club tomorrow, partying as a single. And I'm not speaking from ignorance, I see the guys around, where they show up at the clubs or parties as a couple, and complain about the single guys,then the next weekend, he is at the club as a single, seeking couples.

I don't know this person nor do I personally agree with how they went about things but it seems like everyone has started attacking him on the fact of his age and his mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes especially being new in the lifestyle. I find it hard to believe that everyone of you who is so mightily casting those first stones didn't at one point, especially in the beginning, yourselves have some problems/ predicaments/ something out of the ordinary happen. You might not agree with what happened but theres definitely no need to attack as most of you have been doing. He has also been taking everyones criticism very well might I add. Better then most people "His age" would do. Even if everything you all have been saying is true there is such a thing as constructive criticism. If you don't have something nice to say then keep it to yourself. As for how things went down Mr Ave Satanas. No I don't really agree with how you handled things and the punch being unnecessary ( its never ever good to handle things physically Like that) . Next time just tell them things aren't working out and ask them to leave. If you have to drive them the next morning go and pick them up. Don't react heat of the moment. thats when things you will regret will happen. It sounds like from your last comment that they don't have the best relationship which is usually big drama in this lifestyle so you might just avoid them all together and make better choices next time. Good luck and hope you have better times in the future.

I for one found that story pretty damn entertaining! At any rate, my advice is: Take things slow and easy, and try not to have expectations at all. The more expectations you have, the more disappointment you're setting yourself up for (and I speak from experience there). Rejection is also something you're going to have to handle from time to time, so keep that in mind. Violence is no big deal to me (actually I think the whole world should go back to seeing it as no big deal ), and actually a good thing in more than a few circumstances, but in a swinging situation? Whew. No way. I know your situation was unique here, so I won't chastise you. Do be aware, though, that most swinging couples will avoid that sort of thing like the plague (fun and drama don't mix for most people), and that what most people are after is either a. a very light-hearted playful sexual encounter, or b. a very erotic sexual encounter.

This is a war that is going to go on until the last human walks the face of the earth. The single men against some couples. Not all, some. Years ago everyone was welcome as swingers. Then the "lifestyle" came along and it became the world of couples against singles. Truth be told, the oldest and busiest clubs in the country allow single men and is not because they get a greater number of single men or that the single men are the ones paying all the bills even though single men are always charged more. I have been involved in one of those clubs for over ten years. 65% couples, 30% single men and 5% single women. More couples come there to play with single men then they do single women. Another fact, there has been more couples banned from the club in the 25 years it has been there then single men. Many couples feel they are the lifestyle, that their way is the only way and they cause much more problems then the singles do. Most of the singles also seem to have much more respect for people in general then couples show towards singles. There are couples that say "single men bring nothing to the party." That is not totally a true statement. They may not bring anything to the party for a couple that does not want to party with a single man but they bring a lot to the party for those that do want to party with them. Back in the Swinger Days before the "lifestyle" came along most of the people at the parties where singles. Both women and men. Couples came into the scene later. Anyone remember "Swinging singles" back in the 60's and 70's? Ok, some of us do. The ones of us that are more experienced. (older) and partied as Swingers back then. Honestly, there is no need for this war or harsh words from either side. There are couples that don't want to party with single men, there are couples that don't want to party with couples and couples that don't want to party with single women. None if it is wrong! This lifestyle has become what you want it to be for you but that does not make anyone, single or couple less valuable in the "lifestyle" or on this earth. There are soft-swingers, hardcore swingers, voyeurs, exhibitions all in todays lifestyle. They all serve a purpose to someone in the lifestyle. What they do may or may not be your way of being in the lifestyle but that does not make it wrong. It also means that all sides should have the respect for the others that they desire for their self. Singles, if a profile says they don't want singles, stay away. Couples, just because someone is single, male or female does not make them any less part of this lifestyle than you are. There are no set in stone rules here and last I heard no one in the Lifestyle was elected president and put in charge. This is supposed to be fun but it seems that way to many people want to make life, and the lifestyle to damn hard with all their rules and rudeness just because it is not the way they want to live their life. Society feels we are all a bunch of misfit freaks that should be locked up so there is no need for the ones of us that do live and enjoy this lifestyle to be taking pot shots at each other over differences in our choices. You all have chosen a different lifestyle or you would not be here. There are also many differences and choices within this lifestyle. You may not want to be involved in all of them but that does not mean others are wrong and you are right if live this lifestyle in a different manner. As was said, Can't ya all just get along!

Well, I can clearly see where you guys made a few mistakes, but I think those are going to be pointed out by the other members of the board. I think it's important not to get too self-righteous about thinking that us "experienced" swingers would do it so much better than you. I've certainly met couples who've easily done things just as silly - and they definitely should have known better! I think you've been brutally honest in your retelling of the story, and that's where I wanted to comment. You're a great writer, and in truth, you cracked me up with your story. What you need to always keep in mind is that every ingredient in the recipe for a foursome is a human being. They have their own objectives, their own fears. Something to remember: It's not about you. Nor is it about your girlfriend. Why don't you just keep looking for someone else to get your swapping jollies? I suggest finding someone you don't need to have a friendship with. That way, if things go south, you don't have to have all the drama, you just move on. Good luck.

I'm not sure how you completely avoid the risk of falling in love with someone else, C. I can't tell you it's not a possibility, but if you're able to see swinging sex as purely recreational (meaning, you are able to successfully separate love and sex), then falling in love with someone else will be a completely unrelated issue. If you're going about it the right way, there should be no more risk of falling in love with others while swinging than there would be in other situations, like joining a gym, working with your co-workers, inviting the neighbours over for dinner, joining a bowling league, etc. Swinging is just like any of these other activities. There are emotional boundaries that it is a serious taboo to cross. Now, the other argument is, of course, would you consider the idea of forming other meaningful long-term relationships acceptable? Y'know, one of the things I love about swinging is that it causes you to rethink things on a level that you previously never even THOUGHT of. Monogamy was just a given. And so is emotional monogamy. Some people are, however, geared differently and polyamorous relationships should not be ruled out before they are fully considered. Mr. intuition and I have considered it, and if he felt the desire to form other relationships that resembled the one that we have...I am not opposed to it...as long as it does not take away from what we have worked to build together. I just want him to be happy. He feels the same way towards me. However, we've chosen not to do so simply because ONE relationship is all we're interested in working on right now. One perfect relationship. We just don't have the time or emotional energy to spend on anything more. But we're keeping our options open; you never know what life will throw your way. It's an adventure, and it's all good.