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Do people get into poly because they seek it, and find partners after making that decision, or are they playing and have affections emerge, then evolve into poly relationships? The latter seems more likely to me, but....? Discuss.

I agree completely. A picture and a profile tells me nothing really, other than if there's an attraction on a physical level. For some of us, we need a bit more than just the physical reaction. I do feel for JofRIT being at their home. We've never had a first meeting at our home. It's always at public venue. If it's a good meeting, then we've just moved along to the second meeting for the fun at our home. Perhaps in the future you can insist on this - it might actually make couples more comfortable that you are providing an out for them should there be that missing component. Then again, maybe it's rare that couples have that first meeting at their home. It's rare for us... we never hold a first meeting with anyone, couple/single, in our home. Hell, I'm married and sometimes can't get laid on a Saturday night (I REALLY hate midterm season being married to a university instructor), so I'd have to agree that vanilla or not, it's just hit or miss. No guarantees at all in any given domain. I hate global generalizations against ANY group (thus, I usually say something when the whole "single men suck" theme pops up monthly). But I really dislike the superiority exhibited at times by some couples as it relates to single men. This whole concept of "doing him a favor" is just B.S. IMO. I don't want a single or married guy doing me a "favor" when it comes to sex, and I respect other humans enough to not insult them by doing them a "favor". IMO, it's almost demeaning to me to be putting out as a favor instead as a mutually enjoyable experience. The "favor" mentality is just arrogant, IMO, as if I/we are somehow better and we are just generously donating our time and sexuality to help 'em out? I don't think so. Again, my opinion. Frankly, Thrax, I'd like to think that the majority that are actually part of the lifestyle don't view the sexual give and take found in this environment as a "favor". And I'd hope to be able to weed out those who do view it as granting a "favor" in either direction.

As a single male who (I hope) "gets it" with regard to the lifestyle, I can truly say I was with you for that entire post until that last line...actually, the last phrase. I'm thinkin' it was just casually tossed off. I hope. My position is that I'm a single male, knowledgeable concerning the lifestyle, and I hope to sexually engage with single women or couples who accept me for that. I, in turn, hope to find single females and couples (with males not interested in MM activity) in the lifestyle to pursue my interest in mutually-satisfying sexual experiences outside of my vanilla experiences. That is, we all respect each other and try our best to make sure all of us enjoy pleasure without regrets (terribly Gallic, but there you go...). I don't enter a single female/couple-lifestyle experience hoping that someone will do me a favor. And frankly, I'm sure most lifestyle single fems and couples don't harbor the same expectations in return. I apologize if the previous sounds too aggressive, but I thought your post was a tad aggressive. I'm a tad tetchy on the subject -- surprise! -- or maybe because it's Saturday night and I don't have a date, but I'm very happy to discuss it for the enlightenment of all. My apologies if I misinterpreted what you said or reacted too strongly. Thrax