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Let me first apologize in advance if this (or something similar) has been covered and discussed extensively already. I'm sure my situation is not entirely new or original, but it is for me, so I'm throwing it out there. If you've got any experience or advice you'd like to drop my/our way, by all means, please do so. I also apologize for the length but the reality is that this deal has some history to it that I think is relevant. My wife (25) and I (27) have been married for five years, we have a son that just turned two. For several years, we've talked in foreplay about having other partners - but it was just talk for a very long time and nothing more. After the baby was born our sexuality dwindled considerably and until last summer, it seemed like it was going to evaporate into nothing. Well, at some point over the summer we both started seriously (and excitedly) considering the idea of swinging and perused some of the sites regarding it. We put a discreet profile out there, met a couple and after careful consideration, we had them over for dinner and whatever might come. To start off the night, we began fooling around with our own wives but no one ever 'made the move' and it ended up being a nervous and awkward event. They courteously left the next day and nothing happened. We continued to talk to the couple and decided to reschedule another night, but eventually we started getting cold feet about it and just decided to put the site and our vague and fledgling relationship with them behind us. So we did, but with some strange side effects remained lingering. My feelings about her with another guy are in somewhat flux, but for the most part, if it's the right guy/situation, I'm confident I could deal with it - considering seeing her with another man, as for many guys, is a huge turn on. For me, it's even a bigger turn on than getting it off with another woman. But my feelings are sporadic in this regard, so I can't say for certain how I feel. She, on the other hand, doesn't necessarily want to be with another man anymore. What she does want, from both a sexual and emotional angle, is that I explore having a relationship with another woman, but not strictly sexual. She wants me to have a real girlfriend on the side. Now I trust my wife on this. She's fully aware of this site and my posting here, as she'll no doubt read it upon me showing it to her (she may even participate). That being said, I want it to be known that she's not looking to split up our relationship or cover for something she's doing on the side. She's genuinely enjoyed talking about the idea, as far as I can tell, of me doing sexual things and emotional things (dating, caring for, commitment) with another woman. For the average married guy, I suppose this is an easy situation - you get to have sex outside of your marriage at your wife's consent, what could be better than that? And trust me, I see the advantages to it. That being said, I have some serious concerns... My major concern is who the hell would want something like that? How do I approach it with someone? We've done some extensive research on polyamory and swinging, so we're both comfortable with me having another girl who I have a relationship with, but I just don't even know where to begin to look for such a thing. How do you even breach that subject with someone I like without looking like I'm trying to find a clever way to cheat on your wife? I find people are usually on two sides of the bed with regard to having an emotional/sexual relationship outside of the marriage. Either they want to do it behind their spouse's back and are cheating -or- they simply want to experience the openness of sex outside their marriage like the average swinger. I'm somewhere in between the two and I'm not really familiar with how to handle that at all. To complicate things, we're close to my extended family and they are very religious - if something like this were to happen, it would have to be somewhat discrete? Is a relationship like that possible and enjoyable? Would another person ever consider something of that nature? Anyways, I've written a lot and I don't want to present an 'epic ton' of nonsense here. I've read this site from time to time and I figured it was a good place to find open and honest people to bring something like this up and get some good advice. Let me know how you would go about looking for another partner like this? How you would present the situation (I'm married but my wife wants me to have a girl friend) to someone? How would you maintain a relationship like this? What are the pitfalls? What should I look out for? Feel free to ask me any questions that might fill in the gaps. Thanks in advance for any responses...

Definitely be on a site that's open to all. We have our preferences like everybody else, but the only real absolute deal breakers are attitude, personality,and morbid obesity. (I don't want to get sucked into orbit around somebody) Somethng else you did't mention is "what happens to people who identify themselves as BBW when they want to change that image?" One of the biggest probelms people have when dieting is learning that they're not "just" a fat person, but a "skinny" one too, and that change comes only when you're as comfortable being slim as you were being fat. If people are only around other fat people, then "Fat, but not as fat as them" becomes the new "skinny" and there is no motivation to want to improve themselves. If a person really has a problem, whether it's food or drugs or alcohol, the answer is NOT to hang around with people who have the same problem, only WORSE. If I weighed like, 275 or more, I'm sure I'd be happier around people that all weighed as much or more than me. But I'd be much happier (and healthier too) if I said - "Screw this! I'm tired of being "the fatty" everywhere I go. I'm going to start eating responsbly and exercising several times a week until I'm down to a reasonable weight. (not skinny, just reasonable) Also, I don't like the idea that my husband has to "warn" people before we meet them that I'm a BBW. That always makes me feel like I'm a piece of damn farm equipment being moved down a country road. ("make way for my wife, please, she's a BBW! BBW, everybody, comin' through!") Yes, screw it! And if my husband also happens to be obese (oops, I meant he's a "BHM") I'm going to make sure he either gets his ass on board and supports me 100% with this, or he gets left behind." I don't know if I could do that, but if I did, I think it would have a better result in the long run than trying to find people fatter than myself to hang out with.

The first thing I think is why is it automatically assumed that the woman is not telling the truth? Man, that's annoying to think every woman is supposed to be assumed to be playing a word game. Yes, far too many women play this stupid little game of "let me say it, but I hope you get that I really mean the opposite." I get angry with myself if I try (very rarely) to pull this one people in my life - instead I'm just pretty blunt about things. People are not mind readers. If you can't rely on what people say, then what's the point? Say what you mean and mean what you say and end the ridiculous game playing. Not everyone is in an immature marriage where people can't just be open and honest with each other. I am in an open marriage and if I've told my spouse I am fine with his choices, he is assured it's the truth. I certainly have told him when I'm not fine with his choices. I also don't expect him to read my mind, and I don't insult him by sending coded messages that don't say what needs to be said. I don't expect him to figure out what I'm really saying. There's no resentment. Our sex life doesn't suck. And that's the way it is because there's no assumption that anyone is playing petty little read-my-mind games. It would be wrong of someone else to come in and say that I don't really mean what I say to him. I can understand some of the point you might be trying to make. However, I get the feeling he is already feeling his way through to make sure this is actually an acceptable arrangement to his wife. It does seem like they talk a lot. But assuming that she's not telling the truth based on stereotypical woman behavior? I don't want to get too hasty in that assumption and thus miss the point of the posting.

Our tag line on SLS for a little while was "Premium Poon at Wholesale Prices". We got quite a few hits from that. I'm good at these. Here are a few more off the top of my head: "We're not into pain or donkey shows...anymore" "Porn Stars sent back down to the Minors" "She likes it in the ass, he just is an ass" "Wife says I'm the best. Need a second opinion" "Now that my presidential campaign is over, time to play!" "Wife once blew Dale Jr." That would actually get you hits in the south! "If anybody finds a wedding band in their ass from last night, dial 555-7534" I'll have to think on it some more.

You don't need to money to act like you have a little class. I'm always self-conscious on this subject. While, by all definitions, we would be considered middle-class, we also have 3 school-aged boys and a baby. Anybody here ever had to feed three boys? We may not have much in the way of money, toys, etc. but we have what we need, and we have a wonderful family life. I don't have a boat, atv, or harley. We don't do lots of traveling. While I am happy with everything I have, and am content in my life, I know there are people in this world who would not associate with us because we don't do those things. That used to bother me, but I got over it. Now, I am at peace with my place in this world, and those who would look down on me or my family don't deserve the privilege of my company. As far as people who make less than us? We have no issue with that whatsoever. Like I said, class is a state of mind, not a figure in your checkbook. If you have class and a sense of pride about yourself, then we will get along fine.

Greg, I just agreed to disagree with the other guy. Now I'm gonna disagree with you. I don't think "accusations of racism pop up whenever racial issues are discussed in any context" I think they pop up when YOU mention them, and it's because of the way you mention them. If you look back at every response to this thread, everybody who has responded (so far at least) has said either that race is no big deal, or that it's not their preference but that they don't have a problem with people of other races in the lifestyle. Then you come along and say stuff like "This is a topic that greatly affects us because Sheryl made a decision to play exclusively with black men." Even that guy I agreed not to agree with, we do agree on one thing - that race doesn't matter to us. So why does to matter so much to YOU, and how can WE possibly fix YOUR problem with white people? One thing I tell new people in this lifestyle is that if they want to enjoy it and not have problems in clubs or socials, they need to check their attitudes at the door. They don't like tatts or BBW's? Leave it at the door, I say. Don't like older couples, younger couples, or single people? Leave it at the door. Be nice. Don't like black people or white people? Leave it at the door, I tell them, they can pick up their racist bullshit on the way out. Don't worry, nobody else will take it because nobody else wants it. Most of the people in here, it seems like that what they do. But YOU man, YOU wear it right there on your sleeve! No, right on your chest, for everybody to see. (I've seen your website dude!) For the benefit of those who haven't seen it, maybe you ought to make little name tags that say, "Hello, I'm Sheryl, and I hate ALL white men because they can't keep it up" and "Hello, I'm Greg, Sheryl's husband, and I also have a bone to pick with white men (but I'm not telling you what it is)" It wouldn't make you any friends, but it wold be a good way of stirring up shit, which is obviously what you intended to do. Whatever problem YOUR having with "racism" in this lifestyle, I have a feeling you are having everywhere else you go.